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  1. I guess it's safe to think that people become depressed because we don't like living in this world for whatever reason. I mean, do people become depressed for no reason? They say everything happens for a reason. My reason is that I hate the way we live our lives, being slaves in the modern world. It's not natural to have another person be in control of another person, a.k.a bosses. I know work has to be done and profits have to be made, but seriously... working long hours for most of the week and the company owners that own us get the biggest piece of the pie. Working all the way to retirement with dreams of big houses and fancy cars. Not interested, but what can I do? Being on vacation and away from the rat race is only a bandage on a large wound. I feel ungrateful for writing this because I have the basic necessities of life and some more, yet I am here complaining. I am just not happy with how our lives are made to be like this by someone or something. I wish I lived in the jungle or forest somewhere with plenty of food to live off. What I really want is true freedom, doing what I want to do and not what society tell me to do. Numbers everywhere! Man, we are just numbers. So, what is your reason?
  2. I survived work.. That place is dreadful... Weekend is near... Phew...
  3. I used to be one of those worried students that don't dare to misbehave in school. I was obsessed with my grades. Now almost 10 years later, I still have dreams about failing a class(especially math.) I wake up feeling scared and then relieved every time.
  4. i cried when Jon Snow died. "For the watch!", they said.
  5. You sound like a victim. But from what I read, I don't think you love him as much as you say you do. I mean, you were dating other people and didn't need him romantically. He has to "worm" into your life. The reason why he didn't tell you his problems was probably because he loved you. He didn't want to bring up his troubles. I think he now understands that it's not working out with you. It's better this way that you and him go on separate ways. I don't want to offend you, but what is it with you that made him think that you are "ball and chain"? It can't simply be a drunken fight and the relationship of 10 years ended. You need to talk about your flaws instead of putting it all on the poor guy that followed you into a different state.
  6. You really have to stop living in the past. You keep talking about this happy kid that doesn't exist anymore. Live in the present and try to make the best of your days because that is what you can do. The past can't be changed, so why waste your life dwelling on it? As for your body, I have no idea what you are talking about. But ask yourself, can you improve your body to your content? If you can, then you definitely have to change it because it bothers you that much. If it can't be changed, then you just have to accept it and live with it. What I am trying to say is that you should concern yourself with only stuff that you can control. Don't worry about things that you can't change. Sorry if I come off as harsh, but the reality is that you need to be in control of your life. Don't let the therapists tell you what your problems are. Have confidence and find out what is truly holding you back. Now, don't do anything drastic because you are still very young. What you feel at this age might not be what you will feel in years to come.
  7. Sorry for the late reply but thanks for the lovely post. Yes, I do understand many of that. I didn't approach her or try to get to know her because I wasn't sure about of a lot of things in my life since I just got out of my shell, like you said. I want to know a person more before my flirt attempts. I guess it was too early anyway and it's true that she was the first decent human that I met since coming out of depression. I still want her and miss her a lot to this day. :) I enjoy the realistic points that you pointed out. I appreciate you sharing your personal story and I do hope that you are doing well today. Thanks again, helter skeleter!
  8. I wouldn't call myself severely depressed, but I was depressed at one point when it took out all the fun in my life, except video games. My life seemed meaningless and I wanted to disappear so I wouldn't have to deal with how messed up the world is or remain as a burden for my family. But I couldn't do it. I didn't dare to even think about it because I love my family too much and I don't think suicide is the right. I wanted to believe that I can be strong for myself and my family, although I didn't care much for life. I think love is the answer here. Love for the people that love and love for what you believe in. It was what kept me going during my dark days. I'd probably be in a miserable state or dead had I have nothing to love or believe in. Not sure if I answered you question because I was not clinically-diagnosed with depression, but I did sleep for 12+ hours a day and wake up with headaches for many, many years, if that counts.
  9. Not sure about the immortal soul thing you brought up, but life does seem like a video game... a challenge. We have to deal with all the nasty stuff, but we have a choice to rise above it or to let it consume us. Like I don't get why people are obsessed with the latest gadgets. They want the best phones, while their fellow human beings are begging on the streets. I'll make sure to not be consumed by the capitalism because that is who I am. When I die, I want to die with my philosophies and beliefs still intact. I don't want this greedy world to change my identity. But yes, virvellian, my sadness seems like a direct result of capitalism. The world is structured in a way that makes me feel like just another pawn, or a slave. Born into the world, learn the ways to serve the masters, serve the masters, then die. I wish I had true freedom, like living in the wild with my family and friends in tribal community, like the Native Americans. Are humans really meant to work everyday from 9-5 for stuff they don't really even need? All we need is food, water, and shelter. I don't understand why life must be more complicated than it has to be.
  10. I haven't had a real friend in about 10 years since high school. Nowadays I have acquaintances, or pseudo-friends. It's pretty much about survival (like shoncc said) in this wretched world when you get older, and it's hard to trust people when they are money-obsessed. But life did seem easier when you were young and friends were there to help you through your problems, On the bright side, it can possibly make a person stronger, if it doesn't break you first. I learned how to make peace being by myself. Although I still have social anxiety in the me-against-the-world kind of way, I am improving.
  11. I was researching a topic via search engine and this site popped up.
  12. Oh, women don't get stuck like men do? Interesting... As for myself, it's really tough to get over her. Women like her are rare, like 1 in 10000... or something. I don't even know!!!! She was so graceful like a gazelle. *sigh* I am such a loser, lol. Until I find someone else to like, I guess this topic is fitting for this site.
  13. Exactly, other men are thinking the same thing! My chance was non-existent. So many reasons that I don't want to list, but mainly because I wasn't confident of myself both physically and mentally and that she had a ring on her finger!! Basically, I feel that it would not work no matter what. I accepted the fact. I still appreciate her beauty to this day. Problem is just trying to focus on other things instead. Indeed! I am trying to get over her before it gets me back into depression! Male or female, any perspective is wanted! Just wanted to talk about love to feel a bit better, that's all. :)
  14. I like playing with my knives. A knife in hand makes me feel complete, like I have some power in this chaotic world. It's not because I am a serial killer or whatever; it's because I feel secured. It's a self-defense kind of thing. :)
  15. I am feeling the opposites right now, like I am relaxed, but also anxious because I have work in less than 12 hours. geez..
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