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    Medicine, psychology, literature, academia, yoga, Eastern medicine

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  1. Thank you for your response. My therapist sometimes gives me ways like that too. I have only cut once since last May. It's just the thoughts that are troubling me.
  2. So I haven't been feeling as bad as last winter because I've been on a good dose of antidepressants that have been working pretty well (my doctors did a genetic test to see which ones would work best). Even though I haven't been as severely depressed, my therapist still says I'm depressed and I have been feeling that something "isn't right". Lately I've been having darker thoughts and feeling more emotionally numb. I don't really feel sad but I never feel happy either. I SHed last week and I'm not even sure why. I just missed it. What's going on with me? Is this normal? I don't understand why I've been having darker thoughts and been wanting to hurt myself (not suicide, just self-harm) lately. Usually these things come up when I'm feeling super depressed. I am also two months into recovery from anorexia so maybe that's why? I don't know.
  3. Maybe. I've kind of had it with her! I feel worse after every session.
  4. So what should I do? I know there are depressed people who appear to be absolutely happy. It's like she's unaware of the variations between depressed people and how they present.
  5. And she doesn't really seem to think that I'm clinically depressed anymore, purely based on how I physically present in our sessions. I always wear my "mask". I'm always smiling even when I'm talking about how unhappy I am, I'm constantly making jokes, etc. So it would make sense that she doesn't really think that I look like I'm depressed. But the thing is, I've always been like this. Ever since I was a toddler, therapists and other people have told my parents that I was extremely guarded and had "walls" up around me. I was scared to smile up until I was seven because I found it embarrassing. I've never been one to show my feelings, except for verbally to my therapists and a few select people. I'm just not one of those depressed people who are visibly depressed. So now she's making me question whether or not I'm even depressed. I feel down all the time, have a low appetite, some trouble sleeping, feel worthless and hopeless, get urges to hurt myself (not suicide, though), etc. I feel very sad. But now I'm wondering if I'm making it all up. Am I even depressed? I don't even want to go back to therapy. I feel like the way I'm feeling is being invalidated and I don't really feel comfortable there anymore. Any advice?
  6. Some people are helped by therapy. Some people will never be helped by it. It really depends on you. I never found therapy helpful until this year. Sometimes it takes time.
  7. Yep. Depression usually sticks with most people. Sometimes it's barely there, sometimes it's all that's in your life. It depends. If it's a trait that is more prominent during your more severe depressive episodes, then it's probably connected with your depression. If not, it's probably just something you've always had as a trait.
  8. It definitely is much easier. So much relief not having to do things.
  9. We have the exact same experience. I've had depression since I was 12 as well. It does suck.
  10. Anyone else? Like man I hate being depressed but sometimes slipping into a deeper depression (I have SAD) feels bittersweet. Sometimes depression feels like an old friend who's opening his arms out to me. Kinda nostalgic too. I guess it also feels like a relief because I've stopped trying so hard not to fall into a deep depression and now I've kinda given up. I'm going to suffer a major depressive episode this winter and the only thing I can do is try to lessen the blow. Am I the only one who feels like this?
  11. I believe I'm on SR so I don't know why it's stopped working.
  12. Hi! I don't have any insight into top surgery as I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm just writing to let you know that a lot of transgender people don't like the word transgender to be used as a noun (i.e a trans, transgenders). I think it's great that you're being so supportive, though! There are a lot of Facebook groups for transgender men and there is a lot of discussion about top surgery, so if you are on Facebook I would encourage you to join one of the groups and ask for their advice. Here is a group that isn't just for trans men, but for their allies as well:
  13. I'm trying to figure out what to watch. Lately I've been watching Degrassi (old episodes) and Dance Academy.
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