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zdude954

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Everything posted by zdude954

  1. Well then I am sorry to inform you. *Cough cough* you just lost, Thanks for playing
  2. It Needs To rain (Four Word anarchy)
  3. a 1962 Ferrari 250 gto berlinetta, hold the record for most expensive car to ever go across the auction block at just a mere $38,115,000. sold at no reserve meaning there was no minimum price it had to hit to be sold.
  4. zdude954

    age

    So yesterday I was at birthday party of my grandfather, he turned 80 with if his health stays like it is many more to go. But anyway, he was telling stories from he was a kid with his two sisters. Some of those stories were so funny, they made us laugh so hard it hurt. But it got me thinking, at the rate my life is going I don't want to live that long. I don't want to see that day at this rate. Yes I understand every day is different, and things can change on a dime. But at this rate 55 more years of this no Thank you. I can't and won't do it. Something would have to change every quickly for me to want to see that day that day come.
  5. zdude954

    my life

    Well I have canceled everything I had planned for the rest of the year, because I now really really need to save money. I now have to here in the next year to year and a half have to buy a new new to me car. That blows my plans for buying a house next year, there goes all my vacation trips I wanted to go on. Why is it when every start to take a turn to getting better it gets ripped out from in front of me? Why is it life will not let me be f**king happy? It shows me life's I want to live just to rip them out from in front of me. No matter what way I turn it was the wrong way, not matter how well I planned no matter what I do. I am really tired of this life and all this crap. You hurry to be you whole life to be an adult, only to find being is the worst thing in life. Once to make to 21 just end it what's to really live for retirement, hahahaha. What's to live for, now? Some tell me and I will tell you it's not going to happen for me. So there is nothing to live for now. I have made it 4 years past that age and I see now I should have ended it sooner. To every one who says gets better, I don't believe you I never have. Until I see that day I am never going to believe you. To whom ever the unknown follower is, the day I saw that I smiled. Thanks for that.
  6. Great this morning, now after seeing what I was on my vehicle sad.
  7. That I need to get a better paying job, or work a second job again. I am not making enough money, to get my own house and a newer vehicle. I just worked on it and I started crying when I saw all the damage under the rear end of it. If it makes it two more yards I will be really lucky. But I really don want to go back to working 14-17 hours days again, it burns you out so fast. I did that for almost two years, it probably one causes of my depression. Have to go two different jobs you hate. Making chump change, just enough money to live. I am in what I am calling functioning drone, making just enough money to have some fun event now and then but not enough to live comfortably.
  8. There is no set distance from the sun. So in all actuality they are both wrong.
  9. 12 am I cried while hugging my pillow 12 30 am fell asleep 5 am woke up 6 am ready for woke 6:22am left for work 7 am started working a forklift 8 am went to get parts for it 9 am took out trash from shop 1043 am typed this The whole time I just want to lay in bed and cry.
  10. Today I realized that I did something I thought would make me feel a little better. Well all it did was make my suffering worse. Making me regret what I did, but I can't turn back time, I can't undo what has been done. Now I wish I would end it, I wish that tomorrow never comes, that I never see the sun rise. I wish I will close my eye to go to bed and I don't wake-up. Please take way the pain, make the suffering end, please I beg you, make it all stop please.
  11. Inside the closet you will find squirrels, be careful. Left of the _____ there is a_______ when the is_______
  12. zdude954

    nervous

    Well update, she talked to me a little bit today. She was tired and needed to go bed she told me she would ahold of me tomorrow. That really messed with my nerves. Now I sit here thinking what is she going to say?
  13. zdude954

    nervous

    Well to those of you who have read the blog post (beauty) the one before this one. Then you will know that I have been talking to someone, that I feel is very special person. But they do not see it for themselves. Well they found out how I feel about them. Now I am nervous, excited, scared. My instincts says hold my ground (to those who believe in spite animals, I am the wolf) that feels right, but my everything else says run. In my past love and feelings tied to it has been nothing but a mask for pain and suffering. But what's the worst that can happen, she says no I don't feel that way towards you and does not want to talk to me. I know it's still very young we only have been speaking for a little while now. But inside I feel it to be right, I feel it to be good. If she thinks and feels the same way I do not know.
  14. In restaurants I like to face door and windows, so one can sneak up on me.
  15. zdude954

    beauty

    Well I can't do anything more then be her friend and be there for her. I hope that if she see 's that, I am there for her. I just don't like "seeing" her down or put herself down.
  16. zdude954

    beauty

    But she does not know that, I don't have the heart to tell her. That's what everyone tells me, but look at what it has given me. Depression, separation anxiety, a hardened heart, it has given me such and I really don't know to thank it.
  17. zdude954

    beauty

    I hope so because to see her say she's not almost hurts. Because the person I see is beautiful. I hate seeing her say that about herself.
  18. When you recycle an aluminum can in about 60 days that same can is back on store shelf ready for to drink again.
  19. zdude954

    beauty

    I just feel that I will never be seen that way. That I am just a guy who is trying to make her feel better, which I am. But I would also like to be more then that to her. For me it was one of those feelings what knew it relay on, but it was masked or hidden. But the more I talk to her the more I feel it to be true.
  20. zdude954

    beauty

    Thank you for saying that. But my heart has gotten me into trouble to many times, my head says no my heart says yes. Now I am afraid, gut says stay back. When my gut speaks it's usually right. But I just don't know.
  21. zdude954

    beauty

    I have said before, The world is a garden and we are the flowers in the garden of life. We do not get to choose what flower we will be. But who says that the rose is the most beautiful flower? Who gets to say that the dandelion is the ugliest flower in the garden? Each is beautiful in it own rite. Not every flower blooms at the same time, maybe you will bloom in the later seasons. They say the last flowers of spring have the most beautiful bloom, because they needed more time. How you see yourself is how everyone else gets to see you. There is someone out there that will see you as their rose. I think I have found my rose I have never seen her in person. I have only talked to her but only online. But I don't need to she her to know she is a beautiful women. But she does not believe me, when I say that she is. She thinks she's not beautiful enough, that she's not fit enough, that no one wants her. No matter what I say no matter what I tell her she just says awww, thank you, that your too kind, that's sweet. So how do I tell her that she is, when she do not see it for herself? I have never seen her but I do not have to know she's a gorgeous women. I have seen her heart and I judged it to be pure, and beautiful. She's says it not but I know it is. But I just don't know if it's worth the trouble and give up, or should keep trying?
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