Papiyon

My condolences to you; you have certainly been through a lot. Grief can be so hard to deal with. I hope and pray your heart is cradled from the losses you have experienced. I can certainly understand and relate to you trying to climb out of the hole of depression and the feeling that you just can’t get out. Having had experienced that, I’m stopping by to tell you that YOU CAN GET OUT of that hole. As I continued to read your story all I could think of is how strong you are; to have a succession of lost and hurts and YET YOU are still willing to FIGHT. I commend you and honor you for ability to adjust and overcome. Even the mere sharing of your hurts say’s to me somewhere and somehow you believe things can get better, and they can…THINGS CAN GET BETTER. Similar to you, I had to reach out for help. It sounds like you have been doing that, but folks are unavailable. I also couldn’t reach out to family and friends so I reached out to my local church. Is there a church in your area where you can go to? Now I know you may not be religious (and you don’t have to be) but churches are a great resource for community support. Additionally, it is at no cost and can be a safe place for you to engage with people. Maybe you can seek some counseling services( I also did that) At minimum I encourage you to continue to write your thoughts and feelings. Reaching out on here is a great resource. There are so many people who can relate to how you’re feeling. Most of all there are many people on here who have also been able to manage their daily hurts and pains. Bipolarkitty you are not alone, thank you for being so brave and for sharing your story. You are courageous and strong. I truly in my heart believe that you can and will climb out that hole. Let us give you a hand. Reaching out and praying for you. ((Cyberhug))

Hi Temmu, Thank you for being so candid. Dealing with depression isn’t easy-it sounds like you are doing your best to overcome your daily struggles. It also sounds like you have been able to put your thoughts and feelings into a realistic perspective. The truth is some days are better than others…BUT today, you choose to write about it. I know you mentioned that you desire to be a writer. I have to be honest and say initially I thought your post was a poetic piece. Your description of your thoughts was so vivid that I can ‘see’ your emotions. So why did I mention this ?…well b/c I think you can still be a writer and pursue your first career desire. It is very mature of you to recognize that you need to seek a field that will allow you to financially support yourself. However, I also think it is equally important to do what you love. That alone will have a profound influence on how you feel. Additionally, I can’t help but think of all the people who will read your work and think, “that’s exactly how I feel”. I encourage you to keep taking it one day at a time and to put your best foot forward while writing. I have had similar experiences and I have learned that in the midst of my pain and confusion that I too can help someone else. Maybe you can help someone with your writing or even by sharing your thoughts with others. After all look how many already relate to your post. I’m not sure of your support system- Maybe you can find a support group that can help you with your depression. I hope this helps. Thinking and praying for you!

I also have vivid dreams. As mentioned by a few people, dreams are sometimes connected to our subconscious. Are you currently or have you experienced this type of conflict with your family members. If so, then maybe your dreams are a reflection of that. if that is the case, facing the internal/subconscious conflict could help. Maybe some counseling or some good ole talking to someone you trust (with your feelings) about your feelings will help. Hope this helped. Blessings and positivety to you moving forward.