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Oscar K

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  1. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from blueskys_lemondrops in Hurting   
    We are here for you with as much encouragement we can offer.
    My approach to depression involves invoking counteracting metaphors.
    Metaphors are tricks we play on ourselves by declaring one thing is something else when obviously it isn't.
    One  trick I find helpful is to metaphorically "anchor" myself outside my depression "cave".
    I try to remember that I am never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.
    Hope this helps even a little.
    Oscar
  2. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Bulgakov in Hi ^^   
    Welcome new friend to our forum.
    We are here for each other.
    Problems have solutions and we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.
    Please make yourself at home and keep posting your concerns.
    We will try to help. 
  3. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in Hi ^^   
    Welcome new friend to our forum.
    We are here for each other.
    Problems have solutions and we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.
    Please make yourself at home and keep posting your concerns.
    We will try to help. 
  4. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in hello =(   
    Feel free to post your concerns.
    We have all been through hell and we can take anything thrown at us.
    My motto: DESPAIR not/REPAIR a lot.
  5. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in hello =(   
    Welcome friend.
    You made a wise choice to join our forum.
    We are here for each other.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their deep, dark, dangerous depression abyss.
    Stick with us and yourself.
    Oscar
     
  6. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Nightjar in Just need to vent   
    Sorry to read about your problems.
    My message to our members is that we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.
    Personally I try to counteract the debilitating effects of depression with powerful and clever metaphors.
    Old Man Depression plays awful tricks on our psyches so my feeling is we should play some clever tricks right back.
    I try to keep myself metaphorically anchored outside my deep depression cave.
    Maybe this can help a little.
    Oscar
  7. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from anon22ae in Just need to vent   
    Sorry to read about your problems.
    My message to our members is that we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.
    Personally I try to counteract the debilitating effects of depression with powerful and clever metaphors.
    Old Man Depression plays awful tricks on our psyches so my feeling is we should play some clever tricks right back.
    I try to keep myself metaphorically anchored outside my deep depression cave.
    Maybe this can help a little.
    Oscar
  8. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in No future   
    Welcome new member to our forum family.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.
    We are not helpless when confronting Old Man Depression.
    Please stick with us and yourself.
    Looking forward to your posts and insights.
    We are here to help.
    Oscar
  9. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Nightjar in I am at my lowest point ever   
    Welcome new friend to our forum family.
    We are here for each other.
    My experience reveals depression to be a natural formation / resource.
    The emptiness you describe is of course metaphorical.
    We are not helpless when confronting Old Man Depression.
    My approach is to try to be clever with powerful metaphors.
    Please make yourself at home here and check out other posts.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.
    Oscar 
  10. Like
    Oscar K reacted to Epictetus in I am at my lowest point ever   
    I am so very sorry that you are suffering this unrelenting ordeal.  It is so heartbreaking.
    Since I am not a doctor or medical professional, I cannot offer any advice that you are or anyone could or should rely upon.  I can only share what has helped me personally in full awareness that what helps one person may not help another or may make them feel worse.
    I had to try many different antidepressants before I found one that worked.  You mention that Citalopram was ineffective.  For me, it was the first antidepressant that really worked. 
    Different antidepressants target different receptors in the brain or combinations of receptors.  Some primarily affect dopamine receptors.  Others affect norepinephrine or serotonin receptors.  Some antidepressants target combinations of receptors.  And there are even atypical antidepressants that work differently from others. 
    It took me some time, some very long and miserable time before I was able to find an antidepressant that helped me.  I think, but I could be wrong, that there are tests now that help physicians to know which antidepressants are more likely to work for each individual.
    Another thing that helped me greatly was something called 'cognitive therapy" although to be honest, I was helped more by reading self-help books by famous cognitive therapists than by face-to-face therapy.
    There is some research* that has linked depression to brain pathology, such as atrophy in regions of the brain, reduced regional cerebral blood flow and regional reduced energy utilization [glucose metabolism].
    Stress is thought by some researchers* to be linked to these forms of brain pathology because  exposure of the brain to the stress hormones in excess can cause brain atrophy according to many studies.*  The stress hormones exist for emergency situations.  But many people experience a sense of life or death urgency in situations that are not life or death and so their brains are constantly bathed in stress hormones.
    Stress can also come from hidden sources.  For example, I was raised to be a kind of perfectionist.  I was taught to always look at things from the point of view of "could be better, but isn't better."  I looked at myself this way and others.  I gradually came to look at most things from this point of view. 
    Looking at things from the point of view of "could be better, but isn't better" tends to produce certain feelings and moods:  disappointment, aggravation, frustration, anger, guilt, sadness and joyless striving and sadness. 
    Until I was taught "cognitive therapy" I never realized that things looked the way they looked because of the way I looked at them. 
    There is a whole other way of looking at things:  "could be worse, but isn't worse."  Every person, thing and event in the world can be looked at in either way because every person, thing and event in the world "could be better, but isn't better" and at the same time "could be worse, but isn't worse."
    But getting stuck in the "could be better, but isn't better" frame of mind is depressogenic.  And it creates stress which is also depressogenic. 
    The "could be worse, but isn't worse" way of looking at things tends to produce feelings and moods of appreciation, gratitude and of being lucky or blessed.  It tends to engender feelings and moods of peace and joy of living. 
    Many people are able to move between the two ways of looking at things.  But it seems that in depression, a person gets stuck in the "could be better" mindset. 
    Sometimes a combination of medication and therapy can be helpful.  At least that was the case for me.  My antidepressant helped a lot but it was only when I was able to change my default outlook of "could be better" to "could be worse" that I started to really get better.
    Awhile back I talked to a student who said she was bad, worthless and no good because she did not get straight A's in school [perfectionism].  She had lost perspective.  This is characteristic of perfectionism.
    So I told her that a couple of men in the last 100 years had caused the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children through campaigns of genocide and forced starvation, men like Hitler and Stalin. 
    This girl had not caused the destruction of tens of millions of people.  She was far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from a failure like these genocidal dictators had made.  So her feelings of being worthless and bad were excessive and grossly out of proportion to her not getting straight A's.
    As I talked to her, I could see that her depressogenic thinking extended far and wide:  She said her parents were no good, her life was no good, her family was no good, her friends were no good.  She saw her past, present and future through the lens of her perfectionism.  It wasn't really the world that was making her feel bad.  It was her way of looking at the world.
    I was kind of like that girl for most of my life . . . always looking at things from the perspective of "could be better, but isn't better."  In my case, it took effective medication and therapy to gradually free myself of this.
    I think you are a good person struggling heroically with an awful illness.  I do not think you are a failure. 
    There are countless things about you that are worthy of appreciation and being treasured, not only by you but by your girl friend and children.  In your life so far, you have done countless little and big acts of bravery, intelligence, beauty, kindness and goodness of all kinds. 
    We all have weaknesses and make mistakes.  It is important to try to keep perspective in all this.  You do no have any weaknesses and have not made any mistakes that have resulted in genocide.  You are far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from being a failure or bad person.
    It would be nice if the people in your life appreciated and treasured you and perhaps they do.  I hope you will be able to appreciate and treasure yourself.
    Please do not give up on medical treatment for you depression.  It can take awhile to find what works.
    I hope you find these Forums helpful to you in your search for answers.  My deepest apologies if anything I have said has been incorrect or unhelpful or has made you feel worse.  It is so hard to know what to say to a fellow sufferer of depression that will be helpful. 
    Hopefully you will get many responses to your post and will find words that are really helpful.  I wish you only the very, very best here on these Forums and in your life.  It is a great pleasure and honor to have met you and I look forward to reading anything you decide to post here.  I think you are very heroic!
    Epictetus
    *All medical research is subject to limitations which affect the truth value of their conclusions.  Some of these limitations are scope and range of study, size of study, duration of study, objectivity of study, confounding factors, contrary studies, new discoveries and other factors.
  11. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in I am at my lowest point ever   
    Welcome new friend to our forum family.
    We are here for each other.
    My experience reveals depression to be a natural formation / resource.
    The emptiness you describe is of course metaphorical.
    We are not helpless when confronting Old Man Depression.
    My approach is to try to be clever with powerful metaphors.
    Please make yourself at home here and check out other posts.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.
    Oscar 
  12. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Asterix in I am at my lowest point ever   
    Welcome new friend to our forum family.
    We are here for each other.
    My experience reveals depression to be a natural formation / resource.
    The emptiness you describe is of course metaphorical.
    We are not helpless when confronting Old Man Depression.
    My approach is to try to be clever with powerful metaphors.
    Please make yourself at home here and check out other posts.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.
    Oscar 
  13. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from samadhiSheol in depression what to do when you cant escape it anymore   
    Welcome new friend to our forum.
    Depression does trick us into a metaphorical dark place.
    Our goal here is to not leave anyone behind in their deep, dark, dangerous depression cave.
    Keep posting and we will try to help you as best we can.
    Oscar
  14. Like
    Oscar K reacted to Epictetus in depression what to do when you cant escape it anymore   
    I also want to welcome you here kjoneida.  I am so very sorry you are feeling in a dark place.  Hopefully these Forums will be helpful to you.  Sometimes it is only those going through the same or similar things who can understand.  I have the greatest admiration for people like you who are raising children.  I think people like you are the real heroes in the world.  What does the doctor who manages your prescriptions say about the suffering you are experiencing?  
  15. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in depression what to do when you cant escape it anymore   
    Welcome new friend to our forum.
    Depression does trick us into a metaphorical dark place.
    Our goal here is to not leave anyone behind in their deep, dark, dangerous depression cave.
    Keep posting and we will try to help you as best we can.
    Oscar
  16. Like
    Oscar K reacted to nojoy in the other serenity prayer   
    I came across this online and thought I'd share it.
     
    The Other Serenity Prayer
    God (or the entity you believe in), grant me the serenity to stop beating myself up for not doing things perfectly,
    The courage to forgive myself because I am working on doing better and
    the wisdom to know that I am loved.   --Unknown
     
  17. Like
    Oscar K reacted to jkd_sd in Empty Crying   
    This is only my personal opinion.  Maybe you were trying to have feelings with your crying but they did not come through.  That may be why you felt the need to cut. 
    Please get some professional help.  You deserve better than this.    (((Hugs)))
  18. Like
    Oscar K reacted to JD4010 in Am I cursed or just born to be miserable?   
    When I was younger, I was one of those Christians who supposedly lived a happy life with a wonderful family. I'm sure it appeared that way to anyone who looked at me. But in truth, I was miserable most of the time...and it only got worse. like @depressedand said above, much of my life was lived behind a facade while I got progressively more depressed and even suicidal.
    After decades of absolute misery, I'm alone again now...actually, in part because of a dear friend of mine who used to be in this forum. I am much happier now, though constantly broke.
    I guess what I"m saying is, don't let other people's appearance of happiness convince you that they are leading great lives. Many aren't. When I was in my 20s, I thought I was but it soon turned out to be a nightmare in actual fact.
    Take it slow and easy...you're still young! I know that sounds kinda crazy but from my vantage point at 60 years of age, it definitely is young!
  19. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from JD4010 in Am I cursed or just born to be miserable?   
    Welcome new friend to our forum family.
    My opinion is that no one should be alone and miserable.
    Please make yourself at home here and keep posting your concerns.
    We try to help each other as best we can.
    My motto is : DESPAIR not / REPAIR a lot.
    Oscar 
  20. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Atra in Hello from a Newbie!   
    I would also like to welcome you to our forum family.
    Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their deep, dark, dangerous depression cave.
    We are here for each other so make yourself at home.
    Oscar
  21. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Epictetus in A new foreigner   
    Welcome new friend.
    There is hope and help with depression issues.
    Keep posting your concerns and we will be here for you and all our members.
    Oscar
  22. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Floor2017 in It’s Ok to Expect the Impossible   
    Actually "Through the Looking Glass" but an excellent observation.
    Metaphors are impossible things because they only exist when we imagine, pretend and make believe them into existence.
  23. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from jkd_sd in It’s Ok to Expect the Impossible   
    Thanks Mr. Floor.
    Always willing to offer whatever support I can.
    When we invoke a metaphor we are changing our thinking ever so much.
    The change can be positive or negative depending on how clever we are.
    We need to keep lighting those candles and refrain from cursing the darkness as best we can.
  24. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from jkd_sd in It’s Ok to Expect the Impossible   
    The depression "cave" is the avoidable situation if we recognize the nature of it.
    It won't just go away but it can be put to use.
    That is my approach and it really does help me.
    Hopefully it can help others.
    Oscar 
  25. Like
    Oscar K got a reaction from Floor2017 in It’s Ok to Expect the Impossible   
    Thanks Mr. Floor.
    Always willing to offer whatever support I can.
    When we invoke a metaphor we are changing our thinking ever so much.
    The change can be positive or negative depending on how clever we are.
    We need to keep lighting those candles and refrain from cursing the darkness as best we can.
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