SunnyOutlook

It does makes sense that you would feel that way. You have had several experiences and relationships that have shown you that men are untrustworthy. But intellectually you know that for all men, that isn't true. I'm sure you could tell me of happy couples you know of, where the men treat their ladies perfectly well. The thing about being physically abused, is that you don't feel you have control over your own body anymore. Your karate avatar makes me think you have spent some time trying to take back some of that control, which makes perfect sense. You should expect any man you date to treat you like like a "lady" with respect @ladysmurf, and nothing less. You deserve it. And no, I don't believe in luck, I think there is a guy out there who can love you unconditionally, be supportive, and respect your personal boundaries. And of course I hope you find him soon. Take, care. Sunny

Hi @ladysmurf, I'm sorry your relationship ended badly. It sounds as if you haven't had a healthy relationship with a man yet. I hope you mean you felt pressured into having sex, because being forced is rape and that guy should be in jail. I would suggest having clear boundaries for yourself if you decide to try dating again. Not all men are emotionless, selfish and don't care. Make sure a guy you spend time with treats you with respect at all times, if he doesn't, move on. You should never feel pressured into having sex. IMO being friends first before dating is the way to go. Find someone interested in the same activities you are and get to know them. If it grows from there great, if not you still have a new friend. There are good men out there too @ladysmurf, you just have to find them.

In a much better mood...new med seems to be working...hope this continues!

Hi @mentalworld, I just switched to a new med because I had no sex drive on my old one. My old med was very effective at controlling my mood but killed my sex drive. I would tell your husband not to worry about trying another medication, because he can always go back on the current one which is effective at controlling his mood. There are some newer meds that are a little more expensive you should look at with his Doctor, such as Trintellix and Viibryd. They are both weight neutral and most people don't have the sexual side-effects on them. Hope that helps and take care, @SunnyOutlook.

"You're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat" - Jaws (Brody)

You go girl!

@Hermitic let's take your questions one at a time, though I am re-arranging them...you'll see why. It's interesting to me that your first impression of a girl seems very important to you. I am assuming this based upon parts of every question you have asked me..."upon first sight", "first time", "immediately". @Hermitic, how a girl looks should be one of the least important things of importance. It is much better to find a girl you can be friends with and get to know first. Girls are amazing, apart from what attracts us to them as males. Yes, sex is important in a relationship, but it is a very small part of a healthy relationship with a girl...there is soo much more to them than their bodies. Finding a girl that is interested in some of the same things you are is a good place to start. Relationships are about supporting each other, encouraging each other, learning from each other, sharing your thoughts, feelings, desires, frustrations with each other. And unconditionally loving each other. Each of us is imperfect, and a girl you like will not be perfect either. Don't be upset by this! This is life, and apart of being human. So on to your questions! 1. Were you interested upon first sight? Yes, she had very pretty eyes and a beautiful smile, and I was attracted to that. She was not at all like my "requirement" list thought she should look like. She wasn't blonde, tall, athletic with a face like a model...instead she was short, brunette, and a bit overweight. 2. Could you tell she was someone you would like shortly after meeting her for the first time? Well my initial impression was good, she seemed smart and funny...but no, I didn't really know much about her yet. She ended up being room-mates with one of my best friends. It was only when I started spending time with her and getting to know her that I started to figure out we had some of the same feelings about things. I became friends with her way before I started dating her. Our first date was actually quite a funny disaster! 3. Was your wife immediately interesting? Not really, she just transferred to the college I was attending, so she was trying to get settled in and figure out how everything worked. I only became interested in her after we became friends and I started to get to know more about her. Hope that helps!

@Hermitic others in their comments above have addressed the issue of race that concerned you. I'm actually more interested about something you didn't mention. It's in your "requirements" description for a girl. "She is almost the only person I have ever met who meets my long list of requirements. My definition of 'acceptable' is so specific that I'm afraid I'll never meet anyone else like that girl." That troubles me a great deal, in that I think you are really limiting yourself by having an "acceptability" list for a woman. There are many amazing woman out there, and the one that might be perfect for you may, in fact, meet few of your "requirements". I also had a list in my head of things I thought I wanted in a girl. When I met my wife 26 years ago, she was this amazing creature that was nothing like what I thought I wanted, and met few of my "requirements". I mentally tore up my list, and have been happy ever since.

I did have music running through my head @SugaredSloth. I was sitting in a movie theater waiting for Kenneth Branagh's Romeo and Juliet to start. And all of a sudden a country and western song starts in my head. The Bard moves in mysterious ways...lol.

@Weesue I literally just started my first blog on DF this past Friday and this topic was my first post. Don't know about your background, but maybe we went through something similar. Hope you are doing ok.

First attempt at writing some song lyrics. I haven't written anything before. I'm not even a country and western person, and out these lyrics came. Waking up, going to find my rhythm. I’m just trying to make a living. Waiting for the muse to come, and find my brain. My health’s not great, and I’m tired of sitting, In my living room, just vegging. Gonna getup now, and try to move. Chorus: Cause Living in this world, ain’t for sissies, Gotta make some bread, to buy my wh*skey. Faking it won't float long, in front of the man. So believe in yourself, cause no one else gives a damn.