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howmuchlonger

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  1. Thx Dolphin2013. I believe everyone should have something that sort of helps them "stay grounded" or somewhere they can go to "get away".
  2. There's a quote someone told me once about making mistakes and I've always remembered it. "In school we learn that mistakes are bad, and we are punished for making them. Yet, if you look at the way humans are designed to learn, we learn by making mistakes. We learn to walk by falling down. If we never fell down, we would never walk." - Robert T. Kiyosaki Don't be afraid to chase a dream, even if you're the only one it belongs to. Good luck and never give up.
  3. This may sound a bit strange but I was just wondering if anyone else has a "security blanket" or "safe place" they have when things get too hectic or things get a little too much for you? If so, what is it? I don't know why, but mine is lying on the couch, covered up with my favorite quilt and watching cartoons, like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons, Tom & Jerry or Pink Panther. It seems to help me alot to relieve the anxiety, as well as the depression, when things get a little too much to handle and I have alot running through my head at once.
  4. On the contrary to having periods of depression, lack of motivation, and being quite lathargic, I occasionally feel the immediate need to do something or accomplish something, like start a project, practice the guitar, or organize my work area in the garage. But almost as soon as I start something, I feel like it's not what will satisfy this "feeling" or need I have to do something. So I'll wind up running around for a couple of hours barely starting about 5 different things until I find one that I will actually finish and that satisfies that "need" Is there a name for this? Is there a simple or temporary solution for it? Is it the onset of something bigger? Am I the only one this happens to? It's kind of starting to affect my ability to function in everyday life and get things done that I actually need to do.
  5. I wouldn't mind having an extra friend to talk to. None of my old "friends" around here ever answer their phone or even call or text me anymore so I've pretty much given up on that. I've even lowered my cell phone plan down to the lowest one because I rarely use it anymore. So I'm always up for good conversation.
  6. I pretty much know exactly how ya'll feel too. When I had a good job, a nice house and everything, I had plenty of friends who would call me on a regular basis. But now that I lost that job and my house and living in my grandmother's house that my dad owns, no one ever calls, or texts, or even stops by to visit. What's even worse is, after my girlfriend passed away, I started posting some rather "troublesome" stuff on my Facebook, which I regret posting but have since deleted my acct, and only one person actually called to check on me. I never heard a word from any of my other, long-time "friends" I felt like, and kinda still do feel like I don't matter to anyone anymore. I've even gone on a few dates with girls but never made it to a second date and racked my brain for weeks what did I do wrong? It makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me that makes everyone not want to be around me and they all see it but I don't? I know I sometimes I think about how hard it's going to be trying to prepare myself for living the rest of my life alone and having to deal with life's problem on my own. But what really scares me is, I'm really close to my parents and they're in their mid-70s and I cringe at the thought of something happening and having to cope with that on my own. No girlfriend or wife to be there and help me through it, and no friends either I honestly think it'll probably cause me to lose it and have to be checked in somewhere. I worry about that day in and day out.
  7. Life is like the weather And I've found it to be true That skies are filled with uncertainty Of what the future may hold for you There are days the sun shines bright And warms everything below While other days are cold and gray And the earth is blanketed with snow Some days bring with them fear With relentless rain and wind The anticipation of tranquil skies Seems to never have an end No matter how bad it gets This outlook you must discern Once the storm has come and gone Blue skies will always soon return
  8. I'm very sorry to hear about all you've been through. From what I read of your post, it sounds sort of similar to what happened to someone I knew. The thing I saw that really helped them the most was they started taking martial arts. Like jiu-jitsu, tae kwon do, or krav maga. They stayed pretty busy with classes, training and tournaments so they barely had any idle time to allow their mind to start running away with thoughts, they stayed in pretty good shape because of all the exercising and training, it helped channel their anger in a positive way by taking it out on the punching bags and sparring dummys, and the best thing I could tell it did for them was it gave them a huge amount of self-esteem, self-worth, a great sense of accomplishment and boosted their confidence ALOT. It might not be something you would like but I just thought I'd suggest it since I saw how much it helped them. Best of luck to you.
  9. Welcome, justlc. The way I see it is, each person's problems are mentally and emotionally relative to them and how they see it. Even though some may seem more serious than yours, that doesn't negate the fact that they still need to be addressed and/or talked through. No matter how major or minor they seem. That's why we're all here. Matter of fact, I heard a little saying a fews years ago that I really liked, and it kinda puts it all into perspective. It says, Life lives, life dies. Life laughs. life cries. Life gives up and life tries But life looks different through everyone's eyes. Again, welcome and keep on keeping on.
  10. Thanks for the kind words, ya'll. GS, I know she's not looking down saying that and I know I shouldn't feel or think this way, but sometimes I can't help being overwhelmed with those feelings of regret. When I was at the hospital, and we found out her liver had started to fail, I was in such state of panic, anxiety and desperation, I asked the charge nurse, if they would run a test to see if my liver would be a match and if it was I would give her my liver. But they said they couldn't do a transplant because her body was so full of toxins from her being septic, that it was just ruin any liver that they tried to transplant. And Kiesha, I'm sorry for your loss too. All the "shoulda, coulda, woulda but didn't's" ARE very difficult hurdles to get over. I used to have a very different opinion about people who did that to themselves. But after this happened, I realized that they didn't commit "S", the imbalance of chemicals in their brain inadvertantly caused them to pass away from a disease. But the absolute worst part was, she (Kelly) had a 10 yr old daughter (Shelby) and she thought of me like a dad, because her real father had only seen her about 3 times in her whole life. I taught her how to fish, how to help set up a tent, because the 3 of us used to go camping and fishing alot, and I helped her with her homework, and we basically went everywhere as a family. After Kelly passed, all of a sudden Kelly's family and Shelby's real dad "swoop" in and wouldn't even let her come stay the night or a weekend at my house, and eventually wouldn't let me see or even talk to her. And Kelly's twin sister told me they didn't want me at the funeral and if I showed up they would have me escorted out. So even if I wanted to go visit her grave, I can't because I have no idea where it even is. Why they did that is still a mystery to me. But that hurt me worse than I already was hurting. Well, that's about it for now. Gotta go find something to do to get my mind off of it again. Thanks again, everybody.
  11. First of all, huge props to you for enlisting and thanks in advance to you, and Steven for ya'll's service to our country. That takes a HUGE pair and don't let anyone ever try to take that away from you or tell you different. It was once said "The only man a strong wind cannot knock off of the top of a mountain is a man who climbed it by himself" Which means, if you accomplish a physically difficult goal, and one that may even take years to accomplish, no one can ever break that sense of accomplishment or sense of pride. Trust me, I've had it. And it was awesome. Also, find something you really, really enjoy doing and wrap your head completely around it. For me, it was my lawn. I studied seasonal growth, fertilazion patterns, aeration, proper mowing, watering amounts and scheduling.... etc. Before I knew it my lawn looked like a golf course and neighbors were stopping by complimenting me and even asking me to take care of their lawn too. My point is, try and find something you can "bury your head" in and put 110% of your effort into that would help you totally forget all the bad memories because you'd be too busy excelling and being complimented at what you're accomplishing presently.
  12. First off, thanks for letting me join, I could really use an "outlet" sometimes. Secondly, I don't even know where to start because there are more thoughts running through my head right now than there are people at LaGuardia 3 days before Thanksgiving. So, I guess I'll begin by saying, I started dating this girl on 6-8-12 and she was the best girlfriend I could've EVER asked for. She had the kindest heart, the most generous personality, and was the overall best thing that happened to me in a long time. That was until 4-26-13. She had been sick for a few days, which the Dr. said was a stomach virus, but it turned out she had taken alot of Tylenol PM. (more than 10-12 I'm guessing) She was severely bi-polar and taking lithium and for some reason out of nowhere went into a deep depression. After 2 days of her throwing up and sleeping mostly all day, on Fri. 4-26-13 we finally decided to call 911 and she was rushed to the hospital and put in ICU, But it was pretty much too late. She had already gone septic and her liver and kidneys had all but shut down and her body was poisoning itself due to the high ammonia levels. I stayed at the hospital ALL WEEKEND from Fri. 4-26-13 until Mon. 4-29-13 when they took her off of the respirator. That was the ab-so-lute worst day of my life. Having to say goodbye and walk out of that hospital knowing I'd never see her again. The thing that kills me deep down inside everyday is, as a man, and her boyfriend, it was my job to keep her safe and make sure nothing happened to her. And I didn't.... do..... my.... job!!! I FAILED. And at the most important thing anyone EVER could fail at, and that eats at me to no end. And I think it will for the rest of my life. I just can't bear to think how bad it's suck having to live with that for ANOTHER 40 years. Which is why I've gone from smoking a pack a day, to smoking almost 3 packs a day. Maybe it'll only be 20 more years. since smoking isn't actually considered "suicide" I apologize for "unloading" on ya'll in my very first post, but I had to get it out somehow. Trust me, I have plenty more that I could "use an ear" for now and then for. Instead I'll cut this one short.
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