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RiverLight last won the day on September 8 2018

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  1. My personal Angels told me, once I asked, that I had a curse on my career, so I had them remove it. Well, now, this makes PERFECT sense to me, because I've had one misfortune after another with my career throughout my entire life. I have felt that a force beyond myself and within the universe was at play. A negative force. And there was!!!! I had been told two years ago as well that there was a curse by an astrologist/spiritualist. I did a curse removal ritual to get rid of it, but it wasn't effective. So, now I expect mainly positive things to happen moving forward in my career. It's a good feeling!
  2. Possibly but that could take another six months and I don't think I have it in me to stay six more months where I am. I do like to write, but I live in a very expensive area and wouldn't earn half as much as I do now or as much as I need to make to live.
  3. Yeah, it's hard to know. I am so ready and am dying to leave my current job though.
  4. I hate my job and I want to leave it SO badly. I am interviewing with a company right now that wreaks of eery similarity to a nightmare company I had to leave after only 5 short weeks of employment, except for the position itself. I am waiting to schedule the final round of interviews and my mother tells me to be extremely cautious. IF I get the job offer, I feel I have to take it given my misery in my current company. This may all be null and void because I may not get an offer, but if I do, I feel very torn and stuck. I mean, I truly HATE my current job. It's sheer misery. I feel anything would be better than this. BUT, since this other company is SO similar to a nightmare company I had to leave, how can I comfortably accept an offer if one comes???? This is a most difficult position to be in, and I don't understand it. I mean, I have prayed to God for a great job to come my way - not every day, but frequently enough. And this is what I get? A very difficult choice? I know I am putting the cart before the horse and I may not even be offered the job, but what if I do get it? What do I do??????
  5. I've been in a toxic work environment for 2.5 years in total. I was laid off a year ago and they hired me back on this past April. I came back to escape a far worse environment that I desperately needed to escape from. So I went from one bad company back to another. Why does this seem to always happen to me? I've had the WORST luck with jobs - over and over and over again, I land in a toxic work environment, with bully bosses and/or bullying co-workers. Since being hired back on, my former boss, a toxic boss who had tried to undermine me had left, a new one came on, then he left and now I have a new female biotch of a boss. The new boss is just as toxic as my former boss and may even be worse. She is overtly biotchy, terse and apparently loves to blame, point fingers, call people out and cc the VP when doing so. She's been here all of two weeks, and already I cannot stand her and want to leave my job again. And I think she's targeted ME out of all team members to gang up on. She's called me out twice now via email, cc'ing the VP. I've been trying to leave this company for the last 3 months. The male boss before her was actually OK, but the extremely high turnover in the company has gotten to me, along with the the high stress of agency life, and I just want out. So far I've been rejected for three different jobs. For two of them, I had made it to the final round of interviews and then was rejected. I had an interview Friday, which was a bad fit and now I have another initial phone screen on Monday. I feel like my life has been one long string of unfortunate and bad circumstances and I cannot seem to escape from this pattern. Do I have seriously bad karma? I am a good person, so why do I deserve a life of sheer misery???????? I cannot seem to find a good/healthy work environment or boss - do they even exist????????? WHY is my life CONSTANTLY SO HARD?!?!??!! I am SICK of this. I have had SI lately and have wanted to just end it all on many occasions lately. I cannot take another challenge. I feel I am being tested, but WHY?!? Every time I reach my breaking point, something DOES happen, something positive, and I end up getting out of it. This makes me feel like there's a higher power watching over me, yet who is testing my limits. I don't get it. I'm done with being tested like this, and I cannot take it anymore. Why can't my life just be happy and smooth?!??
  6. Oh my goodness - I am JUST seeing your message today. I rarely visit here anymore. I am doing well! My husband and I are doing well too! Thanks so much for checking in!!!!
  7. Hi there. Sorry, I have not been back to the site much and am just seeing your post now. Thanks so much for the support! We shall see - things have been great so far, but there are still hints of the old behaviors here and there, mainly with him being controlling. I hope you get through this rough patch.... definitely do what's best for YOU in the end. Hugs to you!
  8. Thank you, Sober! I am getting there.... slowly but surely!!! I hope you are doing Ok and are hanging in there.
  9. My husband and I are trying again. He starts his individual therapy next week, and I am to give him a list of things to work on in therapy (he asked me for this list). It's interesting how this occurred. I had gone out with another man one night while my husband and I were still separated. This man kissed me goodnight and then left, and I burst into tears, thinking about my husband. Then I went to a concert without my husband for the first time, we ran into each other at the concert and said hello to each other. Sparks were flying between us, and I realized there is still a very strong chemistry between us. It was a powerful feeling and it turned my head around. I spent the entire concert feeling miserable without him and watching him from afar. I was with a group, but I felt alone. After the concert, we started texting again, we acknowledged the energy between us and he asked me to join him for brunch on Sunday. So I said yes, and we spent a wonderful afternoon together. It was then that I decided I wanted to try again. I still love him, I feel, and he wants to change the behaviors that caused me to leave him. He says he wants to only honor me, respect me, cherish me and love me forever. He seems very sincere. He has said the same thing for months now - he's been very consistent with this message, and now I finally do believe him. We've been living apart since last November, and will continue to live apart for many more months while he is in therapy working on himself. I will be working on myself too in my own therapy. We will also have couples therapy periodically with the same therapist. The therapist will see us each individually and as a couple. I feel hopeful and not nervous. I don't have much fear going on this time around. The last time we tried this, I had a lot of doubts and fears, but not this time. There is some amount of trepidation still, however, just given that it may not work out. But we both want to try. And he hasn't exhibited any of the old behaviors in a long time - months. The one thing I need to look out for is to make sure I don't lose myself again. I need to maintain my independence and not become codependent again. I need to do my own thing sometimes, and see my own friends here and there. I cannot get sucked back in like I used to be, tied at the hip 24/7. That's not healthy. But the problem is, I don't have many friends around locally to see, and doing things by myself isn't always fun. So, I somehow need to create more of a life for myself and carve out my independence. I think continuing to live apart will help this process along. My therapist is also aware of this issue so I will also work on it in therapy. So, that's the latest with me. I know what i've said in the past about him. A lot of it was my anger and rage talking. Now that I am past that phase, I no longer see him from the same light. I see him from a light of love and forgiveness. And I do forgive him, especially if he's willing to change his ways and become a better husband for me.
  10. i quit therapy with him after one session. I am in therapy on my own for just that reason: to regain myself.
  11. They sure do. I am meh - hanging on by a thin thread right now.
  12. oh my goodness - that's exactly what I was worried about regarding our own therapy! He had had a small side flirtation going on the side, and I knew he would manipulate our therapist, which he did!
  13. You may be correct. I am worried.. worried about being bullied again.
  14. Thanks @sober4life. I'll still be working when he comes by my apartment. I don't think anyone can come over at that time. I suppose I could just make up the excuse that I have to finish up work, that something came up, and I can only see him for a quick minute to hug him goodbye. I had told him I would give him a hug goodbye yesterday. I forgot to mention that in my post.
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