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Everything posted by LoneSquirrel

  1. I'm wondering, SS...do you ever do things that are totally out of the norm for you? Maybe finding something to do that seems totally out of left field would help you find something you care about. If the things you're doing now aren't satisfying or meaningful, maybe something you haven't tried will be the ticket? I don't know...but maybe it would be worth a try.
  2. I feel you. To top it off, it's only 2 pm, and I already feel like I've wasted my day.
  3. I feel the similarly. And I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of jealous of my half-brother. My mother gave him up for adoption when she was 19, and he wound up with loving parents who encouraged and supported him. I wish my parents had given me up for adoption. I love them, but I think it would've been better for everyone.
  4. Did it start around the time that you PM'd me??
  5. Did you feel like she was condescending towards you? Or was she smirking when you were talking? I've had counselors like that. They have to go.
  6. Thank you, WOTL. You are a good friend.
  7. I'll have to keep that in mind for next time.
  8. Thanks, WOTL. I know you're probably right, but I don't know that I will ever be able to look at it objectively unless she apologizes...which will never happen. Before my father died, he was the one who had to put up with the lion's share of her controlling behavior. I knew before he died that I would be her next primary target. And I think the conflict between my mother and I has other aspects that I can't look on with understanding. For instance, I don't think I'll ever be okay with how she treated my father when he was dying. To make matters worse, my sister is with my mother on this. Neither one sees how wrong it was to treat him poorly when he was so vulnerable and suffering so much. My mother maintains that my father ruined her life (and she couldn't leave for some reason) and my sister is still angry about a time when I stuck up for my father when he was in hospice and it embarrassed her. We are truly at an impasse, as I will not apologize for treating my father well while he was dying, and loving him still. My mother will not apologize for the ways she acted towards him and towards me. My sister thinks I owe her an apology, which I think is f***ing ridiculous, and she also thinks it's okay to berate me to get back at me. At this point, my dream is to just get out of this situation and into a better one. These people are not supportive, and they are not going to change. If they need help, I will help them...but I cannot deal with all of the manipulation and drama. It makes me sad to think that I'll never have a supportive sister and mother--especially after the support I've given them--but I can't do anything about it. I just need to get away from it and call it done.
  9. I don't have to go tomorrow!! Whew. I was not sure how I was going to make it through a trial if I wound up on a jury. So glad I don't have to go back.
  10. This reminds me of many of the dreams I had after my dad died. Pretty much the whole time he was sick, my dad was in denial about how sick he was. After he died, I kept having these dreams where he would be present, and my mother and I would know that he was dead, but he didn't seem to know. One time I remember dreaming that my parents were with me at college my freshman year, in my dorm room. I said, "Dad, didn't you die?" He just got up, walked out of the room and walked down the stairs. In a later dream, there was a book on a table. One page looked like the inside of the remembrance card from the funeral home. Then there were other pages beyond that which had pictures. They were pictures of him in his hospice bed. The last picture was a picture of his dead body in the hospice bed. I looked up from the book and realized that my father was there, looking at it with me. The anguish on his face was upsetting. He was crying, and he kept shaking his head and saying "no...no..." I told him it was him. I remember what I was hearing in that moment; it was the music from "The Shining," the part where Wendy finds Jack's typed out pages that all say "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." I woke up horrified, upset...disturbed. I stopped having those dreams for a bit, and then--about a year and a half after my dad died--I had two more dreams where he visited me...but they were much different. He wasn't in denial anymore, and he told me he was on a trip...or a journey...I don't remember which word he used. (That is another story altogether.) After those two dreams, I never had any more dreams where I felt like he was visiting me...I only had normal dreams about him...memories and stuff like that. I feel like he was stuck somewhere and unable to move on, because he could not come to terms with the fact that he was dead. When he came to terms with it, he was ready to travel to his destination. That is when I heard from him, when he showed me things, and when he answered some of my questions. Then he was gone. It comforts me and upsets me at the same time.
  11. Do you post from work, or go to coffee shops, or...? I'm planning on selling things on eBay to make extra cash. Have you thought about doing something like that?
  12. Yes. I'm sorry, JD. Maybe you should make a calendar and mark off the days.
  13. Ads telling me to buy something because I "deserve it." Life isn't about what you deserve. You get what you get. And you work for what you can. No one gets what they truly deserve.
  14. Is it worse than working at a place where "I need an adult!!!" can be heard by the customers?
  15. I don't care for "buttered-popcorn" flavored jelly beans. They're a good way to ruin a jelly bean assortment. And I don't like the fact that green Skittles are now green apple flavor instead of lime. That just ruins original Skittles. I also hated it when they replaced lemon Jolly Ranchers with those stupid blue ones. I'm pretty sure they f***ed up Life Savers somehow too, but I don't remember what they did to them. Stop trying to fix candy that isn't broken and do something about Palmer's Chocolate.
  16. Really cold, but not too snowy yet. We'll see what happens.
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