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Everything posted by samadhiSheol

  1. Any psychopath can have kids the natural way, but adoption is nearly impossible.
  2. I hate winter. I hate snow. Doing my head in. Though everything does my head in.
  3. Psychiatry would work better if it focused more on trying to help us create a reasonable life, warts and all, despite the crap in the world. It would work even better if the establishment, ANY given establishment, would wake up to realize how fcked up our notions of consumerism, economy, religion and our sheer penchant for entitlement as a species all are and take measures to make the world a truly better place. Fat chance of that, judging by the news. Psychiatry would work better if everyone who needed treatment actually had access to appropriate treatment. So it’s about appropriate resources too. We have got all caught up in the “brain disese”- paradigm partly because a batch of pills is all the treatment most of us get. Sometimes it’s less about “getting back on track” than finding one’s own path, despite the world being a fcked up place, if that’s even possible.
  4. In my case I will admit that the problem is with me to a large extent, and my shortcomings. If I were smarter, if I had more zest in life, if I wern't the arch-procrastinator and passive-aggressive little s hit I am if I didn't hate myself and the rest of our species so much, I would be writing articles about quantum mechanics or ancient fcking Egypt instead of spewing this crap on df. I really should just put myself out of my misery, if you catch my drift. Too bad I am such a coward.
  5. Indeed. " I" don't mean a goddamn thing. It's only something I found. It makes more sense than a lot of the bs we hear of mental health issues, that is if ANYTHING makes any sense in this pointless world. And I don't think "solution" is even the right word. We live with with the crap of life or we don't.
  6. Same pointless, depressive, soul sucking crap, if one is lucky or damned to still have a soul. Business as fckin usual.
  7. Of course the chemical make up of our brain and body (apparently our "gut" is our second brain, so eat healthy boys and girls) has a lot to do as to how we feel, think and percieve. But calling depression, anxiety etc. "a chemical disorder of the brain" is undermining the fact that in most cases, mental health disorders have circumstancial reasons. The world we live in is more effed up than our brain. A batch of pills sure as hell won't fix that. "..While life is easier in terms of survival and work, societal norms have changed making it more difficult on our health, both psychologically and emotionally. Based on the research, this change is affecting everyone, and especially today’s children, which doesn’t bode well for our future. The shortage of mental health resources to help those who are suffering with mental illness is another alarming trend that research has identified. On the one hand, we have a rising trend in mental illness and suicide. On the other, there are fewer resources to help address these rising trends. What is the solution to these rising trends? Unfortunately, there aren’t easy solutions. What is required is a wholesale rethink about the many contributing factors and then adopting healthy change. But based on how society got here, and where it’s currently headed, it’s unlikely we’ll see a positive change anytime soon. The expectation is that things will get much worse. So, the best we can do is seek mental health support from the available resources, and then work at making families healthy one person at a time." Italics mine, copy/pasted from an article on anxietycentre.com," Why is Mental illness on the Rise?".
  8. Tired. Exhausted. Knackered. Going to sleep shortly. I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't want to live another day of this pointlessness. I hate myself, I hate humanity and I want to be dead.
  9. Everyday that passes just makes me more sure I should end this life. I see no reason to live.
  10. I need to read that! I would be right at home observing a black hole.. Oh wait, I AM observing a black hole in the middle of nowhere. My inner black hole. Haha. But seriously, I haven't read that novel.
  11. 1990 or so. Two weeks of traveling with a female friend in Southern Europe, a Mediterranean Island. Seriously we were "just" friends but.. We sort of bonded there, in the space of two weeks, we were soul mates, intimate even. Magic in the air. We went to the movies and saw Disney's Pinoccio in a smoke-stained, run-down art-deco cinema. We cried a bit, both of us as we had seen it as kids as our first movie in the cinema. We talked so much. Laughed so much. We had way too much wine and cappuccinos. Everytime I listen to Ministry's Twitch-album, especially the" Angel"-track I think of all those cappuccinos with her and how awesome life felt. That is what I had on my Walkman. A 90 min, TDK c-casette of Ministry. Ministry hit my sweet spot back in the day. God I miss her. I miss that magic period of my life. "Now is an angel there? One left out When they passed heaven about What about me Sitting here in my purgatory"..
  12. There was no hope in the first place. We are human We are hopeless.
  13. I hate myself. I hate humanity. Stupidity. We will never learn. I think the best thing would be to annihilate ourselves completely. The universe is better off without us.
  14. Brings to mind the Groucho Marx trope: "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member" There is no such thing as a free lunch and neither does true altruism exist. It's just the way it is. Survival has always been about one's immediate social network i. e our tribe in our hunter/gatherer days(and we are still like that). Thing is, the times they have a-changed and it's all about individualism nowadays. Don't get me wrong, I am cool with that. But most of us are not and suffer from terminal loneliness. Some people opt out from socializing, because of the banality of social conventions. I am one of them. More to the point, I have become more of a recluse due to the fact that I don't really have anything in common with anyone. Not even here on DF, boys and girls. I know we say how we relate to each other about depression etc. But at the end of the day, if we ever met up irl, we would probably just go out respective ways after the first two pints, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I can't let you in It takes too much to get out" Gazelle Twin - Anti-body I am sorry that you feel lonely, @mmd. You shouldn't have to if you don't want to.
  15. There is no doubt at all that we were fcked from the very beginning. As a species we are incapable of achieving our aspirations for freedom, egalitarianism and equality. It's not in our genes. Cause most people consider themselves more "equal" than others.
  16. If you took the "human" out of the equation, everything would be just fine.
  17. Yes, this. Your exercise of choice is a balm for both your mind and body.
  18. Hi and welcome to df. I am sorry you are having trouble sleeping. Insomnia can be insidious and it can affect just about every aspect of one's life if not treated. . I hope you are in fact getting treatment for it. Insomnia can be caused by both psychological factors and also various physical illnesses. A doc specializing in insomnia will be able to discern is the problem psychological or not. Apparently I have what is called "idiopathic insomnia", which in essence is insomnia without any discernable cause. My main issue is waking up several times a night and not being able to fall back to sleep. though sometimes I have trouble falling asleep too. It began when i was 10 or 11, though I had sleeplessness nights way before too. It continued into my 40's, when it went completely out of control due to irregular shift work, stress and chronic anxiety. I had bad sleeping habits from the start, as I thought I didn't need as much sleep as other people. Eventually I burnt out and got treatment for both anxiety and insomnia. In my case I was put on mirtazipine for insomnia and i still take small doses of "mirt" before I go to sleep(apparently in the case of mirtazipine, "less is more" when treating insomnia). I have to keep my hours regular, and keep myself healthy. I don't read in bed, watch tv or update social media in bed. I only go to bed when I am tired. Even if it's two a.m when I go to bed. I sleep pretty well nowadays, though I still get bouts of insomnia at times for no apparent reason. These "bouts" can last anything from one night to a week. Nowadays I get a solid 6-7 hours of sleep most nights. Sometimes more. I still wake up at least once a night, but in general I am not too concerned. I was in therapy for three years, and I realized that insomnia, anxiety, depression and mental health issues in general are all connected. Sometimes it's difficult to determine did anxiety trigger insomnia or the other way round, for example. It probably doesn't matter either way. I think the first line of defence if one can't sleep is not to get too worked up about it. For me that is nearly impossible, my mind is in overkill-mode even when I am "relaxed"..But taking it all in it's stride and trying not to worry about it can work. Another thing that worked for me if insomnia has taken over my life is a form of "controlled sleep deprevation". The idea is to try and get as much continous sleep as possible, even if it's only a few hours. I'll copy/paste somethng I "pinched" form the website Mayoclinic: "Sleep restriction. Lying in bed when you're awake can become a habit that leads to poor sleep. This treatment reduces the time you spend in bed, causing partial sleep deprivation, which makes you more tired the next night. Once your sleep has improved, your time in bed is gradually increased." You will probably find more just googling "sleep restriction". I hope you start feeling better soon, @Selvina. All the best!
  19. The S hit that hit the fan in the U.S of A. What democracy has come to. How an idiot who's name rhymes with dump was voted into office by more idiots. How same idiots are undermining their own values and they can't even see it. Another nail in humanity's way over due coffin.
  20. Hopeless and destitute. Humanity sucks. I see nothing good about humanity. The little good here and there is outweighed by the self-centeredness, selfishness and entitlement with which we callously destroy the environment and each other. Both on an individual and collective level. I truly think humanity should destroy itself. We suck and there is nothing to do about it. It's the way we are wired. Nature's grand fck up.
  21. We are one with god in the time of abject loneliness, desperation and emptiness. Not because god is there for you in your worst hour. It is what god feels like all the time.
  22. Sorry you are feeling this way. In my case, it's not so much what I have done than what and who I am. More to the point, what I haven't been able to do. I see myself as a failure and as an entity that has failed to find meaning and a point to my existence. I am also part of a species dead set on destroying this world because of some deranged sense of entitlement. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. It is in our genes to be self-centered, greedy and incapable of planning into the future. This is what I can't forgive myself. This failure, that I can't make a meaningful like that I would feel mine and also being human in general.
  23. It was only recently I realized why I liked this track so much. I never really understood the lyrics, indeed this is my experience with a lot of songs I like. But even back in the 80's this resonated: "Memories crash on tireless waves The lifeguards whom the winter saves" It would appear I am a sucker for nostalgia. I. E. a fixation on a past that never truly was. I recall not so much any actual incidents from my past, but more my hopes, dreams and thoughts I (may have) had at the time. Awesome track though, whatever I erraneously might remember. Does anyone read these blogs and I don't mean just mine? No matter. I will probably come back to them at some point and be either extremely embarrassed or nostalgic. Haha.
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