Hi Everyone,
I just joined and am glad there are people who know what everyone is going through, can relate with and understand.
I know my life isn't that bad, I have a great family, and was doing well in school. For whatever reason, a series of events unfolded over the past few months in my life and have snapped me into a major depression. Perhaps I have been a bit down for awhile, grinding through school and work and thinking back, I do realize that my enjoyment in things was slowly being sapped but I was always able to control it. What started out as some health anxiety over undiagnosed pain I was having, quickly turned into a state of constant anxiety and that combined with my final year of school and the stress associated with it (finishing the work, what happens next?) caused me serious panic attacks and feelings of hopelessness. So I decided to call it and leave school to come back to my parents home. I'm still trying to complete my work remotely but it's a struggle not to slip into my thoughts.
The past week has been one of the worst of my life, all I can think about is how I will get my life back on track. I was so ready to graduate and move on to the next part of my life, but now sitting at home thinking about how everything was derailed might have made it worse. I'm afraid leaving school was the wrong decision, but I felt I needed the support of my family. I have had suicidal thoughts this week, which I have never before had in my life. These scare me more than anything because I do not want to give in to something that could be a blip in my life.
That said, I am trying, Today is week 1 on medication and maybe it all just seems worse while I'm adjusting. I'm still trying to accomplish the little things by helping around the house, going for walks and trying to get some exercise. I don't get much enjoyment from any of this but I know these are the right steps to take. I still find very little pleasure in anything but I know I must try.
While I know there is no one path to getting better, I'm hoping that writing my thoughts and communicating with others will help me realize there is some hope and that one day I can do the same for someone else.
Thank you for listening.