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  1. You know, I disappointed so many people, I've made so many vows that I failed miserably, the guilt and the shame are so intense... I tell you one thing that I keep telling myself, I am only a human, I am not perfect, but as long as I strive hard to be a better me, I am on the right track.The guilt and the shame are here to remind us that we have to do better than what we have already done, feel lucky to have these reminders, you are someone who cares for people's feelings.Use these feelings as a lesson, one that every single human being has to learn it.
  2. Hello there, first of all, and very important, you should know that you are not alone! We know how it feels, I use to believe that I am all alone feeling the way I feel, but then, with time I found that there are other people too, sadly... I am really sorry for your problem with your eyes, this may be a way your body reacts to all the pain and the stress.Crying really helps, it feels like a liberation, but too much is not something really good... You should see a doctor! Have you talked with a doctor about being depressed and everything? Do you have someone to talk to? Don't keep everything inside, telling your story here it shows how much you want to escape from all the pain and how bad you really feel, I am really sorry.. I know how much it hurts, we all know.. you are not alone! I can relate with your life's story, in special when it comes to my family, I've tried really hard to integrate, but no chance, there's no connection, nothing, so I gave up, I am the way I am, what can I do.Try as much as you can to see the positive things at your family and in general, no matter what, try, believe me, I always used to end up arguing with my father and it was even more painful. Do you spend time outside, in nature? Being outside helps, the feeling of being isolated fades away. You know, depression wants everything from us, our passions, our dreams, everything, this is how it works to all of us, be aware of how it works and try as hard as you can to not give in.Purse your dreams no matter what, keep the hope alive, believe me, you are not alone! I am searching for that place too, don't lose your hope as I am not losing mine!
  3. You are right, for that's free will, this was not my intention, not at all, if I made a mistake, I am really sorry. At the end of the day all I want to say is that God helped me with depression and many other things.
  4. Here is a (YouTube Link: Nick Vujicic at Telford State Prison) to a video that maybe will motivate you, maybe will help you go through the day.It's about Nick Vujicic life's story, look where he gives a speach.He was depressed, tried to take his life several times, has way too big problems, but still, he conquer them.
  5. I thought that we are allowed to talk about our belief as long is a bullet proof that helps with depression, and I used my own life and God's help as the biggest argument.The post was edited, I told something real, today, there are more than 30 days of geting better and better.I face the same problems days by day, the voices are still here, the pain is still here, my health is not better, but now, everything is way way too weak to drag me back in to the pit, God is with me, my humble belief. @LoneSquirrel I understand you very well, of course it's good to ask, I have questions too, I don't understand the Bible totally, I am just a human being like you and like many others.I am talking about how depression made my life full of pain and how God helps me, and I know that everything I've said about depression, it's real for many of us.You know what we all should finally learn from the Bible? The ten commandments in the way Jesus said them. Take a look at the video below and you will understand how good is God and how he can help you.That person gives speeches all around the world and makes good everywhere.You will be totally amazed by his real stories.He was depressed, tried to take his life several times.... (YouTube: Nick Vujicic at Telford State Prison) Bellow is a true event from my life. Here
  6. If you never thought about it, let me tell you that depression is the evil one. It feels like it wants everything from you, it feels like it takes everything from you, piece by piece, it makes you to feel so empty, unworthy, with no purpose, with no dreams, with no desires, with no passions, with no energy, it drains you, falling in a darker pit day by day... The voices that never stop, telling you all sort of lies: "you are not good enough", "you are ugly", "you are a monster", "you are nothing", "you will find peace in death", "you will be better dead" etc; day by day, infecting your heart with poison, envy, jealosy, making your heart darker, until you will be a slave to them. The guilt of past's mistakes, again and again, remembering them, like the hit of a whip it feels the pain of every single mistake made.. When you finally have a good day, soon you return back into the pit, that's like torturing, give to a man hope and then take it away, it's painful beyond words.
  7. I love God and as you all, I have my ups and my downs, sometimes I feel so far away from God, like I can't reach Him, sometimes I feel so close that I sing and dance of joy.I am a sinner and I know it, I ask God to help me to become a better me, I want to be friend with God, the feeling of having Him always, is so beautiful, good or bad, He is there.God answers in many ways, we have be aware of His answers.Someone can ask something from God years and years with no answer, but in all these years, God gave that person answer after answer. I fell ( well I was too scared because I was in the wrong train and I made the mistake of jumping ) from a moving train ( it was quite fast, but trains in my country are quite old ) and I had few wounds.In this time, I had flashes with my memory ( my memory was in fog ), trying to find the way back home, on my way, I went to a store to ask for help and the people from there started to laugh at me, their faces were black, like melting down, I saw pure evil there, I was so so scared, I will never forget their faces.The seller was the only person from the store who was normal, quite scared, but normal, so it was not my imagination, it was real. On may way back home, the sky was so clear and the Moon so bright, though I was walking on dark places, I had my light with me, God was with me, He was/is my guide, Psalm 23:4. Even more, on may way back home I had to go through a place with many dogs, dangerous dogs, but in that night, there was not even a dog! I could die, God saved me, gave me one more change to repent of my sins.God is real, believe me, God is real and God is good!! By the way, in the same train, with me, there were two old people, a man and his wife, they made the same mistake with the wrong train, you see, God was there even from the early beginning, I could stay with they but I was so so scared of not being able to return back home, I was with no money and my phone had no credits... I have so many nightmares almost every night and when I call for God's help, immediately I wake up, I don't say that I am more special than you, I am a sinner and I made many mistakes... I had a nightmare seeing my mother's funerals, in my nightmare something bad happenned with her and she was dead.. and when I woke up, my father called telling me that at the place where my mothers works, some of her colleagues died, one having my mother's name, all in the same day when I had my nightmare... I am telling you all of this to know that God is real, He is real and He is good, believe and have faith in Him, He is always there, always!!
  8. Hello there and welcome, glad to have you here! I found that writting about what I feel helps a lot, so please, if this helps you, do not stop writting, I will be reading your posts as much as I can, remember, you are not alone in this :) I hope from my heart that you will find some peace here, we know how it feels! Depression and everything that comes with it wants to take everything from us... but we have to stay strong, things can get better, there is always hope.In my darkest moments I have thoughts and ideas about leaving this world, to be sincere, I plan my out of this world... but you know, when I feel some peace and things are a little better, when the pain is not so powerful, I question myself how can I be thinking at leaving this world... there is hope, there is always hope for things to get better.. As for me, I try hard to put everything I have in God cause this "darkness" wants me badly. Again, wish you a warm welcome! :)
  9. Yes, me too for the same reasons.I can not function without some audible stimulation around me, I feel overwhelmed by my thoughts which in turn are a continous pain.. I like hearing music or other people talking, it's like I am not anymore alone, like a part of me is caught in the realm from where the sound may come. I use to watch movie when I am doing something intellectual, it's like I am out of this world, caught in the realm created by the movie, strange, but true.
  10. Hello there and welcome here! I hope you will find some peace with us! Say what you really feel, do not keep it inside, I know how it feels.
  11. I found that not eating for one or more days makes depression less powerful, a lot less.About your situation, I don't know why, maybe because everything slows down when you stay awake for a longer period of time, just an opinion. This is my second day without eating and I really have some peace, it feels good, my mind is not running everywhere and I can focus on my work. I have to say, this is not a way to live, not eating or not sleeping may cause big problems, so take big care of yourself.
  12. Hello there and welcome here! I hope you will find some relief here! Say what you feel, people are listening here and it helps, believe me! May peace be with you!
  13. There was this single person who was by your side, this single person who truly loved you, but this person changed and you could not believe.This person started to use you emotionally but you don't get it, you know the truth, the lies and everything, but why can't you wake up from this illusion, why can't you open your eyes from this blindness... You feel like your own mind plays tricks to you, like you make up things, but deep inside you know the truth, the pain that never stops, keeps on screaming, I know the truth!! You want peace, you are yearning for peace.. I found that writting and talking about what I feel helps a lot, and the only place I can do that is here, if you know how it feels, if you ever found yourself in a similar situation, you can share with us your story! Thank you all for listening me, may peace be with you all!
  14. Yes, I do that a lot.There has to be something more than what we can see and feel, my humble opinion. Being outside the box, outside of this world, like a spectator, I came to understand that most of the time things happen for a reason, but I have no idea about this reason, it is like a piece missing from a puzzle. JD4010, I feel the same about the universe, it feels like the whole universe is against me.I want to do something but like magic something happens that makes me unable to do what I firstly wanted to do.This is not happening from time to time, it's happening all the time. As most of you people, I am all alone, I have no real friends, just one or two people I know.I could be the best friend for anybody who needs me as a friend, but most of the time people need us just when they need something from us. I dream about how it feels to have real friends, people who really care.. I am not sad for being alone, I am sad for being unable to offer my help to people who really care.
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