I read your story and feel bad for you . frankly I am going through the same phase were I cant get a job and my mother thinks it is because I am lazy. I have no motivation. I dont feel happy anymore,nothing gives me pleasure and I am in depression hardly get out of bed. But today I took my medication was able to function well without emotions. but getting out of bed and function is my goal right now. I can understand your circumstances, it must be difficult for you to find hope but dont give up please. try a medication that you think would work or like I am on bupropion and it helps me function.is it completely impossible without insurance? all you need is someone to back you up and something productive for you to do.be Grateful with whatever you have this helps you find peace. set goal, take small steps towards your goal, try to think positively about recovery. Dont give up hope.