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I need a hero

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About I need a hero

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday November 8

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    Chicago, IL

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  1. Unfortunately because of job changes, I do not have health insurance. I’ll have health insurance next year, but I’ve been feeling really crappy lately, so I feel like I need a therapist immediately so I can start working on some things.
  2. Well she actually came back. She didn’t make a whole lot of money from cam she wasn’t a very popular girl. I don’t know why I think she is very beautiful. She has another job now though. So I think she will continue to cam as well as work her new job. I really want the best for her too.
  3. But this is how it is with every woman I’ve ever been interested in. It’s the same story. I crush way too hard and either come off too strong and scare them away, or they just don’t have the same feelings I do and I get very hurt. I’ll usually be obsessed with someone for awhile and get my hopes up too much and it never ends up well. But this is almost too much because she’s a cam model. I almost feel like it’s rude for me to stop going to her.
  4. A few weeks ago, she told me she was going to quit caming for personal reasons and I got very upset. I actually cried a little bit. That’s how big of a problem this is for me. When she said she was going to quit, she said that we can still continue our friendship and we can text, call, or meet up. Whatever I would like. She came back now though.
  5. Yes she seems like a very sweet girl and she’s pretty open with talking to me and trusts me with some of her personal information. She wouldn’t give out personal information to anyone, so I think she likes me more than most of her customers. I think it’s because I come off as not as threatening to her and I am a nice guy when I talk to her. The things I say to her. As far as visiting her, I can look at it not so much as visiting her, but me going on vacation. I think reframing that would take pressure off. I think meeting her in person might help me reframe what I think of her. I might not be as attracted to her in person, which would make letting go easier. Worse comes to worse, me and her can be friends.
  6. Maybe I need my heart broken to move on, as painful as that might be. I’m consumed by her. I was just in her room as a matter of fact for 2 hours. I didn’t spend too much money though. Less than I have been before. I would love to talk to a therapist about this. I’m not covered by health insurance at the moment though.
  7. Maybe even look into a life coach. I don’t know what their rates are, but it’s an idea. They can probably get you started in the right direction.
  8. Don’t worry so much about your ethnicity. Nothing you can do about it. Yes, you can move. A change of scenery might do you some good. There are always different career paths you can take. You are still young enough to pursue something and with your credentials and intellect, I think you can find something. As far as the awkwardness, that will take time you might have to work on it. You just did not hone the same socialization skills as a youth that others did. That is why it is harder for you. And working on socialization skills will not only help with dating, it will probably help in your professional life, as well as other areas of your life. I need to work on myself constantly. You are not alone. I have problems with dates too.
  9. I have looked into this as well. Unfortunately, it is still considered a taboo because unfortunately, instead of being viewed as therapy (which at its core, it is) it is viewed by some as a form of prostitution or an escort service. Therefore, it isn’t covered by health insurance and can get extremely expensive, sometimes over $10,000. Not only that, but there aren’t a whole lot of them. I’ve read there is really only, oh idk, maybe 40 or 50 of them in the USA? Not a lot. Maybe at some point in the future, it will become mainstream and will be accepted for what it is. And really the correct term is “surrogate partner” because it isn’t necessarily about sex. It’s about relationships. The media thought “sex surrogate” sounded sexier (lol) and would make better headlines.
  10. I’m almost in the exact same situation as you. The only real significant difference is that I think you have a lot going for you. A lot more than I do. You said you focused on studies your whole life. You sound like a very intelligent person and although I don’t know what your career is, it sounds like you have, or have the ability, to have meaningful and well paying employment. I have and had friends, but I always find it hard to open up to people and really connect with others. I have a lot of associates and I know a lot of people, but I don’t have many close connections. I think you can get there. I don’t know your exact situation, but as long as you have your finances in check and are relatively healthy with no major issues, you are almost there. All you really need to do after taking care of health and finances, is lifestyle. Once you fix up your lifestyle and self confidence, I think you will have an easier time. I wouldn’t rush yourself. I was told by others that when you aren’t searching for someone, they end up coming to you. Someone will appreciate what you have to offer eventually. Just wait for it.
  11. So I ran across a model on one of those cam sites who really caught my eye. She’s very beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that I felt compelled to create an account on the site and actually started tipping her. This has been going on for several months now and I think it’s gotten a little out of hand. All in all, I think I’ve spent around $1,200 on her since May and I don’t know if I can walk away. I talk to her on Snapchat and WhatsApp. I know bits and pieces about her personal life as well as her real name. She’s even done a few things for me for free. She’s even said that she would be willing to meet me in person, the only problem is she lives in Eastern Europe and I’m here in USA. I am seriously considering making the trip out to see her even though the plane ride itself will cost at least $700 round trip. You see, the thing is that I’m single. Very single. I’ve told this cam model multiple times that she is the closest thing to a girlfriend that I have and that I think of her as more that just a cam model. I’ve even sent her flowers for her birthday. She gave me her address and I had them mailed to her. She’s told me that I am one of her favorite members from the site. I feel like I am getting sucked in too deep. Even though I know me and her can’t really date, I just feel like I owe it to myself to meet her especially because I feel invested in this “relationship” because I’ve spent $1,200 on her. For her to go from a cam model who closely guards her identity to trusting me enough to be willing to meet me in person, means the world to me. I don’t even know if I could ever walk away from her.
  12. I know how you feel. I was frustrated with a girl I was texting with, just like you. I was texting her for about 8 months and I tried to make plans to meet her, but she never put in the effort, she just wanted to waste time. There was always an excuse with her. Well I got frustrated with her and said something I probably shouldn’t have said out of frustration. It was Christmas and I believe I was drinking a little, it probably clouded my judgement. Nothing mean spirited, but more of an anxiety induced text message. Looking back on it, I probably shouldn’t have said it, but I did. We were texting more for a little bit the next day, but I wanted to test her. I told myself I wouldn’t text her back, to see if she was really interested. 1 day, 2 days, a week went by with no contact. I haven’t texted her in over 4 years now. I felt like I wasted so much energy texting her for 8 months. She had no real intentions of dating. If she did, she would’ve reached out to me. I was always the one making an effort and messaging her. But the thing is, and this is the important part, I hardly ever think about her now. When it first happened, I felt awful that I never even got to meet her in person. But as time goes on, you think about them less and less until they are a distant memory, so don’t get caught up in how you feel with this person because it’s not worth it. Especially since you never even met them.
  13. Well I was texting her today. She said she was just looking for something else, but she said she thought I was really hot, which sucks that she thinks I’m hot, yet still won’t date me. Maybe I need to work on my personality. She legitimately thinks I’m gay actually lol. She asked me twice if I’m into guys. It was almost humorous.
  14. Thank you, but I don’t think at this age that too many people would want to be with someone who hasn’t been in a relationship. I can move out. I have money saved and I have a decent enough of a job now where I can support myself so that can be fixed. What can’t be fixed is the fact that I have almost zero real experience with women. I almost think I’m better off lying all together and saying that I was in a long term relationship before, but that I’ve been single for a long time. No one needs to know that I only had 1 girlfriend for a month back when I was 20. Who would know? Honestly, that right there might have saved me if I told her I went out with someone for a couple of years during college or something. I could say that I don’t have any pictures of her because I deleted all of them from my phone because she broke my heart. I could say she doesn’t have social media so no one could look her up. I always feel awful lying, but I truly feel like this is necessary and is my best course of action going forward.
  15. I met a girl online. One of those dating apps. Met her last week. It was the first date I was on in over a year, so I had a few beers before hand to loosen myself up. It seemed to go really well. We talked for a long time about life and I thought we were getting along well. I showed some signs of affection by placing my arm around her as we sat on a park bench and holding her hand as I walked her back to her car, which she was accepting of. When we got to her car we hugged and I gave her a kiss on her cheek. I told her it was one of the best first dates I was on and she agreed. Great. We just went out this past night and it started off well. I picked her up at her house. She trusted me enough and felt comfortable enough to get into my car. We went to one of those movie theaters that shows PPV fights because we learned that we both have an interest in boxing. It started off okay, but I don’t know why, it seemed like she wasn’t having a good time. She said before that she thought I was too shy, but I can’t help it that I’m shy, especially when dating. She knows that I still live at home with my parents. She asked me how long I’ve lived with them. And I told her my whole life. She got all wide eyed and said she was on her own for 10 years before she moved back in with her parents. She asked what was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. I lied and said a few months. In reality, the only relationship I’ve ever been in was maybe 1 month in length. I should’ve told a bigger lie and said at least 2 years or something like that. I realize now that these two things were the nail in the coffin. She sees this guy in his late 20’s, has lived with his parents his whole life, says his longest relationship was a few months (in reality 1 month) and red flags go off in her head. She immediately thinks that something is seriously wrong with me. I could tell she seemed very uncomfortable after that. The whole ride back she wasn’t talking as much. She questioned my career choices and asked why I have a degree in law enforcement, yet don’t pursue a job as a police officer. Well at this point I could sense that the date was a total failure and decided to open up and be real honest with her. I mentioned my depression and how I don’t think I could handle the stresses of being a police officer. I think this turned her off even further. Now she probably suspects I was in a psych ward. I dropped her off and received a text later that read “we are way too different...take care.” I thanked her for giving me a chance. I haven’t slept at all. It bothers me so much that the first date can go so well with this girl, and the second date go so bad. I feel awful. Now I remember why I avoid dating in the first place. Please somebody give me some advice, please? It hurts so much being alone.
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