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I need a hero

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About I need a hero

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday November 8

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    Male
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    Chicago, IL

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  1. Well it’s a law. If you don’t have a safety monitor and OSHA finds out, the company gets a fine. It’s a big fine too. Maybe $8,000? Just because somebody isn’t watching the guys on the edge.
  2. I just don’t know. I haven’t slept well all week. My new career feels so stressful and I have been having a really hard time. I don’t think I can do it. I’m a union roofer. I don’t know I guess I just got bored with life. The hard physicality of it doesn’t bother me. I am in pretty decent physical shape. What bothers me is the name calling and bullying. I’m a first year apprentice, so I get shit for everything, but I think I’m having a harder time than most. A lot of the journeymen have insulted my intelligence. I’ve never done any kind of skilled labor in my life. A couple of days ago, we were moving a tank of propane. I wanted to set it on the dolly. The journeyman told me to stop and what I was doing and I was just making it harder on myself. He told me, “you’re not too bright are you?” And I replied, “no. I guess not.” Just yesterday I was standing as a safety monitor. In my trade, when there is no fall protection, someone is designated as a safety monitor. Essentially, I just stand there and make sure that everyone who is near the roof edge is safe. I was only watching one person, because only one person was near the edge. I was standing a little bit close to him and wouldn’t have had a view of anyone else. Well one of the journeyman said in a nasty tone, “hey genius, take a step back so you can see everyone! I mean do you have any ****ing common sense at all?” And I just replied, in a similar tone, “well no, I guess I don’t!” And he said, “yeah that’s what we’re all thinking.” I wanted to express that even though I understand that I am an apprentice, and he’s a journeyman, I don’t appreciate being insulted, but I never did. Later during break, I mentioned to the other guys on the crew that he made me feel like an asshole. They just told me to leave my feelings at home. That’s what they’ve been telling me from the start. That roofers have no feelings. On top of the yelling and being ridiculed, I just don’t think I’m cut out for the work in general. It’s very difficult for me to learn this type of work when I’ve never done any type of labor before at all. I don’t know what I would do for work. I have no passion for work and I don’t think that anything I do would make me feel fulfilled in life, but I need to make a living. I can’t just take some job for $10 hr. I wouldn’t be able to survive on that. I don’t know what to do. And work in general gives me anxiety. I get very upset when I mess up in the work place and I take it very hard. I often feel like a failure if I mess up. The ridicule and toxic masculinity of, “no feelings on the roof” don’t help.
  3. I started a new job/career. I don’t know if I’ll stay with it as it’s pretty difficult for me, but I don’t have any insurance right now. Is there any affordable options for therapists? I couldn’t afford full price for therapy.
  4. This is probably what I hate the most. The missing out part. It’s like I’m an outcast. On the inside and outside I feel so inadequate to others.
  5. Unfortunately because of job changes, I do not have health insurance. I’ll have health insurance next year, but I’ve been feeling really crappy lately, so I feel like I need a therapist immediately so I can start working on some things.
  6. Well she actually came back. She didn’t make a whole lot of money from cam she wasn’t a very popular girl. I don’t know why I think she is very beautiful. She has another job now though. So I think she will continue to cam as well as work her new job. I really want the best for her too.
  7. But this is how it is with every woman I’ve ever been interested in. It’s the same story. I crush way too hard and either come off too strong and scare them away, or they just don’t have the same feelings I do and I get very hurt. I’ll usually be obsessed with someone for awhile and get my hopes up too much and it never ends up well. But this is almost too much because she’s a cam model. I almost feel like it’s rude for me to stop going to her.
  8. A few weeks ago, she told me she was going to quit caming for personal reasons and I got very upset. I actually cried a little bit. That’s how big of a problem this is for me. When she said she was going to quit, she said that we can still continue our friendship and we can text, call, or meet up. Whatever I would like. She came back now though.
  9. Yes she seems like a very sweet girl and she’s pretty open with talking to me and trusts me with some of her personal information. She wouldn’t give out personal information to anyone, so I think she likes me more than most of her customers. I think it’s because I come off as not as threatening to her and I am a nice guy when I talk to her. The things I say to her. As far as visiting her, I can look at it not so much as visiting her, but me going on vacation. I think reframing that would take pressure off. I think meeting her in person might help me reframe what I think of her. I might not be as attracted to her in person, which would make letting go easier. Worse comes to worse, me and her can be friends.
  10. Maybe I need my heart broken to move on, as painful as that might be. I’m consumed by her. I was just in her room as a matter of fact for 2 hours. I didn’t spend too much money though. Less than I have been before. I would love to talk to a therapist about this. I’m not covered by health insurance at the moment though.
  11. Maybe even look into a life coach. I don’t know what their rates are, but it’s an idea. They can probably get you started in the right direction.
  12. Don’t worry so much about your ethnicity. Nothing you can do about it. Yes, you can move. A change of scenery might do you some good. There are always different career paths you can take. You are still young enough to pursue something and with your credentials and intellect, I think you can find something. As far as the awkwardness, that will take time you might have to work on it. You just did not hone the same socialization skills as a youth that others did. That is why it is harder for you. And working on socialization skills will not only help with dating, it will probably help in your professional life, as well as other areas of your life. I need to work on myself constantly. You are not alone. I have problems with dates too.
  13. I have looked into this as well. Unfortunately, it is still considered a taboo because unfortunately, instead of being viewed as therapy (which at its core, it is) it is viewed by some as a form of prostitution or an escort service. Therefore, it isn’t covered by health insurance and can get extremely expensive, sometimes over $10,000. Not only that, but there aren’t a whole lot of them. I’ve read there is really only, oh idk, maybe 40 or 50 of them in the USA? Not a lot. Maybe at some point in the future, it will become mainstream and will be accepted for what it is. And really the correct term is “surrogate partner” because it isn’t necessarily about sex. It’s about relationships. The media thought “sex surrogate” sounded sexier (lol) and would make better headlines.
  14. I’m almost in the exact same situation as you. The only real significant difference is that I think you have a lot going for you. A lot more than I do. You said you focused on studies your whole life. You sound like a very intelligent person and although I don’t know what your career is, it sounds like you have, or have the ability, to have meaningful and well paying employment. I have and had friends, but I always find it hard to open up to people and really connect with others. I have a lot of associates and I know a lot of people, but I don’t have many close connections. I think you can get there. I don’t know your exact situation, but as long as you have your finances in check and are relatively healthy with no major issues, you are almost there. All you really need to do after taking care of health and finances, is lifestyle. Once you fix up your lifestyle and self confidence, I think you will have an easier time. I wouldn’t rush yourself. I was told by others that when you aren’t searching for someone, they end up coming to you. Someone will appreciate what you have to offer eventually. Just wait for it.
  15. So I ran across a model on one of those cam sites who really caught my eye. She’s very beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that I felt compelled to create an account on the site and actually started tipping her. This has been going on for several months now and I think it’s gotten a little out of hand. All in all, I think I’ve spent around $1,200 on her since May and I don’t know if I can walk away. I talk to her on Snapchat and WhatsApp. I know bits and pieces about her personal life as well as her real name. She’s even done a few things for me for free. She’s even said that she would be willing to meet me in person, the only problem is she lives in Eastern Europe and I’m here in USA. I am seriously considering making the trip out to see her even though the plane ride itself will cost at least $700 round trip. You see, the thing is that I’m single. Very single. I’ve told this cam model multiple times that she is the closest thing to a girlfriend that I have and that I think of her as more that just a cam model. I’ve even sent her flowers for her birthday. She gave me her address and I had them mailed to her. She’s told me that I am one of her favorite members from the site. I feel like I am getting sucked in too deep. Even though I know me and her can’t really date, I just feel like I owe it to myself to meet her especially because I feel invested in this “relationship” because I’ve spent $1,200 on her. For her to go from a cam model who closely guards her identity to trusting me enough to be willing to meet me in person, means the world to me. I don’t even know if I could ever walk away from her.
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