Jump to content
Donate Now Read more... ×

samadhiSheol

Platinum Member
  • Content Count

    2,532
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    21

Reputation Activity

  1. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to RiverLight for a status update,   
  2. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, Elvis, are you out there somewhere Looking like a happy man? In the snow with Rosebud   
    Elvis, are you out there somewhere
    Looking like a happy man?
    In the snow with Rosebud
    And king of the mountain

    The wind, it blows
    The wind, it blows the door closed
     
    Kate Bush -  King of the Mountain
  3. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, R.I.P Aretha Franklin   
    R.I.P
    Aretha Franklin
  4. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, R.I.P Aretha Franklin   
    R.I.P
    Aretha Franklin
  5. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere. A couple of storms and t   
    I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere.
    A couple of storms and the weather persistently just under 30 degrees Celsius. Not bad if you have a lake to swim in 😉 and a bottle of chilled grüner veltliner..
    Love you guys.
     
  6. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere. A couple of storms and t   
    I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere.
    A couple of storms and the weather persistently just under 30 degrees Celsius. Not bad if you have a lake to swim in 😉 and a bottle of chilled grüner veltliner..
    Love you guys.
     
  7. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere. A couple of storms and t   
    I’m barely on the grid at the mo.. in the middle of nowhere.
    A couple of storms and the weather persistently just under 30 degrees Celsius. Not bad if you have a lake to swim in 😉 and a bottle of chilled grüner veltliner..
    Love you guys.
     
  8. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from Tilted for a status update, What doesn't ki ll me just makes me weaker and more hopeless. There is nothing to fig   
    What doesn't ki  ll me just makes me weaker and more hopeless. There is nothing to fight for and nowhere to go. Pain misery and death is all there is.
  9. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life. If I met my younger sel   
    I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life.
    If I met my younger self and had to tell him something about life I’d probably end up on my knees crying, telling him life is hardship, disappointment and death.
    “There’s no fcuking treasure at the end of the rainbow, laddie”.
    I am a hopeless loser. I wish I was ****ing dead.
  10. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JD4010 for a status update, I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life. If I met my younger sel   
    I hate myself and the sheer failure I am in coping with life.
    If I met my younger self and had to tell him something about life I’d probably end up on my knees crying, telling him life is hardship, disappointment and death.
    “There’s no fcuking treasure at the end of the rainbow, laddie”.
    I am a hopeless loser. I wish I was ****ing dead.
  11. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from hocico for a status update, "Off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!" In other words seeing my new the   
    "Off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!"
    In other words seeing my new therapist in 40 minutes or so. If there is anything to report, I'll blog it. 
    Definitely not in Kansas anymore.
  12. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from Chaosandsun for a status update, Seeing new therapist in 10 minutes. Paranoia kicking in. Great. Might get a parking t   
    Seeing new therapist in 10 minutes. Paranoia kicking in. Great. Might get a parking ticket. What will I say to the therapist??
    Oh wait..ANXIETY kicking in too. This will be interesting.
  13. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from Chaosandsun for a status update, Seeing new therapist in 10 minutes. Paranoia kicking in. Great. Might get a parking t   
    Seeing new therapist in 10 minutes. Paranoia kicking in. Great. Might get a parking ticket. What will I say to the therapist??
    Oh wait..ANXIETY kicking in too. This will be interesting.
  14. Sad
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from Asta for a status update, I think I'll just fc uk off. Goodbye.   
    I think I'll just fc uk off. Goodbye.
  15. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello to everyone, that is hello to the two people that are on mine right now and to   
    Hello to everyone, that is hello to the two people that are on mine right now and to those that will get on later. I'm sorry I've not been around much as I have had one physical illness after another. I cannot sleep tonight it's 3:41 AM here and like this guy posted about, I too am not only lost, but also I feel like a completely broken man. I got a new puppy about a month ago and that brought some joy into my life. But being so sick, I guess I have lost it with her a couple times. The other day she once again on my floor and I threw her out and I cursed God, like I do too often and told him to please quit playing games with me, that he sent this dog into my already screwed up world only to on me and I could not care less if she came back or not. Well guess what, she did not come back all day long and I do she was dead somewhere. I absolutely fell apart like never before that I know of and cried so hard I thought my head would explode. I told God how sorry I was and to please let Keegan come back as she was going to be my one and only loving companion after losing my other dog. I told God that I give up and I give it all to you, that I surrender and I just want to die or if it's your will I want to live but nowhere near like I have been living for the past 20 ****ing years. I was so sick with my stomach the pain was worse than ever and I was vomiting all night long, I was and still am as broken as I think I ever have been. At 2:00 AM that night I went into the kitchen for no particular reason and Keegan my puppy was scratching at the back door. She came in shaking with stuff all over her like she'd been stuck somewhere and probably did not know what to think of me as I was crying my eyes out for joy or something. It occurred to me that God had brought her back or at least that's what I thought that night. I guess he did because also when I surrendered all the that's been going on with me I did feel somewhat of a weight lifted. I have been at bottom many times and I am there now and I am just hoping things will get better and I can start climbing back up again somehow. Because if I can't then I have it all planned out, I will end it because it's been long enough and it's been way too hard for me here for the past year. And no I most likely will not do it as I am too much of a coward but at least I have a plan. Sorry to get on here and be so negative I guess but that's what I am tonight and this is where I'm able to let it all out. Thank you I will try to come back on more often... Your friend always Quentin..PS: sorry Lindsay for the image I know I'm not allowed but give me a break please, I'm trying to be more positive even when it doesn't work

  16. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to RiverLight for a status update, Inspirational quote of the day!   
    Inspirational quote of the day!


  17. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from Camellia for a status update, I'm coming down with something. I'm ill with something most time nowadays. I can't.se   
    I'm coming down with something. I'm ill with something most time nowadays. I can't.see it getting better. Like nothing else in my life.
    My self-loathing is at an all time peak. 
    This would be a good time not to wake up tomorrow to this pointless existence anymore. If you are up there god I hope you are listening. Take this scab from the earth.
    Not that I believe in god.
     How I despise myself. 
    For these words. The failure that is me. This constant emptiness and ever-growing detatchment I feel.
    For this FCKING ANGER I constantly feel. 
     
  18. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to RiverLight for a status update, 30 days to happiness! =)   
    30 days to happiness! =)


  19. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to hocico for a status update, Like your new avatar :)   
    Like your new avatar :)
  20. Like
    samadhiSheol reacted to Natasha1 for a status update, I wonder if i wil get around to transplanting 50 tomato plants tomorrow? Cannot let i   
    I wonder if i wil get around to transplanting 50 tomato plants tomorrow? Cannot let it get out of hand again...the peppers will need it soon.
  21. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from toofast for a status update, I'm out of of place, out of time, out of myself. Everything feels wrong. I've said th   
    I'm out of of place, out of time, out of myself.
    Everything feels wrong.
    I've said this before. This isn't my life I'm living. 
    Somebody, SOMETHING writing this is an imposter.
    The Imposter wants something he could call his own.
    Authenticity.
    Or he wants death.
    Perhaps they aren't mutually exlusive.
  22. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from PossiblyConflicted for a status update, Saying people are like beasts to one another is an insult to animal kingdom. The one   
    Saying people are like beasts to one another is an insult to animal kingdom.
    The one defining characteristic differenting humans from animals is not our sense of compassion.
    Animals don't hold a grudge. Thst's all there is to it.
    We hate. We are callous. We want to HURT for the smallest of reasons. Oh yes and we hold grudges.
    I hate myself because I belong to this dysfunctional species we call humanity. Actually that's only one of the reasons but I digress.
    A year and a day ago. I had enough courage to sign up on df. I thought it would help me deal with what the f... is wrong with me. I've always felt estranged and detached from people irl but it's the same on df too. Any online forum/social media/whatever too.  
    Well, df hasn't helped. It took me a while to open up on df and now I feel I shouldn't have at all. There doesnt seem to be much point. I feel vulnerable in all the bad ways and it has done nothing at all to alleviate my tendancies for paranoia, self-hate, moodswings, mindless rages..the list is endless.
    I'm a pessimist, ladies and gentlemen. After years of fruitless efforts to better myself and my situation I don't see anything getting any better for me or the rest of the world. I don't know who I am, neither will ever know. I hate. Myself and the world. I hate, therfore I am human. hahaha.
    I'm thinking of leaving df for good. and hoping I have the courage to do what I should have done a long time ago.
    Or "hoping" for a miracle. Because nothing short of a miracle will save me or this sad world we live in.
     
  23. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from gandolfication for a status update, My life is a waste of time. Why can't I give this life to someone who actually wants   
    My life is a waste of time. Why can't I give this life to someone who actually wants to live? 
  24. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JohnDamascene for a status update, Ministry Isle of man Nice place Clean water Fresh air Blue skies Like pirates We trie   
    Ministry
    Isle of man
     
    Nice place
    Clean water
    Fresh air
    Blue skies
    Like pirates
    We tried it
    We took what we deserved
    Half million
    Years later
    We'd used up
    Our reserves
    We're crying
    'what happened?'
    We get what we deserve
    We get what we deserve
    We get instead the isle of man
    The isle of man

    I've wandered
    Through forests
    With our garbage
    Waist-high
    Can't clean it
    I mean it
    We get what we deserve
    Grey mornings
    Grey evenings
    It's growing
    On my nerves
    Just gases
    You fascists
    You get what you deserve
    You get what you deserve
    You get instead the isle of man
    The isle of man

    I'm writing
    This letter
    So no one
    Will forget
    Some future
    Cave dweller
    Will find these notes an isle of man
    The isle of man
  25. Like
    samadhiSheol got a reaction from JohnDamascene for a status update, Ministry Isle of man Nice place Clean water Fresh air Blue skies Like pirates We trie   
    Ministry
    Isle of man
     
    Nice place
    Clean water
    Fresh air
    Blue skies
    Like pirates
    We tried it
    We took what we deserved
    Half million
    Years later
    We'd used up
    Our reserves
    We're crying
    'what happened?'
    We get what we deserve
    We get what we deserve
    We get instead the isle of man
    The isle of man

    I've wandered
    Through forests
    With our garbage
    Waist-high
    Can't clean it
    I mean it
    We get what we deserve
    Grey mornings
    Grey evenings
    It's growing
    On my nerves
    Just gases
    You fascists
    You get what you deserve
    You get what you deserve
    You get instead the isle of man
    The isle of man

    I'm writing
    This letter
    So no one
    Will forget
    Some future
    Cave dweller
    Will find these notes an isle of man
    The isle of man
×