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Everything posted by CrazyinLove

  1. I started watching the movie I mentioned. I know I probably shouldn't have but I also knew I would eventually. It's really good tho, even too good lol. He's amazing. And that's only one movie lol. It's depressing, both the movie and my situation.I wish I wasn't like this. With my main CO I handeled the obsession better cuz I love his music. It was more 'normal' to have a crush on him. This new guy is very talented and all but tbh I fell for his personality, for some reason. I've seen his pics and watched the interviews before even liking his work. I've seen him in movies before, yes, but you don't fall in love out of the blue just cuz someone is a good actor. Now I realise that the last actor I had a crush on faded away so quickly cuz I had actually fallen for the character he played more than I had for him. This one is different. I feel ridiculous. I feel depressed too, not because I can't be with him, but because this is happening to me again. Maybe it will disappear just as fast as it appeared but right now I feel really low. I know it looks like I only come here to vent and talk about myself, I'm sorry, I'm usually not that type of person. It's just that this is really the only place where I can shere my feelings. I'll try to be of help to all of you as much as I can and as much as you guys helped me as soon as I get my sh.t together. found this pic online the other day and thought it was relatable lol
  2. Hi guys, it's me again. Another year another obsession lol. Most of you probably don't remember me, I wrote only a few posts about 2 years ago. I was obsessed with this very famous singer, mostly cuz I was and still am very impressed by his talent, but also cuz I felt this weird connecton with him, as if we have lived similar lives or have similar minds, if that makes sense. Which is what all my CO's have in common, similar mentality and personal traits as my own. My obsession with him has died down a little bit even though I'm still a big fan of him. I used to reffer to him as my main CO after I developed a crush on an actor from this tv show I love, and I will continue to do so as my feelings for him have gone and returned in the past and might still return again, especially cuz I'm gonna see him perform live this year. The actor I had fallen for was only a temporary crush as it turned out. I have had crushes on celebrities all my life. Some were storger and some lasted only for a few weeks. The scary part about this whole CO thing is not knowing if and when it's gonna get out of hand. The reason I came back to this thread is cuz I'm developing a new obsession and I'm scared it's gonna consume my life and make me miserable again. I had a CO in my teens (@hopelessromantic2011 knows who I'm talking about) that nearly ruined my life, and I can't say either of the following ones had a possitive impact on me either lol. Learning English and German has been the only useful thing to come out of these obsessions lol. I just don't wanna end up in that dark place again. I took the laptop in my hands with the intention to watch a certain movie but instead I turned to this forum, that's a good sign, right? Here's what's been happening with me lately, if anyone cares to read it, I'll keep it very short. I've had a few crushes/CO's throughout the last few months and with each one I felt like I was walking on thin ice. I could have sworn this guy I was obsessed with two weeks ago would end up being my nighmare but now I have a new one! Some might say it's all good as long as it's not as strong as we all know it can get but why does my brain have the need to develop feelings for famous people in the first place? Is it just that I like a certain type of people that I can't find in my surroundings or does it have to do with the fact that I'll probably never meet them and get to be disappointed or something? Not that I think meeting any of them would make me disappointed in them, no, I feel like it would make me realise I could never get a guy like that and all my incecurities would suddenly surface and I would then have to deal with them in a painful way. I've had a few (very few may I say) romantic interests in my real life and non od them worked out well. Not even my relationship of 7 years. It was destructive from the day one. My low selfrespect and god knows what else kept me in it for way too long. Ironically celebs I usually fall for are also 'damaged' in a way, just like my ex. Just like me. I don't feel fit for a relationship with a normal, healthy person, even though from the outside I probably look like one. Bottom line, I find them boring. I don't think they can understand me and I don't wanna understand them. I get approached by regular guys and every time it happens all I can think about is 'what in the h/ell do you think we have in common?' Is it possible I fall for celebs because their lives are public and they express their suffering through art whereas regular ppl can hide it and therefore often fail to attract someone who can relate to them? I thought I could relate to my ex, it turned out I stayed with him for way too long cuz I thought I was just like him when actually I was not. Not where it really matered. Now I know I want someone who would motivate me to be better, but still, every CO I have is kind of a complicated person. In real life it would probably never work out anyways lol, but at least I'll never get to be dissapointed the way I was irl, right? Don't get me wrong, I've had CO way before I had ever met my ex,the only difference is now I know that that kind of relationships are doomed to fail. Two sick people can't have a healthy relationship. I don't need a soulmate, I need to get better without loosing myself, you know? Which brings us to the ultimate question, whether to give in to these feelings or not. I'm still thinking abuot that movie I was gonna watch. Should I resist or just enjoy this with the hope of him fading away from my mind in no time like all these other guys did? He just makes me so happy rn. He's so damn hot lol. It started maybe two weeks ago (which means I'm in a honemoon phase rn lol). I've been following some fan pages of him for years now though and I knew in the back of my head this could happen but I hoped I wouldn't have another obsession (or even a crush) again. Idk why lol. I guess my life had just started to get better and I was silly enough to think that I had it all figured out. Anyways, sorry for ranting. I hope you guys are doing well. I've been reading the old thread lately but I'll try to catch up asap.
  3. @Audrey822 I don't mind answering the questions at all, thanks for reading and replying to my post. -What scares you so much? - Losing control. I was in a really bad place with my teenage obsession. I found some old diaries recently and the things I wrote in there are just sad. I loved that man more than my life. That scares me. I wouldn't even say I'm obsessed now, I even came in this thread becuse of another guy who I don't have such strong feelings for anymore. It didn't last that long nor was it that intense but it still scared me just like this new one is scaring me now. There's a pattern and every new CO is a potential disaster in my book. -Not trying to be nosy, but I can only help with more information. What are you trying to prevent? If you don't want to disclose that, at least ask yourself: is that really worse than the "more harmful methods of dealing with depression" you speak of? - I'm trying to prevent having emotions for a stranger as strong as I once had and being that miserable again. So far I'm enjoying it and I'm hoping to learn from you guys how to control it and make it be the healthiest or just that one good way of fighting depression that won't just drag me deeper. So far it's even been inspiring and helpful. Could it be worse than other ways? Absolutely. And it could lead to those other stuff. I know, I have compulsive behaviours that aren't related to my obsessive thoughts and I've never been diagnosed with OCD but there clearly is something going on in my brain. I see this as a comping mechanism first. When my brain can't take stress anymore it looks for ways to save itself from depression. I think as I'm more mature now I'll handle this whole internet thing better than I used to. I understand this better now and know that we aren't really meant for each other and he isn't that special. It's just how I see him rn now and it could easily change in a matter of weeks. Thank you for your advice, I don't know how but in my whole CO history I've never been heartbroken in a sense that my CO got married or something. I guess I was lucky but in case it happens staying away from the Internet would probably be the best thing to do. And being brutaly realistic about the nature of my feelings. Sorry for the sloppy writing, I'm tired, my poor English didn't help either, I know. I hope you understood what I was trying to say. Have a nice day guys! ?
  4. Hi guys, it's me again, I hope you all are having a wonderfull day, it's sunny here and my new obsession which is still in its honeymoon phase is making me smile for no reason this morning. I can't help it. I'm scared but the limerence is just too hard to resist at this point of my life. I still wouldn't call it love, or even a full blown obsession, it's just an attraction for now that puts a smile on my face. I really don't want it to go much further but how do I prevent that? I feel that if I give up on this I'll go back to some more harmfull methods of dealing with depression. I feel that I'm intentionally inducing this to bring some joy to my life. It's addictive. When I feel low I go and look at his pics to make myself feel better. Anyway, he has some projects coming up this and next year and I'm having some mixed feelings about it. One part of me wants him to succeed at everything he does and the other part wants him to stay anonymous to as many people possible. He's been becoming pretty famous lately(I can't complain cuz I only recently re-discovered him too, I know, I'm contradicting myself) but I can only imagine how it's going to be after those projects. I know he's crazy talented so it's only a matter of time everyone knows his name and I know that he deserves all the attention he's been getting and more but I just can't help but feel all selfish and possessive about it. I know, it's terrible, I won't have him no matter how famous he is but I just hate seeing more and more comments about him online. This feeling reminds me of my teenage years and that horrible obsession I once had. I was so obsessive about knowing everything about him and was collecting every pic and article on him I could find and if I'd miss something I'd cry and be so angry at myself. I hated his fame and success. God, I was a mess. I don't want to go back to that place. I just want to enjoy limerence without the painful consequences, why can't that be easier? I'll get over it, my last CO (the one I was referring to as 'the main co' but is now only I person I admire, not so much an obsession anymore) is a major celebrity, the level of his fame used to scare the h.ll out of me but I had learned to accept it. I mean, on the other hand I can't wait to see all those projects, I'm counting days, I know he's going to shine and show everyone what he can do. I do feel proud and happy for him. I just wish I could shake this 'I don't wanna share him' feeling off because that's where the honeymoon phase stops and the agony begins. Ugh, I already feel like a terrible person for writing this post. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I've also been paranoid about this account, I'm afraid that someone is going to find out about all this somehow. Also he inspires me to write and if I ever create something worth reading it's going to be clear to everyone that it didn't come out of nowhere.
  5. @OpalP25 thanks for answering my questions I hope I didn't come off as too creepy lel. I was thinking out loud and trying to understand myself better but I'm really glad you gave it a thought. We're very much alike. I guess we all are. I've been depressed but I'm not sure if it's clinical depression. I went to a psychiatrist once and he said it was mild depression combined with anxiety and back then I was in much worse place mentally than I am now. I don't know if an obssession can be healthy. I'm not sure if I would want to be obsessed forever even if I enjoyed it tbh. And I don't really believe that girl that she's happy and kepping it all rational as she claims to be tbh. But I could be wrong.
  6. Lmao, I had another bad day with my bf, I felt so hopeless and miserable but then I went to the bedroom and watched a few videos of my new crush and instantly felt better. It's bad because I recognise that that was just me running away from my real problems again. But he just brings me joy, what can I do And it's weird because, as I said, I'm completely aware that it's just an obssession, as I know that he isn't that attractive and I don't know much about him, and yet somehow, despite not having much in common with him, I just can't get him out of my head. With my main CO I can 'justify' the obsession with my admiration of his art but that's not exactly the case with this actor, although I do think he's crazy talented. I believe It could have been the character he plays that drew me to him. I guess this time around I'll just have to 'bear' with this feeling until it completely fades away and I feel embarrassed that I obsessed so much over some random tv guy lel...
  7. @perfectcircle77 I'm not married nor financially dependent on him. I do love him but we have many problems. He's an addict and I constantly feel like I'm fighting a battle I can't win. I have a very addictive personality too. He does everything so I wouldn't notice his problem and it wouldn't affect me but it does. If nothing it doesn't help me solve my problems. I don't want to go down that path with him, but I'm too weak to break up. I don't know if I truly love him or I'm just addicted to this relationship. I can't figure out love. Wow, that was pathetic. Lel I know this thread might not be the right place for this topic but my unhealty relaionship has been one of the reasons I've been stuck in this loop of bad habits and mental disorders like depression, binge eating, drinking, smoking.... and creating these obssessions. I can't blame him for everything, obviously, I chose him. Also I had been depressed before I met him. I guess I was just looking for someone as broken as me. @OpalP25 , great post! I'm so glad to have found this place, I'm really trying to work on my issues and see beyond the surface. I enjoy talking to you guys and I think getting personal here is inevitable. This is a depression forum after all. I wish I could be healthy and still enjoy my obssession but would that even be possible? Would I want them then? Or is that more like a drug addict saying he would like to quit and be sober but still occasionally enjoy drugs? If I cure my depression will I have the need to have CO? Is the obssession an addiction or just a defence mechanism against depression? Or both? I think both. Are you depressed? I'm sorry, you don't have to answer any of these questions or give an opinion. I know I've been asking too many of them. I guess I just needed to vent. I hope you all have a good day! :)
  8. Yeah, they're great guys, I still watch their channel sometimes just to see what they're up to nowadays. I'm so happy that they have more normal lives now. They literally had to escape Europe, it was a madness for them back then. I don't know if you know or remember those times. I was completely obsessed and didn't know how to handle my emotions at all. I was miserable. That's why I get anxious now whenever I get obsessed over someone new because I know how bad it can become. The only good thing was that I had learned German for them, almost perfectly. They couldn't speak English, especially Tom. I've forgotten a lot since though, but hey, at least my english is getting better now lel, can't complain. Ohh, the perks of beeing an obsessed fangirl :D
  9. This girl explained it so well, you guys need to watch this. Send me a message for the video link. I wonder if she ended up finding the internet community she belongs in :)
  10. I'm sorry I haven't replied earlier, I thought your post deserved a bit more attention and I was very busy. I don't know tbh if my love is indeed genuine. I said it without giving it too much thought. I don't love him as much I love my bf, obviously. My (ex)bf is my best friend, we're always togother but I've never been so in love with him the way I am with my CO's. I miss him when he's gone and I care about him, I know him so well, I know he loves me back, I'm just not attracted to him and don't feel those butterflies anymore. I don't know if I ever did to this extent. It's one of the (many) reasons we're so close to a break up, despite all the 'love' or....the habit. On the other hand my CO doesn't know I exits and I can never lose him because I never had him but I do sometimes feel as if he has helped me through tough times and that we do have memories. At least I do. That's probably how I built a connection with him in my head and now as a result I care about his happiness and health, I miss him when he's gone, which is a lot. More than you can imagine. I feel like I know him because I digged for answers, I also 'psychoanalyse' him all the time. So what does it take for love to be genuine? Reciprocity? If this love for my CO isn't genuine then what is it really? Just the attraction? Then why do I feel like my old CO'so are my friends? I still care for them in a way. Will I ever get to feel the 'real' love, the one that has it all? I think I've kinda accepted that the strongest I'll ever feel for someone will be for one of my CO's. And I think i'm fine with that. My feelings were never as strong in the first week as they are now with this new guy though. Does my brain simply find him 'hotter' and easier to fall for? I 'pshychanalysed' this new guy as well, he talks so little about himself that I had to fill in the blanks myself. I just don't believe him, there's something off about him. Real people aren't that perfect.
  11. Oh no no, not at all. I'm sorry, I must have expressed myself wrongly. I just said it because I do get curious sometimes but don't want to invade anyone's privacy because I know that most of us here wouldn't want their CO's name mentioned on the board. They do seem to have some similarities so I wondered for a second who it was, not that it's any of my business. It was a very long time ago, I'd say more than 12 years ago when I fell in love with him lel. Back then his sexual orientation wasn't as obvious as it is now lel. Also I knew so little about him at the beginning, I don't even think I had internet.That had changed very fast though. I got hooked and it lasted for years. He was a huge part of my life, they all were. I wanted to be friends with them so badly lel.
  12. Bill. Oh God, he easily took at least 5 years of my life. Lmao.
  13. Damn I hate it when someone quotes me before I can edit my posts lel Now I look even more illiterate than I am lel. Yeah, I can't lie, I would love to know all of your CO's but I also don't want to share mine and respect everyone else's privacy. I guess there's just more than a few amazing guys out there just waiting to become out next CO's lel.
  14. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO are you kidding me? Can't watch rn to see which one is talking about love but one of those men ruined my life when I was a teenager. Hahaha
  15. @Thel I just read through your former posts - nope, not the same guy! No wife's and baby boy's here. Only a pair of beautiful eyes lel. I guess they aren't as rare as one might think.lel
  16. Hahaha no way :D Are you sure? Are you talking about my main CO or this new one? I suppose the new one as he has those 50 shades of ocean the weirdest yet the most beautiful eyes on the world lmao. I'm crazy I know. Give me a hint and I'll confirm if you want to be sure. My main CO is even older and the fangirl's comments are even more disturbing haha. They all call him daddy.
  17. Yeah, it can't be real love. It's too pure and unconditional and you always crave that 'high'. But what is real love? Friendship and respect? I don't even know anymore. In real relationships you go through different stages of love but with CO's you have to constantly be IN love, and feel those butterflies. I'm not saying there aren't any stages in CO but in all of them you feel very attracted to that person. I don't think that's the case irl. Does anyone here love their CO but doesn't feel butterflies anymore? I do feel like I genuinely love my still current CO I initially told you about. And we do have things in common. I really care for him and am a big fan of his art, but rn I just feel more attracted to this new guy. I feel like in heaven rn which is weird af as I'm going through a bad break up with my bf of 6,5 years. I was constantly stressed out until the few days ago when I told him to leave the apartment. I don't know if this is finally the end but I felt so exhausted and miserable. I can't blame it only on him but my mental state rn can't take all the arguments and worrying. So since I've been alone I haven't cried, I didn't think about him almost at all. I asked for some time off and now I'm enjoying it fantasizing about this new CO. I feel like I'm in love. I stare at his pics the whole day and everything I can think about is 'oh God, have mercy, this man is f-ing beautiful, how is this even possible...' and so on. Lel. And I know a few people who would say he's not only not beautiful but ugly lel. But there's also a fandom on the Internet that feels the same way I do, the only thing is, I think they're all underage. Lel I guess I should just enjoy it while it lasts and really think deeply about my relationship. I didn't have a CO for the first time in my life the first 4 years of our relationship. That should be telling me something.
  18. @HopelessRomantic2011 Thanks, I try lel I know, I've accepted that this won't just dissappear with age. It's just that I understand it much better now and know that it's more of a coping mechanism than love. I can relate to what you said about having to obsess over something so much. I also have a very addictive personality, it still hasn't got the best of me but I find myself sinking deeper and deeper every year. I've had so many CO's in the past and they all hold a special place in my heart but now when I see their pic I don't feel that special connection that I used to anymore. I do feel like I know them because I do know so much about them, I feel as if they're all my friends that I haven't seen in a long time. It's weird, I wonder sometimes what attracted me to them in the first place. I don't think I have anything in common with this new guy. Idk, he doesn't talk about his personal life too much. Sometimes I feel like he's only saying things we want to hear. He seems like a good guy but I also dislike many things about him. Maybe this one won't last for that very reason but as of now I can't take my eyes off of him. I play his interviews on yt just to listen to his voice. I admire his confidence and hate it at the same time. I'm also jealous of the air he breaths lel. I know my story seems so harmless right now but I've experienced some severe CO as a teenager that consumed my life and made me miserable for years. That's why I felt the need to talk about it with you guys just to try to understand it a bit more because back then it seemed like love but now I see that there's a pattern. Maybe this is just our way of experiencing the strongest feelings of love there is. Are we simply addicted to that high?
  19. Hey guys. You probably don`t remember me, I wrote a few posts a few months ago but didn`t stay around. Anyways, I`ve been going through some stuff lately, which may be the reason why I`m back in this thread again. CO`s are one of my most effective coping mechanisms. Also,I have a new CO. I almost feel silly writing this because something`s clearly wrong with me. This isn`t funny at 25. It`s only been a couple weeks since I started having those feelings again. Same feeling - different face, as always. Here`s a short story. I used to like this show when I was younger, especially the character my CO played, but I wasn`t attracted to him, i just thought he was really talented. Over the years I had completely forgotten about him as I wasn`t even a big fan and didn`t even know his name, but then a few weeks ago I saw him again and that`s when all this madness has began. I was looking for a new show to watch and as I was scrolling down the list I saw the cover of the show I knew he was in and even felt scared for a second. I almost told myself not to do it, not to take that chance. But I did. Now my life is in shambles but the show was great lel. I just find it funny that I had a feeling I would end up here as soon as I saw his face. What is it about some people that we find so irresistible? Now when I look back at my life I don`t think I`ve ever felt such a strong attraction for someone irl as I do for my CO`s. Has it not been for CO`s I would have never experienced such strong addictive feelings in my life. I`ve never appreciated someone`s beauty like that. Never been so possessive either. Should we be grateful for that or try to fight it? I give in every time because it always feels so good at first. I can`t say my last CO is gone from my head, no, he`s very present, but this guy... Maybe I was just trying to find something to inspire me to be a better person, a better version of myself. I don`t know why I tend to think that Co`s can provide that. Hopefully it`ll all disappear as quickly as it appeared. Oh yeah, I should remind you that I`m not a native English speaker so if I sound weird you know what it is :)
  20. @Audrey822 Don't worry about it, honestly don't know if I even expected a response, I just had to let it out. It must be hard to respond to every post and try to comfort everyone but you are doing hell of a job and I really appreciate it! So thank you! It is better now, I think i'm usually good for most part of my day, it's just that sometimes I get overwhelmed and I feel like I'm loosing control. But I think I did exactly that, I pushed the feeling and focused on something else. Today I didn't have to mention him nor did I have time to obsess over him and suddenly I feel better. There are still times when I don't think about him of have such strong feelings for him, but seeing his pictures and hearing his voice triggers my obsession every time... @NCC I definitely spent much more than that on my first and biggest obsession. I had been buying magazines weekly that were way to expensive for me for years! I would have bought everything that had something to do with him, no metter the cost. Also when I heard his band was going to play a concert in my country (not my town) I bought the ticket immediately only to find out a few weeks later that there were going to be some golden tickets for fan-pit so I had to buy that one too, and it costed much more than the first one (returning the first one wasn't an option)! Anyway, the concert was cancelled so I got the money back. Needless to say that I didn't want it back, I was devastated! I guess my point is that over the years I spent the fortune on my CO and I know I'm not the only one so don't worry too much about the amount you spent for one thing that'll make you happy probably more than once. Just don't get used to it. It wouldn't be a good idea.
  21. Oh great, my mother just sent me some hideous article about him to see if I knew about it and I told her about him once!! Why is this happening today? My problem seems to be the fact that I've created this false (or maybe it isn't) feeling that us fans are close to him somehow and that for others he's not that big of a deal since lately he barely shows his face anywhere! We talk about him in forums, we know his music to details, we call him by his real name, we know so much about his personal life and his career that general public doesn't that it really feels like we personally know him! I follow his co-workers on IG and Twitter and they have tens or hundreds of thousands followers, I follow fan pages and some of them also have tens of thousands folowers. But then yesterday I stumbled across one of his most famous videos on YouTube and I saw that enormous number of views that I can't even say out loud without feeling like an i****! And I was like 'Oh yeah, he's _________!' Oh why don't I just sh**t myself in the head for being so f-ing stupid (don't worry I don't really mean that but that's just how stupid I feel)!!! I accept that I'll never be close to him but I feel so jealous when people who aren't fans mention him. I don't like hearing his name anywhere outside of this circle that I feel comfortable with. And that circle might in reality be way bigger than I imagine it is. I'm sorry for complaining so much, I just had to get it off the chest.
  22. @Audrey822 I think i'm good for now, definitely, I'm just scared it could get out of hand, I got that familiar feeling that this one could stay in my head for a long time and cause me some troubles. I still don't fantasise about meeting him though, that's almost impossible and I don't even want to think about it. And even though I know a lot of things about him I don't really know what he's doing at the moment or who is he dating. He's been very quiet about his private life latley and I respect that. He's had some break up songs over the last few years that indicated he was involved with someone but nobody knew about it while it still lasted, so he could be dating now and I would know. I don't feel that bad thinking about it tbh... But that's because I don't know for a fact. @NCC I understand what you're saying, it could be different in different stages of life but some of the people here are in fact in their mid 40s and still feel miserable. It's always beautiful and awakening at the beginning. I'd say you are still in a 'Honeymoon' phase but I hope it'll always stay that way for you. And thank you for your advice, I really hope I'll be able to apply it. I just feel really bad right now,my friend asked me something about him and I had to talk about him which made me very nervous, I barely managed to answer without looking like a complete fool. I really hope she didn't notice. She already knows that I've been obsessed with him and his music but I don't want her to know how bad it really is because there's no way she would understand. She already thinks it's too much, I can tell by her facial expression. I decided I wouldn't mention him anymore but she caught me by surprise with the question. I feel so bad for having to say his name, I can't hide my feelings when I talk about him. Do you ever feel that way?
  23. @OpalP25 @Audrey822 Thank you, I hope it'll go alright. Well it's kinda late for 'don't digg into his personal life' 'cause that has been done long ago :D And it's almost impossible not to, he's been around for a while and he put it all out there over the years. Plus It's different with musicians, they write songs about their personal stuff, especially my CO. But tbh that's about it, these days there's no news, or very few. But I know that's only for now...I don't want to be too deep in this obsession when the hype starts but the feeling is so addictive that I almost do it on purpose.
  24. Thank you so much for replying. I'm glad that there is a community where we can feel normal about ourselves and help each other. I try to focus on my bf but I find myself being less interested in him lately, and I don't think it has anything to do with my current CO. Maybe in fact I use him to fill the void in my relationship. He is everything my boyfriend isn't. Even though I love my boyfriend and he loves me and is really good to me I still think my CO would fit me better. :/ We also had a conversation about my CO, he noticed that something unhealthy might be going on since all of a sudden I started being very interested in music, especially my CO's. I played his music constantly because I was convinced it was normal and I was just catching up, and you know what, maybe I was. I protested hard. After all, he wasn't the only one I listened to, he just made me go back to my favourite music and made me wonder why in hell did I ever stop listening to it? I thought I grew out of it since I had lost my interest around the time I met my bf (but not because of him, i just got bored and started discovering and enjoying other genres). And I was so happy when I realised that all these years I thought my CO was something else and not as good as he is at what he does. It was such a revelation! It made me fall back in love with the genre that I identify myself with so much and that also helped me a lot the deal with life problems. The period I wasn't listening to it I was going trough depression periods(coincidence?). On andother hand, my bf was probably right. My fascination has changed into something more. And as far as my exams go, I only have 4 left until my degree. For this one I studied for 2 months really hard until I came to the city where my university is 5 days ago and instead of studying the hardest these last 10 days I totally lost my interest because i finally have my hands on the laptop and fast Internet. I also want to ask you, aren't you worried it could get out of hand if you thought about her 24/7 and you could end up feeling completely miserable? I was a teenager when I had my first and the biggest one, my life was a mess back then and puberty has hit me sooo hard so maybe it's different when you are an adult and responsible but I'm still scared.
  25. Hello everybody, I'm new here and I can't even begin to explain how relived I am to see that I'm not alone! First of all, I'd like to say that English isn't my first language so please be understanding. I am a female, 25 years old and I've been in a relationship for 7 years now but I've also had CO's on and off for most part of my life. The first one that had stuck for some time was when I was 10, but the worst one had started when I was 13 and it lasted for 5 years. It had nearly destroyed me emotionaly. It was the first time I felt that way about someone and I didn't know how to deal with it. I can say that to this day I have never been in love with anyone like I was with him! You may call it obsession, and it was, I see that now, but who can really claim that obsession isn't love, or even stronger than love? (except for maybe psychiatrist :D ) It was then that I learned that my strongest feelings wil always be platonic :/ I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I do suffer from dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking). So I guess I have obsessions and compulsions but they're not directly connected and don't have anything to do with the fear of something bad happening. Over the years I've had lots of CO's but they weren't so strong. I had even convinced myself that I just admired those people even though I had spent too much time and energy on them and let them influence my life. (Man, past tenses are ******* me, it must look like a mess to you but oh well... :) ) Anyway, lately I started to develop feelings toward my favourite musician who I recently rediscovered. I have always been a big fan of the genre of music he excels in but, only God knows why, I have never paid much attention to him until the last year. And since then I have been really enjoying myself listening to his albums and catching up on everything about him that I missed. And it wasn't until last few months that I found myself falling for him. :( You all know how the feeling, no need to waste words on describing it. Tbh I don't know if it affected me negatively yet but since I've already been through hell I'm really scared to go down that road again. How do I keep it on a healthy level (That's more of a rhetorical question :D )? He's the most dangerous one for me so far since we really have much in common. I don't want this obsession to cost me my relationship or my exams, I am a grown-up now for ****s sake. I don't want to bore you too much so I'll write more ananother time... Peace to all of you my fellow sufferers ;)
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