Jump to content

CrazyinLove

Junior Member
  • Content Count

    25
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About CrazyinLove

  • Rank
    Newbie

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. I started watching the movie I mentioned. I know I probably shouldn't have but I also knew I would eventually. It's really good tho, even too good lol. He's amazing. And that's only one movie lol. It's depressing, both the movie and my situation.I wish I wasn't like this. With my main CO I handeled the obsession better cuz I love his music. It was more 'normal' to have a crush on him. This new guy is very talented and all but tbh I fell for his personality, for some reason. I've seen his pics and watched the interviews before even liking his work. I've seen him in movies before, yes, but you don't fall in love out of the blue just cuz someone is a good actor. Now I realise that the last actor I had a crush on faded away so quickly cuz I had actually fallen for the character he played more than I had for him. This one is different. I feel ridiculous. I feel depressed too, not because I can't be with him, but because this is happening to me again. Maybe it will disappear just as fast as it appeared but right now I feel really low. I know it looks like I only come here to vent and talk about myself, I'm sorry, I'm usually not that type of person. It's just that this is really the only place where I can shere my feelings. I'll try to be of help to all of you as much as I can and as much as you guys helped me as soon as I get my sh.t together. found this pic online the other day and thought it was relatable lol
  2. Hi guys, it's me again. Another year another obsession lol. Most of you probably don't remember me, I wrote only a few posts about 2 years ago. I was obsessed with this very famous singer, mostly cuz I was and still am very impressed by his talent, but also cuz I felt this weird connecton with him, as if we have lived similar lives or have similar minds, if that makes sense. Which is what all my CO's have in common, similar mentality and personal traits as my own. My obsession with him has died down a little bit even though I'm still a big fan of him. I used to reffer to him as my main CO after I developed a crush on an actor from this tv show I love, and I will continue to do so as my feelings for him have gone and returned in the past and might still return again, especially cuz I'm gonna see him perform live this year. The actor I had fallen for was only a temporary crush as it turned out. I have had crushes on celebrities all my life. Some were storger and some lasted only for a few weeks. The scary part about this whole CO thing is not knowing if and when it's gonna get out of hand. The reason I came back to this thread is cuz I'm developing a new obsession and I'm scared it's gonna consume my life and make me miserable again. I had a CO in my teens (@hopelessromantic2011 knows who I'm talking about) that nearly ruined my life, and I can't say either of the following ones had a possitive impact on me either lol. Learning English and German has been the only useful thing to come out of these obsessions lol. I just don't wanna end up in that dark place again. I took the laptop in my hands with the intention to watch a certain movie but instead I turned to this forum, that's a good sign, right? Here's what's been happening with me lately, if anyone cares to read it, I'll keep it very short. I've had a few crushes/CO's throughout the last few months and with each one I felt like I was walking on thin ice. I could have sworn this guy I was obsessed with two weeks ago would end up being my nighmare but now I have a new one! Some might say it's all good as long as it's not as strong as we all know it can get but why does my brain have the need to develop feelings for famous people in the first place? Is it just that I like a certain type of people that I can't find in my surroundings or does it have to do with the fact that I'll probably never meet them and get to be disappointed or something? Not that I think meeting any of them would make me disappointed in them, no, I feel like it would make me realise I could never get a guy like that and all my incecurities would suddenly surface and I would then have to deal with them in a painful way. I've had a few (very few may I say) romantic interests in my real life and non od them worked out well. Not even my relationship of 7 years. It was destructive from the day one. My low selfrespect and god knows what else kept me in it for way too long. Ironically celebs I usually fall for are also 'damaged' in a way, just like my ex. Just like me. I don't feel fit for a relationship with a normal, healthy person, even though from the outside I probably look like one. Bottom line, I find them boring. I don't think they can understand me and I don't wanna understand them. I get approached by regular guys and every time it happens all I can think about is 'what in the h/ell do you think we have in common?' Is it possible I fall for celebs because their lives are public and they express their suffering through art whereas regular ppl can hide it and therefore often fail to attract someone who can relate to them? I thought I could relate to my ex, it turned out I stayed with him for way too long cuz I thought I was just like him when actually I was not. Not where it really matered. Now I know I want someone who would motivate me to be better, but still, every CO I have is kind of a complicated person. In real life it would probably never work out anyways lol, but at least I'll never get to be dissapointed the way I was irl, right? Don't get me wrong, I've had CO way before I had ever met my ex,the only difference is now I know that that kind of relationships are doomed to fail. Two sick people can't have a healthy relationship. I don't need a soulmate, I need to get better without loosing myself, you know? Which brings us to the ultimate question, whether to give in to these feelings or not. I'm still thinking abuot that movie I was gonna watch. Should I resist or just enjoy this with the hope of him fading away from my mind in no time like all these other guys did? He just makes me so happy rn. He's so damn hot lol. It started maybe two weeks ago (which means I'm in a honemoon phase rn lol). I've been following some fan pages of him for years now though and I knew in the back of my head this could happen but I hoped I wouldn't have another obsession (or even a crush) again. Idk why lol. I guess my life had just started to get better and I was silly enough to think that I had it all figured out. Anyways, sorry for ranting. I hope you guys are doing well. I've been reading the old thread lately but I'll try to catch up asap.
  3. @Audrey822 I don't mind answering the questions at all, thanks for reading and replying to my post. -What scares you so much? - Losing control. I was in a really bad place with my teenage obsession. I found some old diaries recently and the things I wrote in there are just sad. I loved that man more than my life. That scares me. I wouldn't even say I'm obsessed now, I even came in this thread becuse of another guy who I don't have such strong feelings for anymore. It didn't last that long nor was it that intense but it still scared me just like this new one is scaring me now. There's a pattern and every new CO is a potential disaster in my book. -Not trying to be nosy, but I can only help with more information. What are you trying to prevent? If you don't want to disclose that, at least ask yourself: is that really worse than the "more harmful methods of dealing with depression" you speak of? - I'm trying to prevent having emotions for a stranger as strong as I once had and being that miserable again. So far I'm enjoying it and I'm hoping to learn from you guys how to control it and make it be the healthiest or just that one good way of fighting depression that won't just drag me deeper. So far it's even been inspiring and helpful. Could it be worse than other ways? Absolutely. And it could lead to those other stuff. I know, I have compulsive behaviours that aren't related to my obsessive thoughts and I've never been diagnosed with OCD but there clearly is something going on in my brain. I see this as a comping mechanism first. When my brain can't take stress anymore it looks for ways to save itself from depression. I think as I'm more mature now I'll handle this whole internet thing better than I used to. I understand this better now and know that we aren't really meant for each other and he isn't that special. It's just how I see him rn now and it could easily change in a matter of weeks. Thank you for your advice, I don't know how but in my whole CO history I've never been heartbroken in a sense that my CO got married or something. I guess I was lucky but in case it happens staying away from the Internet would probably be the best thing to do. And being brutaly realistic about the nature of my feelings. Sorry for the sloppy writing, I'm tired, my poor English didn't help either, I know. I hope you understood what I was trying to say. Have a nice day guys! ?
  4. Hi guys, it's me again, I hope you all are having a wonderfull day, it's sunny here and my new obsession which is still in its honeymoon phase is making me smile for no reason this morning. I can't help it. I'm scared but the limerence is just too hard to resist at this point of my life. I still wouldn't call it love, or even a full blown obsession, it's just an attraction for now that puts a smile on my face. I really don't want it to go much further but how do I prevent that? I feel that if I give up on this I'll go back to some more harmfull methods of dealing with depression. I feel that I'm intentionally inducing this to bring some joy to my life. It's addictive. When I feel low I go and look at his pics to make myself feel better. Anyway, he has some projects coming up this and next year and I'm having some mixed feelings about it. One part of me wants him to succeed at everything he does and the other part wants him to stay anonymous to as many people possible. He's been becoming pretty famous lately(I can't complain cuz I only recently re-discovered him too, I know, I'm contradicting myself) but I can only imagine how it's going to be after those projects. I know he's crazy talented so it's only a matter of time everyone knows his name and I know that he deserves all the attention he's been getting and more but I just can't help but feel all selfish and possessive about it. I know, it's terrible, I won't have him no matter how famous he is but I just hate seeing more and more comments about him online. This feeling reminds me of my teenage years and that horrible obsession I once had. I was so obsessive about knowing everything about him and was collecting every pic and article on him I could find and if I'd miss something I'd cry and be so angry at myself. I hated his fame and success. God, I was a mess. I don't want to go back to that place. I just want to enjoy limerence without the painful consequences, why can't that be easier? I'll get over it, my last CO (the one I was referring to as 'the main co' but is now only I person I admire, not so much an obsession anymore) is a major celebrity, the level of his fame used to scare the h.ll out of me but I had learned to accept it. I mean, on the other hand I can't wait to see all those projects, I'm counting days, I know he's going to shine and show everyone what he can do. I do feel proud and happy for him. I just wish I could shake this 'I don't wanna share him' feeling off because that's where the honeymoon phase stops and the agony begins. Ugh, I already feel like a terrible person for writing this post. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I've also been paranoid about this account, I'm afraid that someone is going to find out about all this somehow. Also he inspires me to write and if I ever create something worth reading it's going to be clear to everyone that it didn't come out of nowhere.
  5. @OpalP25 thanks for answering my questions I hope I didn't come off as too creepy lel. I was thinking out loud and trying to understand myself better but I'm really glad you gave it a thought. We're very much alike. I guess we all are. I've been depressed but I'm not sure if it's clinical depression. I went to a psychiatrist once and he said it was mild depression combined with anxiety and back then I was in much worse place mentally than I am now. I don't know if an obssession can be healthy. I'm not sure if I would want to be obsessed forever even if I enjoyed it tbh. And I don't really believe that girl that she's happy and kepping it all rational as she claims to be tbh. But I could be wrong.
  6. Lmao, I had another bad day with my bf, I felt so hopeless and miserable but then I went to the bedroom and watched a few videos of my new crush and instantly felt better. It's bad because I recognise that that was just me running away from my real problems again. But he just brings me joy, what can I do And it's weird because, as I said, I'm completely aware that it's just an obssession, as I know that he isn't that attractive and I don't know much about him, and yet somehow, despite not having much in common with him, I just can't get him out of my head. With my main CO I can 'justify' the obsession with my admiration of his art but that's not exactly the case with this actor, although I do think he's crazy talented. I believe It could have been the character he plays that drew me to him. I guess this time around I'll just have to 'bear' with this feeling until it completely fades away and I feel embarrassed that I obsessed so much over some random tv guy lel...
  7. @perfectcircle77 I'm not married nor financially dependent on him. I do love him but we have many problems. He's an addict and I constantly feel like I'm fighting a battle I can't win. I have a very addictive personality too. He does everything so I wouldn't notice his problem and it wouldn't affect me but it does. If nothing it doesn't help me solve my problems. I don't want to go down that path with him, but I'm too weak to break up. I don't know if I truly love him or I'm just addicted to this relationship. I can't figure out love. Wow, that was pathetic. Lel I know this thread might not be the right place for this topic but my unhealty relaionship has been one of the reasons I've been stuck in this loop of bad habits and mental disorders like depression, binge eating, drinking, smoking.... and creating these obssessions. I can't blame him for everything, obviously, I chose him. Also I had been depressed before I met him. I guess I was just looking for someone as broken as me. @OpalP25 , great post! I'm so glad to have found this place, I'm really trying to work on my issues and see beyond the surface. I enjoy talking to you guys and I think getting personal here is inevitable. This is a depression forum after all. I wish I could be healthy and still enjoy my obssession but would that even be possible? Would I want them then? Or is that more like a drug addict saying he would like to quit and be sober but still occasionally enjoy drugs? If I cure my depression will I have the need to have CO? Is the obssession an addiction or just a defence mechanism against depression? Or both? I think both. Are you depressed? I'm sorry, you don't have to answer any of these questions or give an opinion. I know I've been asking too many of them. I guess I just needed to vent. I hope you all have a good day! :)
  8. Yeah, they're great guys, I still watch their channel sometimes just to see what they're up to nowadays. I'm so happy that they have more normal lives now. They literally had to escape Europe, it was a madness for them back then. I don't know if you know or remember those times. I was completely obsessed and didn't know how to handle my emotions at all. I was miserable. That's why I get anxious now whenever I get obsessed over someone new because I know how bad it can become. The only good thing was that I had learned German for them, almost perfectly. They couldn't speak English, especially Tom. I've forgotten a lot since though, but hey, at least my english is getting better now lel, can't complain. Ohh, the perks of beeing an obsessed fangirl :D
  9. This girl explained it so well, you guys need to watch this. Send me a message for the video link. I wonder if she ended up finding the internet community she belongs in :)
  10. I'm sorry I haven't replied earlier, I thought your post deserved a bit more attention and I was very busy. I don't know tbh if my love is indeed genuine. I said it without giving it too much thought. I don't love him as much I love my bf, obviously. My (ex)bf is my best friend, we're always togother but I've never been so in love with him the way I am with my CO's. I miss him when he's gone and I care about him, I know him so well, I know he loves me back, I'm just not attracted to him and don't feel those butterflies anymore. I don't know if I ever did to this extent. It's one of the (many) reasons we're so close to a break up, despite all the 'love' or....the habit. On the other hand my CO doesn't know I exits and I can never lose him because I never had him but I do sometimes feel as if he has helped me through tough times and that we do have memories. At least I do. That's probably how I built a connection with him in my head and now as a result I care about his happiness and health, I miss him when he's gone, which is a lot. More than you can imagine. I feel like I know him because I digged for answers, I also 'psychoanalyse' him all the time. So what does it take for love to be genuine? Reciprocity? If this love for my CO isn't genuine then what is it really? Just the attraction? Then why do I feel like my old CO'so are my friends? I still care for them in a way. Will I ever get to feel the 'real' love, the one that has it all? I think I've kinda accepted that the strongest I'll ever feel for someone will be for one of my CO's. And I think i'm fine with that. My feelings were never as strong in the first week as they are now with this new guy though. Does my brain simply find him 'hotter' and easier to fall for? I 'pshychanalysed' this new guy as well, he talks so little about himself that I had to fill in the blanks myself. I just don't believe him, there's something off about him. Real people aren't that perfect.
  11. Oh no no, not at all. I'm sorry, I must have expressed myself wrongly. I just said it because I do get curious sometimes but don't want to invade anyone's privacy because I know that most of us here wouldn't want their CO's name mentioned on the board. They do seem to have some similarities so I wondered for a second who it was, not that it's any of my business. It was a very long time ago, I'd say more than 12 years ago when I fell in love with him lel. Back then his sexual orientation wasn't as obvious as it is now lel. Also I knew so little about him at the beginning, I don't even think I had internet.That had changed very fast though. I got hooked and it lasted for years. He was a huge part of my life, they all were. I wanted to be friends with them so badly lel.
  12. Bill. Oh God, he easily took at least 5 years of my life. Lmao.
  13. Damn I hate it when someone quotes me before I can edit my posts lel Now I look even more illiterate than I am lel. Yeah, I can't lie, I would love to know all of your CO's but I also don't want to share mine and respect everyone else's privacy. I guess there's just more than a few amazing guys out there just waiting to become out next CO's lel.
  14. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO are you kidding me? Can't watch rn to see which one is talking about love but one of those men ruined my life when I was a teenager. Hahaha
  15. @Thel I just read through your former posts - nope, not the same guy! No wife's and baby boy's here. Only a pair of beautiful eyes lel. I guess they aren't as rare as one might think.lel
×
×
  • Create New...