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RiverLight last won the day on June 21

RiverLight had the most liked content!

About RiverLight

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  1. More about work. I talked to HR today because she could tell I was upset yesterday. I was about to burst into tears right at my desk. Well, I was candid with her and told her my weak spots. She believes in me though and so does the CEO. Everyone does, except for me. I talked with my parents today who gave me a big pep talk. There's just SO much I don't know and I feel inferior to those more junior than me, which I've written about. But I am neglecting to see that perhaps I know more than they do in other ways, gained from seven years of experience and tons of personal study in my field. I am stepping into unknown areas and that's always scary for me. Anyways, I need to believe in my abilities so much more than I do. My intelligence has helped me to succeed in my career so far, and I know it's the one strength I have that will pull me through this major challenge at work. I feel it's the only thing that will pull me through. I don't remember facts easily, so I forget a lot of what I've learned and I constantly have to refresh. Anyways, the main point is, it's still a struggle, but I will try to believe in myself far more than I do. I need to.
  2. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I honestly don’t know. There’s SO much for me to learn it’s completely overwhelming. I do need more time to assess. Thanks Sophy!
  3. RiverLight


    I regret taking this job. I am challenged more than I've been in a LONG time. Years. I not only have to learn several technical tools, I have to learn advanced Excel and Powerpoint, plus advanced strategies in my role. I cannot do this, I feel. I feel anxious all the time now during work. I wish I could go back in time and I wish I had turned down the job. I miss my former cushy job, but there I wouldn't learn much. This is what I need to learn. I know this. But I am not happy about it. Being challenged is not my forte in life right now. I want to coast. I want things to be easier. I just am not up for this. I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to face work again today. GRRRR.... ARGH..... I cannot quit, I cannot look for another role, and I cannot go back to my old job. I am stuck. I have no choice but to push forward and onwards.....
  4. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I m really struggling. I burst into tears when I got in my car after work yesterday. I can't do this. I'm not up to the challenge or the task. I know I'm going to fail, or I feel I will. This job is too hard for me. I wish I had never taken it.
  5. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Exactly -- at what cost?
  6. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I'm freaking out. I wish I hadn't taken this job -- I wish I could go back in time and decline it. I am so anxious right now, I am practically in a panic.
  7. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I feel like being dramatic..... I want to die right now, but not really. Basically, I am feeling crummy because the technical aspects of my job are so freaking hard for me to grasp, I seriously struggle with them, and I am not good at it. And this is all stuff I have to understand for my work. BUT, on the flip side, I've been very successful in my career so far without knowing much of the technical aspects, so there's that, too. As they say, ignorance is bliss! And I miss my ignorant state of living!!!! I want to go back in time and make a different decision about accepting this job. Then again, I am learning all that I never knew and all that I must know in this field, so there's that too. It's all a mixed bag of emotions for me right now. Dammit. I'm gonna just have a drink or two and chill out instead. Last weekend I was at a concert and yeah, Ok, I was in an altered state, but I felt like the lead singer was singing just for me...... the lyrics were something like "just hold on and sit tight, everything is just right".... I took that to heart to mean CHILL OUT about your job, you're gonna be just fine! LOL. We have the same birthday, he and I. Anyways, so I have to just CHILL and not freak out SO much. But it's so hard when people more junior than me are training me and seem to know so much more than I do, at least about the technical and maybe some other things too. Be careful what you ask for I guess!!!! LOL.
  8. I cannot figure this out. He says he loves me soooooo much, and more than anyone he's ever known. I have not been feeling great about myself lately, and I wonder what it is about me that he loves so much. I even asked him. He told me valid reasons, reasons which I cannot even embrace right now in my head. He says I'm the greatest person he's ever known... one of the nicest he's ever known, and one of the sweetest. I know I'm a nice person, and I do sweet things for him, but I suppose also given where he's come from -- from the worst possible women -- that anyone nice might look good right now. But I also know in my head that that is my skewed thinking talking right now because I don't feel good. Guess I gotta work on my self-esteem right now. I feel like a fraud at work, & I don't know what I am doing there. And I don't feel great about my body right now either, which bums me out. I am very weight conscious, but I've gained some weight over the last year. He thinks I look great and very sexy - I don't feel sexy. And usually, I feel pretty good about myself, but not as of late. That pi**.es me off. I want to feel good about myself. At least he does love me, for the reasons he does. That's something! And I am overall happy..... just wish I felt better about myself.
  9. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Omg.... I am dying.... not literally, but dying at work. It's crazy challenging! I'm gonna grow gray hair over this. BUT, it's what I need in order to grow in my career, so I have to accept this massive challenge somehow. Thank goodness for the weekends!!!!!
  10. Wow, I'm SO sorry... I hope he is found!!!! I hope he will be OK! Wishing you all the best... I won't be online for a few days (music festival), but I'll check back here later when I can!
  11. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Awwwwwww, thanks so much, Sophy!!!! I soo appreciate what you wrote. Everything you said is right on. That's a great idea to de-stress as much as possible -- I will need to! Yes, now I am regretting giving up my work from home gig!!! Argh. You're the best!!
  12. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Omg.. everything. Feeling uncomfortable and awkward in an office setting again. I feel I don't know enough to deserve my title. A co-worker junior to me seems to know a whole lot more, which just makes me feel like total crap. What else? I fear they will let me go once they find out that I don't know enough. Anxiety is eating away at me -- I just feel awful. ARGH. Thanks for listening.
  13. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I feel awful. Work sucks, bottom line. That's just about sums it up.
  14. This anxiety is just awful. Each day before work, I need to take an Ativan. My anxiety is through the roof. I need to calm down and realize three things about myself: I am intelligent and a quick study, I am driven to succeed and I am willing to learn. These three qualities will help me get through this job (I hope). I am giving myself a pep talk! LOL. Bottom line is, I am scared of failure. I need to acknowledge to my boss today where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and where I need to grow and learn. Good news is that the first project I handed in, my co-worker told me it was fantastic, and I had never done it before. So there's that at least, which should give me some amount of confidence. I just hate this so very much -- the beginnings of a new job with a steep learning curve. Starting any new job is a nightmare. I cannot wait until a few months from now where hopefully I will feel more comfortable and confident.
  15. RiverLight

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Thanks, Brian, for both reading my very lengthy blog post (!) AND for your encouragement! You're right. And I think I am also expecting A LOT from myself right now, maybe even too much. Yes, I will study and learn as much as I can in the meantime!