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Everything posted by tracyistrying

  1. I took 45 milligrams and it was fine except for the tiredness for the first few days. Listen to your doc.
  2. I took Remeron along with Lexapro and the combination worked great!! The Remeron helped me sleep and the Lexapro helped with depression and anxiety. Also, the Remeron probably did also have an effect on the depression as well. I think those two together are good combination. There's also something called "California Rocket Fuel". I think it's Remeron and some other antidepressant. They seem to work really well together. There's an article here somewhere on it if you do a search!
  3. I got the job. Working on getting all my employment stuff together - background check, tb test etc. It's only 20 hours a week but I think it will be a good start!!
  4. Loneliness is the worst.......hang in there. No real advice but I totally get it.
  5. Update: I called about a job today and it looks promising and they will even pay for me to get training in another reading program, one that I have had very good feelings about!! Talked to a woman on the phone and emailed my resume. It would involve driving a ways but I live in the middle of nowhere. Had to drive for my last job. My car is in great shape so driving isn't a problem. I like winding down in the car on the way home. Fingers crossed again!!
  6. Been anxious and a little down about the job situation. I actually don't mind being alone. However it would be nice to have someone to talk to consistently that was non-judgemental.
  7. Actually, I never heard back from the company so I guess I did horrible? Anyways, I can always submit a recorded demo, which I will try to do. Been pretty down about the situation but need to pick myself up and move on. Also, looking into substitute teaching come Monday morning. Thanks for the words of encouragement peeps. I'm really pretty happy that I even did the interview because at least it's a step in the right direction.
  8. Well, I have been in and out of depression and lots of anxiety for a few years now. Quit my job last December and took my retirement money out to live on. I am nowhere near retirement age but I just wasn't ready to work. Long story short, I was a teacher but they kept moving me around, etc. So much anxiety that I finally quit. Today I interviewed with an online ESL teaching company where I can work from home using my computer and interacting and teaching Chinese students. I was so nervous that I canceled it like 4 times but they finally said, no more canceling. Fingers crossed that I get it. I sort of freeze up in interviews but I think I did okay today. If you are having trouble interviewing for jobs, I get it. It's so freakin' hard sometimes - especially if you get anxiety. Hang in there folks. My life isn't all sunshine and roses now but I made a little step forward. Thanks for listening!!
  9. I had lots of nausea and a few panic attacks. Went off also with approval from doctor but life happened and now I am back on it at 20 mg.
  10. Not sure about this. I think if you haven't had a strong father figure then you will want men to find you attractive and give you attention. Speaking from experience here. It's not the best position to be in, for sure. Did you have a strong male influence/connection as a child? It might be helpful to know that and see how that fits into the equation.
  11. Today it was fairly nice. 50 degrees, sun made an unusual appearance. Snow tomorrow and cold. Enough already.............
  12. If you want to get better then there are things to try. But if you are not ready to get/feel better then that's always an option too. At some point you will be forced to make some decision - drop out of school or not, for example - or maybe the university will make the decision for you? Depression makes us want to do nothing. I'm so sorry that you are at such a low point. My parents didn't pay for my schooling either and I have tons of student loan debt. Not everyone is lucky enough to have school paid for them. Hang in there and I suggest maybe looking at some videos on youtube about depression. At least you won't feel so alone?
  13. Hugs to you. Hope things go better today? Sounds like a very frustrating situation for sure. Wish you had someone to talk to.
  14. Thanks Elle. My support system is back now but all this stuff is just a jumbled up mess. I really feel like I am/was in denial about depression sort of returning? I had an interview scheduled but I couldn't make myself go. Just don't think I can handle the pressure and anxiety right now? Even substitute teaching seems too much at the moment. Like I really don't want to do it. Am thinking that maybe going to the therapist and possibly meds again will help. I'm floundering for sure. I hope things get better for you. I find coming to these forums helpful when I'm feeling these things because it's somewhere safe where others feel the same things.
  15. Used to be you could like a post here. I guess they stopped that feature. I really liked it?
  16. I don't have anxiety panic attacks just debilitating anxiety where you overthink everything and maybe some social anxiety thrown in. Seems like I've also had a lot of things happen such as diagnosed with a heart condition, surgery to correct, sold house and moved to apartment - job transfer every year for four years. It is all too much. Before all this I raised a son with a disability with little help from anyone, which was very stressful, then my parents, grandmother, and best friend all moved out of state. It's just a bunch of stuff that happened all within 3 - 4 years. Then realize I have always been anxious. I am looking forward to some stability - that's the main thing. Of course, right now I am in-between jobs thanks to it all being too much to handle - switched to teaching a whole different subject with no training and principal and human resources telling me two different things - yes, you do need to teach computer coding - no, you don't need to teach computer coding.............it was a nightmare. It was a relief to quit. But now, looking for a new position and anxiety over interviewing......ahhhhh...................this too shall pass.
  17. Ummmm. You weren't asking for his unsolicited advice about your life. He asked how you were doing and you told him in an honest manner. These sorts of parents are controlling and nothing you can do pleases them. You have to live your life for you. If he asks how you are doing again, just tell him "fine". He doesn't need to know the details. My own parents are kind of like this. I am a good person, and I pay my own way for things, have a college degree or two, and a son I raised practically on my own - yet they have never expressed any sentiment that they are proud of me. People like this are unhappy with themselves and they therefore criticize everyone else. Just my two cents but I am learning here too. I would try not to dwell on it but if you have anxiety or depression, it's hard to just let it go and move on from it. Hang in there and try not to worry too much about what your parents think. (I'm still learning this.) Your life is about you and what you want and what YOU like. If you are not doing anything illegal and you are not hurting anybody by the way you are living, then it's really none of anyone's business how you live your life. It's yours. Try and stay strong. I feel for you.
  18. I set up a therapy appointment and if they think you need meds after talking with you then they recommend you to the psychiatrist. There's a sort of "intake" type process. You meet with the psychologist first. I'm excited to finally be dealing with this stuff - denial is real.
  19. I'm really not sure on the answer to this but I know that my anxiety is causing major life disruptions as in - I need to get a job, and other things. I finally made a counseling appointment today. Took Lexapro and it helped a lot with my anxiety before. Hang in there and listen to your body/mind. If you are questioning getting help then maybe you should. You can always ask your therapist at your next appointment?
  20. Yes. I do this but without the alcohol. CANNOT make myself do things. It's horrible. Always put it off for the next day. Then the next day. Sometimes it gets done and sometimes not.
  21. Wow. Sounds like you have been through an awful lot. I think this mental health stuff sort of snowballs. I know that my anxiety and depression started out with insomnia but maybe I was a little depressed before that? Then it went away or seemed to for a little while, buy you're right, then something else awful can happen, and then you are just sort of motionless - like you are in quicksand or something and you keep telling yourself to "go to work" or "take a shower" or whatever and you just CAN'T DO IT - no matter how hard you try. I personally just made an appointment with a therapist - hopefully a proper diagnosis and meds to follow. I did take Lexapro for awhile and that helped but it was prescribed by my family doctor. And I did go to a counselor for a few weeks but mostly he told me to make taking a bath/shower pleasurable and then I would be more likely to do it. While I sort of agree with that, my problems seem a little deeper than playing music in the shower and buying some nicely scented shower gel - like some people just don't get it? Anyways, I don't know if this helped or not. You are not alone. Others have similar feelings. Please don't give up on life. I do think that it can get better.
  22. In my personal experience, long distance relationships can be tough. I agree with others here that you are strong. Just please stay on your medication and don't give up on life and love.
  23. I ruminate on things that happened years ago too. Pretty sure it's anxiety. For example, my mom, sister, and I , and my grandma were supposed to go to the mall with my mom's friend and her daughter. My sister and I always fought like cats and dogs when we were younger and I told my mom that I "didn't want to ride with her". Well, my mom's friend thinks I was talking about her and that wasn't the case at all. I was talking about my sister. My mom never cleared the issue up with her friend and I still have problems to this day thinking that "Nancy" thinks I don't like her but I really do. This kind of thinking is NOT normal. I am seeking treatment for these issues, many of which surround social situations and others perceptions of me.?! (This was about 36 years ago...........ridiculous!)
  24. Yeah. I can feel the motivation swings or more like - I am motivated in my HEAD but my body will not move to do what I want it to do. Just taking a shower seems like a real effort sometimes. Once I take a shower and realize how good I feel, I start thinking that I am going to take a shower every day. But alas...........it does not happen. Seeking meds - appointment soon.
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