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Recherche_Misfit

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About Recherche_Misfit

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    Newbie

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    The Great White North
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    Nothing.

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  1. (Sigh) I had an extremely stressful day at work, again. My mentality was ultimately shattered, collapsing from impetuous tasks, unrealistic expectations and passive-aggressive bullying. So, I wrote my workplace resignation letter today. TWO WEEKS, PEACE OUT
  2. I attempted to revive dead passions from my past (e.g. writing, drawing, etc.). I eventually ripped up my paper(s) out of frustration, threw my books and pencils to the floor and decided to accept the truth.
  3. I have also experienced the horrifying emotional trauma associated with biased ignorance against mental illness. I extend my sincerest condolences to everyone here who has received such disrespectful audacity. My father is the worst for facilitating the stigma surrounding psychological disorders. I remember his infamous words piercing my metaphorical heart one evening: "Seriously? You need to stop acting like this. You're acting ridiculous." The "Father of the Year" Award goes to...
  4. I feel frustrated. I am beginning to grow weary of this fruitless investment of time, effort, money and perseverance into the capricious stock market of life. I am starting to believe that hard work is a nonsensical fantasy fabricated by a charming falsehood. I've honestly begun to give up the fight. I really don't care anymore.
  5. I am beginning to grow weary of this fruitless investment of time, effort, money and perseverance into the capricious stock market of life.

  6. I have received 6+ years of psychological counselling and psychiatric therapy via a multitude of accessible programming (e.g. public clinics, private practices, hospitals, non-profit organizations, universities, etc.). I am currently attending short-term psychological therapy sessions through a non-profit organization. In addition, I have been assiduously analyzed by my family doctor for any physical health issues that may have contributed to my current mental health situation. I apologize for unintentionally omitting the aforementioned details. I am beginning to grow weary of this fruitless investment of time, effort, money and perseverance into the capricious stock market of life. I am starting to believe that hard work is a nonsensical fantasy fabricated by a charming falsehood. I've honestly begun to give up the fight. I really don't care anymore.
  7. If my life were an equation, it would look like the following mess: M = R (e * v)/T (i * d) [Motivation = Reward (Expectancy x Value)/Time (Impulsiveness x Delay)]. Values are essentially R = 0 , T = ∞ (i.e. decreased reward probability and magnitude with increased instances of distraction and delay of task reward), which leads to zero motivation and no success. I hate math.

  8. I am currently experiencing simultaneous emotions of apathy, disinterest, despondence, discouragement, dejection, depression and hopelessness. If my life were an equation, it would look like the following mess: M = R (e * v) T (i * d) Motivation = Reward (Expectancy x Value) Time (Impulsiveness x Delay) Values are essentially R = 0 , T = ∞ (i.e. decreased reward probability and magnitude with increased instances of distraction and delay of task reward), which leads to zero motivation and no success. Math is definitely not my strong suit. I probably butchered that equation horribly – somewhere, a mathematician is crying
  9. Ah, yes. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I have consistently scored as an ISTJ (I (Introverted), S (Sensing), T (Thinking) and J (Judging)) for several years. I believe I represent the definitive qualities of an ISTJ (i.e. responsible, sincere, analytical, reserved, realistic and systematic), although the recommended careers do not interest me (e.g. accountant, computer programmer, dentist, economist, electrician, engineer, geologist, librarian, mechanic, etc.). I pursued one of the occupational suggestions mentioned in that list for four years (i.e. horticulturist). Unfortunately, I recently discovered that it no longer interested me and the passion slowly faded over time. I suppose I’ll have to keep on trying new vocational aspirations. I believe something will “click” eventually. I just wish it wasn’t taking so damn long (I am quite impatient, you see).
  10. Thank you for your graciousness, Thornwell. I appreciate your wise counsel and sage intelligence. I quit the creative writing class due to disinterest. I could not be bothered to complete the in situ assignments and ex situ homework. I believe your methodical albeit responsive analysis on my psyche is correct. I occasionally reflect on the communicative functionality of my mannerisms and realize that they appear to be designed for an existential world. I believe there is a logical explanation for my dissonance. I am simply an individual who has unique priorities, beliefs, morals and values. In essence, I am “different” – an anomaly, if you will. Regardless, I wish I belonged somewhere... Hello, Tracy. I appreciate your warm welcome to the community. I am presuming the aforementioned personality type assessment refers to one of sixteen introspective descriptions belonging to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I have consistently scored as an ISTJ (I (Introverted), S (Sensing), T (Thinking) and J (Judging)) for several years. I believe I represent the definitive qualities of an ISTJ (i.e. responsible, sincere, analytical, reserved, realistic and systematic), although the recommended careers do not interest me (e.g. accountant, computer programmer, dentist, economist, electrician, engineer, geologist, librarian, mechanic, etc.). I pursued one of the occupational suggestions mentioned in that list for four years (i.e. horticulturist). Unfortunately, I recently discovered that it no longer interested me and the passion slowly faded over time. I suppose I’ll have to keep on trying new vocational aspirations. I believe something will “click” eventually. I just wish it wasn’t taking so damn long (I am quite impatient, you see). I have also been tested for Asperger’s Syndrome (AS). I did not satisfy the major criteria required for diagnosis, however. I exhibited a few distinguishing characteristics, although my empathy levels were considered acceptable for a woman of my age. I have heard that many symptoms of ADHD and AS can marginally overlap despite having so many disparities.
  11. Greetings, I am new to the Depression Forums (DF). I want to reach out and talk with other individuals who may understand and/or relate to my situation. I apologize in advance for my lengthy introduction. I am a recherché misfit. I am synonymous with the “multipotentialite” or “renaissance man”. As a result, I am continuously searching for my niche in an au courant world. I feel that my existence is not welcomed by societal norm and that my quirky personality has contributed to my plight. I believe my idiosyncrasies have deterred potential friendships and relationships with coworkers and employers. I am also currently unemployed and perturbed by boredom, tedium, listlessness, lethargy, lassitude, languor and weariness. I have been diagnosed with several psychological disorders, including adjustment disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I do not handle the vicissitudes of life easily due to the aforementioned psychological disorders. I do not take medication due to an irrational fear that they may exacerbate my condition(s) as a result of genetic heredity; a similar situation happened to my father who became suicidal whilst on anti-depressants. I have personally struggled with suicidal ideation in my teenage years and it is a terrifying sensation. I never want to go through that dark period of my life ever again. I am becoming increasingly frustrated by my stagnant life circumstances despite my intense investments in academic, vocational and societal endeavours. I have been actively exploring and trying new passions and pastimes to help discover my life's purpose. I want to invalidate the ennui that has consumed my life, yet have failed to discover anything that piques my interest. I have tried five different academic majors. I have also changed companies four times in the past four years because of a misalignment of interests and values. I have tried job shadowing. I have participated in public career services to no avail. I have attempted to volunteer with no tangible success. I have tried to commit to local meet-up groups. I have attempted travelling, much to my discomfort. I have even forced myself to attend house parties hosted by my boyfriend’s acquaintances to expand my social circle. I often succumb to debilitating panic attacks during these gatherings. I feel like a complete failure; I have no job, no interests and no friends. I don’t know where I went wrong. I used to possess a multitude of passions, especially in the creative arts (e.g. art, writing, music, etc.) and biological sciences (e.g. botany, zoology, ecology, etc.). However, I have noticed that these passions no longer command any importance in my life. I recently started taking creative writing classes to “reignite” my passion, yet it has had no effect on me thus far. I am becoming so apathetic that my motivation to keep trying new things is dwindling. I am starting to think, ‘why bother?’. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this horrifying wall of text. I will be impressed if anyone actually reads this post!
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