zdude954

I am dealing with a lot mentally it is starting to become more and more unstable, it does not help that I am all alone. That is the point of this is being alone, I know there are people that have a harder time then me and have gone threw much more then me. To the people that have families, a husband, a wife, engaged, or just a simple boy friend/ girl friend. It should be easiest to deal with if you have a husband or a wife, because at the end of the day you have someone to turn to. You have some one who love you who said, until death do us part. This will be big words coming from me, even though you do not want to burden them with your problems you don't want them to worry or even know. But guess what they said they love you once before I am will to bet they still do they married you. Now lets add kids to the picture, that should make it even easier because now when mommy or daddy comes home from work you have someone who is so excited to see you to tell you about your day. A married man or women you have the best support team Your Family. Now moving on to the people who are engaged your story is not quit as simple as a married person but not that different, it is still better then most. Yes in your relationship may not be as solid as a married person but you too want to start a life together. You both wanted to see each other at your worst and at your best. Well then let that person in show them what going on let them help you get better. If they say you know what I don't like what I see and I want out then guess what it was never going to work it was going to end sooner or later anyway. The saying, if I only would have known I would have helped comes to mind let them in, let them know, let them help you. Now people who have girl/boy friends yours is even less stable of a relationship then they other two because you are not sure if it will last. With yours it has the most what if's of the group. But the person wants to get to know you, to get to know all of you everything about you. Well.... show them let then in. To all groups listed look at the relationship page look at how many of them say my blah blah is suffering from X how can I help, what should I do to help. At the end of the day you have someone who wants to be there for you as you are there from them. That person wants to help you but you won't let them. Now to the group that in my mind has it the worst of all the single people. (I am not saying there life any worse or easier then someone else's but this is the group I fit in so yea) We have no one, at the end of the day who do we have to turn to everyone else has someone. Someone to turn to, someone to give them a hug, someone to pick them up and give a helping hand, who do we have? Friends? Friends that don't understand what's going on, friends that now abandon us when we cry help. Family? Family maybe you get lucky and your family is close together and are willing to help, what if your not that lucky and your family is not close? Who do we have to turn to? For us to get help we have to turn to outside sources for help we have to find help. Lets say you want someone in your life. Well now you have to deal with what going on in your life, deal with what ever mental issues your having, and now deal with hoping to find someone to love you. So you try online dating, because its none confrontational, you can do it at your own time. Well that profile will be the worst roller coaster you will ever go on in your life, if your suffering from anything. You get prof that no one wants you, but the moment someone does anything to your profile it feels great. Because a complete stranger noticed you and maybe said hi, or even just viewed your profile. I have been there I have done that I have deleted three different profiles on three different websites because now I prof that no one wants me. That I am alone and sad and scared. I can't tell you how many time I have cried at the end of the day because I will log in to look and nothing happened day after day, week after week. So to all the people suffering from something and you have someone in your life you should be so lucky because there are many more people out there that are suffering alone. That are turning to places like this, that are a beacon of light in hopes to find some comfort, some meaning, to hope someone will notice you. We all have are problems to different degrees, we all have are own struggles are own battles to fight. Please remember I am only seeing this as my eyes can see it, I am blind to what I don't know. It is my sad opinion.

To the question of why they are being harsh, my answer is idk why. I really wish I knew why they were. Well most of the people I called friend knew her before I started seeing her. The only people who hated my seeing her were my parents but that's understandable.

It seems to fit best in this thread. Four years ago now I used by a women, out of all her friends she was the only single person. So she went out and found the first person who would look at her. The relationship lasted about a year, when all of a sudden she said it was over. Well I asked thinking if it was something I did I don't want to do it again, she said I found someone else and it was over. Well she told me a name well I knew the name so I confronted that person asking question. I could see the look in his face he truly had no idea what's going on. So one of her friends approached me saying how sorry she was for not seeing it sooner because if she had she would have said something. So in that moment I put a wall up around my heart with an iron clad gate. So I moved away made some new friends new job. At my new job there was a very special women there who I liked a lot from the moment she said hi. Well months went by we started talking being friends. I thought she was happily married but her husband stopped being the man she married so relationship was on the rocks and failing. She told me one day it was like a light switch went off then she really liked me. So we started going out, it was going really slow because of the wall around my heart. As the days went on my heart was slowly warming. Well one day that wall came crashing down and down went the gate. She said I could see it and fell it falling down. I am the kind of guy where if it looks like the relationship is going very serious I will give you my heart to protect and keep it warm. Well she had it in the palm of her hands. Well the day she confronted him about a divorce, I guess it finally clicked in his head what he was doing wrong. Well I could see the change in her to. So I started to push her away and gently hurting her to make it easier for her to let me go. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep, what ever pain I caused her it hurt me ten fold (one time it about dropped me to me knees). So now we are at the present day, I lost my best friend/brother moved away I have no friends now. I tried making new ones, the few people who I thought were my friends want nothing to do with me. I have woken up some mornings crying because I woke up, I am always in pain and I want to go away. I have thought about ending it many times now just to make the pain go away. I can feel my heart hardening as the days go on, I do not remember what love feels like or a warm hug. It also does not help that I believe I do not deserve love or to feel affection now. The things that use to make me happy don't make me happy anymore. The people I have talked to do not understand because the answer I get back is change it, if you don't like it change it. My options list is growing shorter, and now I keep no hope for it to get any better.