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    USA, or the shadows...
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    Games, I guess..

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That_Random_Guy98's Achievements

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  1. I find it too ironic when I find people who are pretty much the same as me. See, every time a girl is NICE to me, I fall for her way too easily. I'm incredibly desperate, I have been ever since my ex broke up with me in March I think. Literally almost every time someone is nice to me, I just mistake it for them liking me. Instead, they're just my friend (of which I respect and enjoy having friends) but I feel so damn hopeless sometimes when it comes to relationships...I'm rejected rather easily and I don't fully know why. Maybe I don't live up to their expectations or the things they like in men? Maybe I'm "cute" but not "attractive"? Maybe I'm just too lazy and unmotivated to really care about what happens in my life? The only core difference between you and I is the fact these friends were friends that you know on a PERSONAL level. The only people I know are online because I have extreme social anxiety which prevents me from making friends. I know too well of the experiences you had...well, I blame myself for them being faulty (though my previous one was literally my fault, I can't lie there) I guess I'll admit there's 2 girls I've talked to for a few months and I like them both, but it's the difficulty in saying which one I'd like to actually "date". I mean I'm hardly anything at all, not even a catch, so being with me is not all that great (only my opinion, I don't believe what my ex has ever said but I guess I made her happy because she was depressed too..ironic I know) I'm sorry for ranting off but yeah...I'm also sorry for you experiences, but if there's anything that I can say that holds any value, I guess I can say that you shouldn't feel pathetic of feeling this way? I mean I feel the same way you do so that's probably why I'm saying this, but I just want you to not feel pathetic or dumb or anything for the way you feel. Everyone has emotions (well I thought so, but that isn't important) and they're incredibly important and should not be fake or lied about. You're completely fine feeling this way, this is YOU we're talking about after all. This is YOUR post, so don't feel bad for saying anything you feel or think or anything.
  2. Although nobody can say you do or don't, what I can say is that I thought for a while I didn't have depression, I was just an attention-wh*re and tried either being the center of attention all the time (online) or I just wasn't worth happiness in the first place. I'm a loser, I admit it, but when someone throws it in your face it can hurt like when you get a small cut or bruise. I mean to me if you're throwing the truth at me about myself, it hurts a lot worse but then again I've never known how to really deal with my emotions so I think I can go overboard at times, but that's just me...Honestly I never had a life to begin with. I had a few friends in elementary school I guess, but soon enough I would move school districts and begin my wonderful experiences of being bullied. I don't really know where I was going with all of this, I guess I just wanted to relate or something...I would say things actually helpful but I don't want to seem typical or that I'm copying others but...I'm sorry you have to go through what you're facing. I don't really know if I have any room to apologize but yeah, you seem to not be having the greatest of times like most of us so I hope you find at least a stable level of something...maybe. I'm not good with helping words, sorry..
  3. Death is right up my alleyway, all that is dependent is whether I want to stroll up there or not. I feel like I want to try it on for size..

    1. Kellyb79


      This makes me sad. If you wanna talk about it a little bit, feel free to message me. I have to run to the store real quick, but then I'll be free all day. 

    2. DesperationandHurt
  4. I don't really know if this can technically be here, but I have no idea where else to put it. Ok, so I have this online friend who talks a lot about these guys and they want to be with her right? The thing is she recently broke up and she isn't exactly interested in a relationship at the moment,so she rejects them and such. I guess my only problem is the fact that I had feelings for her too, which I guess she might've forgotten about, so she doesn't really think I have a problem with it. Thing is, our other friends talk with her and support her which is great and amazing, but I don't want to be an ass and say something. I don't want her to just completely stop talking about it, I know she needs support just as much as the next person, but I somewhat dislike her talking about them because, again, for some reason or another I still have feelings for her :/ I recently developed feelings for another girl (why is this post even relevant?) but I'm obviously afraid of rejection, plus I'm not confident at all in myself, so I don't know what to do there. I guess my mind is pitting myself between both of them and it can't decide, but I also want to **** myself, therapy, and only have half days at school to worry about. Right now, my mind cannot focus on one thing and everything is going at a million miles a minute and I'm just lost at what to think or what to do.
  5. I was actually curious of how to build this infamous "confidence" with someone who doesn't even know what it is anymore. Between doing quizzes/tests to asking girls out, I do not believe I'll be able to do anything. My friend tells me a lot that "girls love confidence in guys" and stuff like that, but looking at me you'd question how I had even one girlfriend :/ He says to meditate or some people tell me to exercise, but I don't think those things would help me at all considering how unmotivated I am. I'm also overweight as it is, plus I have social anxiety so that won't go too well in a gym. If I were to jog all day, well, I'd still not enjoy that. I'd rather sit here and waste my life away playing video games. Now I'm not sure if there's any way I could build up my confidence considering what I said (which is why I'm so desperate in the first place for a relationship, just **** me now) I wouldn't mind someone giving me advice, but honestly I don't really think anyone would have any for me...I'm just a lost cause
  6. I like Twenty One Pilots too, but I listen to Forest and Guns for Hands. Another band I feel speaks to me is the Flobots because their political side in their songs has a certain way with appealing to me. I mean I don't understand politics at all, it's just the way they structure their songs I guess. One of my more favorite songs of theirs is Loneliness, and I bet you could all guess why. I can't say you should go all willy-nilly and listen to any of their songs, I mean go ahead if you like, but I have a specific playlist that I feel flows in a certain way (in my mind) and if you're interested, I guess just message me.
  7. Ah yeah I can understand. I mean I'll briefly explain my experiences (yeah, what a card) My first online relationship was when I was 15, not even sure why I thought of dating but you can't really blame me. She was really nice like I was (of course, right?) I didn't know what she looked like, not until later, but it didn't matter. Anyway, we knew each other for like 2 weeks on a gaming website (wow, a gaming website?!) and I got the courage to ask her, of which she said yes. Now don't think I'm gonna try explaining every detail or anything lol, let me just say this: It didn't last too long because I "cheated" on her. I never told her, but hear me out; she was gone for about a month or two, and since it was long distance I'm sure you all understand I was quite lonely without her. I knew another friend and she was single and well...somehow I asked her out and she said yes. The problem with this is I knew it was slimy, but I just felt really lonely and needed a "fix" or at least someone that I could have joy from (as I was actually knew to the dating scene) We didn't do anything, and I doubt you believe me, but we really didn't. Now, as I said it was only a month or two she was gone, so I broke up with the other girl but she wasn't sad, she didn't really mind because I was going back to my first girlfriend. Ok, I didn't tell her I "cheated" on her until we broke up, but to speed everything up a bit, a lot of stuff happened and her father is super overprotective but he saw her chats on Kik and thought I was "only using her for her body" (are you serious?) Basically he demanded her to break up with me, and that was that. I did tell her I "cheated" on her, which only made it worse and she avoided me entirely. Yeah, I was obviously hurt, but eventually I got over it, but I still somewhat beat myself up from that. I highly doubt I can sum up my more previous relationship...but I'll at least mention it I guess. So it was only last year, when I started 11th grade. I met her on chatzy (my friend invited me to it) and we easily hit it off; shoot I only knew her a week and I asked her out (I wonder why we broke up...) This one lasted a lot longer (August to about April to mid March) and I felt there was more "love" involved and I felt the relationship we had was much, much stronger than my previous one. The only problem was the fact that I put everyone above me; rapists, mass ******ers, or hell even child molesters you name it. Even people on death row! That ticked her off because she apparently had to "love me so much" she "forgot how to love herself" because, I won't lie I'm quite a clingy guy (**** me now please) so I relied on her to make me happy WAY too much, which I admit was a huge mistake. I bet it put tons of stress on her so I can see why she broke up with me, but that was because of my last point; she tried way too hard to make me believe that I'm better than all of those people, but I shunned it away, I just couldn't believe it. Now look at me, I'm really careless about having a relationship (yet I feel like I'm oddly desperate for one for some stupid reason) and I've grown really apathetic towards everything and anything. Oh, I also had an OkCupid account, but got rid of it in maybe 2-3 weeks? I forget, but I messaged a few girls and...what a surprise, no message back. I am not confident at all in myself, so you can imagine how that made me feel. In the end, I have no idea if whether I should just grow my mind out of it as I feel like I'm never going to be ready to treat a relationship like it should be treated, or just keep pretending that I think there's a "savior" out there for me where she'll be my "bright shiny star" (I love space, ok) blah blah stuff like that (damn this message was longer than expected...thanks for reading it though, I know how long and pointless it was)
  8. Like I said I'm sorry for tainting your post. Obviously it was more important than my own suicidal pleas. I'll leave it to you, oh glorious one!
  9. Yeah, I don't understand where, when, and why the hell it even became a thought in my mind. As for animation, again I don't care at all of what happens and I'd rather just waste my life doing nothing.
  10. Art class in middle school made me believe I can't create anything that can subjectively be called "art" in any sense, my teacher made me feel like crap all 3 years I was in her art class. I don't even know how to record videos or anything, and I have no real musical talent either (I'm not willing to try anything, as you are likely aware of) But even if I did one thing that I can call was "good" in my own eyes, that'll be a monumental feat on it's own. I can admit I found animation sort of interesting (I did a small unit of animation in web design class 2 years ago) and if was willing to learn how to record videos for YouTube (I'm not very motivated to do anything, but I guess I wouldn't mind finding out how depending on how easy/difficult it is) I might be one of those people who animate, like theodd1sout or tonyvtoons etc, but that's still a dumb idea. I have a very monotone voice, mixed in with it being very deep and such, I just can't see how I could be entertaining. I guess it would be the video content? I don't know, and I understand some YouTuber's will say you don't need any talent at all on YouTube, but I feel I'd be wasting not only my time, but other people's time for stumbling upon my video. People say you need confidence to do things, and I know mine is long destroyed, but damn I was once slightly confident in doing YouTube as a career, then realized that I wouldn't be able to do it. I guess my "backup" was manufacturing, as I found that sort of interesting too, but I can't say I'm willing to do anything anymore now. In manufacturing, I bet you have to do stuff, like actually do stuff in class, and I'm not keen at all in doing anything so I can't see me doing that. Web design was interesting, and I guess I understood it, but it's the fact I have to suffer through another 4 years of college or something in order to get a degree or something in it, and that just sounds useless to me. I'm uninterested in anything and everything now, so I couldn't care any less of what happens or what goes on, etc etc. I'll just be content with whatever happens, you know? I'll live with it, and be fine whether or not it's good or bad.
  11. That sounds near to the "good guy" approach, and I already tried that. Yeah, I'm not trying to demean it, it really works and (to me ) seems like the only way to make friends. But, my last relationship ended in a disaster, on me. I don't want to complain about it because this isn't the relationship thread area, but I guess I can briefly explain it the best I can, if that's possible: It was obviously long-distance, don't be surprised. Ok, so it was basically the "nice guy" approach in the beginning and we learned a lot about each other (not every single detail, but a good amount to almost know what the other person would like as a gift or something, I don't know) I found it...um, cute or...something, I don't know, but we were both depressed. She's told me a lot of things, and yeah it was...something...when either I got really down or she got really down, and we helped each other of course. I felt we really bonded being so far away (well, only a few states but that's still several miles) Anyway though, as you all have read, I don't feel like I'm going to do anything "successful" with my life, and I put everyone (no matter who you are; rapists, mass ******ers, or someone who is on death row, I believe everyone is above me) This attitude made her go off on the deep end, and well...it's the exact reason why she broke up with me. I find it funny now that I think about it, but yeah I made her block me on Facebook (she eventually unblocked me, but the fighting and such annoyed me and I thought we couldn't even be acquaintances, so I blocked her) I know I'll sound like a Biotch, but honestly that relationship (if that's what you can call it) destroyed my mind and I've been thinking a lot and...well, I've become more and more apathetic towards everything and I could care less about making friends, though I guess I can't condone people trying to make me believe they're my friend (regardless I'll still think I have nobody to call an actual friend) I'm not sure how to really conclude this, but thanks for reading my long, stupid post
  12. Nobody even notices I'm alive, so it's not like any girl is waiting for me. As for online, that can screw itself because I've been rejected just too many times and, I know I shouldn't be such a Biotch about it, but I admit I'm a Biotch and I never handled rejection well at all. I'd prefer caring more about school than friendships, so you could imagine how that would go if someone had more feelings about me than "just friends" (who the hell am I kidding, that would never happen. also, I'd honestly go crazy over her for liking me, but in the end it wouldn't work out blah blah and I'd be single all over again because I was being me...again) But that's just me saying that, I don't care at all about school, so there's no real hope for me getting a career. I'm just...done with all this stress, all this worrying and, more importantly, I'm done trying to live for nothing.
  13. You sound a lot like me, only difference is I'm in high school and I haven't actually chose a "dream job" (and I'm a senior, granted I'm gonna have to take another year :/ ) To be completely honest, there's no other choice for me but to end it. I'd go off about it, but the basics is this: I'm not interested in anything, I have no social life, no friends (I guess I have people I can call friends online, but it doesn't mean a whole lot to me for some reason. Guess it's my apathetic side getting to me) and, maybe the worst, is the fact I can't see the road I'm going down being bad. Sure, I didn't do a damn thing in school so now I'm on half days and I'm in classes I care more about, it's just the fact that I think the "real world" is too hard for me. I'd rather sit here wasting my life playing video games, watching TV or YouTube videos than get a job or do anything else. It's hard enough to get me to do any chores around the house, I just sigh like it's some huge problem because I don't see any benefit in doing anything (mowing the lawn, putting dishes up) I can understand that the road I'm going down is bad, I completely understand, but it's the fact that I couldn't care any less about it, as in I can't see why I should fix what's wrong with me. I'm completely content with my life right now, I'd rather continue being the crippling socially anxious, introverted loser I am than try, not even once, will I try to change a single thing about me. I'd rather blow my brains out than have to change because, to add this all up and repeat myself, I'd rather die than try living in the "real world" because it's just too difficult and stressful for me (sorry for tainting your thread or whatever with all of this, it's a bit longer than I intended but I don't find it easy to explain things in a basic way. I always go off on a tangent)
  14. I would basically say the same thing: it's the fact that I have debilitating (as I like to call it) social anxiety and I would rather not waste someone's time (either a friend or possible girlfriend, for example) I never smile, only when I laugh of course, but other than that I'm always just sad. I can't really say I'm 'technically' lonely, because I still live with my parents and brother, but I feel lonely in the sense that I have no friends from school or, just in general, nobody to talk with. I realize that I could talk with my family...but why bother? I want to leave the fighting and constant bickering and the constant, constant "sarcasm" from my brother: he always makes fun of me by saying nobody likes me or "that's why you have no friends" etc etc, and I know it's all true, but dammit that stuff hurts...and nobody realizes :/ Well I know I'm just ranting, so I'll end this very long, pointless message here. Thanks for wasting your time to read I guess
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