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Everything posted by emmalina

  1. two things that are important to me. someone i have loved for 6 years. and time - probably the thing i feel most bitter about is the time i have spent on being ill which i can never get back.
  2. i have a squirrel alter ego, so tend to think about becoming a squirrel rather a lot. a red one with a penchant for nuts,cigars and copious amounts of whisky, in a comfy tree in a snowy forest. would be far away from any stress, and when i get bored i can roll around in the snow with my squirrelly friends making snow-squirrels, and throwing nuts at passers-by. i would have a squirrel-sized guitar and a very high but gravelly voice. actually i have lots of fantasies/daydreams. but this one is the most twee and cute and silly. therefore more amusing than the rest.
  3. oooh some good choices. my heart belongs to either leonard cohen or lou reed though (who doesn't like take a walk on the wild side?!). if i'm feeling proper 80s then joy division or even sisters of mercy if you'll excuse the goth cheese. if im bluesy then billie holiday...or...dammit! i just can't commit myself to one. :pinch: oooh and i have heard the cover album mr cash did. reckon my fave on there his version of personal jesus.
  4. yay for nice muscley arms :) hmmm...strength (of character) and a little geekiness and dark eyes
  5. hey littlestar, having those nightmares sounds really troubling. i'm confused about some of your post. but do you think maybe you have come to expect bad dreams at certain times, which might make it more likely they will happen? hope you get to see your pdoc soon tog et your medication sorted if that is a problem. take care.
  6. lol. no probs. maybe you should consider writing the doctor a letter of explanation to pass to them before you lose conciousness...at least you will break the ice!
  7. it's ok to have a panic attack at the doctors, and pass out if you must! trust me. it just adds weight to the fact they need to help you. i have been to the doctors in some awful states. i reckon it makes a nice change for them rather than snotty-nosed antibiotic addicts :tongue:. you owe it to yourself man. and besides the doctor your bro has sounds pretty good.
  8. i am :) but have only just been dx'd. though that took 6 years. i don't have much experience of the adult mental health service here, but it seems they have better resources than the child and adolescent health team where i live. the pdocs left and got replaced constantly so was pretty hard to build up a good relationship. and they were under pressure to stop seeing me because of the huuuuuuuuge waiting list, so as soon as i showed some improvement they wanted to take me off their books. which is why they never knew about the mania-just the depression. from talking to people i get the impression that it varies a lot on where you live. e.g. the hospital nearest my home town has actually had to be closed and the vast majority of the mental health services there shut down due to not enough staff/finances. but my new GP in a town 30 mins away has got me a pdoc appointment pretty d*** quickly and said i will probably get a cpn to come see me a couple of times a week. so this is very good news
  9. i agree with the world music thing - i really like the buddha cafe stuff. listen to krishna music sometimes if i need uplifting though i'm not a krishna. sometimes i feel better by singing along to tori amos. like old rock normally though.
  10. well i get very sensitive to people's comments and often take things like that badly and personally. things like that happend a lot, when in reality even if that person thinks something bad it doesnt really matter. i just manage to blow it up bigger in my mind. i have been told i have emotionally unstable personality trait - so i think that may have something to do with it for me. but from what i have read it is closely linked with having bipolar. maybe you were just feeling extra sensitive? does it happen frequently? ---oops i kinda read that as you having been dx'd with bipolar and you thought maybe taking the comment harshly was a symptom of something else undiagnosed concurrent with that. sorry overtired! can you tell?! :p
  11. i get what you say about the teeth grinding and tension in your jaw. my jaw used to violently shake when i took zoloft and when i was on prozac, apparently a sister drug i would grind my teeth constantly. my mood was better but i seemed to have a lot of physical tension and a problem concentrating like you mentioned.but don't just stop taking them without consulting your doc first, especially since they seem to be helping you a lot - i echo what made_in_britain said
  12. sorry to hear that - hope you find something that helps more. by the way, how long did it take before the prozac started to work? i have been taking it over 2 weeks now and i think it's making me feel more agitated.
  13. I went on amitriptyline to help me sleep as well. It really helped with that, but came off it after a while because i didn't feel that "with it". You know when you feel the same inside but your emotions feel kinda numbed on an outer level? Although at points that isnt a bad thing. Anyhow, hope it continues to help you :)
  14. I have had to discuss this recently with my new teacher and am currently taking time off, to take things easy. I set up an arrangement where i go into college whenever i am well enough. I was worried because my last college wasnt very supportive and i ended up having to leave. They weren't interested in the fact i had an illness. But the place where i am at now is incredibly supportive and keep telling me to put my health before work etc. and if i ever have any problems then go see them. My previous teacher has left, but she even visited me at my flat to bring work round to let me do it from home. She came in with a big box of art supplies for me that she stole from the college! I explained i'd just been diagnosed as bipolar and i have trouble attending when depressed. I didn't really have to go into it much, because the teacher understood it is an illness etc. and i cant really help it. I think maybe how much it helps depends on how well-informed the teacher is. But i am definitely glad i spoke to them about it. I think in my case it helps that im doing a fine art course with coursework as oppose to exams because it's more flexible. Also when it tips the other way into mania, they know i work my *** off overtime and have some very wacky ideas! It also helps me feel a lot less pressured and stressed. One less thing to worry about - so definitely can't hurt.
  15. i am doing this right now! i was feeling tired earlier but as soon as it got late its like my brain flicked a switch. i did a commando roll off my sofa after watching prison break and now i just cant stop my mind sprinting through a forest of bad thoughts. and i am grinding my teeth too. does anyone else get that? think what would help is something distracting, obviously. but not too hard to get into. i did try running before bed the other night, and i must say that helped because no matter how active my brain wanted to become my body was just too tired.
  16. 60. A nice big cup of tea and a plate of biscuits. 61. Being nice to myself and not getting more stressed at myself for being stressed! 62. Writing silly songs. 63. Ignoring anyone who makes me feel negative.
  17. lol at how your bipolar was diagnosed. for me, "oh you must be depressed" throws in prozac. almost died, went crazy. manic. are you not meant to give prozac to someone bipolar? because i started taking this 5 days ago and i have to say im feeling completely agitated, cant sleep and fidget constantly and feel a lot worse... i didnt even know what i was taking till today when i thought to check up on it.
  18. i started writing a journal a few months ago and it has really helped me, although some bits i try avoid reading back if im feeling down. so i would definitely recommend it. if privacy is an issue maybe try explaining it to your husband, and if you have to get a book with a lock thingy. not sure if that sounds like a stupid idea, but i think everyone needs freedom to be able to write down how they feel, especially since it will probably help you.
  19. PM me for a link to an assessment to work out the likelihood of bipolar - its not very long, and what i used when my doctor suggested i was bipolar. Maybe it will help?
  20. Hi. im emma and have just joined. i have been having problems with depression since i was 12 (am 18 now), but have moved town and been diagnosed with bipolar (although i think i may have traits of bpd). finding it a bit hard to come to terms with especially cos i live on a college campus away from my friends and family, so wanted to find some people i could talk to cos im feeling kinda low and lonely. anyway, i look forward to speaking to you all - seems like a nice place :) Em
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