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Everything posted by samadhiSheol

  1. In the rare instances I can calm my mind and silence the eternal natter in my head, I hear, see, feel absolutely nothing. All there is is a void, a suffocating nothing that smothers and compresses. That is the true nature of existence, ladies and gentlmen. That is essence of the cosmos. Nothingness, futility and indifference. There is nothing out that cares are we alive or dead. I have no intention of sticking around any longer than I have to.
  2. I don’t even know what that means. And it’s not as if I don’t do anything. In a sense I am doing just that. Thing is, everything is pointless. Anyhow, on who’s authority is “serving others” gospel? Yeah, the money thing. I would stop working, at least at my current job. The minute I would I had enough to go on the rest of my impotent, meaningless life. And spend it on a slow, mind numbing decline into oblivion and death. The world doesn’t want to be better. The world can go and f uck itself as far as I am concerned. Please shut the door when you leave. The planet would be a better place without us. No effort on humanity’s part will ever make things better. We are incapable. All humanity does is destroy and exploit and vote for cretins like the yellow basket case who’s name rhymes with dump. And believe me I am no better. In fact I hate myself even more, if that is even possible.
  3. Nothing much to add really. I can’t be bothered with anything. Nothing is enjoyable. I don’t like anything. I don’t like myself, if there even is a self to like. I am not good at anything. I hate my job and indeed all my jobs I have ever had. I hate this world we live in. I don’t trust anyone. Most days I feel threatened, of what though I am not really sure. Perhaps I am allergic to life. What the fx the point in living?
  4. Thing is though, it’s all crystal clear and CERTAIN when you are paranoid enough. I get triggered from the news for example. I don’t trust anything I hear or see at face value. So if I witness enough crap on tv or wherever, I question what I perceive as reality. Everything. I don’t trust anyone, not a soul, irl. I don’t talk about how I feel because I am constantly misunderstood. When I did, a long time ago, I was either not taken seriously or my feelings and thoughts were questioned. Not REAL. Attention seeker. Not the real YOU. WTF!? So what are “real” thoughts?? And who the f uck is the real “me”??? Lack of trust in people, in life and also low self esteem. So I don’t believe in myself either, Sometimes I get paranoid enough to think I am not real. I am a simulacrum. Something Philip K. D ick might have written about. I still think there is strong argument that df isn’t real. That none of you are real. that I am not real either. That this is all a sick game. Little wonder I want to end this existence.
  5. Paranoia creeping in. It's the old "DF is a test and no one actually exists here, you are all computer generated and the test is to see how far it can go until he snaps" - routine.
  6. Oh wow, that’s awesome! Though if I did that, I would sound like something out of the Exorcist movie.. Then again..so what!?
  7. I am sad to hear you feel this way @Zagor, though I suppose we all feel this way, more or less. You are definitely not alone! I am sorry about my post above(though I do stand by it), I came a bit strong and that is one of my “issues”(and believe me they are legion..). Your feelings are real to YOU and that is what counts. What we can at least attempt to do is listen to each other and try and alleviate the angst/anxiety we all experience. I am not an expert, but humanity has been at this crossroads before. Pandemics come and go and though COVID is serious it is by no means the worst humanity has experienced. There are more people on this planet, more traveling and as we don’t have a general immunity or a vaccine(YET), it does make people more ill and there are more fatalities than “normal” infuenza” strains. Though saying that, a whole lot of people die of influenza annually and it has more or less been an accepted fact. There is a lot we don’t know about this particular virus as yet, but it would seem one of the reasons it has attacked the USA so violently (apart from a certain head of state being a total arse about COVID), is the pathetic state of its health care system and underlining illnesses people have. Obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases and a load of other base illnesses people have make them more prone to the more serious symptoms of COVID. Yes, there have been fit 20 or 30 somethings who have had it bad and a few have indeed died of COVID, but they are the in the minority. . There is a lot we don’t know about COVID, indeed I read somewhere there is a whole lot we still don’t understand about viruses in general. But chances are that something like COVID might even be a blessing in disguise. This might be a catalyst to gain more knowledge about viruses and might even be a start(baby steps) of some sort of multinational co-operation in fighting pandemics in the future. If that happened, who knows where it could lead! (I am not normally this upbeat and positive, but it IS a possibility). Another reason the western countries in general seem to get more COVID fatalities is the fact that the demographics in many western countries has changed radically in the past two decades or so. There are more elderly people in Countries like the USA, UK, Italy, France Spain than ever before in human history..And any disease will hit elderly people worse, that is in general. And of course obesity and illnesses related to obesity are on the rise pretty much all over Europe and the USA, thanks to our penchant for sugars and fats that our global food industry is capitalizing on wonderfully.. I don’t know if this rant helps or not, but I hope you can feel better, @Zagor. You deserve to.
  8. I just have to say something here and I mean no disrespect to anyone here. Neither do I mean to undermine anyone's opinions. But come on guys. Conspiracy theories do not stand any kind of scrutiny. It's not a case of "the illuminati" as it is about the "illiterati". Somewhere down the line, in this social media - riddled world we live in, critical thinking and critical reading has been tossed out the window, and now we believe in the crap any tom, d ick or harry spew out in blogs, YouTube channels or tweets. It's all taken as gospel and we choose to believe it. Why do we do that? A few reasons come to mind. But for the main part, we are intellectually lazy. We are attracted to news and (dis) information that fits our world view and disregard anything that doesn't. Another thing entirely is we do the same thing humanity has done since the beginning of time. We externalize perceived "evil". Its so much easier to blame abstract people or organisation than to examine ourselves and humanity and see that each and every one of us might have some responsibility too. Not perhaps on a personal level. But all the choices we make, all the stuff we buy, all the tweets we send all the votes we cast or not.. It all has an impact and we are PERSONALLY responsible for all our actions. I am not saying that there isn't a case against the self-entitled few who own the half of the world exploiting the markets and by extension the hoi polloi But a world wide conspiracy just doesn't make sense. Besides, humanity is too self centred and quite honestly too stupid for anything like that.
  9. It just happened to be Sunday. I fell this way all the time, more or less.
  10. Hollow and pointless. Just another Sunday.
  11. Happiness.. In my case it has always been illusory. Yes perhaps back in the day I was "happier" or more hopeful.. But then one gets older and realizes that your future is actually your past and you are disappointed with who you are and what you have done/"achieved". You realize your life has been someone else's., not yours. And then you realize you don't even know who you are and what it is you want. In fact I have never known.
  12. I am currently reading a book on the band Led Zeppelin, “When Giants walked the earth”. I have had to put it down and really consider should I actually finish it as I found it boring and downright pointless at times..though there is no doubt there is musical genius involved and they made awesome songs, they also appeared to be an obnoxious, purile, chauvinist and badly behaved bunch..acting like a bunch of senseless teens well into their twenties, thirties and even older..all the partying, boozing, womanizing, violence..though I dare say sadly that is what “rock n roll”has always been about...Elvis, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, The Who etc.. This was the main reason why initially being involved in a band a long while back, I gave it up after a relatively short time. I liked the magic in performing and seeing a crowd actually enjoy themselves..but everything else was a pointless waste of energy and time imho..and made me wonder is this all humanity adds up to??? That and I didn’t really know how to play an instrument. Haha. More seriously though, I read all sorts. When I can focus, I read about philosophy, politics, physics, cosmology, modern novels, classics.. When I can’t focus properly I pick up a biography. If one is into biographies, a couple come to mind. The one about Steven Jobs (Apple visionary) is interesting as is the biography on a Richard Branson, the Virgin billionaire. Of course any biography about your favorite artist, be it music or whatever(but a word of caution, it’s perhaps not a good idea to know too much about the people you admire!!).
  13. For me, it's music. Martial arts too. Atm, solo kick boxing/shadow boxing etc. (thank you covid) Oh and reading. It doesn't work all the time, but it's something.
  14. I am not convinced this is true, at least not in my case. Its not that I don't experience "good" stuff too. It's more like nothing means anything to me. Not even the "bad" stuff. I am alive, I am writing this crap now. If I wasn't alive, I wouldn't be writing this crap now. You see, I don't see any significant difference. I have said this before elsewhere on DF: ultimately it doesn't really matter if one is alive or dead. I don't believe in God, in fact I don't really believe in anything. I don't see value in anything. Yes, there might be a few people in my immediate vicinity who would suffer by my demise, but in 40 years or so, no one will remember I have ever walked on this planet. It is as if we weren't here in the first place. And taking the risk of sounding callous, neither do anyone's feelings(mine included) or lives really matter from a cosmic point of view. Beauty, good, evil, meaning/lessness.. All of that is in the eye of the beholder. Our moral judgements are at least in part the result of social conditioning and also subscribing to socio-cultural convention. Some people are perhaps able to give life meaning for themselves, but some will never be able to do that. How does this all add up though? How does this relate to I just don't think life should go on at any cost. I don't think life is sacred or something to be cherished. I don't like humanity. I don't like myself. I see humanity as the sole problem this planet has. Nothing will ever change so why even bother anymore. And besides, I don't even know how anything should change. If you want out, you should just be able to do so.. But social convention aside, sadly our genes are programmed to continue life at any cost. There lies the tragedy of life. Cowardice. I would have been gone a long time ago if I had the guts.
  15. I keep asking myself, why should I think life is worth living?
  16. ! And they are all losers, even if they don’t realize it. Hahahahahahaahahahahaha Oh and don’t forget the Blessed Big Pharma. I’m sure they have the our best interests in mind. Our bank interests. Hahahahahahaahahahahahaha
  17. On a more general level, this is the very essence of humane interaction. even if politicians have the best of intention(Yes, I know, but a few exist!), it all boils down to theatre and role play. I read Johan Huizinga’s book Homo Ludens “ a while back, the book’s title could be translated as “Playful Human”. My take of this marvelous book written in the 1930’s (and anyone who knows better, please correct me if I got it all wrong), was that all our cultural institutions and conventions in any given society at any given time have boundaries, rules and regulations, and modes of conduct we all adhere too. Life, in essence, is a game. Or various games interlinked with each other. Thing is, we don’t always adhere to the rules and regulations and we step out of the “magic circle” to the chagrin of the establishment and establishment doesn’t like that. There is no love lost between me and the current president of the USA, but I think the main reason he is abhorred so much, especially outside of the USA, is he hasn’t stuck to the “game” of (western) president. Oh and “How do I feel..” Roller coaster. Business as usual, in other words.
  18. Rooting for you, USA. Make the right choice, for all our sakes.
  19. religion opinions life depression happiness sadness people the power of now
  20. Hi @Anav Sharma, and as you appear to be fairly new here, welcome! No one here on df is a mental health professional and in the position to define depression conclusively, or how it comes about. Even professionals have difficulty as to the how and why and are anything but at an agreement, it would seem. What we can do though, is share our respective experiences and perhaps shed light to others (and perhaps ourselves) as to why we feel the way we feel. If you browse about on df, you will come across many of us explaining why we are here, what issues we have, how we deal with them. It might help you gain more insight as to what deprssion is about. I believe I speak for many of us here on DF when I say we are still figuring stuff out ourselves... Hope you are doing ok. All the best!
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