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Bebop

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Posts posted by Bebop

  1. A lack of social connection can definitely hurt. Having solid support networks helps, same for just being able to call someone up and go out to distract yourself. Having people to talk to who can be empathetic and understanding, and help you get through the tough times as a friend. I've parted from most of my high school friends and I live in a pretty insular area, so meeting people is hard.

  2. 22 hours ago, gandolfication said:

    Your description of pursuing a professional writing career there is interesting.  I hadn't ever reduced it so much to those terms, but presumably you're right.

    Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, which I loved in my younger years and do think he is a brilliant satirist and occasionally writer of other things (alas, enough is enough), has a couple mind-f*#king articles out there about his view that people should not follow their passions. That this is a recipe for emotion-laden bad judgment.  That instead, people should try as many things as possible and see what they're good at, what they like (so he allows for some passion/enjoyment naturally), develop systems, rather than goals (a topic unto itself I've occasionally written about), and essentially trial and error their way through life and work.  I think that's a bit easy for him to say given the career he's enjoyed, but I find myself often being persuaded to agree with his conclusions.

    Haha, I did seriously research the possibility at one point while I was trying to get some short stories published. Just to see what people who had met with some success had to say about it. Needless to stay, I stopped shortly after that because the "reward" and the process were both so awful to me.

    I looked into some of those articles and they're pretty good so far.

  3. 11 hours ago, gandolfication said:

    Interesting post.  I can relate.

    I have a number of things I still love, am passionate and interested in....just have never found a way (yet) to monetize them.

    Isn't that a skeevy capitalist term, 'monetize'?

    Yep. It is a skeevy term in my mind, too.

    Love writing short stories? Maybe I'm meant to be a professional author working under tight deadlines and networking myself half to death to get my name out there, studying audiences and marketing my work for them.

    Ugh.

    Somehow the idea of a passion sucks the fun out of everything and puts so much more pressure on me.

     

  4. I've played video games since I was small, and also eventually started to feel that it was wasteful. I played "hardcore" in MMOs for a while, too. I haven't stopped entirely, but I did stop playing with people who treated the games like a job, or who were overly concerned with ranking, etc.

    I don't think you need to remove video games from your life, but investing in other long-term activities can help. There's a big difference between watching movies, eating out at restaurants, etc, and learning how to play a musical instrument, learning home improvement skills, doing volunteer work, writing stories and novels, or taking care of animals.

    Just things that allow you to explore what you value, engage with things outside of the game world, and find things you care about. You don't have to like all of it, maybe you prefer family to friendship and dating or bookstores to theaters.

    There are some growing pains, but I think everyone has interests and an identity outside of games if they dig for it.

  5. I feel the same way. I think that when I'm working, I can at least go home and say, "Good job, you were productive and got through another day."

    Weekends I'm left alone trying to fill the time, and sometimes there's just not enough to fill it with. I can watch a movie, but that only takes two hours. I can work on some music, but that'll last for what, one or two? There's still a lot of the day left.

    Funny how it's possible to look forward to the weekend during a tough workday and then feel completely differently about it when it arrives.

  6. I would find this useful, too. I don't know what members here could offer in terms of solutions, but even to have honest conversations on it would be a relief.

    I left a career because it was isolating and had poor work-life balance that worsened my depression. Now I'm so lost in the sea of "do what you're passionate about" advice. I'm not passionate about anything to the point where I want to pursue it as my One Big Life Goal.

  7. I think the change is a big part of it. We have to learn and adjust to so much new stuff, and oftentimes we weren't really prepared for it (a lot of overgeneralized advice, etc).

    Work becomes important, while it was just a bonus as a teenager for most people to have your own spending money.

    That, and people and the media talk so much about college-age youth, that you'd think it's the only time people are making new friends, falling in love, and doing new things.

  8. I can see how that would be aggravating even if they have the best of intentions.

    My brother and I have both struggled with depression, but I'm not sure if the family notices. Even though I was once on medication, my mother legitimately asked me one day while talking about my brother if I've ever been depressed.

    I used to get pressured about things that were affected by depression, such as my desire to often be alone or my struggles with finding and keeping work. That only made me feel more self-conscious about it.

  9. There are a lot of layers to this. Being quiet in and of itself isn't a problem socially, but there are certain situations where it can hurt a relationship between two people. Not just hurt the chances of getting into a romantic relationship with them, but hurt the budding connection (friendship or otherwise) between two people who are getting to know each other.

    Things like awkward silences can make people feel like their feelings and opinions aren't accepted, even if that's not what the other person intends at all. Or if someone shares an emotional moment and the other person clams up, it can give them the impression that it's unwelcome and shameful (and many people aren't good with this). All things that are probably unintentional, but communicate the wrong message.

    That's what a lot of it comes down to, I think: Communication. I don't think someone who's quiet needs to change their personality, but a few new skills to get across what they're really thinking and feeling about the people and the world around them wouldn't hurt. There's something to be said for a man who cares about being graceful and communicating his intentions clearly when he decides he wants to speak.

  10. A few weeks ago, I got a new job. I put in my two week's notice at my previous employer, left, and started training. Then I found out that my new employer mismanaged their employees, worked us six days a week, and was intensely racist, and quit. My health and sanity was more important. I have a little money saved, am working part-time, and can always turn to family in an emergency.

    Problem is, now I spend a lot of time at home either applying to jobs or just trying to stay busy, and I feel so useless. Staving off depression is getting hard again. I don't know what I can do to feel productive other than take breaks to read books, exercise, go outside, etc. I volunteer at a nearby park. I was doing so well and feeling optimistic, and now I feel like life is "on hold" in a way, because none of the things I value (family, friendship, art) are really moving forward. I have trouble finding something to look forward to and motivate me to get out of bed at a normal time.

    All of those things I care about require disposable income or are much easier with disposable income, which I have little to none of right now. I can't purchase a guitar (or any instrument) without  money, nor can I drive much, go out to eat or to events that cost money, or even buy knitting supplies without cutting corners or wincing at the cost, if I can afford to do so at all. A pet costs money. New strings for my ukulele cost money. Even many Meet Ups are held in restaurants where it's impolite to not order anything, or take place at movies, museums, etc, that cost money.

    Christmas is coming up and I doubt I'm going to be able to give much for gifts and yes, even homemade cookies or knitted scarves cost money in supplies. Does anyone have any advice?

     

  11. If you're interested in some simple things to break up the monotony, here are some things I've done during low periods where I couldn't get much else done:

    • Getting coffee and watching a crowd go by.
    • Short walks or jogs, even 10 minutes.
    • Checking out library books.

    Not much, but it's something.

  12. I've been using the Internet since the late 90's, and I do feel that as it's gotten more populated, we've gotten a wider variety of people online -- some of them very loud, and very annoying. A crowd usually isn't the most thoughtful place to be, and it's crowded now. There are a handful of slower forums where people tend to be more open, such as this one, but I find myself connecting less and less with people I talk to online as friends. Just have to look for the right places, I suppose.

    I do think there are a lot of "armchair psychologists" online as well, who attempt to give advice without having any information or being qualified to do so (meaning the advice, at best, is generally useless if not outright harmful). Annoying, but easily ignored.

    The only place I still really connect to people is over video games, although I've been playing less. They're a great pastime, but at the same time they do attract immature people, as you said. I don't want to play "hardcore" as some do. The challenge is fun, but video game achievements rarely seem to make the people who work for them happy. I did high-end boss fights in MMOs for a year, and while it was an experience I'm glad to have tried I'm also glad to have quit.

    In terms of troublesome people, it's best to just remove yourself and not give them attention. I've met more than my fair share and it's just not worth the energy.

     

  13. This is something I've been curious about lately. I'm almost, 30, and I feel like there's a lot in life I haven't seen. I'll be listening to others talk (at work, etc), and it astounds me how some people in their 30's have worked interesting jobs, traveled overseas, and met some really unusual people. Meanwhile most of my life has been spent either in a dysfunctional home growing up, or trying to quietly recover from anxiety and depression.

    I really want to start doing more before I'm too old, but I'm limited by time, money, and energy. I can't exactly pack up and go on a trip to some exotic place. I can't afford to take classes at community colleges just for fun right now, and there's a chance I may lose my job in the future (new management, and hours are getting slashed). I don't have a big group of friends locally I can go out with. I'm often tired and feel overwhelmed just trying to put things back on track.

    Are there any other good options besides things like travel, take classes, etc?

  14. I'm 28 and meeting people is hard for me, too. A lot of people seem busy with kids and their spouse... not a lot of time to just get to know new people and new perspectives. I started volunteer work, which is a popular suggestion, but 90% of the time it's just me at the city gardens with the hours I keep.

    A few weeks ago I thought to reach out online for others in or near my city who might feel the same... without any luck. That was probably the most isolating feeling.

  15. I would say yes, but the reasons are complex.

    Things like low energy definitely have a negative effect, but I also feel like I've always lacked a distinct "passion". You know how people always say to follow your passion? I don't have one. I have things I enjoy, but nothing I love anywhere close to the way Bill Gates loves tech or Johnny Depp loves acting.

    Money doesn't tempt me, fame doesn't tempt me, no family to support, no real passion... not a lot of reason to be ambitious if nothing makes me feel good and my standard of living is fairly low.

    I just made the decision to stay away from anything related to business or scientific fields, as those tend to be competitive and political. Peace of mind and health is more important to me. I'd rather be a farmer or a gardener than an engineer or a CEO.

  16. I would say a deal of perspective that some people can lack. Knowing things aren't always as simple as they seem. Knowing how much little kindnesses can matter and how much it hurts to be denied things like privacy, understanding, or healthcare. Knowing that what people say on the outside isn't always how they feel on the inside and that anyone can struggle. Having learned good mental habits to help cope and knowing the importance of self-care, keeping your home tidy, and how your environment affects your mind. There are a lot of things you have to think about that others may not.

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