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long journey

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Everything posted by long journey

  1. Oh, and for my job… I work for a nanny agency. I am a nanny substitute. So I get to drive all over the Twin Cities taking on different assignments, working with lovely wonderful children. I feel grateful.
  2. Thank you Subliminal! In general, I'm doing well. Made a huge change in my life....moved to the big city!!! Lots of good AA meetings, diversity, anonymity ( I had been living in a very small town for 25 years ), and some fun activities (going out for delicious,ethnic, cheap food, hearing live music, a little dating, walking/biking, seeing old friends from my youth.) unfortunately, I have experienced a lot of mania. One more round of mental health issues I guess! How are you doing?
  3. Well, I start off by commending you on your honesty. To be able to see your situation shows me you're intelligent and willing to get well. I've received some help from therapists, but for all the time I've spent there, the outcomes were not too impressive. Personally, I find support groups much more impactful. Very few of us can heal on our own. We need each other. Your ability to be honest will help save you. That's where the light comes in. Unfortunately, I have experienced mental health problems my whole adult life. It's not like I'm always miserable, but there have been some very tough years. I like facilitated support groups or 12 step meetings. I've also found that working with a life coach to be profoundly helpful. You get a lot of bang for your buck, if you're willing to put in the work. Best of luck to you. Glad you have a lover even if he's struggling. Eventually, I had to give up my depressed man. I kept working on my issues and getting better.
  4. Good for you! There is so much power when two "equals " exchange their truths. Yes, there's room for professionals, but there's a power imbalance and less authenticity when trying to get well with professionals.
  5. Thanks for the encouragement. Waiting to see if I get accepted. The training is provided through the state. (They even pay for it.) I'm pretty sure funding came partly through Obamacare. Let's see what happens to it, now that the republicans are trying to butcher the recent health care measures. What a shame. No offense to a lot of the super beautiful- hearted christians that I know are out there.... but I'm so confused about the lack of compassion by this current administration and by a lot of Christian republicans.
  6. Reading a book called This Close to Happy by Daphne Merkin. A memoir that really nails it. Super honest and insightful. So personal and relatable. It's about her lifelong struggle with depression and anxiety. Beautifully written and very compassionate.
  7. I'm feeling hopeful about a training I may be attending in the near future. It helps you learn how to give the best possible support to someone with mental health issues. There are quite a few job opportunities in this field, especially Minnesota, where I live. Just thought I'd share my good news!
  8. Yes, soothing, so anxiety reducing. Any self care probably helps us a little bit, but generally, I have found all natural remedies to be fairly ineffective.
  9. maybe tell him exactly what you just told us. I have a friend like you. I rarely see her cuz she doesn't feel like getting together with anyone. She survives at work then runs to the comfort of her home.
  10. You seem very real, intelligent and sensitive. I would think a man would find those qualities very appealing. I dated a thirty five year old virgin. I helped him out of that situation! Sex is powerful. I think it's smart to go slow. Truly, I don't think being inexperienced would be a turn off to most people.
  11. Refreshing to hear a Christmas song that I could dance to! I'm so sick of some of the old classics, especially when they are playing in stores. It gives me a creepy feeling.
  12. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, she spent no time with us, she never talked to us. She wanted us "out of her sight." I definitely felt shame, pain, and anger. At a very young age I knew that I didn't have a mother like the other kids had. Luckily, I found friends. They saved my ass! But on some level, I am deficient in my ability to bond with others. I can enjoy their company, but emotionally I am a little distant. I think I have a detachment disorder.
  13. When my anxiety is bad I do housekeeping. Very monotonous, but mostly stress free. Another thing I'll do is chores and errands for the elderly. They tend to be very grateful for the help and flexible if I need a day off.
  14. I'm on a small dose of Zoloft (12.5 per day) and a small dose of Valium (1 mg in a.m. and 1mg at night). I'm super sensitive to meds. The Valium really helps my anxiety. Also, avoiding caffeine keeps me more peaceful.
  15. I've just started learning about bpd. It's really helping me understand some of the people I've known over the years. There's some good stuff on YouTube. It's treatable!
  16. It takes awhile to find the right one. For me, 25 mg of Zoloft gives me anxiety, but half of that (12.5) lifts my depression a little. It's called a microdose. Very sensitive people like me seem to fair better on small doses.
  17. Great that you're being honest. Maybe you can get some counseling without your family knowing about it. Sometimes meds can help with anxiety and depression. You are not alone!
  18. Sorry if I sounded a little harsh!
  19. I have basically told my mom that she is not allowed to ask how I'm doing! Seriously, she gets uncomfortable and wants me to find a quick fix. She'll say stuff like "you just need the right meds." So in order to keep our relationship better, mostly I just tell her I'm doing alright and that it's best if we don't get into details.
  20. You made a smart move by ending it. Why prolong the misery of being with someone who is on the fence. Like she said, she has to figure out (and she probably wants to pursue the crush.) When people are wounded, ultimately, they can't handle true intimacy. It starts to get uncomfortable. You sound noble by wanting to stick by her side during hard times, but sounds like she isn't able to let you in like that.
  21. You are not alone. I've had several friends who were treated terribly in middle school. It still haunts them. There's this therapy called EMDR that might help you. It's been effective with post traumatic stress disorder.
  22. I don't drop people like hot potatoes cuz that's kinda harsh but I do start taking steps away, so that contact isn't as often. But I have been dumped by a couple friends in my life, and it is painful and confusing (what did I do wrong?) The thing is... I am often drawn to intense, creative, insecure, wild people. I find them interesting. But it makes the friendship riskier. Also, these types of people tend to be self-absorbed. As I get older, I'm seeing the beauty of more balanced people. I am spending more time with those who are more whole, less needy. Less exciting maybe, but more satisfying.
  23. Just sayin...a very light dose of Valium has helped me dramatically. Half a 2mg pill in a.m. and the other half before bed. My dad has been adamantly suggesting I try a benzodiazepine for a long time. Since I am sober, I always resisted the idea, plus the common wisdom of most general doctors and psychiatrists is that it's not supposed to be used daily. Well my father has been on Xanax for 30 years without ever upping the dosage and he thought I should give it a try. I found a psychiatrist who would prescribe it. The difference in my life has been significant. I used to be extremely sensitive to stimuli (light, sound, smells, crowds, etc), so much so that I was uncomfortable in many environments. Now I can be almost anywhere. Also, my anxiety made me physically uncomfortable (skull felt like it was in a vice grip, tongue tension, brain felt like it was sloshing around, dizzy, etc). All of it is mostly gone. With so much relief, I've been able to take on a more demanding and satisfying job. I traveled far away and had a wonderful time and I've lost 16 pounds. I was able to lose the weight cuz I felt good enough to get out there and walk every day...also because I could handle the calorie reduction. Before when I tried to diet, it was too hard. Food was one of my only comforts, so it was too stressful to restrict it. Please know that I'm not trying to brag. The anxiety has quelled, but I still have a significant amount of depression. Getting out of bed for work is real tough and I'm ridiculously tired when I get home from work. Also my ability to concentrate is poor. However, I just wanted to share my experience in case it helps anyone. This is the eighteenth medication I've tried over the past 30 years. Some have helped, some didn't work. Side effects can be awful and withdrawal can be brutal. I know that if I ever have to go off this stuff it will be hard (even with a slow taper) but the immediate relief has been so profound that it's worth the dangers associated with benzodiazepines. I don't wish I was dead anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not joyful, but I am truly grateful. Thanks for reading this (I know it is long!) Peace!
  24. Be easy on yourself. I have no/few talents as well. I tell myself that I'm a human though~and our minds and bodies are exquisite. I'm tired of judging myself in comparison to others. Isn't being alive a wonder in itself? I'm part of creation,and there is beautiful nature all around me. What if all I do in life is practice being kind to others. Isn't that enough?
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