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whatgoingon

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  1. sorry im still in bed so havent read it all yet but about every day/year being the same well thats up to you. Ive been out of work for ages and hate leaving home cba with most people so one could say all i done sit in my room play video games nothing changed but i dont care. BUT I do things also, especiallly learning, i have goals and work hard. I taught msyelf guitar and make music and write songs, then i download software and learn about making electronic music which i became skilled in, i bought books and read tuturials online and youtube etc...Then also with my gym, im always working out and making new workouts, then i play football sometimes and if not i go out alone with my ball and improve my skills. I think if you are always learning new things etc then the days/years are not the same as you are expaning your mind as you learn new things. I know the best part of last few years have been spent in my room but i have done and achieved so much in that time personally. Perhaps had i not done these things id grow stale also
  2. when i siwtch them off i cant sleep. So im playing a game or wacthing movie and crash out, then wake up still half asleep and switch them off then now room is quiet and its all off i cant sleep...
  3. WHen im online with mates or even just listening to tv or have computer games on even music to a point i feel fine BUT as soon as its quiet for example i take my headset off to go to toilet , even that small minutes of time silence or when i put my console of or load a new game i get freaked out and scardy and depressive thoguths. ANyone else and whats it all about. I feel like buying a small radio to play 24/7 in my room so its never quiet.
  4. whats thhis all about? its natural? its the way life works? During day im really chilled out and happy as soon as it gets dark and 9-10pm i start getting almost suicidal, i need to try make myself go sleep early to avoid these thoughts whereas when younger id stay up til 5am playing video games, watching movies and porn and making music. whats going on?
  5. Thing is im still young and good looking and at uni i had lots of freinds, parties, sports etc..so relationships werent the point for lonileness or not as i had a highly social life. Now out of uni and hitting 30s this is the problem, im no longer at the age where u crash parties, make music with freinds, go play football and hit clubs all time or hang with mates.. Im not looking for a relationship either i just miss hanging with my mates and getting up to fun. But i cant hang out with new teens or 20s and most older folk seem to be doing own thing or have partners kids etc.. so im in a void. To old for the party crowd, and not interested in the mature adult life...Im like ***in waynes world haha...
  6. shower wakes u up and makes u feel good lol, im slim and fit so dont know if being fat/overweight efects this desire to shower etc
  7. I think its same for everyone its hard to start but once you do its fine and once you finished u glad u did it. Same as going out. Id rather stay in bed all day but when i go out im usually glad i did it etc. When my room or bed a mess i leave it for days but once i start to clean i can get into it and once its done im like woo that was easy and i feel so much better for it
  8. I have 50 freinds. On one hand i feel embarassed but on other hand i prefer to only have people that are family or close freinds. I dont want joe bloggs on their, then again i dont post much or any pics so they not getting info about me really. I use it just to chat really like an instant messsanger service
  9. humans really are the ultimate being. As far as we know we have done so much in a short time. Created so much manufactured creations on our natural land. From Famous buildings to space stations to airoplanes to the internet.
  10. both options have pros and cons no point making argument one over other. Also depends on the person, some people prefer to be in one some prefer to be single. What gets me is moreso societys view as i said in my recent thread. If your a guy single at least, always people making nasty comments.
  11. True thats me and i dont care, just wish others would get off my back, at new job etc ;hes gay' 'hes virgin' family freinds...'u need a gf' 'if u had gf ud worship her feet' etc lol NOPE!!! 'your gonna be lonely old man' Its like a man cant be single and not purusing females without getting comments. Ill be honest i met a girl or 2 i really liked and defo would make something long term with it but it hasnt happened and i dont push it
  12. tbh i always had thoughts like this and compulsive beahviours since young. I recall such things like when 10/11 shooting my freind in his ear with an air gun and putting another freinds head in mud in the football field, why i do these things? lol ALso when about 2 my mum took me to her freinds, I sneaked into a bedroom got crayons and pens and drew all over the walls, maybe i was to young for this though so not so crazy. I know going off a bit but also trying to get women and prostitutes to do things to..i think tbh this aint right really lol but i just wanna do it. Also when i hang about even with freinds at any moment in my mind im ready to do something crazy like beat them up or throw food at them, sexually assualt them etc, just crazy thoughts i again try not to act out So most people dont get these thoughts?
  13. I so hate getting these thoughts. Whats wrong with my brain? I have some disorder or im evil? I will admit my childhood i was brought up in a rough violent area, not at home with family but in the area i stayed kids always fighting so it was part of life, beatings with weapons, acting tough, crazier the better etc...kids running about with knifes and baseball bats etc... So maybe this were it stems but today i was visiting old relative in nursing home and lots of old frail people walking about, and my mind kept saying to me run up and push them or punch them etc...I hate these thoughs, i always get crazy thoughts like this in many scenarios, i have to try not to act them out.Im crazy?
  14. At high school just hang with mates noone cares bout relationships at all. At 18 I start uni and again though horny never really cared for one, thought about working in some bars spain etc but again never happened. Got to 19 and for some reason maybe due to loneliness now as lost a lot of school friends etc wanted a gf but it never happened then at 20-21 really didn't care..Went to uni but found it hard to meet people. Met some cute girls and had sexy fun times and was somewhat underwhelmed about it all. So just put females to back burner. Now nearly 30s thats basically my dating history. What do I think/feel? Personally Id rather just be 15-17 hanging with mates playing soccer etc...thats what i think LOL. Reality that doesnt happen and im not so good at soccer or got freinds now. I go out and see hot girls but i like to look at them and they arouse me but i know that even if i hook up with them its more the thought of hooking up than actually hooking up which is cool lol. And once hooked up be bored again and rather be with mates etc. So relationships just seem no-no...if only i were 19 i wouldnt even care about this stuff and id still be playing football lol
  15. But what purpose was your life? My Grandmother died recently. She had 12 children and from that lots of gran children. She lived til 84. I guess after high school and college and party days theres not much going on, so if you have kids 25-35 etc then u can watch them grow and their kids etc. BUt what if u have no kids and then life just passes by without meaning? And when you are old and unwell and die nobody knows and noone goes to funeral...but would u care as u are dead? right? Then what have u left behind? what was your purpose in life? My Grandmother created so many lives in this world and from them so many more grand children some became architechts, school teachers, musicians, doctors, physicts etc..they all came from my grandmother really. She left a huge legacy and so much behind. Her life then had purpose? But if never have kids or even care for partner what was your point? I got degrees, i got certificates, i can play guitar, im good at video games but is it real? its just fun or w/e?
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