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Babycakes12

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Posts posted by Babycakes12

  1. I know it can be hard when nothing seems good anymore. that's how I feel almost everyday. but I like to think of the things that makes me happy still. One thing that makes me really happy, Is drawing. No matter what, no matter where, I am never far from my sketch book and I can pick it up in a moment of stress to get a moment of zen. It clears my mind and helps me focus on one thing. What are some things that make you guys happy and can make your day better??

  2. Good afternoon. Today I have wanting to pick back up my sketch book. but it been so long, I am having a very hard time. I miss being able to draw anything and everything. now I can barely think of stuff to draw. I think that's why I quit in the first plave. but I want to get back to doing what I love. How do you guys find motivation to keep going and to not give up??

  3. small rant. My boyfriend has a job writing (temporary job, and pay depends on him) on his laptop. I wont go into speciefics, but he has to write kind of a lot. now, its almost everyday for more that 5 hours at a time. I am very depressed right now and I don't have any friends in the town I live in. Or any friends for that reason. I am ok with him writing and everything, but he doesn't talk to me for hours. and it really has an effect on me. sometimes it can start big fights. its hard for me to understand this is more than a want for him. But honestly, I don't think it really is. I am boring and annoying, and I swear that's what he thinks. he says no, but I cant ever believe people anymore. ive been sitting for 3 hours with nothing to do and hes still just as happy as can be. then theres me, getting worse every single minute. I just don't know what to do about it anymore. whenever I try to talk to him about it, he laughs, it starts fights or he doesn't understand. im loosing my mind

  4. Hi everyone. I am suffering from PTSD, Anxiety, Panic attacks and depression. I havnt had a real friend in over 3 years. Maybe even more. I now live with my boyfriend. Of course he is my friend, but it seems like he is my only friend. I really don't talk to people. But that needs to change. I have problems with social anxiety, and I feel as though if I started talking to some people one here, I could move forward and try making friends while im out and about. If anybody else needs a friend or someone to talk to, say it. and talk to each other. I am hoping this could help me and anyone else who gets on here!!

  5. I am pretty proud of myself today!! It was a slowish start. but I got my baby to school, went to the bank, picked up my meds. then came home to veg out. At first I didn't think it was a good idea, I didn't wanna just sit and get worse. But it actually helped this time. I truly relaxed. Got my car back from the repair, only a $49 repair!! so happy about that. Feelin good I get my baby from school. come home, do dishes, fold laundry, sewed ripped clothes, rolled cigs and painted my nails. I didn't mention that I actually took the time to do my hair and makeup and put on jewelry. Did some school work online and now to enjoy dinner with my family. Have a great night everyone!

  6. For as long as I can remember, I've hated my body. I have always thought i'm fat, ugly, and just undesirable. After I had my daughter, i was 235 pounds. For 2.5 years, I stayed that way. Then last summer, I lost 50 pounds. I was back to my pre-baby weight, FINALLY. I thought that is what i needed to love myself and to feel beautiful. I soon found out, that my feelings didn't change.

    To this day, i am 180 pounds and I think I am disgusting. My body is in no way, shape or form in shape. I am flabby and stretched out. sometimes i cant even tell what is fat and what is extra skin. I feel like my face is thinner and that has boosted my confidence. But its still ugly.

    I have to shave my face. well, my upper lip and the side of my cheeks. But still. i cant stand doing it but i cant stand seeing how nasty i look with hair. My boyfriend thinks im insane and he says i need to love myself. But he doesn't understand. Its not that simple. Hes 160 and 5,6. He used to have a big weight problem, before high school. So hes been there before. But hes never had to hate himself his whole life. He loves me and the way i look. im sure hed lick every part of my body. But because he is so attractive and thin, i have huge doubts that hes going to stay. We have been together for almost 3 years. I don't know why i would still have doubts. That's just the way my body effects my state of mind.

    I almost feel bad for him. That sounds so, so crazy, but I can't help it. I look in the mirror and cry. Im revolting. I am hating this winter. I just want to get outdoors and try to get into shape. Ive been hiking in the snow i am so desperate for something. I just want to love myself and feel confident. I jut don't think that is ever going to happen.

  7. I can tell you have much love for her. It really sounds like she is struggling. I don't have a clue what my boyfriend thinks of my depression. i just know he accepts it. Im sure its hard. It may seem at times that she doesn't want to show you affection, but that is her way of coping. i know sometimes i push my boyfriend away because i cant get over the fact that he loves me for me. I feel like hes only with me because hes lonely. But we have been together for 3 years and have promised to stay with each other forever. SOmetimes you just know its the person youre going to be with. and youd do anything to stay. Don't give up on her. She does need help. I have a feeling though, if she keeps helping herself, stuff will get better. winter time can make everything a lot worse. I have noticed how different i have felt winter vs. summer. ANyway, i know i didn't say much, but i hope it helps. Take care and i hope you guys get through this!!

  8. This is a post anything so here it goes. All my life has been bad. Since i was a baby till now. 18 years of suffering is too much. My father was abusive and my mother was suicidal. She tried to leave this world herself when i was 3 but failed. Because of those attempts, i went with my father. Growing up with so much sexual, emotional, and physical abuse its no wonder why im like this. Everyting i did as a child was controlled. From my hobbies to the clothes i wore. All done and picked out for me. i was stuck out on a farm house for a good chunk of my life. isolation has caused severe social anxiety. i have dreams and flashbacks of abuse. i have been diagnosed with PTSD, cause d my constant trauma. Now that im an adult all of those things are gone. because i have control. but for some reason, my past is preventing me from having a happy future. i am so ready for my life to calm down and just be good. I started anit-depressants today and i cant wait until i feel better. or at least i hope i feel better. Thanks for sharing everyone.

  9. Thanks for the advice! Im glad my feelings are normal. i just took my first dose this morning. my boyfriend suggested i take it in the morning as well. I was prescribed Zoloft for PTSD, Social anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Its been a struggle and im hoping this is what will get me back to normal. i know it takes time and im going to try my best to be patient!! i am planning on keeping track of how this drug effects me in hopes i can help future new Zoloft users.

  10. Hi there, I was just prescribed Zoloft and im a little anxious. Its a little silly, but I get anxious about everything. i haven't picked it up yet, so im not sure the dose or anything. I have never taken meds for anything in my life. Its freaking me out. i don't think im going to be able to keep taking it every single day. ill forget and mess it all up so easily. It also sounds like it takes a little adjusting to get used to it. Im so scared that its gonna make me feel ickier than i already am at first and ill give up on it. i want to get better and i know this is the answer. How can i assure im going to do this right?? Is there a wrong way to do it? now im just sounding silly. but im so freaked out.

  11. I hate how my depression is effecting my boyfriend. I cant stand hurting him but I do constantly. I have fits of rage when he upsets me. and its always over the dumbest stuff. things I wouldn't think twice about on a normal day. he cries with me often. I cry over him often. We hardly leave each others side so its hard when we do. but I think being together so much is what is causing some of this stress. I want to love him with all of my heart, but I already cant do that because of this depression. but I know I am capeable of doing it. making both of us happier than ever once again. Ive always wondered if anyone else has struggled with being in a long term relationship and being the one who is depressed. I have no idea how he feels about it and how its truly effecting him. I hate thinking hes sad all of the time because of me. Im not sure how to talk to him about it. itsnt a werid question, are you mad at me for being depressed? ha. no thanks. does anyone know what im talking about??? I hope everyone is having an ok day. and I always like to advise everyone to try to stay active through out the day. even if its like doing your chores or going on a walk.

  12. It can get so frustrating trying to explain to someone that it is something deeper than just being sad for a little bit. The only person who can understand me is my boyfriend. Hes been where I am right now, and he is a huge support system. I couldn't imagine having nobody to turn to and understand me. And I also hate hearing the stupid questions. And there is no escaping them either. When its too hard to get out of bed and to take a shower or eat, its something more than sadness. theres usually something else fueling it. It doesn't help having someone close to you making it seem like a joke. I know how that is too. my mother would constantly claim she was depressed to everyone around her except for me. I knew she wasn't, she just needed something for attention. I hope things can get better and you can find someone who will listen. of course we don't know eachother but I know how hard it is to find support. and if you really need it, I am here

  13. This sounds tough. Im sure it is, I am going through so much of the same stuff. Its so overwhelming to think of everything you have to do to make life better, isn't it? ive come to learn that I cant look at everything all at once. or else it will be too overwhelming and ill want to give up. I take small steps. I do/focus on one thing at a time. it helps my head stay clear and keeps me from breaking down. I am really happy you came on here to express your feelings. I know how hard it can be to find people who have been in your shoes to talk to. I feel like I cant do this anymore either, like I want to die. But I find the smallest little thing to give me the boost of confidence to want to stay here. I erg you to make a list of all the amazing things in your life. Ive done that over and over again, and it helps. make goals for yourself this year. small things youd like to try more or accomplish. I have things like, connect with more people, go on more adventures, and do things that make me uncomfortable. what ive said isn't a lot, but I hope it does help. I hope everything can get better for you!!

  14. I have started a new goal. My goal is to stay "active" every day. And I don't  mean exercise. (Although im including it)  I want to keep my body moving every day. I don't want to find myself sitting and bcoming more and more depressed. I have been writing down anything and everything I need to do in my planner. It helps me get things done and I know whats going to happen next. I also write positive messeges to myself, because, why not? Its so hard for me to get out of bed each morning, but when I do I put on great music and I try to go strait for my to do list. Its things like:

    1. Get dressed

    2. Brush teeth

    3. Brush hair

    4. socks

     

    Then ill move onto small chores like laundry and sweeping. then things I like to do, like drawing, writing, yoga, anything that is going to keep me busy. My days go by faster and smoother. I notice on the days I don't stick to my schedule, they get very s***ty very fast. Then there is not turning back, my day is ruined until I go to bed. Its sad that I have to write down my common everyday things to keep me going, but its so much better then finding myself stuck in my head on the couch. No shower in days and same clothes ive been wearing for days. I can find myself smiling and laughing when I take care of myself, my house and my family. I don't know, this is a very important thing for me and I was hoping it could help someone else.

     

    I try to draw, write, type and clean every single day. If I can do that, I can call it a good day. And every good day I have, I am just a little closer to getting better.

  15. I have suffered form depression and anxiety my whole life. But rescently something new has popped up after a few very stressful and traumatic months. losing my life, home, animals and leaving my mother at the age of 17. i am now 18 and I think I may be suffering from PTSD. the more I research it, the more sense it makes. So I have an appointment tomorrow to see if I can get diagnosed. But last night something weird happened. Around 3;30am I went to get my husband off of the couch and fell back asleep in bed with him. around 5:30, I woke up bawling. I was having a dream where I was back where I was a few months ago. Everything was the same, it felt like nothing ever happened. i shoot up and start having a panic attack. My SO was freaked out and tried calming me down. but i don't even think i knew what was going on at the time. I cant even escape my anxiety with sleep. Its always there. i feel like i can walk into my old home and nothing will be changed. like my dog max will be barking as i walk up the driveway. Going into my bedroom. all my stuff will still be there, exactly as it used to be. all before we moved. My daughter was impacted by this almost as much as i was. and it makes it worse. I wish i could get over things and except realitly. but life is so sad that i cant. i want to hold on to the smallest bit of home i have. but obviously nothing is going back to the way it used to be. Living with my husband, i was hopoing i would get happier. at least happier than  i was under my abusive mothers roof. and i should be. i have everything i could ever want. there is just something wrong with my brain and it needs fixed. wish me luck. i need answers.

    thanks for listening

    ~S.

  16. I always try to remind myself how much my family needs and loves me. I try so hard and they love me for it. I try to look forward to living another day. But somedays I feel like this as well. its hard to stay positive in times like these. But keep pushing. Im doing the same and I am coming to realize how important I really am. how important life can be. How I want to get better. and when I do get better, I wanna live life like I never have before. I look forward to the future.

  17. Biting your nails and the skin around your nails is a mjor sign of anxiety. I didn't know this till last year. I bite the skin around my nails till it bleeds. That is when my anxiety it almost at its worse. Its really effected how my nails have grown, and I don't know if they will ever be normal again. ive tried to break this so many time. but its almost like a comfort thing. Thanks for sharing.

  18. After suffering from anxiety and depression all of my life, I knew there was something more that was wrong with me this time. It was just different than my normal episodes. they usually last a few weeks, 3 months at the most. But its been 6 months of suffering from something I don't even know. Reading about PTSD opened my eyes and made me realize this is what was happening to me. ive made an appointment to talk about this. try to get some help. something. all 3 of these things are taking a huge toll on me, my daughter and my relationship. im happy I have found a place where there are people who are like me and im not just making up excuses for myself. I hope to get more involved, hoping this can be a place I can come to when I need help or answers. But what I want to know is, what are some things that have caused your PTSD? I know there are so many different reasons why this happens. My story is a little different, I had a daughter when I was 13. I am now 18 and everything that I think triggered my PTSD happened when I was 17. My mom suffers from bipolar depression and has major episodes. she quit her job, we had to get rid of our amazing animals, she wnet to the hospital as we were losing our house. leaving me to care and fend for myself and my daughter. I had to pack up all of our stuff, even having to leave things behind. I had to hop house to house until I came to my boyfriends. it was very traumatic and stressful for my daughter and I . I cant seem to get over it. it doesn't seem like its happened. I have fits of rage that ive never had before. I get mad when I shouldn't. I cant do the things I once did and loved. no matter how hard I try. I have to force myself to bath and it tears me apart inside. I never want to be like this. I need to know there are others who are going through this as well.

    thanks for listening,

    ~S.

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