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LoneSquirrel

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Posts posted by LoneSquirrel

  1. 4 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

    You have taken great offense to something that I intended as a mild observation to a single comment of yours (not an insult), and now I feel like you are attacking me bitterly and relentlessly.   I am not trying to "beat you into submission" by expressing my own opinions.  Perhaps my words were not well chosen but this is a very painful subject for me. I certainly never said anything REMOTELY indicating that I think your experiences and opinions are worthless, and I do see why you hold the opinions that you do. 

    I'm sorry I said your comment was "juvenile" - as I said, that was only meant to apply to one sentence of yours and not to all of your opinions generally.  "Naive" would have been a better word.  This is an extremely painful subject for me and I'm sorry I brought it up at all, since experience has shown me that people without serious facial flaw or deformity just don't understand it (much like people without severe depression don't understand it).

    I still consider you a friend and I would ask that we now move this discussion to PM.

    Hugs,

    Lauryn

    I'm attacking you bitterly and relentlessly?  I wrote a post in support of you, and you told me my thinking was "juvenile."  "Naive" wouldn't have been much of an improvement.  After I told you your post hurt me, you continued on with your arguments.  So who is attacking who?

    How did you think I would react to you calling my thinking juvenile?  Did you think I would say, "oh yes, I see what you mean.  My thoughts are totally wrong in light of the fact that you have said they are juvenile." ???  If you believed that that would be my reaction, then you are in no position to call my thinking juvenile or naive.  But I don't think you thought that at all; I think you knew I would perceive it as a jab, and that's why you said it.

    I've been on both sides of the fence on this issue: I've been the pretty one, and I've been the gross one.  You can call me naive all you want, but you're mistaken about that.  The fact that my experiences don't match up with yours doesn't make me naive.  

    As far as moving this discussion to PM...recent events here have taught me that I will be painted as the bad guy if I cannot document what I've said, so no thank you to that.  I'd rather have people see what I've said--and be able to stand by what I've said--than allow others to say things about me that I cannot refute.

  2. 13 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

    my life is pretty over, that's how I feel. There's no chance of ever feeling normal, of living a more productive and active lifestyle, so I guess that's it...why bother hoping? some people are just very unlucky in this world....and I guess I'm one of them.....

    I'm sorry, lady.  Please don't give up yet though.  There are still a few things you can try...when you're ready.

  3. 14 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

    Nothing. Emptiness. 

    I can't see a future for myself. I'm just this angry, self-hating thing that can't appreciate what he has..for the simple reason he doesn't know who he is, let.alone what he wants. 

    Nothing in this life feels right. It isn't mine to live. At 50, I see no possibilities on the horizon.

     

    Do you know what things you like to do?  If I remember correctly, there seems to be confusion about what your diagnosis should be, but if you aren't enjoying anything, that can be linked to depression.  And not liking anything can make a person feel like they don't know who they are.  :unsure:

  4. 16 hours ago, evalynn said:

    Kind of low. Struggled to get up this morning. I took my dog for a walk, and that was nice, but now that it's over I'm back to feeling like "what am I going to do today?" It's funny, most days I'm ok with doing a lot of nothing, but today I need something to distract from the feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

    :console:

  5. 16 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    Again, I think there's a big problem with lumping together ALL of the people who liked you when you were thin, as being only interested in your looks.  And not being conventionally beautiful or thin is a far cry from having features that are seen as ugly or off-putting.

    I would most certainly not choose to alter my looks to be a part of s***ty, shallow people's world.  And I will still be far from what's considered conventionally attractive after getting my jowls reduced.  I definitely would like to change what I see in the mirror- they drag down the corners of my mouth and also make me look much heavier than I am (my face looks like I weigh 300 pounds instead of 170 - and I am 5'8").

    Perhaps I am wrong to think that my friends' lack of attendance at my comedy performance means that they don't care about me.  I guess if I were ever in a crisis, that would be the acid test.  But I'm still hurt that people I consider my friends won't endure a little inconvenience to come to something that matters to me.  

    Peace,

    Lauryn

    First of all, I don't lump in all of the people who liked me when I was thin...just most of them.  Because they proved themselves to be a**holes.  And I don't think it's fair for you to fault me for my opinions that are based on my experiences.  The things that happened to me happened, and I have reasons to believe that many of the things that happened were directly related to my looks.

    And I disagree about your contention that not being conventionally beautiful or thin is a far cry from having features that are seen as ugly or off-putting.  Unless you are talking about something really unusual, I don't think it's a far cry.  If the person avoiding you based on your looks thinks that fat people are gross, but they don't have a problem with big noses, not being thin is what's going to cause them to avoid you.  And I can tell you for a fact that there are plenty of people out there who see being fat as not just unattractive, but as a character flaw.  They think that fat people are lazy and have no self-control.  So those people may tend to exclude fat people while they are able to overlook other things that are often seen as unattractive.

    I was trying to be supportive of you, and you took it as a call to get offended.  When you said that my thinking was "juvenile" I could not help but get offended.  

    My experiences have been such that I do not see things the way you do.  I don't think that's a reason to call my thinking "juvenile."  Nothing I said to you was intended as criticism, but you've offended me and put me in a position where I feel like I have to defend myself, and it seems like you're doing it on purpose.  I'm sorry I took the time to write something to you that I thought would be received as support and love.  I now wish I had just posted " :console: " instead, but at the time I thought that what I was writing would be seen as more meaningful, and that it would be more appreciated than simply posting an emoticon.

    You were someone I thought was a solid friend to me on here.  Now I'm left questioning even being here, because I thought that you--of all people--wouldn't say something like that to me.  You could've just disagreed with me, but instead, you felt the need to call my thinking "juvenile."  You clearly aren't sorry for that, because you keep trying to beat me into submission so that I'll abandon my own thoughts and experiences to side with yours.  Debating these things would've been fine if it had been approached that way, but it wasn't.  You had to insult me instead.  I'm not okay with that.

    I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree.  You can think that my experiences and opinions are worthless all you want to; there probably isn't a whole lot I can say to get you to see why I hold the opinions I do.  So it seems pointless to try.

  6. 10 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

    I didn't say your thinking wasn't mature, just that the one idea was wrong (that I would be catering to shallow people by altering my looks.  A lot of well-meaning people have misconceptions about the whole looks issue.  I get tired of defending myself. 

    :hugs:

     

    2 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    I think this thinking is juvenile and erroneous. The idea that I am somehow catering to shallow people by altering my looks.  And by your argument, any beautiful person only has shallow, unfaithful friends.

     

    I get tired of defending myself too.

    I would not mind getting liposuction myself, Lauryn.  But I kind of don't want to, because I don't want to attract the sort of people I attracted when I was thin.  

    There was no shortage of guys who wanted to be around me, but when things got tough and I needed people to give me rides to get around, a few of those guys tried to strike a deal with me.  I was not willing to be someone's booty call just to get around town, so I stayed home all the time instead.  It didn't matter how good a friend I had been to these guys; they wanted sex, because they thought I was attractive, and to them that was all I was good for.

    Incidents like that let me know how s****y people can really be.  And you can bet that if I looked like I do now, I could've avoided having "friends" like that in the first place.

    I wasn't trying to put you on the defensive, Lauryn.  I was just saying that there are plenty of s****y people out there, and you don't need to do anything to be part of their world.  There are people who care about you as you are now.  If you want to look a certain way to feel better, by all means, do that.  But I'd hate to think that you would choose something like that to get friends who may not even be worthy of your friendship.

    That is just the way I see it, because of my own personal experiences.

     

  7. Bad.  I feel really bad.

    I've spent most of the day upset about crap people have said to me on here.

    According to people on here, my lack of Christian faith is the reason I'm depressed, I "need benzos," and my thinking is "juvenile and erroneous."

    In addition to that, I spent a good part of the evening trying to defend myself over a disagreement here.

    I was telling someone earlier that my friends are here.

    I'm not so sure about that anymore.

    I feel like dog s*** on the bottom of a shoe.

     

     

  8. 2 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    I think this thinking is juvenile and erroneous. The idea that I am somehow catering to shallow people by altering my looks.  And by your argument, any beautiful person only has shallow, unfaithful friends.

    Wow...that hurts.  :sniffle1:

    I don't really feel like you understood what I was trying to say.  I'm not opposed to plastic surgery if someone wants to do that for themselves.  And I don't think that a nice-looking person can't have good friends.

    I've tried to explain my point of view and be supportive, but if my thinking isn't mature enough for you then I guess there isn't much more I can say.

  9. 7 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

    I feel like a dead end here too. Nothing gives me any joy any more. Not even junk food, that was my last hope. I am pondering my life and my existence.... why do I even bother when nothing ever helps me feel better? This is a joke

    Lady, I am so sorry.  I wish I could do something that would help you.  :icon12:  :console:

  10. 1 hour ago, CoolCat7 said:

    Unfortunately many of the judgements we make about appearance, and our attraction (sexual or non-sexual) to attractive people is subconscious.  It's not just "a certain type of person," or a shallow person, who is attracted to good looks - we all are.  And it's not just a certain kind of person whose love and loyalty to someone is influenced by appearance.   Obviously other things influence it as well, but there is no such thing as a person who is not influenced by appearance - except perhaps in cases where people initially meet online.  Even then.... There's a reason many people post their photos.  And yes there may be people (such as my current friends obviously) who can at least partially look beyond physical appearance to my other qualities).  It doesn't change the facts.

    So, my chances of attracting people who will stand by me through thick and thin may indeed be greater if I can improve my appearance - simply because more people will be inclined to get to know me, some of those friendships will become strong, and so on. 

    Plastic surgery isn't statistically that dangerous, BTW, and as I said, it's not just shallow people who are influenced by good looks.  My mind is made up.  As soon as I can afford it, I'm going under the knife.

     

    Yes, of course we are all influenced by looks.  And I'm not trying to say that being influenced by looks makes a person terrible.  But if someone is worried about the "looks" factor to the degree that they aren't willing to interact with you if your looks don't meet their standards, I don't think they're going to be a dependable friend.

    And I'm not saying there's something wrong with you wanting plastic surgery...I just think it's something you should only do if it's something you really want...not because there are some people out there who may not appreciate you as you are.  :hugs:

     

  11. 5 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    I am feeling a little better thanks to a friend here on DF who told me that when he's been acting in plays (he's an actor), his friends and family didn't offer him much support.   That does make me feel a bit less alone.  And perhaps (I hope) I am wrong about my friends not valuing me or loving me, and about it being related to my appearance.  I've been feeling very scared of getting up on stage.  I've noticed that most female comedians (on Netflix for instance) are extremely physically attractive, and so are all of the women in my comedy class.  So, yes, it's intimidating being among them.  It's like I need my set to be twice as funny in order to fit in.  

    Hugs, Lauryn.  :hugs:

  12. 5 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    Sorry but this is wishful thinking in my view.  How you look does indeed influence how others treat you - up to and including love.  I think it's different when you meet someone before you know what they look like.  But thanks for saying you have good feelings about me.  :)

    I think saying that I may be projecting my feelings onto others is just one more way of "blaming the victim."  People can't possibly be rejecting me based on my looks, therefore I must be imagining it or causing it in some way.  I've seen the same thing with kids.  The less attractive ones are often less popular, and the other kids make up reasons for it because even children don't want to admit they are discriminating based on looks.

    Hey, Lauryn.  I assumed she meant that you may be feeling unattractive, and that you may be thinking that that is the reason why your friends are acting this way, when they may be acting this way for other reasons. 

    I can't speak for WOTL, but that's what I thought she meant. 

    :flowers:

  13. 5 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

    Thanks (((((((hugs))))))) and perhaps I am exaggerating my flaws (I hope so).  I am quite serious about the plastic surgery though, for these damn jowls.  In a few years....

    p.s. if you met me IRL, you would never think that I dislike the way I look.  I really do try not to let it bother me for the most part, and try to see my good features (like my hazel eyes) and focus on my positive attributes in other ways.    It has been tough though, knowing a woman who is so damn beautiful and seeing how others treat her.  I hope I don't sound shallow or insecure - I am neither.  I need to just accept what I can't change.

    I think we all get down about that kind of stuff sometimes.  I just hope you won't let it color how you feel about yourself overall, Lauryn.  :hugs:

  14. 7 hours ago, evalynn said:

    Sad and scared. I was woken up by a phone call that my mom is being sent to the hospital. She was choking on some food, and they had to do chest compressions. Lately with her dementia, she doesn't properly chew and swallow her food. The last time she was with me she kept coughing bad. I hope she's all right now. It was pretty scary to wake up to a phone call like that. I'll be nervously waiting for my dad's call to hear that's she's ok.

    I'm sorry, evalynn. :console:

    I hope everything is okay.

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