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glfinding

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Everything posted by glfinding

  1. It feels like some kind of sum, To be a red phantom inside your rose, Because I don't wanna be another victim of time as minutes clock and it grows, I know if you were alive, You would pluck the apple from the tree, But I don't wanna be another attempt at your experiment to feel the fear and be free, The only answer you seem to grasp, Is to acknowledge that we are a disease, But I don't wanna be another sacrafice to subjugation drowning on my knees, So smile for black cameras, I am fine with k illing time, Just smile for the painful, Line it all up to gleaming rhyme, Talking to bullets in the end, I begin to think I am destroyed, M urder planet hotel hallway, Today this happens in dismay, In hundreds of billions of years, Space will spread the light apart, Because I believe the dawn you praise is just a jaded haze of our destined graves, Look upon the bright light of the stars, It's old cold story explained in it's scars, But I believe I can begin to scratch the surfaces of your belief and then we can stain the glass, These solar situations offer nails, Sailing to a promised land on grails, But there is no more systems for these machines to conquer our bitterness, So smile for our lonely fate, I'm fine with a single find, Just smile for the painful, My favorite lasting chemical, This place will burn you forever, No matter how cold you become, It feels like some kind of sum, To be torn from the Book Of Life.
  2. Don't worry. I spend a lot of time on a poetry forum. And Im not sure exactly what you are posting. But to me it is a form of art. And if you want a good rating, so do I. I do not believe there are too many wrong answers to mental illness, as far as healthy decisions go. Whatever you can do battle it I am all for. But I have no input om the ocd. I am like the opposite of ocd, i just dont care. Anyways dont be too hard on yourself, I can dig it.
  3. Hi Mike. I have been in similar positions with relationships. They sure can be tough. Luckily, my baby momma is even more screwed up than me. Although its a pretty close call. We were quite the psychotic duo. But I was lucky that I fought for split custody and got it. Not much has gone my way, but that did, and Im extremely grateful. Either way, it is a very stressful event, especially on the kid. I know that feeling too, when you feel that deep pain on its way to make a mess of everything. In my opinion, just because you can identify that you are having those times come, there is almost no avoiding it. The best I can do with my pain, is feel it, go through it, give myself time to mourn, and then get back up. It sucks, we can never see how we could possibly fight another day. But we do, and somewhere in that process, we grow, and learn. Not trying to say that you have no choice about how you feel, but I pick where to fight my depression carefully. It is a losing battle most times. Try not to drink or do drugs, the comfort it gives is a bigger lie than anything. Stay vigilant, even though I know its hard. If you need any tips on how I stay sober you can message me. Welcome to the forum.
  4. Yea, holidays, just another day in the dark. Maybe we're alone physically. But in our pain, we are not.
  5. The human condition, to me is a very broad term. One problem that arises with depression in groups of people, is that pain is unique to each of us. Maybe we can relate to similar struggles, may have even go through the exact same things. But the way it makes us feel, and the way we react will almost always be different. But having said that, humans do tend to fall in its usual categories. The never ending thirst for more. Taking anything for granted. The way we love to watch our enemies suffer. Im sure there is a pretty long list of what is typically wrong with us. Although painful, maybe the depression will lead us to a more valuable answer. I would also say that depression will grant us a tougher soul. Something could be drawn between depression and survival. Adapting to great pain.
  6. Who has the heart and the personal courage, To k ill the bear and pillage on it's pourage? Thier breath is wasted but mine is a trial, I won't cry and beg over it's life of duo denial, That my hood is stronger and better yet, A stolen hunger to repay my vital debt, I have wondered if I have honored my hall of words, My hate has grown colder than a hoard of swords, It is the plan of Divinity that I spread my crow wings, Singing to my audience for what the painful brings, My sights see red and suicidal trumpets sound, But I live to die another day in this life that I am bound.
  7. Hi gomez. Nice offerings. Welcome to the thread. I cant speak for everyone. But I love writing about this stuff. Sharing and reading will give prospective. Takes personal courage to post here.
  8. Niles of the night ripping upon the forces, Beckoning again onto my life's magnet, We spin in rotation around what kills serenity, Gripping the moon to create the astral tidings, Our sun and the nature of it's vagrant beasts, Pilgrims watching this place burn in it's destiny, Redemption flowing through your heart, But falling in gravity has already happened, So we circle the whorls of our idle enemy, A decision rectified by the fascinated isolation, Rotting the life on an axis of what will become, A brilliant bitter end for this perfect anatomy.
  9. Depression, the real pain of it, will affect every facet of your life. Automatic thoughts, lead to prejudged feelings, that have a chaotic impact on your actions. Recovery, the hardest thing I have ever done. War, divorce, even death, can not compare to my life long struggle with depression. A tough enemy. You must remain adament and take every advantage at the times you can do something about it.
  10. Just my two cents. People are not perfect. We make mistakes. If anyone is confused by that, holding a grudge, **** em. This world knows no bounds. Crappy people are endless here, **** em all. Work drama is so tough. Will shake the foundation on which we build. And honestly, I have a filter, but choose to say boarder line offensive things all day. I think its funny. Dont be sorry about it anymore.
  11. I do not claim to be an expert on other people's empathy. But I would suggest to be yourself. In my experience, all loss of connection is how people dont make it. So just be present in his life. See if you can take food. Psych ward food sucks.
  12. I conspire on top of my little circle, My selected reflection of elections, Terroist aristocrat psycho psychic, I move inside my succumbing circle, Tis the season of the single reason, Stay with me and let it fade away, This started many days before me, A sea of endless effigy inside infinity, Rephrase your fake forgiveness, My fellowship cast to follow forever, Deflect me, Direct me, dissatisfied, Protect me, elect me, just darkness, The Book Of Life, Here on this circle, I am back again, On this circle end, My thoughts shake the weary, But do not become the atom, Seems to be some kind of sum, Turning into this perfect phantom, Madness is the circle, I know it, Dredging along the swampy island, Promised songs to right the wrongs, An inception of notions that condone, Constant motions forward progression, But can you really even think that? This book ceases the age, an empty page, Oh God I just hate believing, You know.
  13. Death Sonnet Flashing images from the flicker of the fire, Desintegrating the stones in my hour glass, Stepping into my ghost but not to get higher, Embraced in this conflict for which we pass, This small time that we have leads to panic, Too many stars in the years for us to count, Infinite time lines daring the physical fanatic, A coffin of dust ascends to what we amount, Nightmares of this life begging me to dream, Flowing with the promise that we will all die, Rotating violence ripping waves into stream, My spirit has drowned with attempts to deny, Carressing this book obssessed with it's page, I equate my death like it's the end of the age
  14. There is no reflection in this fight, Just my blade without the moon light, Watching my own peacefulness squirm, All my contention, all it wants is to burn, So go ahead and keep talking to me, As if you've landed in some realm of importance, Just remember, I never asked to be here, Chisel it on my ****ing tomb stone, Slitting throats, all you do is hold your breath, I wiil thrash, I will violently push upon your death, And if I die before I wake, pray the Lord, My soul to bake, in Hell for another's sake, Does Heaven get to read this? I just need deliver this message, To the one that paid for all my sins, Tell him my conviction has always waivered, No matter how cold I end up becoming, Dripping warm blood ends up ruling my nothing, Fix my frown with the thorns upon thy crown, Like a world gone wrong, love towns and gun sounds, The pressure of this existence, The endless pain creation creates, Just another definition of weapon, Loving me in reverse, for my aggression, You think this is my first time? Someone like me that lives, No matter what you think, My words will die right along, Die with me, but not before, Not before I get to honor them.
  15. Has your time been a sacrafice, Just blood under the knife? For a bitter fight with an Angel, Sent here to take away your life, These moments before your end, Desperate dreams for another day, You will ask where did the time go, Regretting life before taken away, They have seen it for endless years, So they think they know first hand, That memories are our only future, Dust to dust for the son of the man, Straight into my grave, With the only truth.
  16. I end up editing these onto another forum. But I don't mind the mistakes here. This is the life we know. Things in the past aren't aloud to ever change. I recently hit 1000 views on one of my poems. I wrote it a while ago. Titled "The Cure To Everything". Once it got viewed a few hundred times, I made it a goal to try and hit 1k. My view is this; if at least just one person reads one of my poems all the way through, and has a thought process, even if they don't feel the way I feel or understand what I'm trying to say, for that one moment I have connected with that person. Has always meant a lot for me to be here with you guys, who are also goin through the struggle, posting the goodies with me. Read that the web master is gravely sick. Death must be the hardest part about this life. Maybe not actually dying, but the idea of it at least. Guess I'm finally getting scared of death, took long enough. But hope he defeats it.
  17. A fire born for redemption, To inspire the spiral of reason, Or for it's opposite circle, The masterful chaotic season, This fire sits on top of my dream, Flickering to the drum of reaction, Feel the pain it needs to radiate, Bonding the chemical attraction, This is the war to end all wars, An eternal struggle of sacrafice, Staring into it's blinding nucleus, Chained to it's oranic solar lights, I look up into the dark night sky, How far does that blackness go? Measuring the distance with loss, But I fan the flame and watch it grow, The particles wrap and warp to me, Teaching me the eternal meaning, A fallen king, a golden ghost, In the fire thats keeps on redeeming.
  18. Thx :) Havent wrote a free verse in a while. Seems like it flows good. So glad to see your comment this morning. Remembering our good ol times in the chat. That sure did help me a lot, a mix of jokes and growth. Wasnt so lonely. Special are the connections we get to make. No like button has been k illin me. Especially on this thread.
  19. Measuring the distance of isolation, To draw upon it's imperfect surface, I create a line, then a line in front of it, This painting that doesn't last forever, There is no future ash, no better ways, Just the thing that I help manifest, The ghost of myself that keeps obssessing, Depending on organs, blood for blood, Sometimes I can see the color change, It is another point in time and space, But if the others find out of my order, Surely they will haunt what we want, So, are you sure? Are you sure that we can slaughter? Slaughter the casulties that make it? Make it all so damn beautiful? Beautiful to the beholder, Beholder of the God that put us here, Here in this perfect equation, Equation to measure the distance, The distance of a world in isolation, Isolation inside our very own thoughts, Thoughts that we would love to burn, Burn, me, is that what you really want? Want, me, to make what pleases you? Moving my fingers to stroke the brush, I can hear the bad man whisper me, Trying to show the world our ugliness, My canvas that won't take away breath, Part of me, now, gets to be parts of you, But everyone gets to die all alone, So when I paint my picture black, Keep the razor blade close enough, This hymn has become our effigy, Pray to the clouds, only when it rains, And by the time you have read this, My idea to draw something, is isolated, So, are you sure? Are you sure that hope isn't inside art? Art from the war that I bring in verses, Verses that question our lonely hope, Hope that you can say that I'm wrong, Wrong for the tone of my reaction, Reaction on the page that we write, Write about your happy ****in life, Life that should not have happened, Happened to all the ones that died, Died so that you could smile today, Today, we, don't get what we want, Want, me, to make what pleases you?
  20. Haven't posted in a while, have still been on my creativity thread. Love that damn thing. Has offered me something I never had. I way to express myself without the fear of being flamed. Anyways, I have been in recovery for about a year and a half now. Recovery in depression. It's not always fun, in fact i'm not sure I would describe a whole lot of my life and processes as fun. But just wanted to share, that there is still small hopes out there. I was talking to someone in real life recently, they are going through some hard times. They told me they didn't think it was worth going on anymore, and that they couldn't even go on if they wanted to. I was there not long ago. I still struggle, but I feel if I made it through the torment, I truly believe anyone can. People that are going through therapy, probably know about the patience and strong will required to work on yourself. I opened up to this person, told them I have more over doses than I have fingers. More nights spent in a psych ward than I care to remember. Years on dope. Years completely disgruntled and depressed. Basically most of my life, and my entire adult life. I know there are people out there without hope, such as the person I had a talk with. Motivated me to post, that we can overcome this. Sometimes, depression is not all about defeating it. I have found more success in simply adjusting and coexisting with my bad thoughts. I suppose I accepted that I will never change my core beliefs, and as much as I hate myself, can't really change that either. But I can control what I decide to think about. If I ever find myself thinking about the nasty past, or start fantasizing about the future, I just bring myself back to the present moment. Part of that is mindfulness, which I am very big on. I guess my point is, if my psycho ass can do it, so can you dangit. Honestly, I should not be here posting this, I've come so close to death, too many times. The times I've been shot at, the over doses, the blatant disregard for my life. I still think about the people on here. I think about all who suffer, all over this spinning rock. I hope one day, the pain will not hurt so bad for you. It is not impossible to live a meaningful life. If anyone ever needs to talk just pm me. I have a lot of experiences with medications, addictions, and depression. Also, do not judge yourself, if you are feeling depressed, it's probably because you have either gone through something traumatizing or because you are a deep thinker. They say it's a chemical imbalance, but I'm not a doctor. I just know this world is awfully tough, and if you let it, it will chew you up and spit you out. Stay vigilant.
  21. Welcome to the thread salad :) Pretty powerful post. Lots of pain. Grateful you shared it with us. If I had a like button, I'd like it. Also, someone let me know if my poem disappears. I copied it from my other forum, sometimes it gets weird doing that.
  22. Sort of combined my last two posts. A Silent Ending Is this my blood? Or paint for the Divine? Hold me, caress me, The clouds part in time, Our Father arives, Blessed are we today, I shined, I radiate, Now I just, fade away, Timid for thinking, The damage has ended, No place in Heaven, For all of my contended, Protect me, erect me, Super black cosmic ration, No more chances, repenting, My sin inside my distraction, I'm comimg, ascending, Into a grand judgment, **** me, or just hurt me, The pain is just redundant, Is suicide, selfish, or selfless? I regress, my final problem, Our broken promises, I could never stop them, They tell me, this life, Is a sympton of a gift, I lied upon a simple wish, Upon the pyre, upon a rift, The power, seems to tremble, But my darkness, is torture, The bad thing I have done, The hopeless, the horror, Remember, I called you, You read me and everything, The ashes from the valleys, Slitting flowers for the seeding, Am I put here as a witness? Why do I hear them calling? My apple, spoiled is the man, Blade to the skin, we're falling, I know it isn't perfect, But how could God see it coming? My orders, my duty, Life is wasted on the living, You did not free me, And I drank the sacred water, Now there is nothing, Why did you even bother? Return me, to the dirt, From which I came from anyways, Support me, contort me, This is the end of required days, The answer, is drowning, Breath upon the human correction, It's disgusting, and nameless, My words under your dissection, No more sadness, No more guilt of what I think, This isn't a question for me, Just validation for my instinct, Time to wear my ghost, Forever dying for you, An endless sea of dead, Did they fail you too?
  23. My, God, beckons today, I shined, then fade away, Stuck, inside infinity, Our lonely b list symphony, My, fight, bleeds me dry, I've always wondered why, This life, that you call gift, I, just, dont, give a single rift, A part of me, is all of you, I died, now what is for you to do? Time to wear our ghosts, A mangler of weaker hosts, Spreading the words and forms, My old flesh, supper for the worms, The clouds begin to part, And I do not doubt it, My, God, here for my confession, Wickid retrieval selection, Begin, to part, the clouds, k ill me now. Where is the dang like button? How will we gratify ourselves?
  24. Have been looking for, The lost tongue of the Father, Complicated Holy land, Trading faith for a dollar, Feeling around me, The force from the fall, One third of the Angels, Can not fly after all, Is this my blood? Or just paint for the Divine? Come on mister razor blade, It's adventure time. Just a short one to start this never ending nightmare of a day. As always, love it sugar. Nobody liked my cannibal poem? I renamed it Personburger. One of my poems almost has 1k views on other forum. My humble gifts to the world.
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