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Sunsilversoul

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  1. I was put on 40mg of celexa and trazadone for insomnia after I admitted myself to hospital for depression and sucidial thoughts. I had been using alcohol and drugs a lot the past previous months. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. A week after I left, I attempted to OD. My brain was in overload. I couldn't stop my thoughts they kept racing. I was still obsessing over a recent failed relationship and I couldn't turn my brain off. The guilt from having to admit myself contributed to this as well as recently taking a stupid fall shattering a bone in my wrist in my right hand. I was an art major, right handed going in to my senior year soon. I never told my doctors. I kept taking it. I was ashamed. But I contributed to abuse alcohol. Drugs occasionally but mainly alcohol. My first black out occurred about 2 or 3 months after. I was drinking fairly heavily. I turned in to a different person. I was happy, excited and very sexual. I only remember brief parts but I knew I initiated sex. I woke up naked with a ****** nose, beat up knees, and all my money gone. I was fine the next day. In shock, but not like I was the night before. i never put two and two together. I kept taking the celexa. I had another black out when I finally moved to a new town. I may have had 3 or 4 shots. I blacked out. Apparently went crazy dancing with guys. Ran around downtown. Only to pass out and be dragged to my dorm. I woke up after having rolled around in my own vomit the night before. i thought I just couldn't handle large quantities of alcohol. I felt if I stopped taking my medicine I'd go in to deep depression again. Two other occasions I semi-blacked out. I was consciouses, but i wasn't myself. Extremely overly friendly and blantly started making up exaggerated lies. It was horrifying to wake up and face my friends the next day. I couldn't explain those instances. I lost friends. I lost relationships. i eventually stopped taking them about 2 or 3 years ago. But I've been an emotional roller coaster ever since. I stared smoking pan heavy to help deal with my over bearing anxiety. Which I think caused my depression. ive dealt with an eating disorder from 16 to 20. And depression from 16 and on. Mainly from obsessive worrying. needless to say, I've been clean from everything for almost two months. I've started therapy to get past those bad times. I went to my GP, who has seen me for years. She diagnosed me with GAD and mild to moderate depression. She said drugs and other chemical factors could have caused those things, but I didn't tell her what specifically happened because I'm still ashamed. I've been paranoid I'm bipolar. Analyzing my every emotion since those times. im desperate for answers. Has this happened to anyone else where manic like episodes happened when drinking?
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