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About Mahi

  • Birthday 08/07/2002

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  1. Lately I've found that poetry is a good way for me to vent my feelings about depression. I thought that it might be beneficial for me to post one of my more recent creations on the forum to get support from the rest of you guys since most of you are older (I think, since I'm 13) and therefore probably wiser, because all things I've mentioned in this poem are feelings that I am battling today, as I write this submission. (Not the greatest poet, please bear with me!) I bang my head against my wall, so frustrated. Adding streaks of color to the darkness that is my room. I’m stuck in a paradox, one that I created myself. I thought that what could be built could be broken, Like my hopes, my dreams, what I had left of my life. My memories blur and smear together, then disappear. Suddenly, I don’t know who I am anymore. But one part of my brain, the depressed manic, shouts: You are nothing more than the demon on the scale, The mistakes you’ve made, the number of cuts on your wrist. This paradox I live in, masked in a layer of black and white. Either it’s good or it’s bad, either I’m right or I’m wrong. I’m happy or I’m sad, I’m suicidal or I’m not. All I can see around me is the darkness that I have conceived, The bad, the wrong, the sadness, the suicide attempts. These feelings, these thoughts, fester within me. They refuse to fade because they are me, and always will be. They are monsters, ripping and tearing me apart endlessly. Is there a way to **** them without ******* myself, too? That can’t be too difficult, right? I’m just a living mask, after all.
  2. That sounds like it could work, thanks so much!
  3. I'd say it's more of a psychological problem. Thanks for your suggestions!
  4. I'm in 8th grade (skipping to 10th next year) and I have a lot of schoolwork right now; standardized testing just started and won't be ending anytime soon as well. But I'm worried because I can't seem to concentrate. My feelings of depression waste minutes and hours, and I'm kind of lost. I really need to concentrate on my schoolwork, but how can I avoid these feelings/thoughts? Any help would be appreciated!
  5. Recently depression has been really bothering me. I question my purpose and who I am too often, and I really want it to change - I don't want to live in this darkness. Outside of this community, I think I need to ask for help. This has gotten so out of control, and I feel like help personalized for me would be very helpful. So I was thinking about telling friends my story and where I am right now. But I'm afraid. Will they look at me differently? Will they draw unnecessary attention to me in public places, asking me if I'm okay? Will they tell someone else? Especially since my story is a tale of silence and blood (which you can read here http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/116944-depression-at-12-my-story/), I find it super hard to confess to someone else that I'm depressed and that I need help. Like, immediately. Otherwise I could end up ******* myself. On top of that, I've always felt inferior to my friends. Like I don't deserve to associate with them because they're too good for me. In this situation, I feel like I'd be wasting their time on me, and I don't even know if they care about me as much as I care about them. However, I have told 3 of my friends (one of which was online, so they can't really tell anyone else that could hurt me) this story, and they haven't told anyone (as far as I can tell), so... My friends are 13-14, just like me. Going back to the title of the topic: Have you ever told a friend you have depression? And if you have, what did the friend do, how did the friend react, etc. Any stories of your experience, or a response to my experience, would be much appreciated! Thanks so much for reading!
  6. My name is Mahi, and I'm 13 years old. Recently, I've been feeling like I'm not good enough. Whenever I talk to my friends, I feel as if I want to disappear...it feels like my presence poisons the situation. I'm not sure if this is a fog depression set over my eyes, but this is how I feel... Is there any way to feel good (or at least better) about myself? Like I'm actually worth it? Is there a way to tell if people truly appreciate you? Any advice or input would be invaluable. (If you're curious, this is my story: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/116944-depression-at-12-my-story/) Thanks for taking the time to read this!
  7. Thank you. :) I won't hesitate to contact you or other Admins, Mods, or Staff if I have other problems I need sorted out. Your support is much appreciated.
  8. Thank you so much for defending me. This is the first time that I have spilled such a dark part of my life into a public area, and I knew an issue like this would come up. People wouldn't believe me. But I'm grateful to know that there are people who do believe me, and will stand up to protect me. Thanks for being one of those people.
  9. If you don't believe my story, I can prove it to you. However you want and to the best of my abilities. This is too true. I wish it wasn't, but it is. In no way is this a "sham", a "con", or a way to get money. This is my cry for help.
  10. Hi Jessica! Nice to meet you. :) My name is Mahi. I'm half as old as you are, 13 (if that qualifies as "younger people struggling"). Good luck on your journey! I hope this community proves to be as helpful to you as it has been to me.
  11. I feel the same way. When I meet new people, the same thoughts ring through my head. Recently I went to Disneyland as part of a school trip for orchestra, and along with 3 of my friends, I roomed with 2 people who were friends with my friends. I had seldom talked to them. Naturally I was self-conscious the entire time. I often felt it would be better if I had just stayed home instead of going on the trip. And I still do. But often times people give hints as to what they feel about you within dialogue because, after all, most people speak before they think. It might help you if you focused your mind on what they say more than usual. Then again, I am on the younger end of the spectrum (13), so this just could be my mind grasping at straws. I'm not so sure. At this point, though, any effort can make a difference. Hope you get better! :)
  12. Thank you! :) Hearing from someone who knows what they're talking about is truly reassuring. I'll take your advice and suggestions to heart.
  13. Those two sayings are so deep, and they're giving me a new perspective on how to handle things. Thanks for sharing them with me! I appreciate your support! :)
  14. I haven't ever taken St. John's Wort, but this is what I could gather from the Internet (I don't know how useful this will be, but it's the thought that counts, right?): "restlessness, anxiety, irritability, stomach upset, fatigue, dry mouth,dizziness, headache, skin rash, diarrhea, and tingling." I do remember reading an article from last year, though, that showed that St. John's Wort isn't something you should worry about, as long as you're taking reasonably sized doses. Hope you get better!
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