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stillsearchingg

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  1. Depressive realism & loss of identity

    Hi, I'm so sorry you're struggling like this! I'm not religious so I can't speak on that aspect but I can relate to some of the feelings you described. I watched a TedTalk on depression by Andrew Solomon and he said: "You don’t think in depression that you’ve put on a gray veil and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood. You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness, and that now you’re seeing truly. You try to pin the truth down and take it apart. And you think that truth is a fixed thing. But the truth is alive, and it runs around. You can exorcise the demons of schizophrenics who perceive that there’s something foreign inside them. But it’s much harder with depressed people, because we believe we are seeing the truth. But the truth lies.” This really stuck with me because that's exactly how I feel when I'm in a deep depression. The thought of getting better is so absurd because it feels like you are seeing the world as it really is for the first time. Everything is raw and ugly. I also feel the loss of my personality when I'm depressed. At one point it was really hard for me to recall how I act when I felt "normal." I hate the person I am when I'm depressed but I've learned not to be so hard on myself because that's not my true self. But hey here's the good news, I recovered from a severe depression once before and the world, my relationships, my thirst for life were even greater than they were before my depression. I'm unfortunately currently suffering another depressive episode but I can tell I'm starting to come out of it. You will be able to feel like yourself again! Have you tried therapy or any medication? Medication is what helps me the most but everyone is different. I hope you're taking steps to get better. Hang in there!
  2. Hi all, I'm a 21 year old female and I started 10 mg Lexapro and 150 mg Wellbutrin 8 weeks ago and on week 4 I raised my Wellbutrin to 300 mg. I've had success with this combination before. When my depression episode began, I was in a HORRIBLE place. Sleeping nearly all day, not eating, constantly crying, anxiety.. I almost had to take the semester off. I write in a journal daily and I have noticed improvement. My cognition is improving, I'm able to drag myself to class and the gym, I'm eating enough, among other things. But my anhedonia is still full force and I don't feel like my old self at all. But I've come so far since 8 weeks ago. It's confusing. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone could tell me about their experiences coming out of a depression. Did you immediately know it was happening? What were the first signs? I really want to be better and sometimes I feel like I'm getting there but maybe it's just that my pain is less severe at certain times. The mind is so confusing! Any thoughts would be appreciated!!
  3. Hi, So I started Wellbutrin 150 mg and Lexapro 10 mg about 6 weeks ago. I was REALLY bad when I started them; a week before I had a sudden onset of severe depression and anxiety. The first few weeks were rough but I began to be able to get out of bed and semi-function (go to classes, go to the gym, eat, etc.). My doctor and I decided to raise my Wellbutrin to 300 mg about 3 weeks ago. Currently, I am ok but still very much feel depressed and not like myself at all. My main problem is the anhedonia. Nothing is enjoyable and I hate waking up every morning. Here's my dilemma. I've had success with this combo in the past. The Wellbutrin especially did wonders for my depression. I was really hopeful that at this point I would be feeling great because last time I started in this medication I was doing better than I am now. I know the standard time to give medication is 8 weeks so I will wait a couple more weeks but should I maybe even wait 10 weeks seeing as I had such success with this before? I was wondering if anyone could provide insight from their personal experiences with the start up of Wellbutrin, specifically the time line. I remember reading in some forum that a woman waited 2 months before she even started feeling better. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
  4. Wellbutrin with SSRI - questions

    Hi there, You should really give an antidepressant the full 8 weeks trial to decide if it's the one for you or not. I don't think your experience is unusual, the start-up effects of a drug are always weird and inconsistent. For me personally, my depression didn't begin to lift until about 2 months in on Wellbutrin. Another thing to consider is upping the dosage after a few weeks. I started on 150 mg and went up to 300. In regard to the SSRI question, I think it would be worth trying if the Wellbutrin doesn't work for you. Like other people said, yes some people will experience blunted emotions but other people get their emotions back and feel like themselves again on an SSRI. Everyone's chemistry is unique; it's really just trial and error. I know how awful dealing with this stuff is but stay strong, something will work for you and you will get better.
  5. Added Lexapro to Wellbutrin

    Hi there, My experience with these two drugs was actually flipped. I started on Lexapro and experienced the same side effects (constant tiredness and no libido) and it wasn't helping much with my depression. After a few months I added Wellbutrin (150 mg) and I finally got out of my episode. I decided to stay on both drugs because I was so relieved I was feeling better and didn't wanna mess with my brain chemistry. I had energy and a high sex drive so I guess the Wellbutrin cancelled out the Lexapro's side effects. My guess is that you're just experiencing start up side effects that will probably go away in a month or two; at least give it the standard 8 week chance. Best of luck. :)
  6. Needing Motivation...

    I am so sorry you are suffering. I am experiencing the same emotions right now; I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I know how painful it is to live in the limbo of depression but you have to keep fighting. What's on the other side (life without depression) is worth fighting for. I had a major episode years ago and was able to beat it. Life was marvelous after. So I know I will once this hell ends I will feel genuine happiness again and so will you. In the meantime, do everything you are able to that might help. Take your medication, change your medication if it's not working, exercise, eat healthily, take supplements, force yourself to engage in life even though it's so unpleasant. Hang in there, you're stronger than you think.
  7. Hi, So I had a major depressive episode (that was not accompanied by anxiety) in the past that I was able to beat. A few weeks ago out of nowhere I started experiencing a major depression again but this time with weird anxious symptoms. My understanding of anxiety is that certain things trigger anxiety or you feel anxious in regard to thinking about a specific thing. However, I feel super uneasy and anxious most of the time for absolutely no reason. My heart races, my body is tense, I lose my appetite and I become very panicked but not in response to anything and it seems completely out of my control. These symptoms sometimes start from the moment I wake up. So my question is, is this a normal display of anxiety or is something else going on? I'm having trouble coping with this because if I don't know why I'm anxious I can't reason with myself to relax. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
  8. Wellbutrin vs. Lexapro? Any input!

    Wellbutrin is actually often prescribed as a supplement to SSRI's to counteract the side effects that you're concerned about. So if Lexapro has been successful for you I would consider going back on that with a low dose of Wellbutrin as well. I was on this combo in the past and it helped a lot with my depression and anxiety. Best of luck!
  9. I had a depressive episode a couple years ago that I was able to beat on the combination of Lexapro and Wellbutrin. The year and a half after the episode I was truly happy and was enjoying life again and weened off both drugs. I've been off the medication for about 4 months now and have been completely fine until last week when ALL the depressive symptoms I experienced before returned. And this time I'm experiencing it in combination with severe anxiety. I truly thought I had beat this for good and I am so devastated. My plan is to see a doctor tomorrow and get back on the Lexapro and Wellbutrin but I know it takes a while to feel the full therapeutic effects. In the mean time I will use all my old tricks: getting enough sleep, forcing myself to do things, exercise, meditation, journaling etc. But the thought of experiencing another full blown episode is VERY scary to me and I'm afraid the medication won't help this time for some reason. I have a lot going on in my life right now and this was the last thing I needed right now. I normally love being at my college but I feel so anhedonic, unmotivated, and anxious. So I would love to hear from anyone who has suffered a relapse and been through this before. Any tips, thoughts or suggestions are appreciated!!
  10. I cannot enjoy anything anymore.

    Hi Manateee, I know how painful these feelings are; the months when I experienced these same things were the worst of my life. I could not watch t.v., listen to music, or really do anything. What was the point if they didn't have any effect on me? First off I think you should see a different doctor or a psychologist--these people are here to help not to shrug off what you tell them. I was thankfully able to overcome my depression and anhedonia and I think what helped me the most was forcing myself to do things. Seeing friends, making art, exercising, getting outside, etc.. I know how frustrating it is to feel the exact same way all the time but try do things that should give you pleasure even though they won't at first. Just remember this is not a permanent thing--you will get better even if it doesn't feel like you are. You're not alone and we all want to see you feel better! :)
  11. Lexapro and Wellbutrin effects?

    Hi, Yes I have had success with this combo! I was on 10 mg of Lexapro for 4 months and it was wasn't helping my depression as much as I hoped it would, not to mention I was having the same side effects as you--no libido, couldn't orgasm, and tiredness. I added 150 mg of Wellbutrin and stayed on the 10 mg of Lex and my depression slowly started lifting! And I got my libido, ability to orgasm, and energy back. I can't speak on the withdrawal symptoms because I kept my Lexapro dosage the same. However, I do know that you should ween down to 10 mg VERY slowly. Withdrawal symptoms are tough and you wanna give the Wellbutrin a fair shot to do its work. I see this post is from a couple months ago so I'd love to hear how you're doing.
  12. Hi, I have been on Lexapro for just about a year now. It definitely took a toll on my libido and I couldn't orgasm under any circumstances. But the worst side effect I was having was the tiredness/fatigue so my doctor decided to supplement the Lexapro with Wellbutrin (150 mg). This is an atypical antidepressant that targets dopamine instead of serotonin, and resultantly does not have the same side effects--in fact it usually increases libido. After about a month on that my libido was better than ever and I could climax again. I think it would be worth talking to her doctor about adding this to her regime. One thing to note is that I am medication for depression and not anxiety so I'm not sure if Wellbutrin has any adverse effects on it. Best of luck to both of you :) Wow I just realized how old this post is! I hope you found something that helped.
  13. Can we ever win?

    NHZ, I know what it's like to want to be hopeful but you can't be because it feels like it's a permanent part of your life. I know it's disappearance seems absurd. I felt the same exact way at some point. During "good times," I said to myself, 'Ok this is what your happy is like now, get used to it." But I can really feel fully again--I don't feel a looming presence anymore. Everyone experiences depression differently but just know it does not have to be permanent. Do everything you can to fight it and if nothing works keep trying and just wait for time to do its work. We're all rooting for you!
  14. I am sick and my parents are calling me a liar

    You're health should be your first priority. It is evident you are really struggling so please don't feel guilty about missing classes and such. I'm sure it's frustrating that your parents don't believe you but you don't need them to justify your pain! You know yourself better than anyone else; you have to be your own advocate. Do what you know is best for you..Best of luck.
  15. You don't have to go through a traumatic experience to be depressed. When people experience great hardships they typically aren't depressed; they can pinpoint their suffering to a specific reason. Depression is an illness. You don't have to punish yourself for being sick--do you when you have the flu? Of course not. I experienced a severe depressive episode for about nine months. And I had every reason to be incredibly happy. It didn't add up. I dealt with this guilt and denial that you're feeling now for months. And one day I woke up and couldn't imagine any reason why I would ever want to get up. I wished that I could stay asleep forever. That's when I decided I was really sick. When I started taking it seriously, that's when I started getting better. Medication, supplements, exercise, mediation, openly talking about it, etc.... well something in the mix worked because about 6 months after that moment in bed I no longer felt depressed; I wasn't sick anymore. Please do not undermine this illness. It is not fair to yourself or the millions of other people who are crippled by this mental disorder. I hope you realize this and can begin taking steps toward recovery.