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wolfbane

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  1. It sure is unfair to me but I probably won't go as far as saying she doesn't care about my wellbeing. Any other days she would take care of me all the time. Or maybe I really am in the wrong this time, that I didn't put in as much effort for her day. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore It just feels horrible. Have you ever tried living together with your wife/girlfriend for 5 days but don't even pass eye contact all this while? Now we feel more like roommates... I feel like what happened this time will definitely come back to haunt us in the future should anything happen again... Like this will definitely be a topic she will bring up in any of our future fights.. Her bargaining chip or her strong argument point... It really doesn't help that with the current covid 19 situation we are all been forced to be cooped up at home... I prayed so hard every night that if there's a god or Buddha or whatever is up there to come down and help me. Or just appear and tell me what to do.. Or even just take me away... I have done everything and so much for her and now because of this 1 thing she is going to condemn me for life.... F my life really... Maybe it would have been better off had I been gone years ago on that day..
  2. Well to be fair, she picked this date, we were married in santorini. And that seems like the best wedding anyone can have. And to be fair again, it can be a good thing too, as I just have to celebrate the day as 2-in-1. But like you said, now I have even higher expectation to live up to in the future. And just for the record, I bought her an expensive bag earlier this year as her b'day present in advance and we both agreed upon it back then. Now days have passed and it's still the same, I tried all ways to coax her but still ignored... I'm really starting to feel like sh** and giving up soon
  3. From my experience, no. With so many issues that come together with marriage. It can only make your condition worst. And that is what is happening to me now.
  4. Thanks Epictetus, Guess you're right. Nobody can help me in this situation. I cooked for her this morning, made coffee and ordered lunch for her but she is still ignoring me. Wtf is wrong? Wth does she wants? Anymore of this and I am really considering the end of our marital relationship. I been trying to talk to her nicely all this while and this is what I get. Complete bs... Appreciate your reply Epictetus...
  5. And to add on, this is not the first time it has happened to us. But everytime I'm the one who gave in first. One thing I noticed is that she never admit that she is wrong, even when she is. I feel like shit. Appreciate if someone can help me figure out whats wrong or at least someone here that can talk to me... I feel like it's the end... What should I do... I don't wanna make the same mistake again.. But at the same time, I feel like it will at least end all my sufferings...
  6. So, I have been on AD for few years now. Still seeing my psychiatrist. Am married for a year today. My wife is ignoring me and not communicating to me at all. I have been trying to talk to her nicely for the last few hours, asking what's wrong but she is totally ignoring me Today is supposed to be her birthday and our 1 year anniversary. We went out and takeaway some steamboat for dinner. Everything was fine, we were talking and even laughing. Then she went for a short nap where I am sitting besides her. I sat there for like 30 mins or so before I got up for a smoke and then to the toilet. When I'm back I put my hand phone to charge besides her and begin tidying the table. She then said something like you go and spend the rest of your life with your handphone. I didn't hear it clearly, she repeated a second which I keep recalling and that's what I came to as to what she said. Something along the line of spending the rest of your life with your handphone or something So here's the thing. I do not use my phone when we are eating together or going out together. She always play on her phone when we are eating and I haven't said a word about that before. Of course this is all assuming that I heard correctly about what she said. Which I'm pretty sure about it. So here I am. I kept coaxing her and asking her what's wrong and tried to talk about it. She is not saying a single word. I then downed half a bottle of red wine and few cigs to numb my pain. Didn't help. Later she went to bed with her earphone on and back turned against me. That is after I showered and tried to go to bed too. After couple of minutes, she got up and went out into the living room on the sofa, still on her phone. I went for another smoke and then asked her if she wanna sleep. Still ignored. If anything I told her I would make up to her for next birthday as all the cake shops and flower stores are closed due to the current covid 19 situation. Nope, I am still ignored. She wanted that steamboat for a long time and we eventually got that earlier. Things were looking fine until she woke up from that nap It's 2am here, I'm in the bedroom and she is still out in the living room. I really don't know what did I do wrong. I have been giving in to her for everything. This all makes me feel like I made a terrible mistake. And I feel like ending my life again. Yes I attempted it once before I met her... So I desperately need someone to talk to... I have talked to one of my friend earlier but it didn't help. He doesn't know what's wrong either. And gave me some of those typical "don't worry it will be fine" advice. Though I really appreciate him for listening.. Help me pls... Someone.. Anyone...
  7. Just when I thought I gotten better... i just had my last session with my psychologist last month. And I got myself a girlfriend after living on my own for the last 4 years or so. That was after a bad breakup that led to me seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist couple years back. i thought I was dealing with it pretty well till now Although me and her has only been together for coming 4 months, we had already been on a holiday together overseas. At first I thought I shouldn’t be the overly attached one and give her her own freedom but I don’t know why... I gotten more and more insecured. Maybe it’s because of her telling me of guys that used to hit on her and more importantly of this old Friend of hers. I only knew briefly about this Friend of hers, did went after her before... and she told me when she moved here to Singapore to work. He came here to work too. And he lives near her too. I know, coincident. Perhaps. Then she talked to me last week about him still constantly asking her out for movies and stuff. She told me she’s meeting him tomorrow to sort this all out with him. Then now, today, she’s out with her friend drinking. I know she have her own freedom and time with her own friend but..... this deep feeling came out of nowhere and just.... consumed me.... I started having wild thoughts of what she might be doing out there.... she did ask me briefly if I wanted to join, but I’m thinking I don’t know those friends and all and I should let her have her own time so I said no. She did call me a couple times just now when she’s with them. She told me not to wait for her, and she might be late home. i know I should trust her and not worried about this too much but before I know it I started crying.... perhaps I just isn’t cut out to be in a relationship.... I really did tried my best to arrange surprises and made gifts for her and buying food for her whenever she’s hungry and stuffs... we are about to go to HongKong for holidays in 2 weeks time to celebrate my birthday.... I know I shouldn’t, but I’m starting to have doubts about myself... Please help, it isn’t until next month that I can see my psychiatrist... and yes I’m on Mirtazapine... yes she knows about my condition
  8. Hi Nopawn, Thanks for the reply. I guess you are right and that it's NORMAL. I think I will let time pass and hopefully all will be better by then. Much appreciated for your advice and reply.
  9. Seen my psychiatrist and psychologist for a few months now. The same psychiatrist that was assigned to me since my OD couple years ago. I'm also on mirtazapine for a few months now. All was well and I thought I was finally getting better till today. I had already previously deleted my ex gf's number off my phone but as I was scrolling through my LINE today I saw her updated pic and all the same feelings are coming back. (LINE is a messaging app that only needs a nickname and no number required). One thing led to another and I saw even more of her pic on other social media. I have been restraining myself from stalking her online for past few months. It won't be another 3 weeks till my appointment with my psychologist. I emailed the hospital to see if I can talk to her before that but no reply yet. The sadness and feeling of breaking down (even when I'm at work now) is all too familiar. I'm afraid. For what reasons I don't know. And there's nobody I can really talk to. Why is it that she is doing so well after we broke up and I'm here still stuck in the past.. all that I'm feeling right now are that familiar overwhelming sadness and helplessness.. what should I do I don't know.. just hope I can hang in there till then..
  10. Hi there needtoconnect, Actually I have the same idea for a long time too. To organize sort of like a meeting for people like us to gather and talk about what we been/ are going through. Cause I feel like only we can truly feel and know each others' problem and emotions. It can also serve as a good starting point for us to know people and expand our social circle, which can be a difficult thing for us. I'm sure people here are more than willing to lend you our ears. Hugs!
  11. Hi Miranda! We all know exactly what you are feeling and going through now. I'm very sure you can find lots of support and friends here
  12. I know you might have heard this a million times but "you really do deserve better". I don't know why more than half the time, girls are in a s***ty relationship with problematic guys. Not selling myself off but I think there's alot of good guys out there who's willing to give it all for a girl that they loves. But sadly, those are the ones that are often left out alone
  13. Trust me I been in a very serious online relationship with a girl whom I still, till today, don't know how she looks like. It lasted 4 years. And it ended very badly with me OD-ing and went into depression ever since then. If anyone were to ask me, I will tell still them firmly that my first relationship was with "her".
  14. I wonder anyone is in the same situation as me. Due to family members issue, I was the one who initiated the breakup but she turned vulgar and agressive (the first time I see her acting this way towards me). She didn't even bothered to even try to talk it over with me. End up I'm the one who's hurt the most now. I will be honest here, I still do miss her alot but due to other issues, I guess we both know it's impossible for us to get back together again. Sometimes I wonder what have I done. Should I have just hang in there or have I done the "correct" thing to end it. I guess that's the question we all have when we reach this stage of the relationship.
  15. Thanks alot guys, really appreciate it. I will definitely stick around this forum and find the help that I much needed. As what Epictetus have said, I too feel that people often think we are being over-emotional or even over reacting when we tell them about our problems
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