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LouisRiel

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  1. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from melplus in Dealing with people who don't acknowledge depression   
    For me I just don't bother telling them anymore, or at least not the details. My family likes to play guilt trips and shame basically so I only tell what I absolutely need to. I talk about the anxiety because that is impossible to hide, but depression is my private battle I have no desire to explain to them. 
     My physician, counsellor, and psychiatrist know and they are the only ones who matter. My family seems to alternate between 'Go outside in the sunshine' and calling me 'Crazy' and blaming me for every argument so it truly isn't worth the effort to involve them in my life. 
  2. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Kogent5 in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  3. Like
    LouisRiel reacted to ejc in What country are you from?   
    U.S California (northern)
    We hate Trump and are not content with Hillary. but the masses who don't seem to be that smart are voting for trump and pretty racist now that i think about it. I'm in the political minority- where I think it's all gone down the drain regardless of sides.  corps took over our government. on behalf of the U.S.: face palm & sorry! ?
    I signed up for maple match. haha! I know it's a gag.. dating site that matches an American with a Canadian in case Trump wins. 
  4. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from duck in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  5. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Invisible Princess in 3 Words Of The Moment   
    Tired
    Scattered
    Cold
  6. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from SFChristianGirl in 3 Words Of The Moment   
    Traumatic 
    nightmares
    downhill
  7. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from mulberrypie in 3 Words Of The Moment   
    Antidepressants
    Red bull
    Vice
  8. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from highanxiety in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  9. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from womanofthelight in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  10. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from melplus in Caffeine   
    No I hadn't started the meds yet. I had an appointment in the morning and then ran errands and got an iced capp to help get me through a class and started having some of the worst chest pains of my life. By the time I picked up the ativan I was so bad I had a crying meltdown talking to my mom because I couldn't get the bottle open. The next 20 hours I took the weeks dose, slept over half of them, and blacked out some of my class. I crash in general so the Ativan just made it worse.
    I still had pepsi sometimes and chocolate, but I stopped the Red Bull, and iced capps. Caffeine was what I used for many years either to get out if bed in the lows or increase the highs. Now that I am on a medication that helps with sleep I haven't been as careful, but I really need to again unfortunately. I am already the five year sober 25 year old (not an alcoholic it was a trigger though) so caffeine is just too much to give up completely ?
  11. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from melplus in Caffeine   
    I quit for about four weeks when I had a horrible attack that took 20 hours and a weeks Ativans dose to come down from. I was afraid for awhile after that, but I started again after I had been on duloxetine for long enough that it was helping. My meds balance me out so that I don't crash or become as high as I used to thouhgh. Before I would use it to get out of bed and end up flying or swinging horribly between extremes many days.
  12. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from JasonDark in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  13. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from standup in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Unfortunately this is a common judgment that is often not true. I watched a documentary called "The Valour and the Horror" which showed how many of these men forced to be tough cracked under pressure and commited suicide. Admitting they could no longer be a member of the airforce came with horrible consequences that lead to even more suicides. 
    Mental illness runs in my family who has the same ideas of 'suck it up' which means we have four generations of angry, unstable people who hide their struggles, refuse to intervene when problems first arrise, and continue the cycle of dysfunction. I knew their opinions and it is why I hid my struggles for so long, but then a younger relative ended up hospitalized and I realized I was part of the problem by keeping this bulls*** cover over mine.
    I cannot will it away by being tough and any claims I may have had where I could were nothing but delusional highs that always ended badly. The hardest thing I have had to do is admit I couldn't do it on my own and seek help and share all these things I never could with professionals.
  14. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from duck in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Finally managed to wake up from crazy mirtazapine dreams
    Student aid
    Grocery shopping
    Made myself eat for the first time in about 20 hours
    Back to bed after dragging myself through three hours ughh
  15. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from ejc in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Finally managed to wake up from crazy mirtazapine dreams
    Student aid
    Grocery shopping
    Made myself eat for the first time in about 20 hours
    Back to bed after dragging myself through three hours ughh
  16. Like
    LouisRiel reacted to standup in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    I've been upright all day! I can't believe things have gotten so bad that I consider that an achievement. 
  17. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Marie241 in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Dragged myself out of bed for meds
    Went to school early to work on an assignment
    Class
    Made supper
    Started journal for the day and mood tracking 
    Came here to debrief before getting too worked about about it
    Finished the troubling entry and reflected further and then did an obnoxious 'positive' prompt to end on
     
  18. Like
    LouisRiel reacted to Jim92 in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    I woke up enough not to fall flat on my face on the way to the bathroom this morning.
  19. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from idkusername465 in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Dragged myself out of bed for meds
    Went to school early to work on an assignment
    Class
    Made supper
    Started journal for the day and mood tracking 
    Came here to debrief before getting too worked about about it
    Finished the troubling entry and reflected further and then did an obnoxious 'positive' prompt to end on
     
  20. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Kogent5 in How To Get Motivated To Take A Shower.   
    I have ridiculously thick curly hair the thought of caring for it alone is enough to make me avoid the process, but it doesn't feel refreshing when I don't wash it. Sometimes I sit, curl up in a ball, or even lay in my shower when I am feeling really bad though.
    I always make the effort before therapy and psychiatrist appointments though because I DO NOT need to add either 'lack of effort' or looking even 'crazzier' to my profike when I struggle with speaking at these things.
  21. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Camellia in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Dragged myself out of bed for meds
    Went to school early to work on an assignment
    Class
    Made supper
    Started journal for the day and mood tracking 
    Came here to debrief before getting too worked about about it
    Finished the troubling entry and reflected further and then did an obnoxious 'positive' prompt to end on
     
  22. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from duck in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Dragged myself out of bed for meds
    Went to school early to work on an assignment
    Class
    Made supper
    Started journal for the day and mood tracking 
    Came here to debrief before getting too worked about about it
    Finished the troubling entry and reflected further and then did an obnoxious 'positive' prompt to end on
     
  23. Like
    LouisRiel reacted to Vandelay Industries in What was your first thought this morning?   
    Crap, I have to call my mom today. I hope she's not home and i get to leave a message instead of talking to her.
  24. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Hertz in What's Your "one Question?"   
    Why does every support system set me up for failure?
    Week of a pushed back appointment with a psychiatrist, groveling to get my planned dose increase from a new doctor, family flipping out on me saying I might just need a decrease, having to introduce myself as a student registered for accessability services to my professor, and my councellor forgetting my appointment. 
  25. Like
    LouisRiel got a reaction from Dolphin2013 in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!   
    Talked myself out of missing class because I needed food/meds anyway
    Made an appointment to get my stitches removed
    Class for three hours (NEVER again will I go without a portion of my meds for that)
    Pharmacy
    Store
    Put my food away
    Crawled back into bed 
    Journal/mood rating (blah)
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