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Blog Comments posted by zdude954

  1. 20 minutes ago, rainingviolets said:

    I understand because I, also, struggle with suicidal ideations. I'm sorry you're struggling so badly right now. When I get in that dark frame of mind and ending it seems like an entirely logical choice, I've learned that if I wait it out that eventually that feeling will pass. That has happened to me many times, and every time I've been glad I waited. Please give yourself the same chance. If you think people here would not be upset or saddened to learn that one of our own members had passed, you are mistaken. DF exists so that we can all draw mutual encouragement, support, and advice from each other. Take advantage of that! We are here for you. You think you don't have friends? You have an entire website full of them if you would just allow us to be that for you. I have been uplifted time and time again by the people here because they understand exactly what I'm feeling and what I'm going through because they have experienced it, too. Post something in the forum you're struggling with and get some feedback to help. Or  send someone a personal message if you're battling something more private or if you want to have a conversation with someone. There are personal conversations going on all over this board. Reach out and someone will reach back. Let us be there for you ~ especially now.

    I give myself so much time but they keep coming back, multiple times a day, every day, every week. I have also yet to be glad that I have not tired in a while. I can even be doing something I like to do and be happy but still be thinking about it. There is no end to it. People say good morning to me, I have replied back what makes it so good. I hate myself, I hate who I am, what I have done, the people I have hurt, the things I have said. I want a happily ever after but I do not deserve it, I deserve to die. I have hurt everyone I know in some way shape or form. If I was a better person a braver then maybe but I am not any of things. I look into a mirror and all I see is a fat ugly monster, people say I am a nice sweet guy but I do not believe them. You are right in one regard if people found a member past away from here they would be sad. But it's set up so will never know that, the profile is just unactive and leaves people not knowing they just don't get on. No one on here would ever find out. Like what your view of friends is, but I do not see it that way I never have and I never will. No one here can or will ever truly understand what I am going threw, they can't understand. Because I don't know so if I don't know how can they.

  2. 45 minutes ago, Jalen said:

     My parents always say "I don't like you playing (insert game here), it is too violent."

    When I could afford to buy my own console my father bought me two games halo, and fable two game known for violence. But even before that mortal combat, killer instinct, they would play with me sometimes.  Then I got super Mario Bros for the super Nintendo then to the N64. I played grand theft auto vice city at young age, I have yet to shoot anyone, done any drugs, stole a car. 

  3. 4 hours ago, nightrose said:

    How are you doing now?  

    Well to put it simply I feel broken, I feel like I am missing pieces of myself. I do not know what part or parts of me are broken and or gone but nothing feels right. I have eaten some but not three meals like two and a little snack. But my insides still feel funny uneasy. 

  4. I just feel that I will never be seen that way. That I am just a guy who is trying to make her feel better, which I am. But I would also like to be more then that to her. For me it was one of those feelings what knew it relay on, but it was masked or hidden. But the more I talk to her the more I feel it to be true.

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