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Everything posted by Nisei

  1. I live in a ******* middle of nowhere. I was employed for a short period of time before I got fired. Currently I don't have the strength for another job hunt. Every day is repetitive and everything seems like a pointless crap. All of my friendships/relationships were a complete disaster and I am alone since 2013. I've even joined some local Christian group recently, and they're the nice people, but I have trouble connecting with them as well... I am addicted to opioids and I don't want to stop because that makes me happier... I cannot even find enough motivation and energy to finish my book. My sleep cycle is messed up despite the use of melatonin (it gives me very nice dreams, but my sleep cycles are still erratic). This is not good. I just wanted to share this and to talk...
  2. Well, I've had had a great success with growing some papaver somniferum and using it to collect raw opium. That stuff works wonders for my depression and is completely free, without any doctors and institutions... However, I'm from eastern europe where laws are not so strict about planting papaver somniferum. $ 600 per treatment sounds just plain horrible to me.
  3. Having a job which I absolutely hate makes me depressed beyond my breaking point. It's either that or having no money at all.So I am very unhappy.I don't wanna sit 8 hours per day on a senseless job which supresses my true skills and potentials. I don't wanna live in a ugly, noisy city... stuck in some s***ty apartment which looks like a cage...Surrounded with people who doesn't care about me... so lonely, without any deeper purpose... Just like a robot of some sort...This drives me mad, I'm screaming from the inside, my brain hurts...I want to be free, to have a nomadic life somewhere in the wilderness. All I need is a small cabin and lots of silence... fresh air too. I want to see a stars during the night... In the morning I want to see a trees, birds, grass... My only job would be to grow/collect food and water... maybe go to a fishing. No money, no awful buildings, no concrete, no noise, no bulls***...Nah... But I am unhappy during every second of my life... I am unhappy even when I am high. No amount of drugs can emulate a freedom and purpose...So really, only a death can save me from this nonsense. My body seems to be working okay, but my mind and soul are feeling like someone put them into a meat grinder...This way of living is not normal.... This is unnatural... Stuck in a cage at home.... Stuck in a cage at work... Being unable to feel a purpose, love, hapiness...Gaaaah!Better to be a dead human than a living robot..
  4. Hi... Can I combine high doses of amitriptyline and tramadol?
  5. Often I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world. I have nobody. I also don't work (can't find a job) so I can't afford any activities/courses/classes where I could meet someone new. And even if I had the money, I doubt that could work for me. I am extremely disconnected and alone. The only "person" who is available to me is my dog. I see no way out. I am afraid of people and life in general. I have a great deal of difficulty in talking with strangers and frankly, I have no desire to mess with anyone. The internet is not working either, it seems like only the idiots and evil people are present on this media. Okay, intenet is extremely useful for boredom (downloading movies and playing games is still better than staring into a wall) but I am unable to establish any deeper connection or interaction with someone. Futhermore, I am too scared of ending up being judged, disapponted and rejected, so I am no longer trying anything new. Of course, I ended up like feeling totally depressed, depleted and empty. Nothing makes any sense to me. I just want to sleep. Or maybe to die too. Any thoughts?
  6. Cool. I hope I could find someone who's okay.
  7. Hello... I am new here and I coud use someone to talk with because I am lonely beyond imagination (I have no friends nor anyone else). Email or some instant messaging would be nice... I also have serious issues with depression etc, but I've decided to stay away from pharmaceuticals because I stumbled into some pretty bad experiences with them in the past. Yay.
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