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blueberrybean

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  1. I met somebody here a few months ago who i've recently been able to confide in a bit. She seems willing to help with things i can't get myself to do (she's offered to call about potential work - her calling doesn't hurt because the work we're now looking for often hires groups of backpackers) even though i'm not sure she understands exactly why i can't do it myself.
  2. This is my first post here, so I'll start by telling you a little about me so the rest of this makes more sense. I'm currently in Australia on a visa that lets me work while travelling. I've been here for almost 6 months now. I'm also a certified scuba instructor. Depression (or at least some form of it) is not new to me, but I've never been formally diagnosed or gotten help for it... The situation as it now stands is that I'm stuck in a rut. I've been on the doorstep of the Great Barrier Reef for 4 months and haven't been able to get a job. Admittedly I probably wasn't trying hard enough in the beginning, but I find applying for jobs stressful and I usually end up avoiding it (whether this is part of my personality or depression talking, i don't know). I got some interviews, sure, but no job. I've had people tell me that they can't believe I couldn't find a job, that it should be easy... Yeah, that's the last thing I want to hear. I think I gave up the hunt about a month ago, but I'm still stuck here and find myself resentful and jealous anytime I see somebody with a "crew" shirt from one of the reef tour companies. I have days where I don't stray very far from my bed (today is one of them) and times when, if somebody offered me a free dive trip, I'd turn it down as just being too much effort. Since I haven't worked since I got here, the money is started to get low and I know I need to do something... Find a job or head home are basically my options but I'm not sure how to face either of them. Looking through listings on job websites overwhelms me so I don't end up applying for anything and going home means finding a job and a therapist (and probably having to explain to my parents that I'm not ok if I don't start job hunting right away). Trying to find help back home is not something I'm looking forward to... I've tried before.... 10-12 years ago in high school I ended up seeing an intern psychologist who I didn't feel took me seriously, and once last March when I tried to get an appointment at a local place via their online contact form, where they ignored my preferred contact method of email and left me voicemail twice asking me to call them. No thanks. Any advice on how to get myself somewhere other than here would be helpful, since any decision more difficult than what shirt to put on is pretty much impossible right now. Any thoughts on how to get myself to actually talk to a therapist when I eventually get home would be appreciated too.
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