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Sofishticated

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  1. My anxiety is triggered heavily by my health. Every time I feel or think something that I'm not expecting, my heart almost instantly starts racing. It's incredibly limiting because I now subconsciously associate being hot or having a fast heart beat with negative emotions such as fear and stress. It had definitely spawned a light depression because I am a very active individual. Even played sports in college. I used to run half marathons and would love the runners high. Now I feel almost stuck in my house because I'm afraid something is going to trigger me while I'm out and I'm not going to be able to control my fear.
  2. Thanks for your response nutty. I have only recently experienced a mild depression because of recurring panic attacks and what I believe to be a bit of agoraphobia myself. I would say that I'm much better than I was in January but am still having a difficult time letting myself trust my emotions again. I guess it makes me feel out of control or something like that and I am scared I will have another panic attack if I am not constantly checking myself for how I feel physically and emotionally. That seems to be the biggest thing for me to overcome in order to genuinely be recovered. It's a difficult cycle to break because as soon as I start feeling well and enjoying things, my mind tells me to check over my entire body to make sure nothing is wrong which then leads me back to being dissociated/out of it. That being said, does listening to music like that seem to be a sustainable and reliable way to pull you out of a depression and make you feel normal?
  3. Lynn, thank you for your good wishes. Fizzle, you seem incredibly knowledgeable on this topic. I have tried cbt but only slightly as my therapist did not help much. He claimed to be an advocate of cbt but I don't feel as though he actually offered any sort of help with what I was experiencing. Is there a way that I could possibly attempt some sort of cbt myself? I definitely think you're right about me feeling depersonalized/derealized because I do find myself feeling like I barely remember things that have just recently happened. And I also feel like I am always on guard waiting for my anxiety to catch up to me which in return causes more anxiety. I'm just not particularly certain what to do about this vicious cycle.
  4. I experienced depersonalization from the end of December to the end of February. As of late, I haven't experienced it. Mainly what I'm experiencing now, if my research is accurate, is dissociation. I'll have times when I'm feeling great and then a little while afterwards I will feel as if I can barely remember it or as if it were all a dream. From what I understand, it is some sort of defense mechanism for the brain or something like that? All of this started from a series of panic attacks back in December and it actually led to a small bout with depression. That has also subsided thank goodness. I do believe being sick or feeling like something is wrong with me gives me an excuse to feel this way because I have never had anything like this happen before. I don't have a history of this sort of thing which is why I think I can't bounce back as easily as I want.
  5. I wouldn't even know where to start. What would you like to talk about? How have things been since you originally posted this?
  6. Hi guys, I posted this in the DID section but thought it may get a little more attention here.. I would love a little feedback from anyone with a little more experience in this area than I have. Basically where I'm at in my life is a place where I feel like I have gotten past the worst of my panic attacks and anxiety but have yet to return to what I would consider completely "normal". I feel like I am in some sort of limbo or something and am right on the edge of getting my life back but there is something (I don't know what) holding me back. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can elaborate further if you're interested!
  7. Hi guys, I posted this in the DID section but thought it may get a little more attention here.. I would love a little feedback from anyone with a little more experience in this area than I have. Basically where I'm at in my life is a place where I feel like I have gotten past the worst of my panic attacks and anxiety but have yet to return to what I would consider completely "normal". I feel like I am in some sort of limbo or something and am right on the edge of getting my life back but there is something (I don't know what) holding me back. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can elaborate further if you're interested!
  8. Hi guys, I would love a little feedback from anyone with a little more experience in this area than I have. Basically where I'm at in my life is a place where I feel like I have gotten past the worst of my panic attacks and anxiety but have yet to return to what I would consider completely "normal". I feel like I am in some sort of limbo or something and am right on the edge of getting my life back but there is something (I don't know what) holding me back. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can elaborate further if you're interested!
  9. Callisto, I experienced some pretty severe DID for roughly ~4months and am finally starting to recover from it. I would love to talk to you about it if you're still on here
  10. Thanks for all the responses. It's good to know I'm not alone all the time. In response, I'm a 23 year old male. I have been trying my best to stay active and I cab honestly say that has helped tremendously. Wallowing is self pity was not a healthy solution to what I was experiencing. I realize that now. Going out and being active even though I don't want to is helping get my mind off of these horrible few months. And for what it's worth, sunshine, I am currently seeing a Christian psychologist who is helping a lot as well. Thank you for your prayers. I have been feeling noticeably better lately. I think I may be on the way out of this dark hole that I've been in. Thank goodness!
  11. Thanks for responding guys. I am not currently taking anything. I just stopped taking generic Prozac 3 days ago. I was thinking that it could be a discontinuation symptom but it was such a small dose for only a month I don't think it could have made me feel this way. To be fair, I do have a very low tolerance for any drug. So it could be that. But being stoned is a good way to put it. I just feel like I'm drifting about my day. It is particulalrly severe in the mornings and seems to get slightly better towards the evening. I also catch myself forgetting that it happened and then stressing about that which in turn brings me back to that terrible state of mind..
  12. Hi guys. Sofishticated here. I have been experiencing some rather uncomfortable feelings of emotional numbness lately. I wanted to probe your thoughts and see if anyone has had anything similar happen to them and what they did to overcome it. So as of late, I have been experiencing the following symptoms: 1. I feel like I'm half asleep all the time. Even as I'm writing this, my eyes are half shut. I got plenty of sleep last night and even went to the gym today. Still feeling like I'm only half awake. 2. Nothing interests me at all. I feel so entirely numb- no highs, no lows, no real emotion at all. 3. I feel like there is a sheet or some sort of film over my head/eyes/life. Nothing is sharp. Everything feels so very dull. 4. I literally have no motivation to do anything. And when I do actually do something, I receive no satisfaction from doing it. 5. Not even exercise makes me feel alive/awake. I feel like I'm just existing in some sort of dream state. A little background- I have experienced full blown depersonalization before and it did not feel like this. This feels like I am right on the edge of becoming a real, living, human being but am still not able to fully enjoy life. So, my question to you all is when does this go away? I feel so useless and pointless. I feel like my life has no meaning. I stopped taking fluoxetine 10mg 3 days ago but had only been taking it for a month so I don't think that has a lot to do with it because I felt this way (only worse) while taking the medicine. Any advice would be fantastic. Thanks. -Sofishticated
  13. Hi. Tonight is my 30th night taking 10mg fluoxetine and to be honest, things haven't been that great. I have noticed an increase in mood lately but I can't help but think that is just the old me shining through this anxiety/depression episode. The main things that have been concerning me are my right ear will ring randomly at time and that I have been having chest pains. I have had 2 EKGs done and both have come up great. I exercise regularly but cannot shake the feeling in my chest. It almost feels as though its hollow at times. If not hollow, then I will have a sharp-ish pain on the left side of my sternum. Has anyone felt anything like this? Can anyone offer some optimistic words of encouragement for someone struggling with anxiety and depression for the first time in their life?
  14. Hi Melaniemarie. I am at the exact same time frame you are with 10mg fluoxetine. Today is my 30th day. I am also experiencing a lot (if not all) of the same effects you are. Have you improved any in the week since you posted this?
  15. Hi there. I have come to this forum in an effort to find some answers as to what I've been experiencing in my life lately. For those of you who care, I would absolutely love any type of feedback as I can feel myself slowly losing touch with the person I used to be. I am absolutely terrified of losing who I was. I used to be so happy and full of life. I used to have it all together. I had a perfect life with friends, a girlfriend, and hobbies I cared deeply about. However, in the middle of December, all of that changed and I cannot for the life of me seem to bring back that person. I want to give you all the details so that maybe somebody will be able to tell me what has happened to me. Everything started at once which is why I am so overwhelmed with all of this. Anyway, one morning I was at work and was having a very normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary- no strange feelings, thoughts, desires, just normal- I was eating a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from McDonalds and drinking a Monster Energy. (I used to drink these very frequently and had never experienced any adverse effects). I was called into a meeting which we have every day. I sat down and began to feel this strange sensation of confusion, dizziness, and lightheadedness. I had never experienced anything like this before in my entire life. The disoriented feeling lasted about an hour and a half and then subsided. I continued about my day as normal and thought nothing else about it. The next day, I was driving to work and drinking a mixture of Berocca (for mental focus and alertness) and water. I generally drank this mixture every day before work because I liked the feeling of mental clarity. I was passing a car on the way to work and reached a speed of about 85 mph and my heart rate increased. However, my heart rate did not go back down as I had anticipated that it would. It stayed elevated for a period of time and scared me severely. Eventually, my heart rate subsided and I continued about my day. Since this was the second day in a row something strange had happened, I began to become hyper aware of my heart rate which sent my body into a sort of panic mode. Over the next few days, I was plagued with random heart rate increases that I could not explain. I quit caffeine cold turkey and began to experience the withdrawal symptoms from it. I stopped eating because I thought eating would make my heart rate go up. It made me sick to think about something happening to me so I ended up losing ~14lbs in a week. I was constantly shaking and shivering from the withdrawals as well as the insane amount of anxiety I brought upon myself in fear that I would have a heart attack at any second. Unfortunately, my situation only declined from there. With it being Christmas time, I was forced to go to parties and such and be around people. This was a horrible time for me because I only wanted to stay home and get well- not be around people. Nonetheless, I went to the parties and slowly fell into a derealization/depersonalization spell. This was the most horrifying time in my life because as I stated before, I have never had a single anxiety or depression related thought and now everything was happening at once. When the depersonalization started, I had no idea what it was. I was so scared all the time that I was actually going insane that I intensified the symptoms. One night, at a Christmas party with my girlfriend, I finally broke. I was sitting at the table eating dinner when my first panic attack came on. I was so confused and scared that I ran outside and started bawling crying. It was after this that I decided to go to the doctor and see if anything was physically wrong with me. After an EKG, the doctor concluded that there was nothing wrong with my heart. I was relatively relieved but still felt detached from the real world. As time went on, so did my depersonalization. I remained this way for what seemed like an eternity but was actually only 2 months (about the middle-end of February). Before the depersonalization completely left me, a buddy of mine gave me an Adderall to help me focus at work because he noticed I had been sort of detached from everyone at work. I took the pill (20mg IR) and felt decent but was primarily concerned I was going to have a heart attack the entire time. Fortunately, I did not. Since I am not prescribed Adderall, any dose makes me not want to eat. So I did not eat for about a day but did not think much about it. The next night, I went bowling with my dad and on the ride home was absolutely annihilated by an overwhelming feeling of utter hopelessness. Never in my life would I have ever been able to imagine how terrible this feeling was. And, as it were, this was my very first instance of suicidal ideation. I did not have a plan for ******* myself, but genuinely thought I would never be happy again and would be better off dead so I wouldn't feel this way. This feeling horrified me because I have never been suicidal or ever even considered thinking about something like that. I have always been a happy-go-lucky type of person and would scoff at the idea of something so ridiculous. But it happened to me and I have never been so convinced that being dead was a better alternative than what I was currently feeling. After that night, I returned to my doctor and was immediately prescribed Ativan .5mg and Fluoxetine 10mg. I have been taking Fluoxetine for about 30 days now and have not yet returned to my old self. The reason I have finally decided to post to an anonymous forum is because today after work, I drank 2 beers by the pool and felt awful. I have drank before while taking this medication but have never felt like this. I had plans to go out tonight and hang out with some friends but was defeated by a crying spell that barely seems real now to be honest.. I am truly looking for answers or advice from someone..anyone.. I can't go on living my life like this. I am so miserable all the time and it is just not who I am. I miss who I used to be and I want him to come back so I can continue living the life I was supposed to live. Any contact would be amazing. I feel so alone in all of this even because no one I know has any idea what this illness feels like.. Thanks in advance for your comments, Sofishticated
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