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glfinding

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Everything posted by glfinding

  1. God blows his smoke, In my mirror, Only in darkness, Does it become clearer, Dear Jesus, Why do the birds chirp? Sacrifice kitty cats under the lunar, But not in your name, The Choir of Angels, Is getting thinner, I look to the sky, Sacrament is so bitter, The reaper of death, Isn't so grim, On lists, Should be everyone's friend, Engulfed in her wings, Our skeletons obey, Saints watch me, As the sun will never set today.
  2. Well for where I live, you can basically tell your doctor anything. Except for real suicidal/homicidal plans. If this is something that happened two years ago I very much doubt it will get you in trouble. For my experience, there is a thing called a Baker Act. That's where they arrest you for being a danger to yourself or others. I was Baker Acted twice in December. The one I overdosed. The second one is worthy of it's own post. Both were pretty serious, but I was released after 72 hours on both occasions. Normally, I am not too scared what I tell my doctor. But when push comes to shove, I will watch what I say. I think being honest with them is the best thing you could do.
  3. It took me six years to get a diagnosis of PTSD. I had to take a three hour test to get it. At this point, I hate doctors. Here's the last conversation I had with a doctor. Doctor Do you feel like hurting anyone? Me hahaha Doctor Do you feel like hurting yourself? Me BAHAHAHAHAHAHA Seriously though diagnosis is a pretty difficult problem. It's also frustrating when the doctor you are paying isn't trying his/her best. Also, it's quite disturbing when you tell a professional about rage/anger problems and they brush it off. I had to go through a lot of bad things for a team of doctors to start taking me serious. I wouldn't say they can use what you write against you.
  4. Today, it feels like sinister witches have sawed off my skull and are using my brain cavity as a cauldron.
  5. I would say the one good thing is, you don't drink. I hung out with the older crowd, their kids are in high school now. Many of them follow in their parents foot steps and are on their way to a long, lonely road of addiction. I myself have had substance abuse issues for a long time. I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to intimacy though. Hasn't worked too good for me, so good luck to both us.
  6. Thx, that's about the nicest thing I've heard in a couple months.
  7. I was an atheist most of my life. Now I truly believe he watches me suffer, and judges for it, even though he already knows what I'm going to do in it's wake. <3 thx, wish I would have found this forum a long time ago. I'm pretty much a full blown basket case. Love connecting with people with mental problems. I remember going to groups for the first time and realizing that I wasn't alone.
  8. This structure, turns grey, Like the moon, crumbles and decays, Oxygen turns it blue to red, Where will my poor atoms go? Hell walk, so cold, So far from the God of light, Mercy, he says it doesn't feel right, Take what they love and watch them die, Skin filled with sin, hour glass redemption, Disconnection, my life's description, I tried so hard to not lose the ones I've lost, But where are they now? Billions, can't imagine, How I came to be, The birds will peck my eternal tree, But at least I won't have a heart, Stick the roses, with the box in the ground, Need the thorns to eat, Counting plagues and out of breath, Where do the insects discuss politics? Unbecoming, dissolvement, Illusion past or no involvement, Pretend to weep but the gas melts us away.
  9. I am a male. For a decade I have been a half time cross dresser. I have had two long term relationships with girls. Both girls didn't quite understand. Have had many men that wanted to date me, but i prefer to have sex with them rather than have a relationship. It has been harder as I get older, trying to figure out who i am. I guess my sexuality experience is a bit more colorful than most.
  10. Are you watching God? Are you listening to the words that I murmur as I type this? Should I F***ing email you or send a friend request? New member to this forum. Platinum member to madness.
  11. For a long time I was diagnosed with boarder line personality disorder. The more I read, the more it made sense. Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD after taking a test. I had a hard time swallowing that one down. I didn't want to believe that this awful thing held so much sway over me. I remember the first time I started going to groups with people that had PTSD. I had the realization that this wasn't just something that would go away. I too, can not escape the realism of it actually still happening. I have bad dreams about it. You mention acceptance. A very difficult, and needed, part of it.
  12. I have struggled with your last question many nights. I have come to the conclusion that life can be very cruel. Things happen that we hope don't. You seem to have compassion for your fellow human beings. I'd say that's pretty powerful. I doubt you are a terrible person. I have struggled wondering who I am, what is actually real. You just seem like a nice person, you can never really fight what you are. Trust me, I have tried.
  13. The only thing I feel, are my empty parts. If God had mercy, he'd take my life already. But there are no mercy kills in nature, so I sit here wondering where this is all leading to.
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