Marie6687

Feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. Tired of feeling worthless. Sick of feeling "different." Mentally exhausted to the point wher I don't even think the same anymore. I don't know who I even am. Can anyone relate?

Sorry, but I don't know much about meditating.. How exactly do you meditate? Are you just sitting there in deep thought, or how do you do it?

Exactly. My conscious mind is so focused that I think of how, where, and how often to look constantly. But iv noticed that the few times I could make perfect eye contact when I was paying attention. I just don't know how to not think about it because it's just on my mind the whole time while having a conversation. It's to the point where I can't even picture myself going to eat lunch one on one with someone, being intimate with someone, or even doing my job the right way... *sighs* it should not be this difficult.. It really shouldn't...

@Cloudy888 that's exactly where it started. At a workplace that I felt extremely uncomfortable at. I worked there for 6 months so the entire time I gradually go worse until I just resorted to quitting my job. Honestly I felt like I lost some personality. I stopped feeling myself and always wondered what they were thinking of me. And now, well I just don't know how to get back where I was. I really don't know what to do. I don't feel like myself anymore. I can't go to therapy either, so I'm just stuck, moving in the same place..

That's exactly what I'm doing, making it conscious when it should just be subconscious. I just don't know how to get back to that. I just want to not think about the whole eye thing but I do wverytime I try to talk to someone. I know I have social anxiety and the last thing Ive ever wanted were antidepressants, so I've always just tried to treat myself but gotten worse overtime. I'm studying to be a nurse and I just can't see how I'll be able to do my job properly being like this... thanks for taking the time to talk about o me about this. :-)

Thank you. I just don't know how to talk to someone without worrying about it. I feel that if I don't look them in the eye they will feel that I'm not engaged in the conversation, but if I do, they will think my eyes look weird, cuz most of the time they feel weird. And it makes me feel bad when they don't look me in the eye while talking cuz they think I'm weird or something. Idk I've dealt with depression for so long off and on, I've always suffered self esteem problems, but never felt this way till the past year. I just wanna feel close to someone and feel anything but a person feeling uncomfortable. It just sucks, all I wanna do is be in my room alone away from people cuz of how I feel. I havent had insurance in a year,I can't afford it, and I don't know who to talk to. I've just gotten worse over the years. I haven't progressed and just feel like I can't keep living like this. I'm just so tired. So so tired.... :-(

I don't know what's wrong with me. Over the past year I've lost my ability to make eye contact. I try to force it and anyone I talk to immediately looks away. It doesn't matter how often I look them in the eye they just seem like they get weirded out by my eyes. I don't know if my eyes make them feel uncomfortable or what. I never had this problem before. I could carry on a conversation and not focus on their eyes but now all I do is watch them to see how they think of me and immediately after I see how they perceive me it affects the way I act. I start acting uncomfortable and discouraged and can't even look in the eye at all. I get a weird feeling in my eyes when I look at them and I see that they feel weird too. Idk what's wrong with me, I just wanna look someone in the eyes with out having to constantly look away and feel unnatural. It gets me to the point wh re I won't even hang out with anyone, I have no friends but one person who lives out of town. I try to be myself but people just look at me weird and make me feel different. Idk what to do any,ore. It makes me feel like I won't ever be able to function in society like a normal human being. I look at everyone and constantly study their behavior wondering why they don't have the problems I do. Even sometimes when I look at myself my eyes want to look away. Why am I so different. Why do people look at me like I'm weird. Why can't I just feel like a normal human being. I'm so distant now. I haven't been in a relationship in a year. I have no friends. I'm always alone. The way I am now makes me feel like I won't ever be able to be intimate with someone again. What's wrong with me?