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feeling_lost

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Everything posted by feeling_lost

  1. Feeling almost nothing and wanting nothing today. Slept a lot but that just intensifies those feelings -_-. Feeling like a burden and trouble.. and not being able to do anything about it because of my confused mind. Just feeling like I am the one creating all the messes in my life and I am the only one to blame. It'a hard to say myself if this is the result of being treated in a certain way for years or is this actually just the way I am. I just feel lost, once again.
  2. Unable to concentrate.
  3. I feel like I just hurt people around me, not wanting to do so. And then end up feeling confused and afraid, and just wanting to cry. Not knowing how to put this puzzle of my mind together
  4. My mom just talks a lot. I don't really have any issues with her as such..but she often just goes on and on. Keeping me updated about people who I barely know or don't know at all -_-. Just trying to find kind ways to make her stop or excuse myself in some way. I have more pain though the other way round not gonna even go there or I'll be all tears.
  5. I am sorry Natasha I know how tiring that is. Especially the "out-of-the-blue" fights / being upset were really hard for me. Then the times when all was good and nice, I was afraid of the next thing I'd do wrong without even realizing.
  6. Oh my. Reading this just made me think that I do / feel a lot like that -_-. At times got so much energy, start doing things, focus on them (almost too deeply and too much commitment). And then got the times when nothing seems worthwhile. Or.. if not that bad, at least it takes enormous amounts of effort to get myself doing anything. And just like you, more of those 'low seasons'.
  7. Winters in my childhood were colder too. And yes, going to school when it was something between -25 and -35 Celsius at least we didn't need to go our for recess when it was that cold.
  8. Well, I haven't had a career. And planning to go back to school. And I am older than you. I definitely don't see that as a failure. I see it as circumstances not having been right or favorable. And you're wrong about all people having a career by 25. Heck, I hadn't even my first job then. I think I should be feeling like a massive failure because of that but I'm not. Failure is not a nice feeling and like I said before, you really shouldn't set yourself up for it. You need to give yourself a chance. I personally feel excited of being able to do it, finally.
  9. Oooooh... sleds, pulks, toboggans.. all the winter fun. What about skating and skiing?
  10. Or emotional abuse in any type of relationship, especially if the relationship is close. You might not realize at first that something is wrong and you might not understand why you are feeling unexplainable, negative feelings.
  11. Running to a bus, reaching the door just to have them closed right in front of you and bus leaving. Yes, my fault for coming so close to the time the bus comes... but seriously, closing the doors right in front of my nose
  12. Have you traveled in other countries? Traveling will definitely be eye-opening, and that was something that made me appreciate a lot certain things in my own country. And also, realize that every country - same as people - have its good and bad things.
  13. I also wanted to move away from where I live when I was younger. I thought it was just dead boring here and it would so much better living elsewhere. But later on I started to see good things where I live and I am not so eager on the thought of living abroad anymore. I am not opposed to it but just not feeling as strongly about it as I did at some point. I still love to travel and see the world though.
  14. There's plenty of jerks all around the world. Every country has it's good and bad, both people and things. And being a certain nationality doesn't mean you're all the same. We are all individuals, after all.
  15. And that's not true @Natasha1. We all got our flaws and we all make mistakes but it doesn't mean everything is your fault. Sometimes we start believing that when it is repeated enough many times to us or things go wrong - and our mind starts saying it too, it starts believing it, even though it's not true.
  16. It doesn't need to be structured or in specific order just the way you started this thread to share with us how you feel, you can do the same thing with the pdoc.
  17. I want snow too! We had plenty before but now almost none.
  18. This on-going cough.. and haven't been able to exercise because of it for a while I just want to get better already! And as before.. the indoor air issues at work really seriously bug me. I got medication for the symptoms (whee, need medication to be able to go to my workplace) and then the medication itself causes me side effects for which I need another medication. Ain't that a joy
  19. Feeling happy.. and sad at the same time . And kind of confused. Major life changes. Then this whole Christmas time is kind of hard for me. My family had strong traditions for Christmas when I was a child. Home was prepared for it in advance. Decorations. Cookies. Foods that my mom would make only at that time of the year. And Christmas Eve my grandparents would come over. We would warm up sauna (a traditional one which is warmed with wood). After that it was time to eat together and later on open presents. Some smells still trigger those memories for me. They are very happy memories. Then my life changed before turning 20 and I no longer took part in any Christmas traditions. That itself would have not been a problem as it was something I chose myself.. but the problem was that nothing replaced it. Tried forming new traditions but someone close to me at the time wasn't supportive of that, quite the opposite. Later on, even those special days, I was alone at home doing regular things like doing laundry. Oh well. That's something left behind now.
  20. I hope things move forward and you get relief.
  21. I have some issues with eating too, I've always had. But they are so strongly tied to how I am feeling. For the most part I eat healthy and want to eat healthy because I know it makes me feel good and my body works better, got more energy etc. But if something is bothering me a lot, it just starts affecting my eating. I don't seem to care anymore, and then I go to "easy", "fast" foods - and usually those aren't the "healthy" options. I even remember when my issues with eating started. On first grade when I was bullied - when I went home and was alone there before my parents came home, what I did.. I ate because it made me feel good. After having felt bad at school, eating gave comfort. So for me it is definitely tied to how I am feeling. Even though I know that eating healthy makes me feel better... but still when feeling low for a reason or another, it's easy to stop caring. So after all these years of struggling with my weight.. it having gone down, back up and down.. and up.. I realize it really comes to my own mind. When it is clouded with worries and other negative things, it makes me not "care" about myself. Those are the same times when it is hard to think good of myself. I feel like you and I both know how to do this but perhaps we need to start telling ourselves that we're worth of showing ourselves love and take care of our bodies and feel comfortable in our bodies too. Oh, and every time I have "succeeded" in this, it has been because of tracking what I eat, being accountable of it. So that might help a bit too .
  22. I meant in general that age is not a determining factor if you want to study, change jobs or career or anything like that. We tend to (and I guess society does too) set ourselves these "time limits" that by a certain age we need to have certain things. But it really all comes down to mostly your determination and, of course, if you got the possibility to do it. You are only a loser if you give up on trying to go for what you want. And I am not judging you. I know from experience how difficult customers can be, and especially working on the phone is a pain. I get yelled and blamed for things at work I am not even responsible for. But yelling back at them won't result in anything else than them yelling more and being more upset. That leads no where. You might get a temporary satisfaction from it yourself but in the long run it won't do anything good. Still though, I am not enjoying my job and I am also looking to getting back into school and doing something I'd enjoy. Where I live, apprenticeship work so that for certain degrees you don't actually need to go to school. If some employer is willing to let you learn at work and then show your skills there, you can complete your degree like that too in certain fields. But as said, I don't know if you would have anything like that available where you live.
  23. Don't set yourself up for failure. I don't think it's never too late to change. It's never too late to study or change careers if you want that. If you want to apply for a college, you need to believe in yourself and not think beforehand that you won't succeed. Especially if you're going for something you would love doing, definitely never too late for that. What about apprenticeship? Not sure if that would be an option where you live.
  24. @lonelyforeigner Great points added - which I tend to forget as I have always lived here.
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