Single Status Update
Did you know, it's entirely possible to be both suicidal and feeling pretty good too. Elated in fact.
So much energy, so much procrastination to be done. Ha ha!
I am everyfcukingwhere at once.
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Oh, hopelessness and despair are ever- present. Sometimes I can just shrug them off, or just not care, or actually feel hopeless while also feeling elated. Sounds ffced up, I know.
Right now I also feel paranoid. I have trust issues in general, but sometimes, like now, I just don’t trust anyone, not even df. when I get really bad, I think df is a hoax of sorts, a version of the “Truman show”, where nothing or nobody is what they seem to be.
“Our current regime and mental healthcare system is of course fatally unprepared for the task. To pat ourselves on the back and say that, oh, hey, we've evolved into sophisticated thinking by championing the bio-psycho-social model is, to me, to restate what ancient Greeks knew, except less.”
I think it would go a long way to acknowledge that the world, ie. the environment we live in, plays a big role as to how we experience both the world and ourselves. That “normal” just doesn’t exist and that this world isn’t perhaps the best possible version of itself. This and our personal circumstances, our genetics, and occurrences in our lives affect the way we exist.
Recently I have become interested in situationism and psychogeography (as in situationist international, I believe a shoot off of Marxist thought in the 1960’s, not so much situationism in the psychological sense though there is a similarity but I digress).
Obviously there is no one answer to the question: what makes us so effed up? But I think too much emphasis has been placed on OUR adaptational shortcomings instead of thinking could our less than adequate circumstances, the environment we happen to live in, situations if you will, at least in part be responsible for our mental health issues?
A good friend of mine who is autistic, and also thus a lot more intelligent than me...also much younger...is knowledgeable about the Situationist International 'movement'(?).
I tried to read a little and follow her description, and felt like I would need to read an SAT test answer key or book or something to understand it.
If the point is that our circumstances are largely the cause of depression, I have thought (actually known) that about myself for a long time. On one hand, sure I've had the capacity--occasionally--to be depressed for no apparent reasons and even when I didn't think I was overly stressed, etc. But rarely. Most often, it is because of life's awful circumstances, or at least my perception of the same. In that sense, there's no mystery to it, which I rather dislike.
The idea that you sometimes feel even the DF could be like a Truman Show (and/or ?Stepford Wife) facade, is creepily interesting. I can relate I think. Some of the times when I've become manic, it came with paranoia - I reacted pretty badly even though in retrospect, probably people didn't have (much) ill intent. Some of the employers did - they had to.
I'm not making light of your paranoia feeling; I just liked the way you describe it.
The way modern business and predatory capitalism (at least in the U.S.) works, has made me paranoid about anything commercialized, which unfortunately includes most co-workers who have learned that self-preservation (they think) means stabbing others in the back first.