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Everything posted by Atron

  1. How do you guys deal with your ups and downs? Most days I feel pretty rubbish, occasionally I have pretty good days. I never seem to have a 'normal' day. How do you cope with having almost no control over your mood? It doesn't matter what I do but I can never shake how I feel that day.
  2. That is true though we are now at the point where we have moved past instinct and at a more selfish time where we have wants as needs for most people are pretty simple
  3. Note that what I say doesn't apply to everyone but I imagine is not far from the life of most average people I am generally a very logical person so when I look at life from only this point of view it seems so pointless. Around a third of our lives are spent asleep. Another big chunk of time maybe 25 years or so is spent working/going to school. Most people live to around 80 years old, already around 50 years of our lives are spent doing things purely to continue living. What do we spend the other 30 years or so of our lives doing? Surely enjoying the short time you have right? I would say for a lot of people it is not that. So at an educated guess, how long would you say you were having fun in that time and not shopping or worrying about something? 5 years? More? Less? Its not a lot though is it? With that in mind I ask. Why do we choose to carry on living? I'm sure there are exceptions from what I have just said but for most people looking at between 5 and 10 years out of 80 doesn't sound too good, I know I don't like those numbers.
  4. Thanks to everyone who commented. To be honest I never expected an explanation as to why but I am glad to know that most of the things I am experiencing are not totally new and that I'm not alone.
  5. I can't understand what motivates people to actually want to do things. People who say stuff like 'I want to have this career' or 'I want to do this in future' when I'm just sat there thinking to myself, what do I want to get out of life. I haven't yet found an answer. Its not like I don't do anything either. I have a fairly stable job and its not bad, I have hobbies, but I don't know what makes me want to do these things. I feel like my mind and my actions are totally separate from each other. Im sure I've mentioned before that I get the sense that I am watching and feeling another persons life take place. It seems weird to think about it in that way.
  6. Atron


    Now I don't know about you guys but when I first heard of ASMR I was really sceptical about it but thought it would be worth a try. For those of you who don't know what it is, basically it is usually a person talking to you in a calming voice and sometimes acting out a scenario, for example a doctors appointment. Yes, it seems odd however it is actually very soothing and great for helping you sleep or just relax. Someone who I would greatly recommend is Gibi ASMR (look up her channel on youtube). It is usually best to wear headphones since usually it helps as the person talking to you will move around the microphone which is alot easier to follow than with speakers. Let me know what you think or if anyone else has some suggestions.
  7. Hi all, I have recently been diagnosed with Asperger aged 19 so a bit late but could be worse. Part of Asperger means I struggle to communicate easily, thus meaning I struggle to get on with people. Even before I found out I had Asperger I knew I found that hard, the problem is that I want to get on with people but it takes a lot of effort and leaves me exhausted. I then begin to rerun through my head any conversation I had with someone and realise how many stupid things I have said which makes me think they wont like me. The whole situation puts me back to square one where I decide not to want to talk to people again. Its just a long and frustrating cycle. I know it seems silly to then stop talking to people again but its what I feel is best at the time. Sorry for the longish post, this is mostly me venting and getting my thoughts in one place.
  8. Its been a little while since I have posted here, I guess I thought I would be ok without being able to express my feelings somewhere but it would seem not. Recently I have been feeling very spaced out, I will just stare at things then suddenly snap myself back into reality and realize that alot of time has passed. I always feel tired no matter how much sleep I get and I think they are related. Has anyone else experienced this before?
  9. I understand that my family care but I should be able to make my own choices especially when it is something so small. I would understand if I was doing illegal drug etc. Note: I have no intention of having children
  10. This is my situation: I am 19 living at home I don't cause too many issues. I have a reasonable job and am not getting drunk every night or wasting money. I have friends who I see somewhat regularly but yet my parents feel the need to intervene in my life, for example my Mum said she wanted me to get my hair cut, it was a little long but not that bad, she decided it had to be done or she would kick me out. I don't see it as her decision as it doesn't affect her in any way and whilst it seems like only one thing it is one of many small things she decides I 'must do'. How do I explain to her that this type of thing is not her choice without her getting all hurt since she refuses to take opinions without thinking I am 'bullying' her.
  11. That's pretty crappy, I want to have a close relationship with my family but they don't make it easy. As for moving to the US, I think I'm good, it seems to be the only country in a worse state that the UK right now. Maybe Aus/NZ
  12. My family is a mess, I stay away from them as much as possible but even the smallest interactions with them throw up a huge cluster**** of shouting and arguing. I want to move away asap but I can't afford it just yet, I know I will have to survive another 6 months with them at least but I don't know if I can hold on that long. I need someone or something to get me the heck out of here, start a new life with a new name in a new place, in fact screw that, I don't want a new life, I don't want any life at all. Something just **** me now
  13. The title isn't exactly accurate, I suppose its more like how does depression affect you? My depression affects me depending if I have any energy, if I am low on energy I will go into deep spiralling thoughts and lose awareness of where I am and what I'm doing. If I have a high amount of energy I am very irritable and angry, I will get set off by little things and if people ask why I am getting so angry over something so small I tend to blow up at them, my thoughts also become pretty violent where I consider hurting people or worse.
  14. Thanks for replying. Its not an easy spot to be in, I have decided to stay at a friends house over the weekend to at least give them some space and let this settle in my head. I don't really know what I'm going to do when I go back. I just wish this wouldn't happen. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.
  15. My parents are divorcing and its all my fault. I caused them so many arguments and drove them apart. First I got a girlfriend who was too young and I did stupid things with that was the first time I saw them hate and then I did a legal high and my parents found out and caused more arguments. Now just little things were getting to them and my mum wants a divorce after an argument involving me at dinner. I'm ****ing done. I did this. I am just going to die after ruining their lives. I can't handle anything else now. This is my breaking point and I can't come back. I'm staying with a friend tonight because I can't be here now. Who knows if ill come back tomorrow. All I know is I don't even want to wake up tomorrow. Just let me die and it all be better
  16. Yep, we have the people who can't handle Brexit in the same way people in the US can't handle Trump. Its actually very similar since each vote allowed the closet racists to appear. Some of us are here saying its been done now leave it alone but not these guys. Its frustrating watching people attacking each other over small differences. This is true but by the time people like us managed to make these changes WW3 will probably have happened. I hope this is true but a small compliment for a few thousand people isn't really the desired effect. And whilst the world may take the occasional step forward there are people out there with a big piece of bungee chord tied to the stone age waiting to pull us back again.
  17. Apologies if I offend anyone with this so I will leave a trigger warning here. What is wrong with everyone? I don't understand why people have such meaningless reasons to hate each other. 'You're black, you're worthless' 'You're gay, you should die' What the actual **** world, now whilst I'm not black or gay, why does this matter? Why should insignificant differences make people hate? Religion says anyone who isn't straight should be ******** and go to hell, women should be slaves to husbands. Religion seems to be such a source of hate and ignorance and should have been done away with many years ago. As much as I don't hate you for having a religion I can never respect you for you are deluded. Everyone wants money and power and it makes the world turn yet we are never taught how it really works so we are poorer for it. Intelligent people are losing out because of a lack of money and quality education which in turn we can benefit from their skills. Whilst I say all this religion and money rules our system and the world is full of hate, I am now another person who hates, I have to live knowing I can do little to nothing to change these facts and I hate it. Note: If you really feel like you have to debate any of the points I made please do it VIA private message, I don't think anyone would appreciate touchy subjects being argued over in the forum.
  18. Seether, Rise Against and Paramore would be good bands to try.
  19. I am not depressed, I am not happy. I am not anxious, I am not certain. I am not insane, I am not sane. I am the grey that lives between. I am not good, I am not evil. I am not calm, I am not angry. I am not hate, I am not love. I am the grey that lives between. I am not innocent, I am not guilty. I am not caring, I am not remorseless. I am not black, I am not white. I am the grey that lives between. We live in a world of categories, we are all meant to fit in somewhere and those who don't are anomalies. I am an anomaly. I don't fit in anywhere. This represents me. That out of place statistic that can't be pinned down. That is the case with many mental health conditions and the reason people get misdiagnosed. We are anomalies.
  20. I have found a few artists that speak directly to how I feel. Twenty One Pilots and Seether are two that do for me. Stressed Out, Same Damn Life and Words as Weapons are a few notable songs that do it for me. Brick by Boring Brick from Paramore is another good one. Does anyone else have any musicians/songs which you feel are talking to you?
  21. Atron


    Unfortunately the side effects of many antidepressants are tiredness, Prozac does the same to me. That said the stress you have been under recently will have attributed to that somewhat. Don't fight the tiredness, you'll only feel worse. And whilst a dorm may be far away it is only a few trips instead of lots of them to commute. Plus you don't have to deal with your parents and get a taste of real independence, it might do you some good it depends if you think its worth it or not.
  22. Although your Dad may say you're selfish, I would say do what you want. Sure money is nice to have but if it is going to stress you out to the point you are uncomfortable then it isn't worth it. Put it this way, if I said I would pay you $10,000 to humiliate yourself on national television, would you do it? Only you know what you want.
  23. It sounds like your Dad isn't taking any interest in how you feel at all. You should definitely find a good way to vent some anger and let everything out when things get too much. Please take care and don't hurt yourself, you're still a valuable human being no matter what one person says. When lots of people tell you something and one person says the opposite on a subjective view like this, 99% of the time the mass are right.
  24. Whilst it may not be my fault that I have these issues, they are still going to be there, I still will be a burden to everyone in my life regardless of who's fault it is. My issue with going at my own pace with going out and doing things meant I literally did nothing for weeks on end. I need to push myself to do things unless I physically can't or have a genuine reason not to otherwise I will fall back into the rut.
  25. I just feel like a burden to everyone, my friends my parents my workplace. I hate feeling this way, I try not to care but sometimes I think about things I should be doing or should have done. When I say I give up, I mean I give up trying to be happy, doing things and going out. I see everyone enjoying themselves when it feels as if I'm just looking in from the sidelines.
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