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Everything posted by emmalina

  1. i know what you mean about the complete personality change. usually i find it quite scary (if you would class what i've experienced as psychosis). i have completely forgotten who i am before, whilst on a bus - had no idea what i was doing, and i didn't have a clue who my boyfriend of two years was - i thought he was someone trying to attck me. i once went round a city stroking all the walls, benches and lamposts before because they were telling me they felt really sad and unloved. luckily i have never been hospitalised.
  2. dont know if i can be of much assistance as when i'm insomniafied there seems to be no helping me............. ....but! i did buy some badger sleep balm for a friend once and that really helped when i tried it. it quietened my thoughts down and i gently fell asleep. i didn't actually think it would work because i tried lavender and stuff before. i think i found it in a health shop. and i think i saw it in boots too. also i try make my bed as comfortable as possible-loadsa cushions and covers and turn it into a bednest. and scatter some books and food around, so i dont have an excuse to get up and distract myself. drawing too helps me - my head gets tired focusing on something involved, but it's not something energising either so i get so tired i have to give in. sometimes i can't sleep because i have a problem being on my own, so i like sleeping with a film on (pitch black is a favourite, so i can fall asleep to the sexy baritone voice of vin diesel ) i dont know if that helps any. but i'm wishing you some much deserved rest. insomnia can wreak havoc on your mind and body. em x
  3. I am not too bad today. I got a sandwich and some jaffa cakes to eat. I didn't have breakfast but i did have cereals before i went to bed. and i have some soup and bran and seed bagels for tea. and i am drinking orange juice. i think i might go to my parents house for the weekend and get some hot meals down me. hehe. i think i will try eating more bananas because i have noticed i feel a lot more energised after i eat one. might try some actimel too. i am taking multivitamins too. i reckon being a student really doesnt help much. i think not being able to sleep properly kinda puts me off eating. There's no tesco where i am. (maybe the only place in england there isn't one!) But we do have an asda and i reckon they will probably deliver. Thankyou for all your replies by the way! I really appreciate it
  4. Hahaha, i love that. Reminded me so much of myself it made me laugh hehehe. I love that term I'm definately going to use it now. Anyway It's good to get out to the store it changes your frame of mind. It breaks the bad mood cycle, if i go with someone. If i go by myself i end up running out of the grocery store as if it were going to explode after i get what a came for. If there are too many people around, i get nervous about picking stuff up and sometimes neglect to get things i really want but there are just too many people around. As for things to eat, usually i eat alot of pasta, and throw some things in there like artichoke hearts, EVOO, tomatoes, basil etc. Pasta only takes like 15mins to boil and cook. So, you can rinse and chop the stuff while it does that. I'm not 100% sure exactly how much energy you have for cooking :). I have the same low appetite it can be related to depression. Try not to dwell so much on your past eating disorder. Depressed people tend to overthink imo. yeh i do the running out of the store thing. i get all nervous, my eyes flit about everywhere and i scamper off like a squirrel after i forget what i went for! and once i managed to drop some glass jars. i ran away from the scene of the crime, and when i peeked back all the store security people were there. maybe that's why i'm having a problem going back :tongue: they might have my paw prints!..yes i guess i do have a tendancy to overthink... i did stir fry loads. but i reckon pasta and random veg will be much easier. and need less looking after...
  5. it's nice to know other people can relate to this. i was having at go at myself in my head and telling myself i was being lazy. but i do know it isn't that really. i didn't actually think of freezing stuff...
  6. you know, i reckon a lot of people are scared of the dark. i know a male body builder who is scared of the dark and probably will always be. so you shouldn't feel silly for it.
  7. brit, chevelle16, rosiegirl and flipping out and anyone else feeling down i am sending you hugs and making you pretend cups of tea. it's not much, but it's the thought right? i really need a good cry today, and a comfy shoulder. for some reason i decided to base an art project on a really traumatic memory. but i won't have exorcised the demons till i have finished, so they are floating round my head.
  8. i am scared of most things! lol. but i am especially scared of people, and being around people - very socially anxious. i tend to get paranoid people are staring at me and thinking bad things, and it makes me want to hide. it does help if i tell myself in my mind: i have a right to be here... and it's just that i'm dressed like a colourblind weirdo with no mirror, so they are more scared of me than i am of them ha!
  9. i have been drinking lots of water and eaten cereal. but i dont have any fruit or veg or bread, or even any cereal left! i think i best get down to the shops. i do love apples and oranges, and spinach. and maybe i should get hot meal from the college canteen tomorrow. i'm currently wearing my adult-head so i'm thinking straight now. thankyou for your replies
  10. i love countdown, and i secretly like romantic films. also, there's this lithuanian guy who lives 2 floors below me who i fantasise about marrying. ooh! he just came to see me after i typed that. it's a sign!
  11. i ask someone to yell at me, or promise to reward myself with a sleep afterwards. or sometimes i will be motivated by thinking of how proud i will make myself by achieving something versus feeling worse about feeling worse because i haven't done it.
  12. because of the way i'm feeling i just can't find enough energy to cook for myself. and when i'm living on my own there is no one else around to do it for me. i couldn't even go food-shopping today cos i was too scared. i have a really bad hunger headache at the moment and am all shaky and tired. it's fine when i'm feeling ok - i'm actually a really good cook. but i just wondered, if anyone had any practical advice about what to eat that's simple, so i get a balanced diet and don't get ill. have i posted this in the right place? hope so. P.S I'm not sure if this is linked to an eating disorder as i got ill with starving myself a couple of years ago.
  13. all these holes are confusing me, so sorry if i have grasped this wrong, but you seemed to imply self-sabotage by saying you try to destroy after you have been given advice. so taking that into account, could cancelling any help be another way of sabotaging yourself? or do you mean you are scared of the pressure to get better when you get advice, because the pressure makes you feel stressed and worse than staying in a safer hole?
  14. well firstly you do not sound idiotic to me, but you do sound like you are in *****. maybe you just haven't found the right kind of advice yet, or else there wouldn't be any holes left to fall into. are you getting help at the moment? you obviously need to talk and so you are wasting nobody's time please take care
  15. stable!!! at last! well pretty much as long as i keep my mind busy... hope everyone feeling bad today has nice dreams, and feels better when they wake tomorrow. x
  16. well if they are nice like you say i can't see how they could drop you just like that. if you feel comfortable with it, maybe you should tell them that you are having a problem with this. so at least they know that it isn't the fact that you don't want to hang around with them- and will still keep inviting you out but in an un-pressured way. i tend to get like this a lot with people, where i avoid my friends for weeks. they now understand when i am just too anxious to go out, but also help me through it with gentle persuasion, going to places i feel less stressed, etc. don't worry about them dropping you before you have spoken to them, because you are just adding heaping unecessary worry onto yourself. go easy on yourself. maybe make little targets each week? (like start with seeing a friend one time in the week for an hour or something, then gradually build up the time you spend with them, the frequency you go out,etc.)
  17. i want to get this off my chest... i think armpit hair on girls is kinda nice
  18. well i used to eat gravy granules straight from the packet as a kid, so i guess i just have a taste for nasty things! anyway... to wake up in the morning i have found just 10 minutes of tai chi in the morning works really well and can help set me up for the rest of the day. or maybe some energising yoga positions? also from my colour therapy course i know orange is meant to work really well at giving us energy- so perhaps drinking or eating orange-coloured fruit or veg in the morning. just generally getting a good dose of that colour might work for you.
  19. like a ball of electrified wool :surrender: :pinch: :mf_laughbounce:
  20. i had a caffeine "binge" the other day which was one coffee; but contained 8 heaped teaspoons of coffee, rather than the standard one teaspoon. i don't normally drink coffee. and it sent me absolutely crazy and pretty manic/aggressive/just not with-it for quite a while. was pretty stupid - though i didn't expect it. think maybe ssri's increase agitation for me and so adding coffee is just a no-no. am glad i read this thread cos i think i might try taking my tablets in the evening and see if i sleep better.
  21. ooh i will pop over there now. thankshoe! well i have managed not to s/h for quite a while. but during the weird thing that happened i ended up hitting myself and trying to bash my head against stuff. it's like i have all this energy but my mood is kinda aggressive and agitated and i want to cry. actually feeling that way right now, so am just making myself sit down and focus my energy through through typing. when i tried to go to bed last night my mind kinda woke up and i was having all these weird ideas and going off on tangents and laughing to myself. but on the plus side i have actually started doing work. and feel brave enough to start going back to college soon. uhm. ooh and the pdoc i saw rang yesterday and said something about upping the dosage but i think i will wait until i do that.
  22. hey, i dont think i have said anything on this bit yet. but i am shy and this place seems awful big. this is where i am-the doctor i was seeing is certain i am bipolar but i just went for an assessment and am waiting for answers and the proper help. people have given me different dx's for about 6 years so am quite frustrated and feel pretty lost. did it take you people long to get a dx? i have also been reluctantly put on ssri's because i do need something since my depression has been so bad, and the pdoc i saw hasn't diagnosed me yet. but i dunno. i have had bad effects from them in the past and am worried about having a mixed episode. what are the warning signs of that? yours confusedly, em.
  23. i havent been on this long but already i am having problems sleeping. i have experienced a really bad manic-type violent episode as well (feeling more like hurting myself). but think maybe it was due to drinking coffee as well. but i'm not even on a high dose. like 10mg. does this sound normal? will it calm down? i'm a bit worried cos prozac didnt suit me (agitation and feeling suicidal) and neither did sertraline or two tricyclics i tried... and i gotta go back to living on my own soon whilst not very stable.
  24. i draw and paint mostly mixed media texturous things and also write songs with my guitar and odd assortment of instruments - harmonica, xylophone, pots and pans, ocarina, pennywhistle, anything that comes to hand. i love to sing my lungs out. i used to gig for a couple of years but not these days. it was so theraputic and confidence-boosting though i want to start again. im studying a colour therapy course so i can help other people holistically if my art career doesn't bring much money in and it's nice because art and music can get quite competitive, or i get too self-absorbed with them. i love reading but havent managed to write much in quite a while. oh! and i like drinking lots of tea and hula hooping. (not at the same time)
  25. emmalina

    Hi All

    'ello! i am new to the bipolar thing too, and don't really know anyone. i hope you are feeling at least a little better. take care, em.
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