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RiverLight

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Everything posted by RiverLight

  1. Salary pays MUCH higher. Disability where I live is a joke. You can barely make ends meet on disability. Most people on disability try to work at least a little bit part time to supplement their meagre income. Most have to live in low income housing, if they are not living with family members. Low income housing is not appealing. It's a huge deterrent to even wanting disability - which is the main point. People should only go on disability if they truly have a severe enough condition that prevents them from being able to work. I personally love having money, and I love having the financial means to buy what I want, to do what I want, and to save for vacations. I've been broke several in my life, living off a tiny budget, and I never want to have to go through it again. I have bouts of depression and anxiety, but I have never not been able to work. Edit: there was one time where I did take 4.5 months off from my job because I was being bullied so severely by my boss that I ended up in the ER suicidal. But I went back to work eventually and was fine.
  2. I don't ever want to have to go on disability, and I won't need it unless I have a massive breakdown down the road. I like working, and I need to work. It gives my life structure and purpose right now. And just because I had a difficult time in life doesn't mean I have to go on disability. I don't get that.
  3. I want to work, and I have worked all of my life. As I stated before I really do not have a severe enough condition, and I honestly never want to have to go on disability.
  4. I don't have a severe enough condition to not be able to work.
  5. Thanks, @duck! It is too much! BUT I got a job offer yesterday, so that solves one major problem!!! YAY. I'm so sorry about your own insurance battle...... UGH - these companies suck!!!
  6. I have been through MANY challenges in my life. In fact, FAR TOO MANY. I've been laid off three times, I suffered a wrist injury at work, had to quit my job and be unemployed for three years while battling the insurance company, I've been on and off depressed and suicidal, I've been abused MANY times, too many to count, both at work and in multiple relationships, my greatest dream of living in CA came crashing down on me years ago and I had to move home to live with my parents at the age of 43, and then I married an abusive narcissist whom I am now divorcing. My life has been far from a bed of roses. In fact, it's been full of thorns. OUCH. Somehow, I've made it through past challenges, but right now, I am being challenged far more than I ever have been. I don't know WHY. I ask God for mercy. I ask God to please give me a break in life. I need one. Each and every time I've been on the verge of sheer ruination, something miraculous happens to save me from destruction. So I pray for a similar miracle in my life RIGHT NOW. I need a JOB. That would be my miracle! A good job at that.
  7. Oh, that IS rough!!!! And thanks SO much. I am in fact healing a bit - not enough yet since he is still in the process of moving out and we still have to be in touch as a result of that. Once he has all his belongings gone from my apartment, I can truly start healing and moving forward. It's just SO hard right now between COVID, a divorce, and being unemployed. It's like the perfect storm!
  8. I am getting a divorce, sadly and unfortunately. My husband turned out to be an abusive narcissist. He is not the best man, and he is not who I thought he was. At first I thought he was the most incredible man i had ever met. He mirrored everything I had ever wanted in a man and partner. But, he has NPD, which is impossible to treat, and he has been on and off abusive towards me. I was in denial of the abuse for a very long time, but it finally all came to a head, and I couldn't take it anymore. He can be both very loving and most affectionate, but also very abusive, which is in fact, how abusers operate. I don't have the energy to write about him or our marriage in detail right now. I am hurting, though. I am 50 and will have to be single again, which is certainly NOT my preference. I hope I can find happiness all on my own.
  9. BIG SIGH. I am simply just COPING and SURVIVING. Some days are better than others. Some days I am productive and can focus, and on other days, I drink and crawl into bed by 5-6 PM for the rest of the night. There's SO much on my plate. Unemployment is getting to me. I am now also going through a very difficult and painful divorce. The recruiter told me last Friday that if I rock the next round of interviews I will have a job offer. I may have one more interview since one person could not attend yesterday's round, so I am anxiously awaiting for either this one to be scheduled, a job offer, OR a rejection. If I get rejected again, I don't know if I can keep going like this. My unemployment should be extended. I can afford my rent through March only. My husband moved out so now I have to cover the FULL rent while I am unemployed. I don't want a roommate at all - that's my last resort to surviving. But I do not want a stranger moving into my apartment and home... not now... and really, not ever. I am in immense emotional pain and I am in turmoil. The news of my ex fiance's suicide really rocked me to my core. This plain just SUCKS all around. Welcome to 2021.
  10. Thanks SO much. I believe the same, so I do think he received my message in spirit. My suggestion is to let sleeping dogs lie with your ex. From my experience, if they have been an a-hole towards you, then it's not worth your time, effort or energy. Save it for those who truly care for you and respect you.
  11. Trigger Warning: I am in shock and feel immense sadness. I just found out that my ex fiance had passed away in August. I happened to Google him this morning for some unknown reason and found his obituary. No cause of death was mentioned. He had tried to leave this earth once before. He had always had a very rough time of things and was very mentally unstable. He and I broke up, what, I think four years ago now? He also had a drug and alcohol addiction problem that he struggled with, but I suspect that it could have been on purpose. I will never know, but the depth of my sadness right now is very real. I lit a candle for him and wished him peace this morning. I had written him in December after two years of silence to simply say the words, "I forgive you". He never received that email. I hope and pray that in spirit, he heard me. This is profoundly sad. He had, for better or for worse, impacted my life in an enormously profound way. It took me several years to heal from our breakup. Edit: I found out through his grandmother that it was on purpose. Yesterday was a very sorrowful day after learning this most upsetting and tragic news.
  12. I haven't been here for a while. I just found out that my abusive ex fiance died in August. I happened to Google his name this morning for some unknown reason and I found his obituary. No cause was mentioned. I am in shock. I had sent him an email after two years of silence just before Christmas last year. I simply wrote "I forgive you". I hope he received my message in spirit somehow. No matter what happened between us and no matter how awful he had been to me, which he was, I feel terrible and very sad for him. He was only 35.
  13. I had one really great interview this morning for a senior level role, which would be a lateral move for me but which has great potential for quick growth and advancement - and I have a second interview this afternoon for a director level role in a related yet somewhat tangential field. I think I've determined that the director level role will not be good for my overall career trajectory and path of growth. So, interestingly enough, I am more interested now in the senior level role than the director role, which would be more money in my pocket. Hmmmm..... very very interesting.
  14. I have an interview Monday for a Director level role. I'm gonna crush it and get this job. That's my goal.
  15. I hear you. I try to, but it's hard. I'm glued to it since I need extra unemployment benefits and since Congress is totally hung up. It sucks!!
  16. YES it does!!!! Every day!!! And we should hear about it more so that people are not as afraid and freaked out all the time!
  17. I always thought there should be the "happy news" channel. The actor from the Office tried that for a while on YouTube - I wonder what happened to that.
  18. I watch primarily CNN, which gives the facts, yet is biased in one direction. I prefer CNN though because it is straight up factual political news.
  19. Thank you for your kind reply. It’s real alright. I’ve spoken to angels, devils/demons, deceased people I’ve known, and to God himself. They’ve all spoken through me - as a medium and a channel to the unseen, this is what happens. They are not my words being spoken. They are the words of others being spoken through me. I channeled one message in another blog post - from love and light it came out. The Lord told me that I believe in a basic tenet of humanity - which is RESPECT for one another. I am meant to help people here on this planet. And I agreed to help, in my own ways that are close to my own heart. I am an earth angel, and that is what I’ve been told. So my soul is of angelic origin but I’ve lived many lives so far. Apparently I lived during the time of Jesus and was a follower of his. I know how outlandish this all sounds. But it’s what I’ve been told through my channeling. Thank you again.
  20. Well, I won't get into which side I am on and for, but man, the country is truly suffering and nothing is happening right now to help that. I am sick to my stomach over it. I was so furious last night I had to turn the news off.
  21. I am totally disgusted by politics. DISGUSTED. I want to puke.
  22. I'm sorry you're so stuck in this place. I wish I knew what to say, but I don't know how I can help. Hugs.
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