Phill

I avoid leaving my house as much as I can. It's a rare thing for me to go outside these days

I've been wanted to see the doctor for a while now, but I have doubts about it, because I feel he/she won't believe what I have to say. I usually come across as very upbeat and happy, but even though I appear that way I haven't experienced real happiness in a very long time. I have really low self esteem issues, I can get annoyed by the littlest of things, I feel like I've let everyone down, and while I'm not suicidal I feel that if I died tomorrow no one would care. I like to joke around to help myself cope, but will the doctor believe me If I come across as too happy?

Lately, no matter what food I eat everything tastes really bad. I don't know if it's linked to my depression, but everything I eat tastes like cardboard. Does this happen with anyone else?

When it comes to dating/getting into a relationship it's usually the man who's expected to 1. Make the first movie 2. Be interesting and funny 3. Be confident 4. Eventually ask the women out But for me I can't even make it past step 1, because of my low self esteem problems. I'm convinced that the woman I'm interested will end up hating me. It's funny because when I go out, I sit by myself hoping that a women will come and talk to me, but sadly that never happens. I'm sure I come across as the creepy guy sitting at the bar by himself. I'm not trying to take anything away from any women who struggle with dating/relationships, but I needed to rant lol

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A family member says this to me a lot, and it really annoys me. What they are telling me is that I'm wrong to feel the way I do, because it puts a lot of stress on them. And it makes me feel worse because I feel like I'm causing problems in someone else's life. They turn it around and make it all about them

I got a few ''Man up'' ''You need to eat more. You're too skinny and you look terrible'' ''You smile and laugh a lot. So you can't be depressed'' ''We all feel sad from time to time'' ''You have no job. If you worked 40 hours a week like me, then you'd have something to complain about''