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BlueWeepingWillow

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  1. BlueWeepingWillow

    WEREWOLF

    I struggle with insomnia too... and nightmares, so I feel your pain. I also know what it's like to have a racing mind at night. Sleeping with earplugs can help, but now I find playing music or listening to books/podcasts keeps my mind from driving me nuts. That might not be a good option for those who share a bed, and sleeping with headphones is rather uncomfortable.
  2. He clearly isn't a friend and I'm sure over much reflection of that evening, you have come to that realization too. I believe he harbored some sort of resentment from your earlier comment of dismissing the idea of being a couple. Or maybe the wedding was a plot to just get you in bed with him. The fact that he was drinking can't be an excuse for his lousy attitude because he "threw you under the bus" when he was still sober. I've had to remove friendships, my "best friend" of almost 20 years and even family members because of their inexcusable behavior. Stay strong, my friend... you don't need that toxicity in your life.
  3. Perhaps he realized what an insensitive thing he said and is trying to redeem his actions? Or maybe he just has the old-fashioned mentality that there must be something wrong with you if you are 30-something and still single. Whatever the case, don't let one person's opinion get to you. You stand your ground. I remember the dating game not too long ago, and reading your entries brought back horrific memories. My dear, I do not envy you during this phase. However, PLEASE DON'T SETTLE AND GET LOCKED IN WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW! Sorry I shouted. :-) But really, please don't be hasty. There are a lot of weirdos out there... and liars... and cheaters... and worse....
  4. Hi bubbles82, welcome to DF. I want to extend my deep condolences toward your mom's passing. I had seen this post a while ago and honestly didn't want to reply, the reason being is because some people go on Wellbutrin for the wrong reasons. I don't even like to tell people what medication(s) I'm on because of this. Anyway, one of the side effects for some people is weight loss... but take in account that it isn't guaranteed. You can search reviews on Wellbutrin and see for yourself what the average patient's experience is. I am on it because SSRI's do not work for my brain chemistry. Something about serotonin... blah blah blah... I won't bore you. I am happy to hear that you are planning on swimming 3 times a week. Exercise is a natural mood booster, every little bit counts!
  5. I've never heard of GeneSight, but if it can be customized to your brain chemistry, let's hope that it makes a significant change for you. Due to my anxiety-based limitations with working, I also looked into disability. It seems like a lot of rigmarole to even get an application, let alone get approval. I don't think I would even qualify due to my common-law's income. He does supply my basic needs, spending money is out of the question however. You should look into Mind over Mood and the Depression & Anxiety (for Dummies) workbook. Don't let the "Dummies title" deter you, it's extensive, but in layman's terms. The workbook is important because it helps you sort out your thought patterns. I have both of them and I highly recommend it!
  6. This is just my opinion/experience... so take it with a grain of salt. I used to worry incessantly about finding my "soul mate". The obsessive thought of being alone consumed my youth. I didn't develop much character, integrity, wisdom, most especially self-esteem... the most important tool to get places. What ended up happening to me, was that I kept finding myself in bad relationships, left-right and center. This isn't a horror story or anything I'm bitter about. I've learned a great deal, so if I can encourage others to focus on more important matters like education and career, you will likely find a more suitable match. Truly, the grass isn't greener... though it may seem like it. You would be better off getting your own life established first.
  7. My anxiety medication (Ativan) actually causes more anxiety, so you need to monitor how often you take it. I cannot speak in a crowd, and if was just introduced to somebody... I won't say a word. So, you aren't alone there. I feel my anxiety really holds me back from so much. I understand the sadness of seeing that dream slip away, due to anxiety. I had gotten my fitness instructor certification, and I was confident enough to teach my first class. (Oh, you know where this is going!) It was a full class, and wow... what an absolute disaster. I couldn't even get it right. Nothing. The words weren't coming out. Someone actually in the class taught it for me. That killed my dream right there. Yikes!
  8. Not that I'm a misanthrope or anything, but I have some expertise on this. I have social anxiety and have had agoraphopia 5 years ago. So, I could pretty much write a book on it: How to Avoid People by BlueWeepingWillow To make a living, get a job as custodian/maid. Try to get a job cleaning industrial buildings and work alone. Night shift is a bonus. Get direct deposit. Do online banking only. Do everything from the comfort from your own home. Need coffee? Or a pair of shoes? You can order everything online now a days! The only person you have to interact with is the mailperson. (Sorry!) Invest in some plants for your house and learn how to take care of them, they freshen up the stale air. (Oops...you will actually have to go out and buy those.) Turn all the ringers on your phones to silent. Or if you still have a phone with a cord, take it off the hook and then remove the cord, so that annoying noise won't bother you. Remove your doorbell battery. Remove any door knockers. Put a big "Go Away!" sign on your door. :-D When it's Halloween... turn off the lights and hide. I do it every year.
  9. A warm welcome to DF! :-) It's clear that you are going though a lot of sadness and pain. We are here to be a support to you and others who are struggling though depression, this is a wonderful online community. I know that some counselors may seem like they aren't listening or helping, but you just have to find the right one. Some places in Canada have free services for therapy, it might be overwhelming to you now, but please don't close your mind to it completely. I know things seem impossible to you right now, but you need to take small steps to recover from your trauma. Writing is a good outlet for some people. Maybe give it a try. I hope you like it here!
  10. TwentyTwo, I am currently on Wellbutrin 300mg but have alternated between 150mg and 300mg over the past 9 years. From what I remember, the side effects for me, were not as bad as some of the other antidepressants out there. I personally find the increase harder to deal with than the decrease. Bumping down to 150mg I had headaches, slight dizziness and yes... there was a change in my mood. I was depressed coming off of it but my mood leveled off. You just have to stick with it, maybe take up running, or increase your exercise to boost your natural endorphins. Also, your appetite might increase. I know when I went off of Wellbutrin for a while, I gained a few pounds, but lost it when I went back on it. Not sure if that's a concern to you or not, but a little FYI.
  11. That's a great analogy, to let your mind float and not kick up any thoughts. My mind can't float either, it's zipping around on a jet ski sometimes!
  12. George1, I'm a huge fan of Chamomile, Kava Root, Valerian, Skullcap, Passion Flower, Hops and Lemon Balm Tea Blends. I am drinking a kettle of one of my blends as I type this. I cannot go a day without drinking tea. The thing with Kava Kava is that you need to monitor your liver with this herb, it is something you should take a break from periodically. I don't drink it as regularly as my other teas, it's for special occasions only.
  13. Depression seems to get more public recognition than anxiety... unfortunately not many people understand. To the uneducated, those with anxiety seem cowardly, insecure and flaky. I have lost good friends due to my social anxiety. There was a time I planned on meeting a friend somewhere, I was dressed up and ready to go, but as soon as my hand touched the doorknob my body was paralyzed in fear. I couldn't do it. I had to text her to cancel plans. I quit jobs that were too intense because they gave me frequent panic attacks. I don't even think I can work a normal job anymore. Anxiety seems to be more prevalent in my life than depression, and I DO get depressed because of it. I can't make friends? I can't get a regular job? Of course that is going to be a huge blow to my self-esteem... which in turn causes even more anxiety.
  14. Already it has made your relationship stronger, you haven't left him when he needs you most. Thankfully, the doctors found it now and are treating it. I hope everything will be okay.
  15. It's frustrating, isn't it? I am giving this place steady go... as you can see from my shiny Newbie status, but who knows, maybe I'll disappear in a week. All I know is that I need something to organize my thoughts. And it sounds like you need something too. I can relate to what you are going through. I tried to get my psychologist to diagnose me with bipolar but alas, apparently I'm simply clinically depressed and anxious. There are times when my mind stop racing and I can't sit still. There are times I am numb and staring and I just gaze at the wall for half an hour. Sorry, I don't have suggestions for you... no mindfulness techniques here. I just wanted to let you know, you aren't alone. I had to stop with the pints though, because they were taking over my life, but now I just drink really strong calming tea.
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