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About SophieViolet95

  • Birthday 03/20/1995

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  1. So I've not written on this forum for some time (5 years, oops) and thought I would give updates! A little while after my last post, I met who now is my best friend. I met her online and she approached me as she liked the same celebrity as me. We had a lot in common, as well as a genuine interest for this celebrity. It's been five years as friends, and we've now met him TWICE! We have a fanpage for him which he has acknowledged on several occasions, has told us he loves us and what we do. I also draw fanart for him, which he also loves! The first time was very sudden as he was doing a talk about a series he was doing and me and my friend spontaneously went for it and decided to go. She approached him as she had a gift for him (I didn't have time to get one as we literally decided to go the night before). I was incredibly shy and we didn't have a lot of time with him so I annoyingly didn't speak much. The second time was about 3 months ago (October 17th to be precise) and it was very different, but in a good way. It was more planned too, so I had more time to get used to the idea, and I knew I'd be seeing my friend again! It was an event at a theatre where they were showing a load of short films, one of which he and his wife was in together. They both came to the event with one of their daughters and a few other family members. (Even though I almost had a panic attack until they walked in and it immediately stopped) I am a bit more confident now so I was able to speak to him a bit more. We spoke before, at the interval, and after the event. He's been a huge influence on dealing with my mental health and I managed to tell him that he's the reason for me doing something about it. Oh, and I gave them gifts to! So I went from being obsessed, to having a more friendship relationship with him. It's something I never imagined, because I just thought I would just be infatuated with him for the rest of my life, getting all emotional for no reason (which yes, I still do) and thought I would never meet him. No other COs have really come in these 5 years either so I think I have found the one that's gonna stick.
  2. Hi everyone, I'm aware people have likely asked this before but I still would like some advice. I have recently been prescribed 20mg of Citalopram for low moods/depression and I'm not sure of the best time to take it. I have pretty much a backwards sleeping pattern so I am awake all night and sleep during the day. So do I take them before I go to bed which is usually anytime between 3am and 7am or do I wait until I wake up which is usually anytime between 1pm and 4pm? Also, a little side thing is that I am really scared to take them because of the side effects I've read people can experience. I know everyone is different but I have really bad health anxiety/hypochondria and I am just generally worried. Any advice on both of my concerns would be really helpful. Thank you.
  3. @HopelessRomantic2011 I guess that's actually probably a better way of putting it. I am probably more in love with the idea of him. Infatuation is probably what I have, I just have a different perception on it I guess (I'm a little stupid with these kind of things ).
  4. @HeatherG I know it's probably not love in that way, I'm aware of that. But it feels like it in some ways. I too am hopefully seeing a psychologist soon I'll probably be able to manage it more. I wouldn't say it was unhealthy for me. It's certainly a pain sometimes, in the way that I just wish it wasn't so intense. But they help me, they're sometimes the only thing to fill my emptiness. Anyway, I hope your psychologists appointments go well. @Audrey822 It's always comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling like this.
  5. It's probably obvious what some of your answers are going to be to this but I could do with knowing some of your input anyway. Does anyone actually feel genuinely in love with any of your COs? Whether you've met them or not. Like I know it's probably a different kind of love to actually being in love with someone, but the kind of love that you assume most couples to have about each other (if that makes sense). I only ask because this is the second time it has happened to me in the last year. And both times with a (different) English actor. The first time my CO love has got this bad was like 9 months ago and it faded. Now I found another English actor and I'm certain the feelings are returning. I was relatively okay with the feelings until last night when I started watching a TV show he did and falling completely in love with his character. And managing to cry on and off during the first two episodes before having to stop watching anymore because I got too overwhelmed by him (There is nothing I find more attractive in an actor who can play characters that go from being funny to completely vulnerable in a second). Sometimes he's my last thought when I go to sleep and the first thought when I wake up. And I just seem to have a lot of feelings about him. This honestly doesn't get this bad with the American actors I've become obsessed with. I know I'm probably just being ridiculously stupid (and I sure feel like it) but I'm single and haven't really had any partners or anything so I kind of just guess that is probably the reason. Plus, I literally don't do anything else apart from the same routine every single day. But I don't know. Like I've also said before, I'm not in the right frame of mind to just take myself away from them like some people here suggest, I have a very addictive and compulsive personality when it comes to this so I feel completely incapable to just stop watching him at the moment. But I guess I just wanted to know some people's opinions/experiences on this.
  6. Yeah, this is pretty much exactly what happened with me. I watched the episodes he was in, then his character was killed and then I suddenly realised how much I missed that particular character and how much I found the actor attractive and just started being obsessed with his character and frequently re-watching the series he's in. Then all of a sudden, the actor just caught my attention and now I can't stop falling for him.
  7. I've said before that my COs change a lot (we all deal with mental health or whatever differently) and now I appear to have found yet another one. This one sort of came out from nowhere. I had watched a show he was in and thought nothing for ages until suddenly he got my attention and now its spiralling fast as usual. But there's something different about how he makes me feel. My last few recent ones have all been married/in a relationship and I don't usually care. But with this one, I do. It's rare I have strong feelings towards my COs in the way this one is and I honestly don't know why. For some odd reason, it seems to be the English celebrities who do this. The last English celeb this happened to, I genuinely actually started to "fall in love" with him and it's happening again. My other COs are American and this doesn't happen. For example, he's had scenes where he's kissed someone (he's an actor) and I actually die a little inside. When his character's are acting all lovey-dovey it makes me feel emotions that I don't usually feel. I don't know why it only happens with certain people and guaranteed I'll come back in a few months with the same thing. But this particular part of having COs is definitely new to me. My maladaptive daydreams come and go; they can be completely out of my head one minute and then something will trigger it and it starts off again. The triggers can be so small as well. Just needing somewhere to talk about it all again.
  8. Thank you for your reply, it's always comforting to know I am not alone. Mine has definitely become more intense over the last year or two, and like I said, it's honestly driving me up the wall. I'm surprised I've not had a mental breakdown or something because that is the level I'm slowly getting at with it. Yet, I'm too scared to visit a doctor, I really don't think I can do it. I understand that people don't understand it, I exactly don't expect them to. But deep down, I kind of still expect them to get what it's like. But people using terms such as "you gotta stop worrying", makes me so annoyed when it comes to this particular issue. Having anxiety in general and depression sometimes seems a cake walk to this.
  9. Not sure if I have put this in the right section so please feel free to move. Anybody else here suffer with Health Anxiety/Hypochondria? I've had it for about 5+ years now and it's driving me completely INSANE. I'm the type of hypochondriac that avoids the doctors at all costs for fear of what they'll tell me. The illnesses I've managed to convince myself of having is quite low, only because the couple I have is recurring ones that have never gone fully away. Diabetes is one of the main ones, because the fear of getting that is what started it. That comes and goes, if I eat lots of sugary food, it comes back but I can go ages without worrying. The current thing I have been half convinced I have is some kind of prolapse "down there" (even though I'm like 50% sure I don't have it). I've had brief worries about Cancers and things like that. But it's never been a huge worry at the moment. But even the little things worry me too, if I get a cut on my finger or whatever, I'm overly worried it'll go septic or something. If I have a stomach ache, I'm worried that it's a sign of something bad. It's also definitely manifested into germaphobia too, even stroking my pets makes me worry I'm gonna catch something, even though they're fine. The problem is, is that Hypochondria is an OCD thing, right? Or least I thought it was. For me, my brain just seems to add this whole extra level of OCD on top of this. If I have a worry, I compulsively worry and obsess about it until either my brain just stops and I forget about it or I force myself to stop worrying, which is never easy. Not googling stuff sometimes helps but sometimes I give in and Googling it makes things worse, which I know is totally my fault but I sometimes can't help myself. Reassurance from family simply doesn't work. I try and listen and take it in but it's really futile now and I only really ask for it because I feel I need to at least mention my current problem. They'll say "I'm sure it's fine." but to be honest, my brain essentially just goes "Nope. Nope. Nope. Absolute lies." It's too the point that anybody using the term "Try not to worry" or "It's probably nothing" fully annoys me and I just want to scream in their face. I recently went to the doctors for my general anxxiety/ocd problems but had to cancel my last two introductory appointments so I'm hoping I'll be offered another one soon. But somehow I even feel that this is beyond help and even CBT won't work. Sorry for rambling but I guess I just needed somewhere to vent.
  10. Hi all! Back again with another little update because it's been so long since the last one. If there's one thing I "dislike" a little about my personal experiences with COs is that they never stick around for long. I get them constantly every few weeks/months, and then I start to feel bad when one of them goes. I would say that in the last few years, only one has actually not gone away (and that was the one I first came here about) but because he hasn't really done that much career wise for over a year now, it's very hard to hold my attention (I don't have a very good attention span in general). Though he's the one that's always been there just very much in the back of my mind. But since that one started, I've had at least 3-4, maybe more all at different times. One goes and then I find a new one. I just start to feel guilty for letting the others disappear. I had one that became intense and than left again. But that's because I got into a spin-off from that COs show that got me into an actor on the spin-off show and I slowly feel the obsession spiraling. I've watched 3 of his films (obviously he's done more) that I'm obsessed with and I do plan to watch more of his filmography. And I am really obsessed with the character from the show that made me fall in love with him, like in some ways, I probably love the character more than the actor and both of the love for them is a lot right now. I seem to be totally incapable of liking a TV show and just like it like a normal human being, I always seem to fall for a character, which then just expands to the celebrity and boom! chaos in my brain. But I did recently find out that there is a thing called Hyperfixation which slightly resembles what I go through with my COs, so I won't be surprised if that is what happens to me. I've have gone to the doctors for my general mental health (I was basically diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD. I have an appointment with some mental health team in a couple of weeks) so maybe it can help ease the full force of my COs. As much as I love having COs - to an extent, I can't deny that it can greatly affect my life. I've been signed off sick from work due to my mental health, so I don't particularly have anything else to do but obsess over my COs and I physically and mentally find it impossible to tear myself away from them. I mean, I've tried to tell myself to not watch the shows one night but it's impossible, I seem to be constantly drawn to them. All the huge COs I've had this year have had a much bigger effect on me than the other had. I've had instances where I actually felt "in love" with them. And all three of my main ones this year have been over 20 years older than me (which probably has no relevance to anything but they've all been very similar ages.). When I am alone (which is more often than I am not), my brain is in constant overdrive with my daydreaming and fantasies and it's becoming rather distracting. I don't hate having COs, they're the only happiness I get most days, but I do wish it wasn't quite so intense. In terms of my daydreaming, I feel it used to be fun and manageable (and it still can be) but I am losing control of frequently. I guess I seem to be a lot more aware of it than I used to be, and it just feels so intense. But right now, I can't seem to stop. My daydreaming/fantasies is not something I can freely talk to my family about, I've mentioned I have it in the past, but I don't think they really understand just how intense and bad it is. Which is understandable, I don't expect them to understand, I just sometimes wish I could talk to someone freely and not be judged when I do explain just how bad it is. But things are pretty bad for me right now, mentally. So I'm not sure I want to stop at all, they're the only relief I probably get from my problems nowadays. So I'm incredibly grateful for having them in my life. I don't really know why I keep popping back here just to post updates (that are usually always along the same kind of lines) but I really feel it's the only real place I can just let it all out. So I always hope it's okay to do that.
  11. I'm still lurking and thought I'd come in on the fanfic discussion that's happening. I actually write fanfic, and up until recently, I never posted any of them. Over the last 2 months, I've become absolutely obsessed with a TV Show, more so, one of the main characters of it. And this obsession (with the show and character) is really bad, and surprise surprise, all my old ones have faded out again (for now). I've watched this show almost constantly (I'm being really serious here) for the last 60 days or so and I'm now on the last season, the new season starts in September. My love of this TV show inspired so much writing creativity that I spend a lot of time on (especially when I have no internet). Though I don't post all of them (because some I feel aren't that good), I keep them on a word document, and the couple I've posted on Tumblr have had a few notes so I try and continue when I can. I myself, actually do Reader insert one shots/drabbles, because I find it easier to imagine myself in the stories, and though I've invented a character for the maladaptive daydreaming that occurs with this obsession; I find Reader insert fics so much easier to write and I love reading them too. Some are romantic pairings between the character and reader, though some are purely friendship ones. I also downloaded a Scriptwriting app to my laptop, which also helps with the daydreaming because it helps me to also imagine myself in the stories/scenes I write. Though these do name my "character", I NEVER post them because they're just for me.
  12. Yesterday I was able to watch my CO in his play in the cinema in a live broadcast from the theatre and I don't think I've felt happiest in a really long time. I thought he was absolutely brilliant in it. I think I spent 95% of the time smiling at the screen. For the first time in ages though, I actually felt normal (away from all my anxiety and worries) and I just felt happy and really relaxed. I don't know if it was because I was out of my house for the first time in a while but I'm sure that my CO was a huge reason to actually feeling that way for that hour and a half or whatever it was. I actually miss the show so much. Didn't think I would but I really just want to see it all over again but sadly that was just a one off (apart from a few encore screenings which I no longer have the money for. And I also don't have the money to actually see it in the actual theatre). I also didn't think it'll be possible to love my CO anymore but it appears I was wrong because I'm more in love with him than I was this time yesterday. This CO seems to give me a lot larger feelings than any I've had before. I really don't know why. But he just makes me so incredibly happy. ?
  13. Not updated here in a while so thought I'd return again. (This is really long though, so I apologise). (I feel I sound even crazier than I did before but I just need to get all this out. I am actually so glad for this forum because I literally have no one else to talk to about any of this because I don't think anyone in my life would even understand any of it. So I'm glad I can just pour my heart out on here and not really be that judged for it and I know some of you can possibly relate). So here we go! In my first ever post here, I mentioned a CO that became rather minor when I first posted. About two months ago, I mentioned that it returned with a big vengeance. (My original one I came here about has died down a lot for now due to the fact he's literally not doing anything) It has only got worse since then. And by that, I mean really bad. Almost (what feels like at least) 10x worse than any I've had before. A quick background on this one though: I first fell in love with this particular actor (I did name him in my first post, if you're feeling curious. I don't mind.) just over a year ago, after my nan gave us a bunch of DVDs and one of them happened to be a film with him in. The obsession initially lasted about 3 months and went away again. It came back about 3 months ago when I happened to see a picture of him on Tumblr. It's definitely become a lot bigger since I watched his latest TV series (which I watched back in January). Before all of this, I probably had watched about 9 of his filmography stuff, now it's probably about 18, with so much more to go (27 to be precise. Yes, I have it written down). I do not know how to control it right now. Everything I have watched with him in lately has reduced me to tears, either watery eyes, a few drops or full on crying a waterfall. He personally doesn't have Social Media or anything but since this obsession has returned, I found myself following two of his oldest children and his ex-wife on social media, just in case he turned up on them. (Wow, I sound crazy. But he sort of did on one of a few months ago and it made me happy. Luckily, they're a little famous too so I don't think they would've notice me following for that reason). Another thing I mentioned briefly on one of my other posts is the fact that I can't go and see him in theatre (which started tonight). I've been really disappointed about it, which I shouldn't be, because I feel stupid being upset about it. But I understand the reasons I can't go. Except I can't stop being really sad about it. I was searching across Twitter just now (which I attempted to tell myself not to do much during the play) and came across people having pictures with him (which is the exact reasons I attempted to minimise my search of him during this) and I actually cried (like the weirdo I am). I don't know why I did, I think I felt like this was the best chance I ever had of meeting him myself so I think I'm just being a little jealous. It is being broadcast live in the cinema next month so I'm not totally missing out but I just would've loved to of gone to see him in the flesh. I am very well aware I need professional help. My last doctor's appointment (the first step to getting proper help) got cancelled so I have no idea when I'll get another one. I have tried telling myself to try and calm it down but I simply can't. The thought of giving this up is too much to bear but it's just so very intense feelings right now. Like, I even began to feel like I was genuinely in love with him and I don't know why. Though, I don't think I want to be with him romantically, I think I wish he was in my life, but not romantically (I mean, he has a girlfriend and I think they're rather happy). In my daydreams, he is. Like I've said with my previous COs, them in my fantasies, are definitely a coping thing for my anxieties, sadness, etc. I imagine him telling me things will be okay, because sometimes, I find it hard to believe anyone else that it will. I've come to realise though that the feelings you can have for a CO is such a rollercoaster of emotions. In most cases, they're the most comforting, calming and happy emotions but just every now and then, certain events, situations can make you extremely sad and distressed. I didn't sign up for the latter. I didn't mean to ramble on like this but I don't feel I have anyone else to talk to about this, because my family just don't understand. But I just needed somewhere to just write it all down.
  14. I had an idea. For anyone who wants it (and if you use it), I put all of the songs in @Audrey822's (so I'm hoping it's okay) blog post in a *link removed please pm member* (I hope that link works) for you all. I'll add anymore if anyone wants to add or change if I've done the wrong versions (I've done one song with two different known versions)! I'll add anymore myself if I find some that I think may apply! Wasn't able to add the Taylor Swift song.
  15. @Audrey822 I actually enjoy class when I'm there so that annoys me more than anything. I never had any sort of thoughts about any of my COs until recently and I have no idea where they've come from. I've never once had them for my longest CO. I apply for jobs on/off for ages but it always feels like no one wants to hire me, my lack of experience lets me down a lot but I always keep looking. The other issue is that I suddenly re-realise that I have Social Anxiety (it's not as bad as it used to be) and when I have to go to more crowded places, I worry that that will let me down too. I am trying to tell myself that it's not "set in stone impossible" that I can't go and there's still time for anything to happen. Maybe I'll win the lottery. @OpalP25 Thank you! I always wish that something would happen between us, but deep down none of us was ready and now I've dealt with the fact that we are never likely to see each other again, and I doubt he remembers me. He is very much a part of my past and I'm okay with that, just every now and then, the thoughts return.
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