Status Updates posted by samadhiSheol
Sorry folks. I have had it. I am leaving DF.
Hope you have better luck than I have. I need to feel better somehow. A lot better. And DF can't help me. Perhaps nothing can.
There is no limit to self hate and anger. Neither is there any reason to think differently about myself. The self hate will grow as long as I live. It is all I truly feel.
Hatred and anger. I am damaged goods and completely corrupted.
I should be dead. I want to be dead.
I should have never joined df.
I have degenerated into depth of despair I could never have even imagined. And some of that has to do with being around depressed people.
Sorry but that is how it is. I have to go.
Dunno where though. To the starss if it were possible. I hate life. You all know that by now. There is no option to this pointless existence. Other than death of course.
I’m sorry I shouldn’t post all the crap I have.
Thing is I shouldn’t be on df at all. It has only made me feel worse.
Currently viewing profile: samadhiSheol
This must count as the ultimate expression self-absorption.
I am finished. Lost. Beyond hope. Beyond saving. The world can go and f uck itself. Me too.
All there is left is death.
Hunters and collectors all come out at night
Hunters and collectors never see the light
Hunters and collectors all come out at night
Hunters and collectors they'll never see the light
Can - Hunters and Collectors
R.I.P Little Richard.
So much would never have been heard without your impact.
The Sonics- The Witch
All my musical heroes are dying.
R.I.P Florian Schneider.
Kraftwerk -Radio Activity- Album - Radioland
Who says we can't or shouldn't end our lives if we want to?
Why the persistency in the demand of life, any life, continuing at any cost? I don't see intrinsic value in life. We give life it's value. But not all of us can make that leap of faith. Some of us are incapable of seeing existence that way.
Some of us see it as plus-minus- thing.
What is worth living for?
There's a meme floating around somewhere that asks, "Why is it illegal to k!ll ourselves?" The reply is: "Because you aren't supposed to destroy government property, dumb-ass!"
We are owned here in the US. Our social security number incorporates us.
Ironic laughter, inside I am screaming. Haha.
if what you said was true, though, I would do it just out of spite.
F uck authority. Vive le revolution.
Perhaps the reason of my existence is to be an example of what not to be.
Make all the effort, people, so you don’t turn out like me.
Bitter, defeatist, hating everything and given up.
Just a short notice to tell you all that I haven't been around that much recently and won't be for another couple of weeks still, due to multiple tendinopathy.
Can't use my mobile or tablet for writing or much else for a while, which in itself is probably a good thing!
Be awesome and well, DFers.
I have had enough of this pointlessness.
Come on! Nothing will change. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD OR ANY VERSION OF IT.
I don't like myself and neither do I like other people. We are a cursed species and doomed to oblivion anyhow.
I know now I have the courage to do it.
Good f ucking riddance.
The less I am around people the better.
I just can't get interested anymore. People drain me and honest truth bore me too. I bore myself too though so there's that.
Actually I don't think I have been much of a people person to begin with. I was always the first to leave the party.
I'd probably be better off at Mt Palomar observatory gazing at stars.
Yes, a decrnt library, heavy bag and tatami mats and the stars.
I am in full agreement. People drain me and also irritate the hell out of me with their pettiness.
I've dreamed of being an astronomer since I was very young. Or a researcher in some facility in the middle of Antarctica.
I have a decent library in my apartment, along with two cats who sit with me while I'm reading. That's my version of heaven on earth.
I hate myself, I hate humanity. The sooner humanity is extinct the better the cosmos will be. I think we have probably f ucked the world beyond saving too.
Nothing any of us do makes a f ucking difference. All we are capable of is uncontrollable breeding, causing calamities and problems. We never solve anything. Thank god(figure of speech, doesn't exist) I don't have kids to f uck up even more
F uck us. F uck me. Especially me.
Life doesn't get better only worse.
Why can't I f ucking KI LL MYSELF???????
I am so in-TENSE
Now I feel
Inertia Creeping movingbup slowly
Feeling sad angry and high all the same time
But now..I feel the high turning to the worse still high make no mistake but the bile
I taste it now, I feel it
Tiger tiger burning bright
But it gets so dark
eternity in a grain of sand
Why were you so perceptive william blake
F ucking Jerusalem
shalom salaam allah akbar
Kabbalah sheol gehanna hosianna
Going down down
Sinking going down
The pit and the pendulum
Finnegans f uckin wake.
Wheres the guiness when I need it
Men fan också
**** my mind up
Ineed to be dead NOW
The crap in life outweighs any little “good” there is. Every time.
Life isn’t worth living and there really is no hope.
Too bad I can’t just end my life.
I am too much of coward.
I hate myself. I hate humanity. Nothing will ever change that.
I am nowhere, I am nothing
I don't really feel real.
It's not that I don't have (good) emotions or thoughts.
Everything I sense, feel, think..nothing has any significance.
Do androids dream of elecric sheep? As the P.K Di ck novel goes.
Is everything just fake?
This is part of something I wrote to someone that pretty much sums me up:
"... my "problems" are more existential and ethical in nature than truly in the psychological realm. I have seen a plethora of psychiatrists and therapists representing different approaches to mental health issues and though on the whole they haven't really made me feel any better, they have all pointed out that my intellectual ruminations if you will and my world view at least in part constitute to my current (and nearly life long) pessimistic disposition. As yet I see little reason to change it. I can't just will myself to think positively. I would only be lying to myself. I need a reason to think positively about myself and the world at large."
I need to figure it out. There is nothing new in any of this, as any of you who have read my rants know.
Still though, my approach to life has always been an intellectual exercise ( in futility haha) and the honest truth is I dont know how to live.
So if I am not around as much, I am doing martial arts, making sigils, psycho geography and/or testing if "in vino veritas" is, in fact, true.
Perhaps life is a koan. We either get it or we don't.
“More People Die from Suicide Than From Wars, Natural Disasters Combined”.
Headline from the website “VOA”, written by Lisa Shlein.
As far as I am concerned it tells me more about the world we try to live in than the people who decide to leave it.
People die of hopelessness, boy and girls. What's left just makes living unbearable.
Sometimes hope doesn't exist.
I don’t know..peer support doesn’t seem to help me at all. I just end up feeling worse.
I should just quit.
Check out of life for good.
I hate myself.
I hate life, this world, people.
I am angry all the time.
Apparently angry people die younger, so there's that.
I am old enough now, thank you very much.
Creativity is the act of defining emptiness, giving meaning to absence.
For better or worse, I ain't ever been creative. I flunked art class in fifth grade.
creativity isn't equal to art, or more to the point art isn't equivalent to creativity. I didn't have art in mind. Not in the convenional, "painting-on-the-wall"- sense.
I meant..just living I guess. Creativity as a means for survival.
Believe me when I say you are way more creative than you give credit for yourself, @JD4010.
Thank you. I guess my ability to come up with quick comebacks could be considered creative. I can be a real smart-ass.