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  1. Hi! I find the inner wall topic to be a difficult one, too. The only way you can avoid being hurt is only getting close to the person as soon as you know more about them, but in that process the wall is already let down... That makes it a bit of a dilemma. I usually only let people into my emotional space in small steps, but I suppose that's also the way you do it. I'm not sure if there is any solution to this. All the best!
  2. One could say our brains are way too complex for what they are supposed to do
  3. Hi Zlet! I can relate to a lot of this, as I'm 18, still have energy and motivation issues although my mood got better in the last months, and can't focus. On some days I can occupy myself with my hobbies for some time, but not the same way as in the past. As background, I finished school in mid-2015 and started university a few months after, but then depression started and I went on sick leave after finishing the 1st semester. You don't need to think of yourself as lazy, it is just part of the condition you are in, and there is a negative connotation assigned to the word, so it can be detrimental to one's self-worth to see oneself that way. Feel free to tell us more if you want to. Kind regards and best wishes!
  4. Hi richbutpoor, my story is different in a lot of ways, but I can relate to feeling depressed independent of any outside circumstances and thinking everything is pointless in the end. To me, people merely distract themselves from this pointlessness to not have to deal with it, by being occupied all the time. You're not alone on this... I think we have to see life or any sort of existence as something that doesn't need any sort of goal or sense, otherwise we will always be disappointed that there isn't anything of that sort. But I struggle with that, because it makes our actions seem arbitrary and usually, goals are an important help for orientation and decisionmaking. Kind regards and best wishes!
  5. Please set up Discord and use this link to chat with us: https://discord.gg/bxq9BKq

    All the best :)

  6. I see... not an easy situation. Is being a burden a long-term thing? You might not be able to produce what has been invested in you right now, but that's not the only thing that counts in people's perceptions. Friends and people with whom you get along well will see you as valuable. Being a burden, even if it is the case, is not the only defining property of your relationships towards other people. I agree though that it is easier not to feel useless when being a functional member of society in every way. Are you being able to push yourself mostly when necessary, and does it strain you a lot? What is your strategy to get things done? I don't think I can be helpful here because I'm terribly lazy myself and currently lucky not to be forced to do anything.
  7. Remember that it's not your fault that you have mental health problems. Despite that. it's still tough to deal with. About happiness, in my experience it never works to try being happy, at that point you are faking it. Giving up on doing things and going out completely is a pattern I fall into myself. Go at your own pace, it is easier doing just some stuff and not feeling forced to do it when not feeling like it, than trying to force it and after a while be frustrated and hate it altogether.
  8. Hi GAJ! Obviously there are statistical preferences, but people's tastes differ and to some people, this might make you more attractive. Also, if you are perceived as a little less attractive than the other guy, but still attractive, and your personality matches better the latter is more important. Try to be gain confidence in your looks again, because confidence definitely helps :) Kind regards and best wishes!
  9. Hi Atron! Sorry for what you have been going through... Why do you think of yourself as useless? What would make you change your mind about it? Also, you have to remember that our brain tends to idealize what we don't have. A lot of people are in relationships that don't make them happy at all, and have issues dealing with past relationships. And it is easy to think that changing the condition which is bothering you the most currently, will suddenly change things, but in many cases, one just finds something new to be upset or disappointed about, like not getting the job you want or sth... I'm not sure if that's helpful to you, but in my experience this kind of detachment can lessen the suffering, even though it has its own set of drawbacks. Also, what do you mean by giving up? Not trying to achieve the goals you had anymore? I'd be interested to get a closer look at your perspective on things. Kind regards and best wishes!
  10. I can relate, worklife in the end seems to boil down to being useful to others, and the customers' wishes aren't always what oneself wants to produce/work on... What fields are you generally interested in?
  11. Hi mrrd100! I'm sorry for how you are feeling right now. I can relate to some of the topics you talk about and have questions about others: I'm very familiar with the respectful reservedness you describe, it has its benefits and drawbacks obviously. I usually don't get treated worse by other people than I treat them, so I don't know where that comes from. Do you deal with people that don't like you a lot or are just unpleasant in general? Have you given in to their requests too easily in the past? It could make them get used to it and some won't even notice it is bothering you without having bad intentions. Also, would you like to talk about your values in more detail, creates a broader image and I'm interested. The situation with your friend and you seems to be a bit complicated, from what I read it is very likely that it just wouldn't work out. Getting some distance, maybe a few new contacts and a bit of time will be needed. If your friend's new boyfriend is mistreating her the way you described, it would be nice from you to talk with her about it and save her from him. If you still have feelings for her, it is common that people try to be extra-nice towards the person they're into and expect that their feelings are reciprocated. Unfortunately, most of the time it doesn't work that way and could end up hurting you more in the end if you have false hopes. Don't be too hard on yourself, like can be very difficult and sometimes it seems like certain things are unachievable. Adressing issues in small steps will make them seem less frightening, I am sure you will able to beat them in the end :) Kind regards and best wishes!
  12. Hi john bravo! I think saying "I have depression" is fine, it is a misconception that people with depression are in a low constantly, and as you already said, it is a different experience for everyone. If someone asks and you want to explain it, you can obviously go into more detail. It can happen that people will give you that "But you always look happy..." comment but there's not a lot to do about it and their ignorance is not your fault. Kind regards and best wishes!
  13. Hi thehobgoblin! I haven't experienced what you describe myself, it sounds very exhausting though to feel obligated to care for people that way... Consequently I have no experience in dealing with this. Do you think it would work to actively focus on not "parenting" people like you described for a short time and convince yourself that is doesn't necessarily lead to any danger? Maybe the compulsion will weaken over time this way... About the situation with your dad, how does it work out not speaking to him? Does he take revenge in any way? I think limiting contact to him is the right thing because it is obviously not doing you good, so good luck in managing that situation. Kind regards and best wishes!
  14. Hi everyone, Today I had therapy session and it dug up some heavy stuff in me, so I decided to share my thoughts here: My therapist asked me what goals were I want to accomplish with the therapy, which I answered with improvements in mood, motivation and energy, and getting on some path regarding future perspective (college or work or something...). She also asked in which way she could help me reach these from my point of view, and I wasn't sure and said I would need to think about it more. After talking about what I did since the last therapy session she had the impression I wasn't caring that much about the future perspective, which was admittedly true since I currently have no interest in any college subjects (a previous task was to check through them and see if there is a lecture I'd like to visit despite being on sick leave, to get back into it slowly, and I checked and didn't find any) and didn't look for anything proactively myself. She was worried about me caring more about games and hobbies than future perspectives. In some context we then got to the topic of necessary tasks one dislikes. I was a little annoyed at the notion that they have to be accepted and "that's just life", to which I responded that maybe this is one of the reasons I am so pessimistic about life... On my way home I thought over it again and gained a new perspective on a lot of things in my life. According to it, being a critical observer is one of my character traits, as is a drive for freedom and strongly prefering to do things I choose myself. Doing anything I don't like to do would therefore constantly bug me. I think it is the same way for a lot of people up to this point. Many cope by "losing distance" to what they are doing which then makes it easier because one wouldn't observe that one does something one dislikes while focused on the latter. This can be freqeuently seen, for example when people first have to overcome themselves to do something and after they started it isn't as hard anymore (granted, anxiety or false perceptions of the task can also play into that). However, personally I find this coping method to be problematic and dislike it. To me, removing critical distance is a bit like drugging oneself up to be able to do something in the way that you purposefully enter a state of lesser insight and sophistication to profit from the benefits of its ignorance. This violates some of my core values though and feels a bit like selling one's soul to a much lesser degree. Maybe this perception is based on an unhelpful way to define oneself, I don't know... Making compromises would obviously be fine, if I get enough time of the day to unfold my personality it is not a problem to do chores from time to time. However, I feel like the compromise I would have to settle for in worklife would be a very lopsided one. The thing is, I probably could just go for some degree and some job afterwards when putting in enough effort and function properly somehow, but I don't think I would be happy that way, and bottling it up that way can't go well for too long. In fact, I think the depression I fell into at the beginning of the year could very well be a result of it, because I was overworked in my first semester of college. I liked the subject in general, but there are obviously a lot of stressing and annoying parts, too, and I had to contain the freedom-longing part of me pretty much all the time. I'm also in a weird spot because I know that we live in a society with the idea of everyone having to contribute towards the wellbeing of others through work, and I don't want to live on other people's cost (even in theory, practically speaking it is also difficult to do that). Therefore I feel like this part of my personality is judged and not accepted, and I've met few people that understood... I'm not so much in need of direct support, not desperate or terribly anxious or anything right now, it's just an underlying layer of sadness and resignation added to how I would normally feel. Thanks for reading!
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